Chapter 1

Death by Wrist Cutting

(Warning! There's a lemon in this chapter, please skip it if you don't like lemon especially raep lemon)

Believe it or not, but the suicide rate in Beacon is actually quite high.

With the best of the best of the best gathered in the Beacon, All of the students are pressed by the absurd responsibility and expectations from their surrounding, Something that even an adult can't normally stand.

All of that expectation combined with the stress from the lessons, pile of works and assignment, dangerous missions, fighting for their life and sometimes losing their friends. Even for them who was the best in their own turf, the amount of pressure is ridiculous.

Under all of that, Normal students will fail their classes, get held back a year or drop out all together.

But for the students in Beacon, failing is not an option.

It will be a disgrace to themselves, their family and the place they came from. Those who're mentally weak and unstable, or those who can't take a risk of drop out will most likely resort to suicide.

Out of a hundred of freshmen, at least a quarter of them will disappear before they reach second year, the number keep decreasing each year that by the time of graduation the graduating teams can be counted by your hand. There was even one time in the past when the freshman were wiped out clean.

No one seems to notice the declining number of students right away, because the number of freshmen they get each year will fill up the empty spots and replace those who're gone.

The security camera installed in every corner of beacon was not only there to prevent an intruder, it's also there to monitor the students activities and their mental condition. To make sure that they didn't foolishly take of their life and let them drop out all by themselves.

A natural selection you might say. But it's necessary for those who stay to adapt and evolved rapidly as the world after their graduation is an even harsher place than the academy

It's already a public's secret that Beacon have a high rate of suicide and death compared to the other hunter school. However, The selected few who managed to stay and graduated will most likely become a famous hunter in the future. That's one reason why beacon is one of the best hunter school in remnant. It's Because of the quality of their graduates. Even knowing that you came from Beacon will almost guarantee a prosperity.

They're the reasons why the professors weren't all that surprised when they heard about Jaune's suicide attempt. It's a common thing especially among the first year students. In fact, since the initiation there's already more than a thirty suicide attempt by the other students. Half of them are already leaving Beacon. Quite a few compared to last year, but that doesn't change the fact that there's a lot of students trying to kill themselves right and left.

What surprise them was it took him this long to finally gave in.

As for the blond boy himself, he's currently lying on infirmary bed, Resting peacefully after his surgery to reattached his hand.

Like mentioned before, the number of suicide in Beacon is quite high. But thanks to their line of job Beacon are prepared and gathered the best man power and technologies to prevent their students from dying as much as they can.

This time was not an exception.

Even the room he's currently lying on is a special room with high concentration oxygen for faster effect.

The wall to the room has a big glass to let the visitors looking at the patients

His friends are gathering in front off his bed room, Watching as the blond boy sleeping peacefully from behind the glass wall.

contrary to the sleeping boy, his friends are pretty much in an uproar among themselves.

"Why? Why did he tried to kill himself? Why? Is it my fault? It is my fault isn't it?"

"Sis, it's not your fault"

"But it's my fault Yang! It has to be my fault!"

"Ruby! Get a grip on your self! It's Jaune we're talking about, it might not even a suicide! He might just try to cut something and accidentally cut himself"

"He's NOT That Stupid Weiss!"

"He's stupid! He's really stupid! I mean… He did it because of me isn't he?"

"Weiss.. not you too"

"Do you think I don't know? We all know how much he likes me and how pure his feeling was. Even a blind man can tell! Do you think I'm that much of a ice queen to not realize it? He never see me for my name, nor my money. He love me because I'm Weiss… I know that! And yet… I turned him down and went with Neptune instead. Someone I just met twice, trice at most… I hurt him so much… It was my fault…"

Ruby and Weiss began to cry.

"It's not just your fault… It's our fault! He has always been the one who cheered on us, to make us happy and cheerful with his goofy act. But… what did we do to him? I know that he's hiding something that he's holding something, but I just ignored him… thinking that it was just stupid thing like his crush on Weiss… I should have talk to him. But I'm not… "

"Blake… Not doing anything doesn't make it your fault"

"Yes it is Yang! And Don't act like you didn't do anything!"

"What? Blake, you know that…. I'm just teasing him! … well, I admit I burn him a couple of time, Make him into my punching bag… force him to do stuffs for me…. Teasing him around And…. Oh man… you're right…"

"NO! it's the CRDL Fault! It's their fault isn't it? I'LL BREAK THEIR LEGS! NO! I'LL BREAK ALL THEIR BONES!"

"Nora, calm down! We still don't know yet! And Pyrrha, put down your weapons! We're not going to break someone's bones before we even know what happened first! Girls! We won't solve anything by blaming yourselves like this nor breaking someones bones. All we can do now is pray for his well being."

"how can you be so calm Ren! Don't you worried about Jaune at all? Does he not important to you?"

"Of course he's important to me! He's my friend! My leader! Do you really think I feel nothing about this?"

"Gasp! Gay Option!"

"What are you talking about ? AAARGGHH!"

They girls keep shouting of breaking someone's leg and blaming theirselves until Ozpin and Glynnda came and tell them to leave as the visiting hour has long since end and they need some rest themselves.

Of course they don't obey them right away. Even a honor student like Weiss, Pyrrha and Ren insisted to stay and watch over the boy. But Despite their protest, Ozpin and Glynnda finally managed to convinced them to get them back to their rooms, mostly with a crumb stomp battle against Glynnda.

Glynnda see the retreating students while massaging her temple.

She was going easy on them, but they're still the strongest team in the first year. A bit force was necessary to subdue them.

"Freshmans…. Every year there's always a group who cares too much for their friend like that. Not like it's a bad thing. But they really need to get used to this. Losing a friend that is"

"…"

"Sir?" Glynnda asked the headmaster, who seems to be totally ignoring her and focusing on something else.

Since they entered the infirmary, Ozpin hasn't shifted his attention from the sleeping boy, and once in a while looking at Jaune's medical record in his hand.

"Interesting…"

He said as he take a sip from his mug.

(RUBY POV)

The visiting hours have long since ended.

But I need to see him. I need to looked at him. I want to be there for him.

I wanted to know if he's okay. I wanted to know if he hated me. I wanted to know what did I do wrong.

After all, it was all my fault.

We haven't been able to met for a while since I'm busy with Blake's investigation and helping Yang and weiss with their ball preparations.

What's happening while I was away from him?

I need to know

Everyone was hurt after fighting professor Glynnda and went to sleep early. I can hear their cry and mumbling before they fall a sleep. They must be shaken and feeling guilty with this accident, but It's not their fault, it's mine.

After confirming that they have fallen a sleep, I jumped down from my bed and quickly take my hood to protect me from cold. I don't have time to change my clothes, and I don't think I need to. I need to go to his side as fast as I can.

I sneaked out from my room and went to the infirmary, slipping through under the cover of darkness.

I was nearly caught by the security camera and the patrolling professor a few times, but I managed to slip out.

I'll certainly in trouble if they catch me. But I don't care.

I couldn't careless about the punishment, I need to see him no matter what.

But will he be happy to see me?

The though stopped me on my track.

What if he don't want to see me? What if his condition will just worsen after he see me?

But I still want to see him. I need to see him!

Fortunately, the door wasn't locked. So I can entered his room without breaking the door.

I walked toward him and looked at his sleeping form,

He looks so innocent and peaceful in his sleep. Just what drive him to commit a suicide? It have to be me isn't it? Because I'm such an incompetent friend. Because I really don't deserve to be here?

Ever since the day we meet, we have been using each others as an escape path from all of our trouble.

Because we have each other we managed to survive in Beacon. we can become strong together

At least that's what I believed.

I climbed to his bed, and snuggling on his chest. I don't know since when or why, but being this close with him has always been giving me a feeling of relaxation.

I closed my eyes, trying to savour the situation we're in.

"It's all my fault…"

(Jaune POV)

I woke up with a sharp pain on my head.

The pain was so unbearable that I almost screamed in pain

The only thing I can see was a dazzling white light

I have heard that when you're die, you will see your life in flash back, is this it?

I waited and waited to see what my life has to offer. But there's nothing. If anything my eyes are now hurt due to starring to the light. Is that it? I have no life to see? I do hate my life but is it really this empty.

Then I realized I was just starring to a lamp.

I feel so stupid right now. Not that I'm that bright to begin with, but that was just embarrassing.

The next thing I noticed was that I'm lying on the bed.

And i also noticed a big red bulge lying on my chest.

"Ruby?"

Sleeping on my chest, is the red hooded prodigy.

Seeing her sleeping face, I was almost convinced that she's a real angel and I'm indeed in heaven.

But then, there's no way I'll go to Heaven after killing myself.

I tried to get up carefully, didn't want to disturb her sleep.

With her petite and slender body, She doesn't weight that much. But this position feels awkward.

Some people might forget it from time to time. But I'm a healthy boy at the peak of Puberty!

Having such a beautiful lady sleeping on my chest is not helping at all.

Being this close to her I can smells her body. She smells good. She smells like Roses just like her name implies mixed with a sweet scent of cookies.

I warped my hand around her. Her body is so soft and small. So delicate and fragile. It's almost like she'll break if I put too much force on her.

It feels like hugging my little sister back home, but it's different. She's not my sister.

I feel happy, even just for a bit she reminds me to my sister back home.

I wonder how she is now. Ever since I was locked In my room I haven't see her face for a few years. She must be growing into a beauty like our mother, and strong like our grandfather. I miss them.

I rubbed Ruby's short silky hair, remembering that I used to do this to Jeane back home.

"mmmm…." Ruby let out a moan and slowly. Did I do it too hard? I haven't done this for a while so maybe my skill in rubbing hair is rusted. Well, it's not something to be proud of anyway.

She realized my hands that's embracing her and looked up to see me while rubbing her eyes, She reminds me to a new born puppies.

"….. ermmm… Morning Rubes…" I greeted her with a small smile on my face.

"…Jaune?" she asked, still half sleeping. "JAUNE! You're awake!"

Fully awake, Ruby jumped toward my wounded body, accidentally using her semblance and hit me with her dash from point blank.

"Ow….." I groaned in pain, no matter how many times I take it, painful things are still painful.

"What were you thinking? We were so worried!" she shouted, "I tought you'll leave! I tought you'll leave me alone!" Her hands are warping around my chest tightly, not wanting to let go.

"I'm sorry…"

"You better be! Do you know how worried I am?"

Ruby buried her face in my chest and Hugging me as tightly as she can.

"…. Don't do it again…." She said, a slight tone of sadness can be spotted in her voice.

"Can't promise…" I smiled bitterly and answer her

Unsatisfied with my answer, Ruby Pinched my cheeks while puffing hers, she's just too adorable like this.

We both share a small laugh and dropped to the bed, Ruby's still snuggling on my chest.

We spend the next minutes in silence, feeling each others warmth in solace. I bet Yang is going to kill me if she see me embracing Ruby like this. She's over protective enough to do that, but I didn't care. I just want to savour this moment

We didn't do anything, we didn't say anything, but it's enough for me. I hope this peaceful moment can go on forever. But it's not.

Ruby was the one who break the silence.

"Why did you do it?"

I was taken back, That question surprise me a bit.

I mean, why can't i? don't she know that three of our classmate already done it before me? Don't she know that they have much better circumstance than me? Don't she know how much I have endured and gone through?

No! she must be don't know about it. She's too naïve and innocent for that. I can't get angry for something she doesn't know.

"Sorry to make you worried, I-I just can't take it anymore Ruby… "

"… Why?"

"Because… I'm weak Ruby… Just like my father always said, I'm a failure… a disgrace to my family.

"Jaune! I'm sure you'll be okay! You'll improved! I'm sure of it!"

"Ruby… Sorry but… We're already her for half a year and I'm still far from being an average….. I just… I just I don't have a talent to be a hunter. I know that but I still tried… But reality is harsh you know? No matter what I did, it's useless. I can't get stronger to protect you guys and everything dear to me."

Ruby blushed a bit when Jaune said he want to become strong to protect her. But she quickly pushed the though away.

"Don't be silly! Everyone can get stronger! It might be a bit slow for you. But You just have to train harder than before!"

I did! I trained harder than I ever did in the past. I trained with Pyrrha, followed by training alone until late at nigh. But they're all useless. I might have gotten stronger compared to the first time I came to Beacon, but I can't even defeat a Beowulf alone!

Jaune wanted to scream, but he tried his best to hold it up in his heart. Not wanting to let out his anger and frustration to his friend who genuinely cared for him.

"Try to be more focused on your study!"

I did! I focused on the lessons, I write everything they said to my book. I reviewed everything when I take a break from training! But look at me! Death last!

"Think about your family!"

I can't! I lost my grand father, disowned by my father, separated from my sister, forgotten by my mother, unexisted for my big sisters I have never saw before. Family? I only have my little sister now, and she's should be much better without me.

Ruby, Please! Stop!

"Everyone has their own circumstance, but they still go on with it."

Ruby, that logic is like saying you can't be sad because other people have it worse, or you can't be happy because someone have it better than you. No! it doesn't work like that! Bad things are bad things!

"Everything will be okay!"

I tried to commit suicide! That's already not okay! It won't be okay!

"You can't let yourself fell into despair just because of that!"

I can feels my heart breaking. Why her out of all people? Why can't she understand me? I though we are friend! I though you of all people should know my pain!

Just because of that? It's not Just! Ruby! Everyone have a limit and I'm sure mine is actually quite high compared to average.

"Jaune… I'm your friend… I… we can help you! "

Please stop talking!

"…I understand how you feel…"

That was the last straw.

You don't understand. You don't understand at all. There's no way you're understand. I though understand, but you're not!

I'm already beyond help!

I'll show you what's desperate is!

(LEMON START)

I pulled her petite body closer to my embrace.

She was surprised and confused with my action until I forced my lips to hers.

She protested and trying to push me, but I'm still going. She can't stop me now.

She struggled a bit, but soon she began to accept my kiss.

Seeing there's no real struggle I became even more daring.

I moved my hands to invade her clothes, touching up her silk white skin. Starting from her back, I move to her breasts. They're not as big as Yang nor small like Weiss, but it's perfect for me as I can take it all in my palm.

She let out a delightful moan every time I squeezed them. She must be very sensitive here.

I wanted to play with her marvelous breasts a little bit longer, but I can't! I'm not doing this to make us feels good, I'm doing this to teach her about despair! With that in mind, I released her breast.

She tried to stop me from moving my hand from her breast, but I ignored her and move to her most delicate spot.

She was scared when my hand went to her delicate spot, Fully aware of what I'm trying to do.

"No! Jaune! Please! stop!" she pleaded. Trying to get away from me. "Jaune… please… don't do this… I'm,.. I'm not ready yet!"

I ignored her plea, and silencing her with a hard slap.

It hurt me to do this to her.

She let out a painful scream when my hand came in contact with her cheeks, but she understand my message and stop talking.

To prevents her from escaping, I pinned her petite body with my own using our difference in height to my advantage.

Her eyes began to get watery. She looked at me with her usual puppy eyes. Begging me to stop without words.

Usually her cuteness will do her wonders. But not in this condition, she can't always use it to get away. It'll just drag her down further. Why do you think someone can get addicted to raping? That's because they love their victims struggle, their victims tears, their pleading and begging.

She need to learn.

She need to know

She need to experienced despair.

I decided to move to the next step.

With a quick yank, I ripped out her clothes.

She tried to call for help

But I silenced her again with another kiss.

It feels like an eternity, but in reality it was just a few seconds.

I kissed her with all my passion, with all my desire. And she returned my kiss, abandoning her idea to call for help. I admit that I'm not an expert in this, I know that this is just an awkward kiss but for us it's everything we cared about at the moment.

As we parted away to take our breath, a trail of saliva is formed between our lips

I looked down at her, Ruby's lying on the bed, Panting and sweating. Tears keep flowing down to her cheeks.

I have passed the point of no return

I took out my waiting member and guide it to her delicate spot

She was shocked to see it. It's as if she never seen one before.

I won't be surprised if it's indeed the case. Ruby is innocent and pure. Plus Yang is too overprotective to her.

More reason for me to defile her.

She's too naïve. And those naivety will kill her sooner or later. The world is not a happy place like how she believe it is.

She tried to resist and kicked me in the face.

It was hurt, but I don't mind. She'll feel much worse pain soon after all.

I pulled her leg that kicked me and spread them open.

"No! Jaune! Please! Noooooo! AAAHH!"

She cried in pain as soon as I forced my member in and teared up her innocence. I took her innocence forcefully. Blood dripped out as the sign of her lost innocence. Her entire body are shaking due to the pain

"It hurts! It hurts! Jaune, Please… pull it out! I'm begging you… AAAaa!"

She cried even harder. Her beautiful eyes are filled with tears, her hair is a mess, and she got this pained expression on her face.

Even I feels sorry looking at her like this. But I didn't pull it out, instead I forced all my member even deeper inside her.

By each passing seconds, The more I tasted her body, the more I get addicted to it.

I forcefully spread her open, kissing every part of her body I can reach,

Her painful screams are slowly replaced by sweet moan.

She no longer resisted by pushing me away as she used her hands to embrace me.

For a moment we forgot about everything around us and making out with everything we have.

It was supposed to be an awfull experience for her, but she looks enjoying it instead. Did I do it wrong? I don't care anymore. It just feels too good.

The vile act continued for around half and hour. And it ended with us cuming together. Her body stiffened as I dumped all my load inside her. I have really done it this time, i might have got pregnant, but it doesn't matter now.

For a few seconds we didn't move, wanting to savour the moment for a little bit longer. Sharing a one last kiss.

(LEMON END)

As I fall to the bed besides her, my rage from before has been washed away by the pleasure and fatigue.

I began to think clearly again, and it feels awful.

I realized what I just did to her and just how wrong was that.

I remembered every part of it clearly, guilt began to enveloped me as I replaying the scene and sensation in my head.

Her addictive body

Her sweet moan

I enjoyed every moment of it.

And to make it worse, I did it over and over again.

I took her first kiss, I touched her delicate spot, I took her innocence, I impregnate her several times. And I did it all just because I was angry?

I looked at her tattered form in the bed.

What have I done? What have I done to my friend? My Best friend? Someone who cares about me!"

"R-Ruby?"

I touched her shoulder, trying to get her attention. But she just glanced at me with an empty eyes before pulling the blanket to cover her face.

She didn't say anything nor push me away, but I know that she hate me. I already did something unforgivable to her. I already took something I can't return to her.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know what was I thinking!

So I ran away, I grabbed my clothes and ran away leaving her alone on the blood stained bed.

What have I been doing up until now? What kind of dreams I have been chasing around? I laughed at how foolish I am. I laughed at how pathetic I am.

I'm not a hero. I have never been a hero, and i will most certainly won't became a hero.

I'm just a failure! a criminal! a trash! a rapist!

I'm the worst….

I want to die!

No! I must die!

I run aimlessly in the dark corridor.

Without nowhere to go, I just ran away with all my might. I passed through a couple of people but I ignored them and keep running.

When I stop, I arrived at an old storage. I get inside, trying to search for anything to end myself.

After searching around, I managed to find some old scalpels.

I took them and pointing it to my wrist. The scar from my earlier attempt was already healed. But a slight line of scar is still there.

I slashed my hand, but learning from my previous failure one cut won't be enough.

So I slashed, slashed and slashed

I slashed my hand a dozens of time.

?

But No matter how much I cut myself, i got no wound at all.

This scaple is dull!

Why do they keep such a dull scaple here? Shouldn't they have throw it away or something?

I picked up another scaple and cut my hand again. But much to my annoyance it's also dull.

I tried the others without luck. Scaple, razor blades, scissors. I tried to use anything sharp there. But all of them are dull. Is this where they keep the dull blades? Are they planning to sharpen them in the future or recycling it? Who cares! But if that's true then I can only get the sharp ones in the operation room, and there's no way I can get it without getting caught.

I throw the dull blades away in frustration and fall to the floor. Regretting what I have done to my best friend.

"I'm so sorry Ruby… I'm so sorry…"

(Normal POV)

Back in the infirmary, Ruby is still curling up on the bed. Wrapping herself with the blanked to cover up her bare body.

But despite what just happened to her, She doesn't looks shocked, nor she looks sad and frightened.

Instead, she's smiling.

She snuggled in the blanked, sniffing the smell on it with a bright blush on her cheeks.

(Ruby POV)

For the longest of time, I only have Yang to protect me, to make me strong.

But now that I have met Jaune he have become someone irreplaceable to me. He's a big brother figure, my bestfriend and a my family.

He was the one who make me stay strong, knowing that I'm not the death last in Beacon, knowing that age doesn't matter in term of fighting, Knowing that he's there for me.

You can say that I have an inferior complex.

I have always been feeling insecure with attending beacon this fast. No matter what Yang and Principal Ozpin said, skipping 2 years is just too much for me!

I'm still a kid compared to the others here.

I'm not special

I was just lucky

Lucky that I have uncle Qrow and Yang to train me.

Lucky that I have enough talent to keep up with them.

Lucky that I have someone to help me.

Lucky that I have the chance.

Lucky that I met up a famous criminal by chance.

Lucky that there's a professional Huntress to assist me.

I was just lucky

I can't blame them to hate me. After all, they're all have been working hard to the point of spilling blood just to be accepted in Beacon, and I who's much younger and do less work than them is accepted by skipping grade just because I beat up some grunts. And like pouring salt to wound, I even better than most of them in fighting.

My sister and friends can accepted me because they're stronger than me, because they're better than me in almost every way possible. But what about the weak one? I'm also the weak one.

I feel out of place to be together with the strong people like them. I'm just a weak girl. I don't deserve to be with them. But I can't go to the weak side either, they resent me, hate me even.

It hurts to be here. And no one understand how I feel.

Only him.

Only him accepted me despite being far weaker than me.

He understood my problem as he's also suffering from the same problem.

He didn't get jealous nor resented me when something good happened to me.

Instead, He'll be happy for me

He doesn't look down on me because I'm younger.

He's also socially awkward like me.

He helped me with my studies despite he's struggling with it himself.

He helped me to train despite being weaker than me.

When I'm alone he'll come and play with me.

When I was sad he'll get me a cookies and console me

He's always been there when I need him without asking for anything

My first friend in Beacon, my fellow socially awkward, my one and only best friend

My most precious person

When he attacked me, I was taken back, I was scared

But… in the same time I also feel like finally someone need me.

That I deserve to be here.

That I can finally repay him for all he did for me.

That he need me And I need him, We're completing each other

Then I realized something.

I was his best friend and yet, I don't know anything about him and his problems.

Even tough we comforted each other every night I'm the only one who's saved.

Even tough I knew he liked weiss I didn't do anything to support him.

Why did I do that? They're both my friend. I would be more than happy to see them together. So why?

Is that because deep down I don't want them to be together?

That I know that he'll spend less time with me if he's dating Weiss?

That she'll be more important than me?

Is that why?

Even now, I didn't fight back

I can easily push him away. I'm weak, but I'm still far stronger than him, I can lift Crescent Rose that's bigger than my own body with ease and she's really heavy. It'll be an easy task to push him away.

So why did I let him have his way to me? We're just a friend, we shouldn't be doing this. He loved Weiss, and Pyrrha also loved him. I know that!

So Why did I let him took my innocence?

Because I want to be more than just a friend?

Because I want to be his support?

Because I don't want him to leave me?

Is that why? Because I wanted him to be mine?

I loved his companion

I loved the affection he gave me.

I loved how he's always managed to cheer me up.

I loved how he's always so kind to me.

And I would be lying if I say I didn't enjoyed how he raped me.

All his touch, all his kiss, all the pleasure he gave me. Even the pain he gave me when he took my innocence.

I love it all.

I pulled the blanket higher to cover up all of my face and hide my blush.

"Do I… love Jaune?"

I keep questioning myself before the fatigue started to affect me and I was slowly forced to sleep.

"…..yes I do…"

I answered my own question before I finally fall to a deep slumber

(Normal POV)

In the dark corridor outside of the infirmary, watching the whole accident throught the glass wall was a man who's accompanied by his trademark mug on his right hand and a scroll in his left hand. Almost invisible to the world if only the light from the scroll didn't reveal his where about.

On his scroll was a video footage from the storage room where Jaune was trying to kill himself again. He has been following the boy ever since he left Ruby and arrived to the storage with the security camera that was scattered all over the place. He even recorded some part of it.

Especially the part where Jaune slit his own hand.

"Interesting….."

He said with an amused tone as he take another sip from his mug.

Can't say that was the best chapter I ever made….

And… anyone know how fast can a girl showing pregnancy symptom?