[Disclaimer] Everything Twilight belongs to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer

[A/N]

This chapter here is dedicated to secrets87 for always leaving such lovely reviews for me. It really means a lot.

#Inkontin - If you want to read a chapter completely about Zafrina & Jasmine I recommend reading the second chapter of my story Liquid Dreams.

**Chapter 94**

Life moves on, even when the most horrible things on earth are being thrown at you, it still does. The sickness and unpleasant dizziness I had felt during the first weeks of my pregnancy vanished almost completely although Dr. O'Hara still wouldn't allow me to start working again. He insisted that I needed to rest and my 'babysitters' were determined to make sure I took his advice serious.

Angela and Ali didn't allow me to lift one single finger and after a few weak attempts of protesting, I finally started to enjoy being petted like that all the time. I couldn't remember any other time in my adult life when someone else had cared so much about me.

The only bad thing about it was that it gave me way too much time to think of all the things that I didn't want to spend too much time thinking about. Something cramped painfully around my heart whenever I thought of Charlie and the senseless way his life had ended way too soon. Maybe if I hadn't been so naïve and blind to stumble into a marriage with a man I barely knew all of this hadn't happened.

Too much had happened and I was afraid of the way it would possibly affect my relationship with Ali. Damn it, I didn't want things to change between us – ever.

My fingertips moved over the skin right underneath my belly button while I continued playing with the spikey curls of Ali's hair.

"You're distracting me," she mumbled taking my hand in hers to blow a gentle kiss over the back of my hand.

"I really need to get some of these sketches done today or they're probably going to regret that they hired me pretty soon."

I leaned over to plant a kiss on her velvety lips before I glimpsed at the small black and white drawing that was supposed to turn into dress. Right now it looked more like flower petals swirled around a human body to me. Was it supposed to look that way?

"Maybe you should consider working in that new studio your boss rented for you. Although I have to admit that it's lovely watching you the entire day. It's so fascinating to watch your face when you are concentrated like that."

"I can't really concentrate when I know you're observing what I'm doing."

She poured me a glass of orange juice and handed it to me. When her fingertips touched mine something like a very pleasant electric current went through my entire body. Warmth spread through me and for a split second I wondered what was causing it. Then I realized that I wanted her, really wanted her and that I craved for her gentle touch like flowers craved water. It had been way too long since we had been together like that.

My hand circled over the small stripe of exposed skin on her flat stomach before it moved high enough to reach the underside of her bra.

"Bella…," she whispered hoarsely, wrapping her hand around my wrist.

"I'm sorry but I can't."

I dropped my hands to my side and turned my head to the other side of the wall. It was the first time she had rejected me and somehow it brought tears to my eyes. God, how terribly embarrassing…

"Look at me," she mumbled putting one finger underneath my chin to make me raise my head again.

"You're not angry at me now, are you?"

"No, I'm not. It's just…,"

"Just what?" she asked me worriedly.

I cleared my throat nervously before I spoke up again.

"I hate that everything is so tensed between us. It's like you're constantly afraid that I'd be mad at you."

She cringed and stood up from the couch, so quickly that she dropped the rest of orange juice from my glass all over the table.

"Crap. I'll get something to clean this up again."

When she rushed into the kitchen the doorbell rang and I went to open it.

"Why are you up? Aren't you supposed to rest, like a good mommy-to-be should?" Stefan asked me reproachfully while Angela behind him rolled her eyes at that.

"I'm sure that it's not that good for the baby if she doesn't move at all. She just shouldn't do any housework but that's why I'm here."

"Hmm,"

"Is Ali still here? She mentioned something about trying to work at that studio today."

I nodded my head and walked back into the living room where Ali instantly pulled me on the couch again.

"You shouldn't have answered the door. I can do that for you."

"Ali, I'm not in need for permanent care. I hate being such a burden for you all the time."

"I like taking care of the two of you." she assured me, circling her hand over my underbelly.

Then she turned to Stefan and Angela and her mouth twisted into a bright smile.

"I'm so glad that you're helping me to handle her. Bella is trying to distract me and I really need to get some of my sketches done."

"Why aren't you working in that fancy studio your boss is paying for? Oh let me guess, you don't want to go there because you don't want to be alone." Angela assumed calmly.

"Not exactly…it's more that I don't want to leave Bella on her own here. What if something happens to her while I'm away?" She mumbled, crossing her hand in front of her chest.

"You can't protect her from everything and you don't have to do that." Stefan assured her, taking her hand in his to squeeze it for a moment.

"He's actually right, Ali. And I actually think that it would be good for the two of you if you'd give each other some time to breathe." Angela told her, sitting down next to me on the couch.

"Okay, I'm leaving but just because I really need to get some work done and it's unlikely that I manage to bring something down to paper when I focus on Bella's well-being all the time."

She planted a soft kiss on my forehead before she stuffed her sketch block into her handbag.

"Promise me to take care of her, will you?"

"She's in good hands with us. Please stop worrying, it's completely unnecessary."

When she walked out of the house I kept starring after her for several minutes before Angela kind of lost her patience with me.

"Bella, for heaven's sake, she's going to be back in a few hours. It's not going to happen sooner if you keep your eyes locked at the door."

"I'm sorry," I stumbled out, twisting my hair into a messy ponytail.

"It's just…,"

"Just that the two of you have been through quit a lot in the last time."

"That's putting it mildly."

Angela wrapped her arms around me and started rubbing my back up and down in small circles.

"I'm going to make you a tea. Do you want to eat something too?"

I nodded my head and had to swallow back some tears when she rushed into the kitchen. God, everything was so hopelessly messed up…

"Bella?"

"Hmm,"

"I know that you won't believe me about what I'm going to tell you. But everything is going to be okay. Time is a great healer."

"How is time going to change the fact that my father is dead? Dead because my own husband killed him." my words came out much too harsh and a split second later I felt the first tears rolling down my cheeks.

Stefan cleared his throat and handed me a tissue to clean my nose.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. That's not good for the baby…and for you."

He sighed deeply before he continued.

"Look, nothing is going to change the fact that your father is dead but you need to accept that fact and let go. It's hard to lose someone you love. When Sasha…,"

He stopped abruptly when Angela returned and placed a mug with a deliciously smelling tea in front of me.

"Thanks," I mumbled, taking a small sip from the steaming hot liquid.

"You're welcome."

When she turned to her husband her lips twitched for a moment before she spoke up, her voice sounding warm and gentle while she slowly started to speak.

"You don't have to do that, Stefan. I know that you're doing it because you don't want to hurt me but it really isn't necessary to stop talking about your late wife whenever I'm in the same room with you."

"Ela, I don't…,"

"It's okay. It really is okay. I can deal with that. I really can."

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose nervously.

"But it makes me feel awkward if I do it."

"We're married. There shouldn't be anything to talk about that makes you feel awkward."

"Hmm,"

"I don't have a problem letting go…when it comes to Charlie. What I have trouble with is accepting the fact that his death was so…senseless. And he died because he wanted to protect me. If I had been strong enough to deal with my cheating asshole of a husband on my own, all of this wouldn't have happened."

My voice cracked like a broken record before I burst out into tears. Something that felt like a wall inside of me crumbled into tiny pieces while several loud sobs left my throat.

"Shhh," Angela mumbled, wrapping her arms around me to let me sob against her shoulder.

I cried for a very long time, cried and yelled like a sullen child until my throat was sore and I had no more tears left to shed.

When I finally managed to pull back my mascara was smeared all over the hem of her white shirt.

"I'm sorry about that."

"Don't have to be. I don't care about the stupid shirt."

"Are you feeling better now?" Stefan asked me worriedly, handing me another tissue.

"A little bit. Does it sound weird when I say that I'm glad Ali didn't see that?"

"In a way," he assured me, putting the mug with the already lukewarm tea between my hands.

"Drink, you must be dehydrated from all the crying."

"I'm sorry. It's…just…,"

"Bella, it's okay. Something horrible happened to you. But you shouldn't search for a why or a what if because if you do that, it's going to drive you crazy and I know exactly what I'm talking about. When Sasha died...,"

"Sasha wasn't killed. You can't compare these two events."

"Not like your father but I'm still responsible for her death and I'm going to live with that guilt for the rest of my life."

"Stefan, what kind of nonsense is that? Her death wasn't your fault. How can you think such a horrible thing?"

"I should have talked her out of trying for a second child. Or maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that I wanted to have more kids at all. It probably put pressure on her."

"But her death is not your fault. She was sick and Carlisle told Ali that she would probably have died from her heart condition anyway."

"He can't know that. The doctors in Romania…. Well, just forget it. I really don't wish to talk about that anymore. It's pointless. What I wanted to tell you by mentioning my late wife was that we are capable to deal with loss."

"I'm worried about Ali. She's so…tensed all the time."

"That's because she's worried about you and the baby all the time. She wants to protect you but she doesn't really know how to do it." Angela whispered taking my hand in hers to rub my wrist.

"And I want to protect her, protect her from all the things that are going to come. What does that say about us?"

"It shows how much you love each other. We always want to protect what we love the most." Stefan stated, wrapping his arm around Angela's waist.

I nodded my head while my hands automatically moved down on my upper body until my fingertips reached the roundness of my abdomen. For a few moments I just cradled my swollen middle between both hands. Then so lightly that I could barely feel it something deep inside me kicked against my palm, once…twice…a third time. The baby was starting to move around inside me and somehow, very slowly a crack inside of my heart was starting to heal again.