Elrohir woke up early in the morning once more, temporarily paralyzed before he woke up completely. He raised his head slightly to glance where Glorfindel was asleep on the couch, for a moment unsure of how to feel about it before accepting the fact with some comfort. He was not being left alone during the night, even though he could have been. It took him a day to realize that he really did not want to be alone despite his efforts in trying to make it happen, and for that, he felt ashamed…again.
He still wanted Elladan more than anything still, but the further he dwelled on the matter and thought beyond what he wanted: he started to see how he had been rather demanding and childish these past few days.
The reasonable part of Elrohir's scrambled head said that this was all expected: his lack of control over his emotions and out-of-character outrages, but it did not make it any easier to deal with, for him and his family. Elrohir felt enough frustration with himself, knowing better but unable to do anything about it if he felt stressed out. When he finally caved into the desire to be a leech by clinging to his father's side when they were in the garden, he dropped the rage and frustration in preference for seeking comfort from his sire. Elrond had held him reassured him again by saying that he was forgiven for his misbehavior and that he would love him regardless of anything.
It briefly weighed heavily on Elrohir how much the others had sacrificed for him over the years in this attempt to try to banish the feeling of empty loneliness from Elladan being gone.
Elrohir felt better knowing that any of his unreasonable behavior would not be held against him but try as he might to keep that feeling of comfort, the loneliness and depression won out.
Elladan was always there when some unexpected thing happens. Elladan was always there when he was hurt. Elladan was always there with him when they endured strange predicaments-either forced on them or stumbled upon by accident.
No matter what the situation was, Elladan was always there.
Why was it different now?
Elrohir hugged Velegdal and closed his eyes. It was fear of change. Elrohir felt it before when some of their strange adventures brought out aspects that Elladan rarely showed…Their mother leaving also had shown some rather dark aspects of their personality that both found disturbing once they had clear minds.
But Elrohir could not fathom why that would be the cause, as the injury began to play tricks on his stressed-out mind.
Elrohir heard a sigh and he feigned sleep so Glorfindel would not question how long he had been awake already. Elrohir did not want to know how long it had been, and he quietly resigned himself to face the day where he was expected to do something.
He only prayed that he would be able to bear it.
Elrond only half listened to Estel as he complained to his mother about how unfair Erestor is with his schooling. Elrond for a moment thought he should have a talk with the laiquendë about actually making Estel study more subjects than just arithmetic and Númenor's history. Of course, Elrond remembered why the focus was on Númenor more than other things, but he felt that Estel could benefit from focusing on other topics for a time.
The father looked at the two empty seats where his twins normally sat. He allowed Elrohir not to be present now that Gilrean was here and Elladan was gone, though he longed for how things were prior to the accident.
Breakfast was essentially finished; the two mortals and the elf-lord only remained to fellowship with one another. They needed to get on with their day soon.
"I am not sure if needing to know if this queen or king had a fluffy dog or a mustache is going to help me in my life," Estel made a face.
"It is not, but knowing about the past is interesting," Gilraen said and lifted a brow. "I might remind you that master Elrond is related to them; is that not enough encouraging to learn about these people?"
Estel worried his lip. "Well…I am sure ada can tell me about it in a much more interesting way."
Elrond blinked, and hope lifted his heart. Was his son truly interested in learning Numenor history? "You have but to ask. I can do so when we go over your knowledge of herbs and if you can identify them later."
Estel paled and Elrond instantly knew that the adolescent had not prepared for this test even though he should have. He smiled slightly and shook his head.
Gilraen stood from her seat. "I will let you go to your schooling, Estel. I shall see you later." She kissed his head.
Estel blushed and turned to Elrond. "Please do not make it too hard."
"You will never learn if you are not challenged," Elrond answered.
Estel sighed and proceeded to leave, but he stopped once he passed the threshold. The elf-lord heard words and he went to investigate. Elrond was surprised seeing Glorfindel and Elrohir standing by the wall.
"Good morning, my lord." Glorfindel greeted with his customary cheer.
"And to you," Elrond said in turn. The elf-lord looked back inside the room to see Gilraen standing by the railing to the porch. He returned his glance toward Elrohir to find his son appearing uneasy being out in the open.
"Elrohir wanted to walk with Estel to the library of doom, although we came a little early it seems. I stayed in the meantime." Glorfindel glanced at his charge. "You will be alright now?"
The twin gave a small nod.
Elrond took note of Estel's own surprise too, as the man apparently had not said anything yet. The spell broke. "Maybe you can help me convince Erestor to give me something else to read." Estel tried with a small smile.
"I-it is g-good for you," Elrohir said in a whisper.
Glorfindel bowed his head to Elrond and the elf-lord did so in turn in thanks before the golden-head took his leave.
Estel continued smiling even though Elrond could see Estel was unsure of how to continue. "Well, reading the same thing for basically the last six months tends to drive one a little insane." The human looked at the two elves, given Elrohir made no motion to start the walk.
Elrohir did look at the adolescent with tired eyes. "G-go on a-ahead…I w-will be t-there." Then he looked at his father.
Estel nodded meekly and left the two alone. Elrond waited patiently with a kind expression to see what Elrohir would do.
Elrohir struggled internally and his hands tightened around the wood of the staff. "A-ada, w-what's h-happened…"
"You are forgiven, little one." Elrond interrupted gently. "What has happened, happened. Do not beat yourself up over the past."
Elrohir pressed his lips into a thin line and bowed his head.
Elrond pulled him into a hug and Elrohir leaned into him. "I am proud of the progress you have made, my son. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for." He loosened his hold and Elrohir pulled back slightly. Despite Elrond's praise, Elrohir remained looking mildly depressed. The father knew of the cause but did not press it.
Elrohir avoided eye contact this time. "I-I s-stood on my l-leg e-earlier…W-will do it a-again l-later."
"You can observe Estel in the healing ward as I have him go for scavenger hunt later this day if you wish." Elrond hoped his son would say yes.
Elrohir considered the offer for a moment before he nodded mutely. "I-I should b-be on m-my way," he whispered the change of subject.
Elrond could see the yearning Elrohir had of not wanting to be left alone even with Estel, but he could also see Elrohir trying to fight for his own independence by not wanting to give into that desire. The father respected that. "I will meet with you this evening then."
Elrohir nodded again and withdrew completely from his sire's hold before he walked down the hall after Estel.
Elrond stood for a moment longer before he too went to go about his business. Reports concerning Dunlanding raiders in Eregion had come in that morning.
Elrohir had no idea why he did what he did just now. He continued to think about the past few days, and when he was doing his exercises, he had come to the conclusion that he owed an apology to his father at least. Maybe it was so he would feel better, to try and claim some of the responsibility that was slowly creeping back into his life, to show he can be mature…or so he knew fully that he had not hurt his father unduly.
He and Elladan had done so already when their mother sailed by their constant orc hunting when Elrond needed them most; Elrohir did not want to repeat the same mistake.
Whatever the cause was, the loneliness still persisted, and he dreaded on how he would react having to actually do something.
Estel waited for Elrohir to catch up and they walked mostly in silence. Elrohir wished it was not so, but the uncertainty radiated from the mortal. Elrohir felt bitterness return to his being and cursed fate in his head for having caused so much torment and estrangement in his life. Now he did not want to speak.
"Have you ever been to places beyond Lórien?" Estel suddenly asked.
Elrohir blinked at the question, at first nearly choosing not to answer, but that would make things worse. He put a bit of effort into removing his negativity from his voice. "T-the vales…n-not t-too far."
Estel nodded slowly. "I dug up some accounts concerning Dale recently, and since it is being rebuilt now…I do not really recall ever asking you if you have done anything in the east."
Elrohir felt his heart pain as he discerned Estel trying to avoid mentioning Elladan around him. It was a little better than mentioning him at all, though. "A-all on t-this side of m-mount-ains…"
They were at the doors to the library and Estel opened one of the doors. The mortal held one open, Elrohir walked inside before Estel followed behind. Erestor stood at his desk with one hand holding his flute, and Elrohir briefly wondered why that was there.
"Good morning, my lords." The advisor greeted kindly.
"Can I petition reading anything that is not Númenor history?" Estel instantly went with his request as he went to his seat.
"Not today," Erestor replied. "You are Dúnedan yourself if you have forgotten, and we lose valuable records of your people's past rather quickly since the destruction of Arnor's kingdom. Preserving that knowledge is an important part of your people's lives."
Elrohir wanted to find amusement in Estel's grumbling but could not, too absorbed into thinking about what he was going to be assigned to do and feeling anger toward Erestor for the treatment he showed him days before, even if, Elrohir unwillingly admitted, that it was necessary. Being guilty of a murder would have been far worse.
Erestor turned his attention to the younger twin as Estel was taken care of. "Here," the green-elf requested as he walked over to another desk.
Elrohir limped over slowly enough to show his reluctance.
Erestor motioned to a couple of some rather old looking books and another that was open and completely blank. "You can pick which one you would like to transcribe. These are beginning to fall apart, and the text is fading. The lore in here is valuable for the smiths."
Elrohir recognized the journals after studying their covers. They contained some ancient knowledge from Eregion: the history of that time, techniques for those who worked at the forge or the jewel-table. He had looked at them thoroughly during his youth, having an interest in things of the Second Age…before the interest disappeared as time went on and he had been exposed to much darkness.
The twin sat down and Erestor stepped away. The requested job was not too hard nor complicated, although Elrohir felt anxious. His penmanship was not as it was before the accident yet, and why would Erestor want him to try and copy information? Was Erestor trying to make sure this incident is never forgotten by having physical evidence of it?
Elrohir felt rage boil and his hands twitched in his lap; having not even picked up the pen as his thoughts raced through a bunch of illogical and irrational ideas of why they were doing-
The sounds were soft, low, and elegant in the air. It snapped Elrohir out of his tirade and tickled his brain to the point he could feel it. Things seemed clearer and he felt like he could focus. Elrohir sought out the source, and Erestor stood next to the window playing his instrument. It was not loud, and the crisp mid tones were soothing. Elrohir glanced at Estel and also saw the same effect was on the young man.
Elrohir listened and started to think, almost drifting off. A vague memory came to the surface, and he unintentionally spoke. "Harps…"
Erestor paused in his playing and turned to the twin.
Elrohir did not mind, his voice thoughtful. "I r-remember a harp…b-back then."
"They had Lindir play below the balcony of your parents' rooms for you," Erestor supplied. "It kept you awake when nothing else would. Elrond has seen an effect on music helping other patients too."
Elrohir's brows pressed together as he considered this. He did not feel as foggy or heavy-headed when the flute was playing…and the music at the new year's celebration also kept him awake during that time before he went beyond his limit.
"I want to try and see if this may have lasting effects if I do this every day while you work," Erestor stated in a tone of request. "Even writing will keep you stimulated, and stimulation is what you need right now to heal."
Elrohir noticed Estel had stopped his own work to observe the interaction. Estel seemed anxious as he watched Elrohir, an almost pleading look in his eyes that he wanted his older brother to say yes. Elrohir bit his lip and thought about it more. Even if the sound was pleasant, the tingling was irritating and being able to focus felt strange. He did not want to be feeling that every time he came in here, preferring how he normally felt for the last few months.
But it could not hurt to try…everyone was wanting him to try. Elrohir was not too keen on repeating the events of these recent days either. It would make Elladan happy if he allowed this too.
"Y-you can…" Elrohir stated and he bowed his head.
The twin did not see the smile on Erestor's face before the laiquendë started playing again. Neither did he see Estel's look of relief either. Elrohir sat doing nothing while the elegant sounds of the flute went past his ears, and after a while, while he felt different, the tingling in his spine and head disappeared.
The twin looked at the books again, and while he was still not keen on doing it, he picked up the pen and dipped it in the ink and started writing.
A/N I get a feeling some of you may have wanted to see Elrohir's reactions to having Glorfindel be his alarm clock for the first morning. It didn't come out that way sadly. It might in the future though, but the focus is on Elrohir, Elladan, Elrond, and Estel of course. :P Got to keep things moving too...so, things get complicated somewhat. I hope this was good though still. Pardon any errors-I'll fix them when I am online again (and remove this part of the author note afterward).