(Song for this Scene - Etham - Better Now)
Logan Echolls felt numb, perhaps his heart needed more time to accept what his mind already knew? It was over.
Don't fall in love… fall off a bridge, it hurts less.
"There are plenty of ways to die but only love can kill you and keep you alive to feel it" he mumbled to himself as he picked up his tuxedo jacket, and then he found them, the corsage of forget me nots tucked safely into the pocket.
She had been right here… they'd made love… they'd connected… that had been real…
Veronica didn't remember their time together, how was that possible?
"So what.. you waited until I couldn't remember what an asshole you are before you made your move?"
Is that what he had done? He'd always felt something for her.
"I can't…" he'd gasped as she had straddled him during their make out session in his car.
"Why?" she protested, her blue eyes begging him to continue.
"I don't want to take advantage…" he sighed.
"You aren't… I want this too" Veronica assured him
He hadn't imagined that… their date? Her arms around his neck while she danced with him under the tin foil stars at Homecoming? The moon had split apart and those stars were crumpled now.
She hadn't replied to his texts asking if she was okay... Ghosts of their night together started to filter into his mind.
"Echolls…" she'd called to him as she had sat naked against the pillows with the duvet thrown back and grinning at him as she crooked a finger at him in a come here motion.
"Having memory problems doesn't give you an excuse to be a bitch!" he had yelled at her that day on the beach after she had first kissed him.
Even Caitlin had seen right through his feelings for Veronica when he hadn't been ready to accept them himself. "You alienate everyone who cares about you and I am tired of trying to hold your attention when all you do is give into your little Veronica Mars infatuation"
Logan had allowed himself to believe that her feelings for him had been real… but hadn't he been told all along that she was in recovery?
"She's in recovery… what the hell is wrong with you? You are infatuated with her… obsessed… you have been for a while, don't think I haven't noticed" Duncan had accused him.
It felt like all the criticism and voices were screaming in his head all at once, but none of it compared to the memory of her standing here in his bedroom, that glacial wall in her blue eyes.
"Don't touch me!" she had yelped and backed away from him towards the bedroom door.
Logan headed to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a bottle of scotch. He was too sober for all of this.
"Thank you for an amazing time." she had smiled sleepily and her fingers entwined with his and she had fallen asleep satisfied, content spooned, naked curled against him and he held her all night.
He sobbed as he struggled with getting the bottle open.
She didn't remember any of it… the first girl he'd fallen in love with since Lilly had been murdered… now what was he supposed to do?
He was in love with her… they'd spent the night together… for a single moment he had felt like the universe wasn't out to crush him… she wasn't going to be easy to forget..
Her father's assistant had said that she kept a journal… would that help? He hoped so…
It was a cruel irony all the hours he had spent with Ms James crying because the felt like this Veronica was lost to him forever… now he had her… he wanted His Veronica back…
She had abandoned him again… only this time there was no explanation… now he really would have to deal with seeing the face of girl he loved walking around with no recollection that she ever cared about him that way at all. He had been so afraid of getting attached to her… and she probably wouldn't think he was even worth an explanation…
What was he meant to do now? Ignore her? Let her pretend he didn't exist?
It wasn't supposed to end like this.