The diary had mentioned that there was another receiver for the Homecoming pin bugs in the trophy case, she would have to collect it this afternoon. At least she had kept a record of her movements, there were documents to be picked up this Wednesday regarding Abel Koontz family tree.

What had she been looking for?

Most of her classes felt a little like she had been dropped off in the middle of play and she didn't know any of the lines, there was even a word for the feeling.

Depaysement, taking someone out of their own familiar world and putting them into a new one.

Homework was going to be big on her list of things to catch up on. Thankfully Daisy was around to pick up the slack in the office while she dealt with being down the rabbit hole.

Veronica switched her ipod music player to Natalia Kills – Wonderland and slipped her headphones in as she sat in the library and did her best to quiet the questions in her head. At least here in the back quiet rooms she was alone, she could gather her thoughts. Plot some moves ahead.

She had sat with Natalie, May, Wallace, Meg and Duncan at lunch today, whatever attraction she'd had for Duncan was just gone… she might as well have been looking at her brother. She had missed seeing him smile.

The rest of the pretending to be civil with the rest of the 09ers was really starting to grate on her, she was finding it difficult to bury the hatchet with people who had bullied and mocked her for a year. They had broken the wrong parts of her, they had forgotten that she had claws, who she was and who she had become in order to survive were very different things. Whoever had killed Lilly Kane had fashioned her into a weapon, they had left her damaged, and damaged people were dangerous because they knew how to survive.

What was she going to do about Logan? She couldn't avoid him forever…

She should have been in Physical Education right now, but the schools nurse had recommended that she be excused for the next few weeks until any danger of a relapse could be fully investigated by the medical team. Newspaper class was in one hour.

Dear Diary,

Tonight had been completely unexpected... If there was such a thing as a perfect night I never want to forget… it was tonight.

Logan Echolls… you are stealing my heart.

Except she had forgotten, it was her voice, her words but nowhere did she mention anything about their reconciliation, just that she had been falling for Logan.. that he'd been the only thing she had felt that had stayed familiar after her seizure.

Veronica felt like she had just taken a quick break in the middle of watching a movie and come back just in time to have completely missed the most crucial parts.

How was the psychotic jackass who'd let down her tires the same person who'd looked so heartbroken in the corridor today?

Why was the way he felt her burden?

I am not who I was…

This wasn't a Disney movie… a kiss wasn't going to fix this. She didn't want them to have to spend the next however long reading into every word they said to each other. She was sorry he was hurting. She couldn't imagine what he must be feeling right now.

Cut him loose… it's not fair to lead him on…

They hadn't even discussed if they were still dating, although that probably could have happened had she answered one of the several texts he had sent her over the last two days.

Trouble usually finds me…

The truth is, her tongue was a weapon, and right now she'd felt so on edge and up in the air, she didn't trust herself not to say the wrong thing. If those memories didn't come back, which the jury was still out on whether or not that's what she wanted… then loving her was going to ruin his life. Once she made that first step, she couldn't take it back. Veronica honestly didn't know how he would react. Lilly had told her about the aftermath of their many break-ups… he was relentless. When he fell for someone, it was intense, it was always an on/off game.

What if he wanted to keep dating?

They'd already slept together, he knew her in the biblical sense… what if he expected that again?

What if she didn't want to keep dating and he used that against her?

It was all such a mess.

Logan Echolls, was a womanizer, a liar, a trouble maker. He slept around and he had made her life miserable… he was Lilly's boyfriend.

Did she want to keep dating?

She could remember the feel of him curled around her like a second skin, his arms holding her protectively as she slept, that sleepy unconscious kiss on her shoulder. The absence of where his body had locked together with hers..

Some twisted part of her missed that… it ached… and she was trying her best to ignore it.

She owed him an explanation. She knew it.

Library, 5 minutes. V

She sent the text and prayed that she knew what she was doing.