Hook… I Will Always Find You

Chapter Four

"It's funny… you and Killian both have a habit of coming here late and after my normal hours," Archie said when he turned around to face her while Emma sat down on an arm of the couch instead of on one of its cushions, then lowered her head sadly at the mention of Killian's name and he immediately recognized his mistake. "I'm so sorry, Emma. I didn't mean to…"

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Archie," the Savior replied before the psychiatrist could finish apologizing to her. "It's all right to say his name. I'm not going to break over something so small. I understand that his death hasn't sunk in for any of us just yet. I'm having trouble accepting it myself. It just hurts… that's all. That's why I'm really here, other than to make sure you're okay too. I couldn't help but notice the regret and concern in your eyes before you left Granny's earlier."

The doctor smiled as he responded, "I only regret that there wasn't anything more I could do to help him. I know neither of you blame me for allowing the dagger to fall into Arthur's hands and I realize now you were right. But I still feel like I should have been able to do something else. And even now… You're about to risk everything again to try to save him from Hell itself and I know that I can't join you this time. I'd like to, but I would only be a hindrance to all of you down there. I'm not a fighter like you all are."

Emma looked up into his eyes again and answered, "I would never expect any different from you. It's important that you remain just as you are because we need people here who don't fight with swords, guns, and their fists… but with words instead. And you're the best conscience I've ever been privileged to know. I wouldn't ask you to come with us, not because you'd be a hindrance to us. Because I wouldn't want you to get hurt… or worse."

"Back when the Snow Queen had just made herself known to us, Killian assured me he was a survivor because I told him I was afraid I'd lose him," she continued while she rested the sword against the side of the couch, then finally sat down on one of its cushions instead as she pulled out his brother's ring he had given to her in Camelot to show it to Archie. "He believed it was because of this ring that belonged to his brother. And I realize… he must have been right because Killian died not long after he gave it to me."

"He was a survivor because Killian was needed to become a part of our lives now… in this time," Archie replied steadfastly, then sat down in his chair across from her. "He was waiting to find the woman who could redeem him and who could help him find his happy ending. He fought to survive this long for you."

Emma's mind drifted back to the night Killian spoke to her about being a survivor, when she saw herself as she kept on walking past him and it was clear to her she was still angry with him at that moment, but Hook made a gesture for her to join him while he called out to her saying, "Swan! Don't make a man drink alone."

Still annoyed, Emma responded coldly, "Not in the mood for a drink or a man."

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you today," he answered as she walked out into the middle of the street while he swiftly chased after her, then finally used his hook to grab hold of the crook of her elbow to turn her around so that she was facing him. "All right, I know you feel like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. But at some point, even though we're quite different, you've got to trust me."

"That's what you think this is about?" she asked while she stared at him in surprise. "That I don't trust you?"

Hook looked back at her feeling slightly confused as he asked, "Is that not what it's about?"

The blonde woman replied firmly, "Of course I trust you."

"Then why do you keep pulling away from me?" he asked again in frustration upon raising his voice in anger.

"Because everyone I've ever been with is dead," Emma cried out with fear, his eyes softening upon hearing her confession as she continued to admit how she felt as though she was desperate to get the hard truth she had been hiding from him all this time out into the open. "Neal and Graham. Even Walsh. I lost everyone. I... I can't lose you, too."

Tears came to her eyes as Killian kept his gaze on her, his expression being one of comfort while he responded brazenly, "Well, love, you don't have to worry about me. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's surviving."

Emma's own face softened while he continued to look into her eyes for a few moments and she into his before Killian suddenly pulled Emma firmly against him and began to kiss her passionately. This time, just like when they had kissed days ago, her instinct to push him away never came as she continued to kiss him back, not wanting this moment between them to end.

Emma looked at Archie again and continued to talk to him as she stated darkly, "I'm angry, Archie. Of course not at Killian for losing every ounce of hope he had left that he could actually continue to live with the darkness still inside of him as Gold has done all this time. I don't know if I would have been able to live with myself either and Killian's suffered from darkness his entire life. Nor am I just angry at Hades for torturing the man I love, even though that's a big part of it. No… I'm angry at fate, or destiny, or whatever up there believes is in control of our lives… because it turned Killian into a liar when he promised me I would never lose him. I finally admitted to myself that I truly loved him and I allowed myself to admit it to him. Is that really fate's cruel plan for me? For me to finally find a man who I hoped to spend the rest of my life with, only for it to take him away from me?"

"Why have you really come here, Emma?" the man of conscience questioned, watching as Emma began to twirl the ring she was holding around one of her fingers while she stared down at it with sadness in her eyes. "Is it to ask me to convince you not to go down into the Underworld to save Killian, when you know that you won't dissuade yourself from going? When you know in your heart that you have to go? If it was me who lost someone I loved, as much as you love Killian… I would sacrifice everything for her. Just as Killian sacrificed everything for you and your family, as well as his friends."

"I don't want anyone to come with me," the Savior answered him worryingly. "I planned on going alone because saving him is my fight. But now suddenly there are others coming with me because they're all willing to risk their lives to save him like I am. It's not that I'm not grateful because I am. It's just that I'm terrified. What if someone else dies? What if I lose everyone, just in trying to save someone I've already lost? Even if I were to succeed in bringing Killian back… what kind of condition will he be in? What if… what if he's no more than an empty shell when I revive him?"

Archie replied, "I can't imagine what he's suffering through while he's imprisoned in a realm that is ruled by a God as evil as Hades. I can only tell you that I believe you are doing the right thing because this… it's what we do for the people we truly love, Emma. We fight with everything we have within us even at the risk of our own lives to protect and save them. And as for everyone who's coming with you to help you save him, they all know the risks as well as you do. You didn't ask them to come with you. Doing so is their own choice because they care for Hook too. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. The weight of the world is far too much of a burden for any one person to bear alone. Let your family and your friends help you."

Emma smiled at Jiminy Cricket, then stood again as she suddenly leaned towards him and kissed his cheek before finally responding, "I really appreciate your support and your encouragement, Archie. And for telling me exactly what I needed to hear."

"I have to go," she quickly added as she reached out to grab the hilt of Killian's cutlass and then turned to leave. "We have to help Gold first so that he can help us find the portal and then enter into the Underworld. Otherwise… all of this planning will have been a waste of time."

"Just be careful," the doctor answered her in concern. "And good luck. Don't lose hope that you'll find him down there. You're the Savior. You're his Savior, remember? Killian always had faith in you and now you need to have faith in yourself. You'll save him, Emma. Believe that."