A/N: SPOV

Albus was behind his desk, pretending to read some sort of official document. Severus knew better; Albus didn't need the spectacles for reading. He used them as a psychological weapon, to disarm yet pierce someone with how he would look at them.

"Ah, Severus. I was beginning to worry." He commented jovially, but his eyes had a lackluster look that said you're nearly twenty minutes late.

Severus approached the desk and sat across from him as if he were an errant schoolboy. "Your cocoa is no longer steaming. You expected me to come immediately to you like a dog with a bone."

Albus chose to ignore that. "Was it that difficult to dispose of her? I recall your gregarious persona had left much to be desired in the art of verbal intercourse."

"It's been a long day, Headmaster. My wand-arm was skinned like one might peel a banana. Don't you wish to know why The Dark Lord is so upset at his favorite spy?" Severus was edgy; he usually wanted to hurry through replaying what would be yet another addendum to the cacodoxical ideals he had to pretend to espouse.

"In time, Severus. In time. Don't you find it odd that Tonks looked after you even after Poppy had arrived to care for you?" His eyes were trying to meet Severus', and he wasn't foolish enough to look back into those eyes. He also had to make it appear as if he weren't avoiding eye contact purposefully.

"The antics of a Hufflepuff girl mean nothing to me, Albus. Surely there can be a better use of our time rather than you attempting..." Dumbledore's hand went up, demanding his silence.

"My dear boy, I'm simply conveying that you're just a boy, and she's just a girl... Can I make it any more obvious?" Severus had his face completely frozen in an emotionally neutral state, but was losing it quickly to agitation as the Headmaster's words struck him with an odd familiarity. These words sound familiar, but why?

Albus continued as if nothing had happened. "He was a punk, she did ballet... What more can I say?" His eye began to twinkle in a mischievous manner, and Snape wasn't amused at all.

"Sir, I believe that the curse in your hand has addled your brain, for you must be quite mad to be quoting Avril Lavigne." Severus' frustration translated into his left arm shaking.

Still unfazed, he continued, "He wanted her, she'd never tell... Secretly she wanted him as well."

Severus decided to quit arguing against crazy and just spat it out. "The Dark Lord knows I took the Unbreakable Vow to kill you in order to protect Draco. Narcissa, Bellatrix, and I all were tortured at the hands of Draco as punishment."

"But all of her friends, stuck up their nose... And they had a problem with his baggy clothes." Albus continued, and he conjured up a vision of Lily Potter as Avril.

"Congratulations, Headmaster. You have finally, obviously, sent me stark raving mad." Severus was transfixed to his chair as his former submissive ripped a black and red leather collar off from her neck, the silver buckle breaking into a shower of glitter in front of her as she did what could only be described as a well-rehearsed choreography number complete with hair flip.

Apparitions of James, Sirius, and Pettigrew stood behind her like backup singers, joining in for the chorus.

"He was a Snapey boi, she said 'See ya later boy', He wasn't good enough for her." One by one, the three Marauders each broke a similar collar off of their own necks, tossing them back at Snape as he simply sat there dumbstruck.

"She had a pretty arse, but their love was just a farce..."

Severus instantly knew that the words were changing, as Lily approached him with the same tender look on her face, but her eyes held a malicious intent as she teased him with her lips at that too-close-not-to-kiss range.

"It's your fault she's now in the earth..."

Severus bolt upright in his bed, waking up from his apparent nightmare. He reached for his wand momentarily only to have the feeling of pulling and tearing flesh at his elbow remind him that his wand arm was still out of commission.

With his left hand, he managed to cast lumos and was reassured that he was alone in his room. His debriefing with Albus went spectacularly uneventful; Albus had assumed that The Dark Lord would find out about his Unbreakable Vow.

It was Albus' final words that sent Severus reaching for the firewhiskey as a cold comfort before succumbing to exhaustion once again.

"All the more reason for you to kill me when the time is right. Should you be awarded the Headmastership of Hogwarts for your loyalty to Tom, promise me that you will do all in your power to protect the children there."