The morning came much too quickly, and Erin sat up with a groan. Everything about the previous day came rushing back and she buried her head in her hands as she sighed. Finally, she slid out of bed and padded over to her closet. It was supposed to be a warm day, so she pulled out a short black skirt and a short sleeved lilac blouse.
Already, she was craving, and she tried to push aside the feeling as she stepped into the shower. She kept the water cool, knowing that would focus her. She washed her body slowly, trying not to think about her day ahead. Erin began to shiver and so she ended her shower, stepping out onto the mat and grabbing a towel to dry off with.
Her morning rituals helped to calm her, soothing the craving away. On her way out the door, she grabbed a blueberry muffin and made her way to work. She arrived at her office before Helen, but the lights were already on and it gave her pause. Carefully, she opened the door to her inner office and entered.
"Good morning, Erin! I stopped at Starbucks and got us some coffee." Penelope looked up at her, smiling widely. "I wanted to get an early start this morning, since there's a lot of data to compile. There's not much for you to do yet, so I brought my personal iPad for you. Check out my Nook bookshelf, there has to be something you'll like there."
Erin sat next to her on the sofa, picking up the cup of coffee. Taking a sip, she found it perfect. "This is delicious. How did you know what I prefer?"
"I called Helen last night to find out. Sit, relax, I'll let you know when we have something to go over together." Erin nodded and sank back into the sofa, picking up the tablet and flipping through the apps. Turning the sound off, she loaded up the Angry Birds app. It was her guilty pleasure, something she used to blow off the steam of her cravings.
She lost track of time until the low battery sign flashed at her. "Penelope, did you bring your charger? I seem to have a low battery already."
"Angry Birds seems to do that to me every time, too. Here." Without looking up from her screen, she handed her the familiar white cord and Erin quickly plugged the device in, setting it to the side so she could watch Penelope work. "Do you have any questions?"
"How many people have been targeted so far?"
"You were the eighth. If the pattern holds, the next bit of salacious gossip will be in the paper tomorrow. Obviously, we aren't going to be that quick about things, but I hope I can get us started. Did you read what they said about you?"
"No. I only read the New York Times. I was totally blindsided by this yesterday."
Penelope nodded and handed her one of the laptops. "Yours is the first tab, since it's the newest. I'm trying to figure out who everyone is. A few of them were easy to figure out, since I've worked with them before, like Jordan Todd. Hers is probably the worst, by far, if it's true."
Erin shuddered as she set the laptop down on her legs, quickly reading what the mole thought of her. It was nothing good, and she struggled not to cry as the words washed over her heart. Washed up, failure, a drunk living on borrowed time. Each word was a damning accusation, and she clicked on to the next tab. "Seven is Ryan Barr. He works with Homeland Security. Oh, I hope Courtney didn't see this, her pregnancy is risky enough as it is," she murmured before going to the next tab and being confronted with Agent Todd's sins. "Penelope, if this is true, there's more than just her job on the line. This could be considered treason."
"I know. And since she's with the FBI, she could receive the highest punishment. We're not allowed to tell her. I called and asked the Director already." Penelope looked sad, and Erin could just shake her head.
"They've most likely already opened up an investigation to explore the charges. It's not fair, but that's how things are." Sighing, she clicked over to the next tab. "Oh, this is too delicious. The pool boy? Really, Ashley?"
"I take it you know that one, too."
"Uh huh. Ashley Osborne from White Collar Crimes. Sanctimonious little bitch, always thinking she was so good for being the perfect woman, perfect wife, perfect Christian. I knew it was too good to be true." She felt the gleeful smile spread across her face and noticed the slight look of consternation of Penelope's. "What?"
"Her life was destroyed, just like yours. Don't you have even one ounce of compassion to spare for the woman?"
Erin paused for a moment, absorbing Penelope's words. "Why should I be kind if she never was?" she finally asked.
"My god, no wonder everyone thinks you're such a bitch. I had thought you were changing a little, given your openness at JJ's wedding. I guess I was wrong."
The disappointment and derision evident in her voice were sharp barbs to Erin's tender heart. She picked up her coffee cup and took a long draw before standing up and stalking over to the window, staring outside. She tried to blink back the hot tears that prickled her eyes, but they still spilled out and down her cheeks. She knew enough to not swipe at them, since that would expose her vulnerability to the other woman.
"Are you going to come back and help me identify the other four?" Penelope asked peevishly and Erin stiffened.
"In a few minutes. See if you can find a common link between us four," she bit out.
"Erin…"
"Shut up. Just shut up and do your work." Erin knew she was being irrational and bitchy, but she didn't care. Her heart was hurting and some small part of her wanted Penelope to hurt as well. And then she heard Penelope sniffle twice in short order. She stared at the ceiling as she tried to control her emotional response to her.
The silence yawned between them and when she felt Penelope's hand on her upper arm, she flinched. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand you." She turned to look at her, not caring if her eyes were red-rimmed or puffy. Penelope gasped and took a step back. "Or maybe I didn't stop to look closer."
Erin was deeply shocked when Penelope tugged her into a tight hug. "Let go of me, please. You are not my friend, you've made that abundantly clear this morning." Her heart continued to hurt as she spoke. She knew she was just alienating herself from future hurt, as in the long run, this was nothing more than a professional relationship, not a friendship.
Penelope complied, stepping back to look at her. "Not everyone is going to hurt you, Erin."
"Yes, well, you just did. Or is your memory that short?" She took another sip of her coffee, only to have the cup torn from her hands, some of the liquid sloshing out to stain her blouse.
"I apologized."
"For not understanding me, not for what you said. There's a rather large difference between the two." Erin lowered herself onto the sofa and picked up the laptop once more, clicking over to the next tab. "Rory Johnson from Cyber Crimes."
"I want to talk about this, Erin."
She stared up at Penelope coldly. "Rory Johnson from Cyber Crimes." Breaking eye contact, she clicked on the next tab. "Phillip Alber from Human Trafficking. Angela Teesdale from Domestic Terrorism. Carl Hansen from Internal Affairs." Erin pushed the laptop at Penelope and then stood once more, drawn to the window again.
The late morning sun highlighted the brown stain on her blouse and she sighed. It was one of her favorites, and she prayed the coffee wouldn't stain it. Rubbing her temple lightly, she desperately wished for just a single drop of bourbon to ease away the frustration of her already too long day.
"Here, this should clean up the stain a little." Penelope handed her one of those Tide pens and she accepted it wordlessly. Taking off the cap, she rubbed it on the spot, watching the blot fade and disappear. Some small part of her wished there was something that could as easily remove the stains on her heart.
"Thank you," she said lowly, handing the pen back to Penelope. "And you've never heard someone say to you that your husband wouldn't cheat on you if only you slept with him more, if only you weren't such an uptight prude."
"You're right, I haven't." The other woman slipped the pen back in her purse. "Then again, I also wouldn't be so small as to take joy at another's downfall."
"Sometimes that's all we have." Erin took a seat behind her desk and stared at the picture of her children. It was three years out of date, but it was all she had of them now, too. "After all, some of us are just living on borrowed time." She turned her chair to face her computer and checked her email, hoping to see something from one of her children.
A soft smile crossed her face as she clicked on the letter from her youngest, Tabitha. Reading through it, she barely recognized someone setting a plate of food next to her. Absently, she picked up half of the sandwich and took a bite, relishing the delicious taste of food. She hadn't realized how hungry she was until that moment.
"Truce?" The question was asked so softly Erin wondered if she had heard it at all. Looking up into sad brown eyes, she nodded sharply.
"Truce." The smile that flickered across Penelope's face was sad and Erin tamped down her natural instinct to comfort her. It would do no good, though, and would only result in her getting hurt, she was certain of that. "Let's call it a day. Neither of us is up to doing anything else today."
All Penelope did was nod, biting her lip as she picked up her purse and left Erin's office. Once alone, Erin stretched out on her sofa and fell asleep, wanting this horrid day to be over.