I do not own Harry Potter or the Addams Family
"He was found In Miami, caught in a tuna net" the Doctor with a stereotypically thick german accent explained to the group who had gathered in the living room. "It was just last month, during zee hurricane Helga"
Severus sat on the couch with his hand over his mouth, internally ranting about how only a fool would believe this woman. "Ze sky it was black as Pitch. Ze waves Zey were walls of Doom! Can you imagine?"
Wednesday glanced at everyone in the room to see if anyone else was buying this. The storm roared on outside as the group listened to the tail. "there were tests, so many tests, a complete psychological profile." The woman spoke with her hands waving, "At long last Ze Florida department of ze fish and ze game said, "Lo and behold, oh my oh my oh my oh my, go tell it on ze mountains. He iz your Brother."
Gomez wept tears of joy on Morticia's shoulder, while the pale siblings shared a look. "Boom they give him to me in Human serviced and After all these years of God know what heartache, I am bringing him home to you!"
"That's preposterous!" Margret scoffed, 'Seconded' Snape mentally agreed. Tully tried to hush his protesting wife, "well isn't it just the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard!?"
"I certainly is!" Gomez agreed happily turning to his "brother"
"and know your back" he approached Fester. "Yes, Back, Back to share your joys, your sorrows, hey everything." Tully concurred
"But I just don't know." Margret began again, "Uh, Pumpkin, how does this work again?" Tully asked, handing her the finger trap. "Oh for god sakes an infant could understand!" she demonstrated, to find she could not remove her fingers once again.
Grandmother Addams cackled as the woman struggled.
"Fester Addams!" Morticia finally spoke up, "Home at last."
"Yes, Home for atleast… A week." Fester muttered, "A week?, Don't be ridiculous!" Gomez protested, "you're home now."
"Sorry, I have to get back," Fester declined, "Got a lot of things cooking in the Bermuda Triangle"
"Oh Gomez" Morticia sighed sensually, "The Bermuda Triangle." Oh boy, here we go, Severus rolled his eyes and stood up, not wanting to be anywhere near those two when they got like this. "Devils Island." Gomez replied.
"The black hole of Calcutta" Morticia finished as Gomez kissed her fingers. "Excuse us, second honeymoon."
Severus leaned on the chair Wednesday lay under. The sound of sizzling drew his attention as the professor leaned back to see behind the couch, finding Pugsley soldering his way into Fester's trunk.
"Pugsley." He whispered, the young boy looked up and his uncle pressed a finger to his lips, Pugsley nodded and opted for a lock pick instead.
"Doctor Pindersloss, will you be staying with us to?" Morticia asked. "No, no, no, I must be going, but I will be back, you can bet. To check on fester's adjustment."
A loud clank sounded behind the couch and all looked back to see Pugsley with his arm in a bear trap. "Cool" he giggled.
"No one gets out of the Bermuda Triangle, not even for a vacation." Wednesday state, looking up at the Doctor and Fester. "Everyone knows that."
"My little bundle, so much you don't understand." Pindersloss knelt down, "Ze Human spirit it is a hard thing to kill."
"Even with a chainsaw." Grandmother Addams sighed.
Soon the Doctor left and Morticia got herself alone with her Brother. "What do you think?" Morticia asked, quietly, Gomez had taken the children to bed and fester had gone to his room. "I think this is the most idiotic thing I've ever heard." Severus stated bluntly.
Morticia shrugged and hummed, "Oh Tish, you don't really think…."
"I don't know what to think, I just know that it is impossible to raise the dead, so that mean that A) Fester Addams is really alive, and somehow though some indescribable means of fate managed to find his way home after twenty five years. Or B) there is a complete stranger in my house masquerading as my brother in law." Morticia spelt it out
"We should tell Gomez." Severus insisted, "No it would kill him, and not in the good way." Morticia bite down on her long red nail and propped the armed hand on her hip. "We just need more proof is all."
Morticia spun around quickly, "Come stay with us!" she insisted.
"What? No!"
"Please, the new school year doesn't start for a few days, we have plenty of room, and It's not like you have anyone back in England." Morticia pleaded.
"What makes you think I have no body?" Severus asked defensively. Morticia raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Shut up." Severus muttered, "Anyway how are we going to explain that to your husband?"
"Gomez won't mind, he adores you." Morticia, "It will just be for a few days, until the school years starts and you go back to work. You would leave your own baby sister alone with a murderous stranger would you?" she begged.
"No, but apparently I'll let you marry one." He retorted, "Fine I'll stay until the school year starts."
"Oh thank you Severus, she hugged him quickly, "You won't regret it!"
"Yes I will."
"Lurch?" Morticia called over the tall butler, "Will you show my brother to one of the guest bedrooms please?" the zombie like man grunted and nodded, "Just follow him, I'm going to go talk to Fester."
Severus nodded and followed the butler to a large black room with a gray and black canopy bed, black wood furniture and a bay window over looking the graveyard. "Thank you Lurch." He nodded and shut the door, leaning against the hard wood with a loud sigh.
"I love my sister, I love my sister, I love my sister." he chanted over and over.
(Meanwhile)
"Unpacking?" Morticia peered through the bedroom door and Fester jumped about a foot in the air. "Let me." She strolled in to the dusty room. "It's fine, I'll do it." Fester stuttered.
Morticia reached into the bag and pulled out the first thing she felt, "Crowbar." She hummed, flinching as he snatched it from her. She pulled out a parcel of five red tubes wrapped in black tape, "Dynamite" she cooed fondly.
She handed him the explosive and pulled out a thick glass bottle with a tattered label, "Cyanide" before he could snatch it away she whirled on him, "Fester." She smiled
"As if we'd run out." She handed him the poison and strolled out, "Good night,"
Wednesday watched her mother leave Fester's room and stared at her uncle who stared right back at her before closing the door, Wednesday shrugged and locked herself in her room, she had better things to do than worry about Fester.
She wanted to get a better look at her Mother's brother. Opening the trap door in her floor she swung her legs down and slip down the shaft, catching herself on the air duct and puling herself through. She had asked Lurch to give her Uncle a room close to hers so she could easily spy on him.
Army crawling through the metal tube she finally reached a grate that lead straight down into the guest bedroom where Severus sat on the bed.
Below Severus heard the sound of shifting above him and smirked, waiting for a few moments before looking up at the air duct, "I know you're there Wednesday." He said, waiting for the grated door to swing open, which it did and down fell little Wednesday Addams in a black nightgown.
"Didn't you mother tell you it's rude to spy on your guests?" He asked, Wednesday shook her head. "Good, it's a silly rule. Knowing what's going on around you in a valuable skill and you should never lose that." He nodded.
Wednesday Nodded, slightly taken aback, usually people who were not her parent's told them it was rude to eavesdrop. "Now, is there any particular reason you came crawling through the vent shaft?"
"I wanted to get to know you better." She said honestly. "And it never occurred to you to ask?"
"Every one Lies." Wednesday said with brutal Honesty. "The only way to really know someone is to watch them."
"You're a smart girl." Severus nodded, slightly disturbed that someone so young was so aware of the brutal nature of the world, at least she's prepared, he thought.
"However, you are also still a girl who should be in bed." Severus walked over to the door and opened it for her, Wednesday Reluctantly walked out of the room and let the door close behind her.
Severus sighed, His niece may have looked like her mother but she most definably had a spark of the Addams's Madness in her.