Fifth Story: Something Was Wrong With Him

He runs at full force toward her, as she lays on the floor of that filthy basement, screaming her name "PENELOPE!" Dropping to his knees he feels for a pulse. The world flashes in crazy colors and doesn't feel real anymore. "Baby girl," he begs. "Don't you dare leave me! Garcia....come on...baby...wake up."

He's pulled back so the paramedics can take over but his eyes never leave her. He feels like he failed her.

What kind of man lets this happen to the woman he loves?

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Months Later

He sees her laying there looking dead over and over behind his eyes. And it throws him off balance all day now. He's making more and more mistakes at work. Mistakes that could cost someone their life if he doesn't get himself under control.

The hero is just a man underneath. And under this man's skin is a whole hell of a lot of bad memories that he can't escape. No matter how in control he looks he's unraveling more and more each second.

And now Hotch has noticed. "You have an appointment at nine am tomorrow with Dr. Vance."

Derek stills and raises an eyebrow, though his gut tells him what this is.

Hotch confirms when he adds "A psychiatrist that works for the Bureau. You won't be allowed back till he clears you." He hands Derek a card.

"I don't need a shrink!" Derek slams his hand against the wall, pretending like this is total garbage but inside he knows he's much closer to the edge than even Hotch realizes.

Even though Penelope is home now, safe after being kidnaped, Derek is living his life as if she's being held in that basement still. He's stuck in the fear....a fear for her that brought back the fear from when she was shot.

When Reid came to him and told him that someone had sent them a note with pictures of Penelope being held captive Derek had his first panic attack of his life.

Clutching the shoulders of his friend he could not catch his breath. Stars came behind his eyes and he would have fell down if not for Reid getting him into a chair. Derek's heart beat a mile a minute, racing so hard in his chest that there was physical pain much like a coronary, and his brain was so muddled that no thoughts could form.

He pulled himself together in a few minutes but the damage was done. He was broken in a way that hadn't healed yet.

Leaving Hotch behind Derek goes to find Penelope. When he gets to her he pulls her into his arms. Holding her was the only thing that helped right now.

She looks up at him. "What's wrong?"

"I'm suspended."

Her face clouds with concern. "I'm sorry, handsome."

Even in his worst moments her love makes it a little easier. It's that love though that also made him so filled with fear when he thought he might lose her. Still he would not give her up for anything in the world.

Derek steps back and then takes her hand. "See you at home tonight?"

Home. Since she was rescued she had been living with him, sleeping in his bed every night and making love to him. They were taking care of each other. Trying to chase away all the ghosts. He needed her now more than ever and she sensed it and responded by just pouring love onto him.

There was no woman better than her in the world. Derek did not want to tell a doctor his problems. He wanted to get over the demons chasing him by being with his baby girl.

She smiles at him and answers "You know it, hot stuff. Leave a light on for your Goddess."

"Will do," he says and walks out of the BAU.

His job is on the line these days but its not his job that he loves most. Its her. So he'll be all right even if he falls apart.

Cause she'll be there to hold him as he goes down and build him back up when he's ready.

THE END

Inspired by Dark Road. Sung by Annie Lennox. Mvid by BlackNightRebirth