I own no characters in this story and I do not own Harry potter nor the Addams Family.
And for the love of God, there are only five chapters and 34 people are already following this story, who are you people?!
Sleep was out of the question with the house shaking with every blast of thunder, and Fester's screaming didn't help any. Around six the next morning Severus finally fell asleep, temporarily letting his guard down for a mere five minutes. Fortunately for the children who knelt outside the door, five minutes is all one needs to attach a small, yet powerful speaker to the hood of a remote controlled tank.
Said tank was currently wheeling its way across the crooked floor boards to the foot of the bed. "Ready?" Pugsley whispered peering around the corner and into the room, "One."
Wednesday nodded and gazed intently at her sleeping uncle's back, "Two" she clutched the remote. Unknown to them their uncle awoke to the sound of the tank rumbling across the floor, he reached for his wand on the nightstand and cast a silencing spell over the toy. He smirked and waited until the two children were no longer looking and softly slid his feet over the wood floor, carful to make no noise.
"Ready?" he heard the little boy whisper. "One"
"Two" he heard Wednesday reply.
"Three?" he leaned over them and leaned on the door frame, the children's heads snapped up and they simultaneously gulped. "Morning."
Pugsley looked around him at the tank that sat by the bed and pressed button, the tank rattled and shook, but no noise blasted from the speaker. "Mother says breakfast is ready." Wednesday droned, not really caring that the tank didn't work, juvenile pranks were really more Pugsley's cup of tea.
"MmHm." He tapped his foot patiently, "well then we had better not keep her waiting." Wednesday stood and brushed her dress off then pulled her brother up by his arm, "Shall we." Their uncle gestured down the hall, the children didn't meet his eye and began to make their way down the stairs, Pugsley at an enthusiastic run, with all the energy of a young boy, while his sister settled for a leisurely stroll.
"if you're my mother's brother, why haven't I met you before?" she asked. "It's a long story, one I'm not up to telling at this early hour." He said bluntly, "Mother says you're a teacher, what do you teacher?" she almost interrogated him.
He sighed, he might as well give her some answers, if she's anything like her mother, she'll find out somehow. "I'm a potions master, at Hogwarts School for Magic"
"Where's that?"
"In Scotland."
"Is it nice there?"
He smiled a little, "It's cold, rainy, foggy, and almost always overcast."
Wednesday smiled, it sounded absolutely perfect, "And you live there?"
"Most of the time, during the school year, if not I live near London."
"Mother said something awful happened when you both were younger, and she showed me a grave of a woman she knew. Did you know her?"
Severus stiffened, he could still remember clearly hearing the news, the gut wrenching guilt, the knowledge that he might have been able to do something, he got to say good bye.
"Yes." Wednesday could tell the subject was sensitive, but she long wanted to know why her mother sometimes sat by the grave stone of a Non-Addams and talked to it. "Who was she?"
He sighed, "A friend of ours, we grew up together" he said quickly and prayed for no more questions, "Mother told me how she died, a man killed her, but she says it like she is sad." Wednesday stopped and looked up at him. "Why?"
He stopped and looked at her, her small, pale face that held wisdom far beyond her years. He blinked a couple time, he didn't know how to answer, he knew the answer, but he didn't know how to say it. Finally with a sigh he pressed his large hand to her jet black braids,
"You ask too many questions." He said finally, "Come on, your mother's waiting."
Wednesday realized she crossed a line and remained silent for the rest of the walk.
"Home Cooking!" Grandmother Addams cackled, "Nothing like it in the world!"
Severus resisted the urge to cover his nose at the vile smell, 'God I Hope not.' He thought and took a place by his sister and across from Wednesday, Fester and Gomez scrambled into the kitchen and Pugsley was nowhere to be found.
"May I have the salt." Wednesday asked politely, Fester began to reach for it before Morticia stopped him, "What do we say?" she asked. Wednesday looked at Fester, "now"
Grandmother Dished out servings of a gruesome looking stew, complete with eyeballs and bits of green goo, however despite its outward appearance Addams's cooking really wasn't that bad.
"What is it?" Fester asked, gazing warily at the food, "Mama's specialite de la maison" Morticia cooed
"Oh Tish." Gomez sighed, "Oh God." Severus rolled his eyes. Morticia smiled and reached under the table, and dug her long nails into her brother's knee. Severus hissed through his teeth.
"Start with the eyes." The elderly witch nudged Fester. "Did you sleep well?" Morticia asked his, Fester paused, "Like the dead!" he grinned.
"Really?!" Gomez said, "Who know the Bermuda Triangle could change a man so much." Fester froze and Morticia and Severus shared a look. "You used to toss and turn all night, we'd have to chain you to the bed post."
"Doesn't make sense" Wednesday mused, staring at her uncle. "The Bermuda Triangle is a very strange and Mysterious place." Fester changed the subject quickly, "You'd be surprised by all the things you don't know."
"She certainly would." Morticia smiled, "Wednesday adored the Bermuda triangle, she studies it, death at sea, she's hooked."
"Ask me anything." The girl challenged. Fester sputtered, "Being in my old room sure brings back memories!" he eyed Gomez, "Remember Camp Custer?"
"For pre-teen offenders!" Gomez laughed.
"Aren't memories precious?" Fester sighed, "Today I'd like to wander through the house, remembering."
"Sorry old man, no wandering today, today we go straight to the vault"
All paused as Pugsley came rushing down the stairs with a large red stop sign in his grasp. "Hm, Hm!" Gomez put his hands up and everyone listened intently, suddenly the sound of brakes squealing and the blare of horns were followed by the sound of crunching metal. "Bravo Pugsley!"
They finished breakfast and the two brothers rushed off to the vault as the children went up to their play room and Morticia and Severus were finally alone. "What do you think so far?" he asked his sister.
"I don't know, what do you think?" she insisted, "Well he's a bit of a left-handed monkey wrench, but that describes practically every person in this family" he shrugged.
"Well, the charity auction is tonight, will you be coming?"
"Mmmm, let's see, sitting a crowed court house, surrounded by soccer moms and insurance sales men…."
"A simple no would suffice" Morticia stopped him, "besides, I have to go to the castle tonight and start stocking the supplies and setting up the class room." He shrugged.
She sighed "Fine, but promise me that you will keep a phone or something with you so I can call you back afterwards." She crossed her arms. "Alright, alright." He began to turn.
"Wait," she caught his arm, "Have you told anyone about us, the family I mean?"
He shook his head, "As far as anyone who doesn't already know of you knows, I am just a crotchety school teacher."
"Have you seen Lily's son?" she asked. He shook his head, "I know he looks like his father, exactly like his father."
"But he has Lily's eyes" She nodded
"How'd you know?"
"After James and Lily died, Dumbledore came here to the house, Pugsley was playing with the fire and Wednesday was still in her crib, It was Halloween so Gomez had gone out with some of his cousins to celebrate, and there he was, Albus Dumbledore." Morticia shook her head, she never liked her old `headmaster.
"He told me what happened and that Harry was going to his aunt and uncle. I asked him why harry wasn't going to Sirius and he told me that Sirius was the one who sold him out."
"Do you believe him?" Severus cut in, "you know I don't." Morticia rested her hands on the table, "Sirius Black was many things, but he was loyal."
"Anyway, I asked his to bring Harry to me, Lily and I were friends and we stayed friends until her death, Albus refused, he wouldn't tell me where his aunt and uncle were either, he only told me that Harry looked like his father, but he had his mother's eyes." Morticia smiled sadly, "I still hate that old man." She shook her head.
Dumbledore always favored Gryphindors, he's go out of his way to go easy on James Potter and his friends especially. But where the headmaster refused to properly punish the so called "Marauders" Morticia picked up the slack.
"I'm still shocked you weren't in Slytherin." Severus sighed, "You'd have been a great one. Remember what you did after Black tried to kill me? You know when I found out Lupin was a werewolf" he laughed, what would have been an awful memory came with wonderful baggage. "I do." Morticia nodded.
"We had a lot of fun that week," Severus smiled, "Something they ate, the nurse had said." Morticia smiled fondly, "Yea." Her brother snickered, "Arsenic on the rocks"
They spent the morning revisiting old memories and punishments Morticia had dealt out. There was one that stood out though. It was without a doubt, Morticia's best revenge on James potter of them all
Fifth year
"Leave him Alone!" Morticia ordered and Severus struggled in the air above them. The blasted James Potter was at it again.
"Shove off twerp." Sirius Black grabbed the back of her collar and jerked her back.
"Stop it!" she pushed his away, "Let him down now!"
"Or what Pipsqueak?" Peter and Sirius challenged, they were a good ten yards away from her brother and James, and The two boys bent over to be face to face with her. Morticia's face was stone cold, and unreadable, and quicker than anyone in the gathering crowd could comprehend, Little Morticia Snape had the 5'10 Gryphindor face down on the ground, his arm twisted completely back at the shoulder, with his face pressed into the dirt.
Sirius yelling in pain and shock as his arm bend in such a way it looked as if it might break. Sirius flailed his free arm trying to reach his wand, Morticia pressed the point in the hollow triceps muscle, making the arm limp and unusable.
"James!" Remus called his friend, making potter loose his focus and drop Severus ten feet off the ground, who landed with a sickening crack. "Holy Shit!" James drew him wand, "Let him go,"
"Or what." Morticia challenged mimicking his former tone, "I'll hex you into next week,"
"Hmmm." Morticia looked down at the whimpering Sirius, her face as , Severus had recovered from his fall, and clutched his possible broken arm, "I wonder" she twisted the arm a bit more. "James! Get her!"
"Stupify!" Tish turned just in time to catch a stunning curse in the face. The spell sent her thin body flying back.
"MORTICIA" Severus darted forward, the spell had sent the thirteen year old through the air, and into the truck of a thick oak tree. Tish's head `had jerked back into the hard wood and dark red blood dripped down her brow, leaving small red stripes that stood out against her white skin.
"Tish! Oh My God! Tish." Severus lifted her lip head, "Hey, hey, can you hear me?" she moaned a little bit and her head lulled to the side. Most to the crowd had ran off, not wanting to get a detention. From Tish's point of view everything was blurry and fuzzy, all she knew was her head hurt and she was terribly tired.
"Oh my God!" Lily rushed over, "Severus she need to get to the nurse!" The Marauders had fled the scene and Severus carried Morticia To Madam Pomphrey, Severus got his Arm mended, a hair line fracture down his humerus. Tish lay unconscious in the hospital wing for three hours, in which time the four boys got off with three days detention, and ten points from gryphindor each.
Severus was fuming when Tish awoke, and so she was she when she heard the news. But she had a plan.
(Two days later)
James Potter wandered under the bleachers, searching desperately for his broom, it was the best on the market and costs a fortune.
"Hello James." Potter jumped about two feet in the air and turned, Morticia Snape sat patiently under the quidditch stands, the shadows casting eerie looking shades all around her she still has a small white strip of tape over the stiches she received. "What are you doing here Snape?"
"Waiting for you." She smiled, "I knew you'd be here."
"How"
"Tuesdays, Quidditch practice, easy to anticipate." She swung her legs back and forth girlishly,
"What are you saying?"
She hopped off the bar, "I'm saying you're a creature of habit." She walked toward him slowly, like a predator toward prey. "And if something were to challenge your habit you might find it…" she fiddled with her long fingers, "Upsetting"
"What have you done?!" he bellowed. Tish grinned and reached into her pocket, her plan was to hit Potter where he lived, and that's exactly what she did. Out of her pocket, she pulled a small, knobby looking piece of wood and tossed it to his feet.
"What's this?" he picked it up and tossed in in his hand, "Don't you recognize it James?" she asked, "Finely polished Mahogany wood, finished with liquefied dragon scales, it truly is a magnificent piece of hardware." She shrugged and pouted a little, "At least it was…"
"Was!? WAS?! What do you mean was?!"
"I mean that I have disassembled your precious broom, and have randomly scattered the pieces about the school grounds" James's face contorted into a look of sheer horror, "Now." She stood toe to toe with him, "I can offer you a deal," she handed him a sheet of paper, "I have here a list of tasks for you, and for every task you complete, I will give to a hint as to the location of a piece of your broom."
"Why you litte…!" he grabbed her arm, "Now!" she said again, "You could, of course, try and find the pieces on your own, but…" she spread her arms, "The school grounds stretch over 25 miles wide, 18 miles long, including the Forbidden Forest." She sighed, "And the final game is only four days away, do you really want to risk that?"
Over the span of four days, James potter was subject to every form of humiliation Morticia Snape's mid could conjure, from dyeing his hair a lovely shade of hot pink, to wearing Lily's sea foam green ball gown for a whole day, to being a test subject for Severus's Potions, some of which had wonderfully awful side effects.
"Alright" Morticia and Severus sat under the whomping willow side by side, grinning from ear to ear, James Potter standing in front of them, every inch of him a bright, shiny blue green, he looked like a sparkling diamond, "Alright Potter, theres just one more thing for you to do and You'll have you're broom, and not a moment's too soon." Severus looked at Morticia's watch, "The final game is in one hour."
"Yes, Sweet Merlin, Please, I'll do anything, anything at all." James groveled. "Oh, God I love seeing him beg like that." Severus smiled, "Tish…"
Morticia smiled, "Alright Potter, The last this is… You have to say you're sorry." James went silent, "What?"
"We want you, to say You're Sorry" Severus said slowly, certain Potter wouldn't do it. "Alright, fine" James laughed, "I…I.. Inswfty" James muttered the rest.
"Sorry, didn't catch that" the elder brother leaned forward, "Repeat it please."
"I. Am. Sorry." James said through clenched teeth, "Foooor?" Morticia urged.
"Fooooooooor, teasing you." James said finally.
"And…?"
"And Breaking your brother's arm."
"And…"
By the time Morticia was satisfied with James's apology, it had been fifteen minute and James had confessed to at least fifty different crimes. "Are you happy now?" he asked. The siblings looked at each other and nodded, Morticia climbed up on her brother's shoulders and plunked the finally piece of the broom from a hollowed out niche in the tree.
"Catch." She tossed it down and James flung himself to the ground trying to catch it.
"Later Losers!" he ran off toward the castle, "I gotta game to win."
Severus set her back on the ground, "You think he meant any of that?" he asked. "Oh Not in the slightest" Morticia shook her head. "Buuut…" she pulled a small tape recorder out of her breast pocket, "I got it all of tape." She smiled.
(Present day)
"That was without a doubt the most brilliant thing you ever did." The elder nodded, "That's why I was a Ravenclaw" she smiled, "Alright, You have work to do and I have to get the children and the boys ready for the charity auction."
Alright friends after some research it would seem that Wednesday is eleven in the Addams Family Movie, but we will pretend she's nine for the sake of the story