Hey everyone. Confession time: I was not looking forward to writing this chapter at all. I HATE this episode. It's tied with The Break Up for my least favorite Glee episode of all time. Rachel's behavior felt like pandering to the then large Puckleberry fanbase (why anyone liked that ship remains a huge mystery to me...) and I tried my best to figure out why she did what she did. Anyway, I really tried with this. Hope you enjoy my take on the episode and review if you want me to keep going!
Also, if any of you are members of the Glee forum, I'm currently nominated for Best Writer there, and I'd really appreciate any votes!
Chapter 32: Special Education
"Mr. Schuester, I have an announcement," Rachel said with pride. "I've selected the perfect moving ballad for Finn and I to sing to launch our performance at sectionals."
"Me first," Mr. Schue said. "Two things: first, our competition at sectionals are your classic stool choirs. Great voices, but they don't move. Now, if we're gonna beat them, we need to do what they can't: dance. Which is why I've decided to feature Brittany and Mike Chang's sweet moves in our performance."
Rachel figured that would be pretty good. Mike and Brittany were amazing dancers. "Wait, they're gonna dance in front of me while I sing my solo?
"You're not getting a solo for this competition, Rachel," Mr. Schue said.
No solo? Rachel knew that without her and Finn, the glee club had no chance at winning.
"Finally. So what song do I get to sing?" Mercedes asked.
"I was thinking that the winners of our duets competitions would take the leads," Mr. Schue said.
Rachel was tempted to say that the only reason Sam and Quinn had won was because she and Finn had voted for them so Sam could feel like he was part of the group. Sam was a good singer, but Quinn's voice was... well, weak. "Ken and Barbie? Are you trying to throw this?" Rachel then realized that wasn't a good thing to say.
"You used to be just sort of unlikable, but now I pretty much feel like punching you every time you open your mouth," Quinn snapped.
Mr. Schue ignored that. "Okay, listen, I have talked the talk about everyone in here feeling special for over a year now, but, frankly, I haven't walked the walk. I mean, we have got a lot of talent here, and I'm gonna highlight it."
"Do something!" Rachel whispered to Finn. Maybe he could say it better. The glee club couldn't win without her and Finn leading.
"Look, I'm all for pumping up the team, making everyone feel special, but that's for practice. You don't take the star quarterback out before the big game," Finn said.
Rachel smiled with relief. "Yep."
"Easy to say when you're the star quarterback," Tina snarled.
"This isn't just about me, this is about the team!" Finn protested.
"You are such a hypocrite," Santana snapped.
"Like you even know what that means," Rachel retorted.
Santana gave Rachel a mean look. "It means that your boyfriend is full of crap, hobbit."
Rachel turned to Santana. "You know what, ever since the wedding, you've been up my butt, and I'm sick of it!"
"Come on, Rachel, she's not worth it," Finn said.
Now Santana looked at Finn. "Oh, really? 'Cause that's not what you thought last year in that motel room." What did she mean? Now Santana turned to Rachel. "That's right, Yentl, your sweetheart - he's been lying to you. 'Cause he and I totally got it on last year."
What? Finn wouldn't sleep with Santana - would he? When Rachel had confessed that she'd lied about Jesse, Finn hadn't denied her when she'd said neither of them had done it. However, he wasn't denying anything right now.
"Okay, enough already," Mr. Schue said. "No more conversations about this, or-or anything. This is our plan for sectionals, and that is that. Mike, Brittany, come on up, let's start choreographing."
Rachel couldn't take this anymore. The boy she'd loved had been lying to her. She stood up. "I have to go."
"Come on, Rachel," Mr. Schue said. "You were highlighted at both competitions last year."
"I'm not feeling well," Rachel snapped as she stormed out of the room.
"Rachel, wait." As Rachel went to her locker, she turned to see Finn coming after her. She turned. "So, we're alone."
"Rachel..." Finn began.
"Why did you keep this from me?" Rachel asked, trying to stop herself from crying. Normally she didn't mind crying in front of Finn, but now she didn't want to. "I told you the truth."
Finn just stood there in silence. "How's it supposed to make me feel?" Rachel continued. "The one person who makes me feel like I'm worth anything was hiding a big secret from me. I love you, Finn. I really love you."
"I..." Finn began.
"I can't do this right now," Rachel said. "I'm going home."
x
Finn barely slept that night. He had hoped Rachel would never find out. He hoped if he didn't talk or think about what had happened for too long, he'd forget about it, and then his first time with Rachel could feel like his first time. Rachel had sent him a text, requesting that she meet him in Miss Pillsbury's office before school. Apparently her dads had recommended that they go to couples counselling. Finn didn't think Miss Pillsbury could be trusted for anything she didn't have a pamphlet for, but he wanted to make things right. When Finn arrived, Rachel was already there. "Just tell me if it's true," Rachel said as soon as Finn sat down.
Finn couldn't hold this in anymore. "I'm sorry. Okay? I shouldn't have lied to you. I just thought that if I told you the truth, you'd get so mad at me, and you're kind of scary." He'd done it because Rachel was with someone else at the time and he wanted to fill the void.
Rachel looked upset. "Don't you see how it's ten times worse now? Why her? I mean, Quinn I'd understand, but her? Do you think she's prettier than me?"
"Don't answer that," Miss Pillsbury said.
Of course Finn didn't think Santana was prettier than Rachel. No one was. "My dads went to couples counseling because one of them put up wallpaper in the den without asking the other, and they said it was the only thing that kept them from killing each other," Rachel said. "We need your help. Uh, that's why I set up this counseling session."
"You're both in Glee," Miss Pillsbury said. "Why don't you sing about it? Right? Aren't there some great songs about betrayal or something? I'm pretty sure there's some Eagles songs." Both Finn and Rachel sat there silently. "Right, let's do plan B. We'll start with you, Finn. Why did you lie to Rachel?"
"I didn't want to hurt her," Finn said.
"Then why did you do it with her?" Rachel asked.
Finn didn't understand why Rachel was focusing so much on this aspect of it. "Why are you so caught up with who it was? It doesn't..."
"Was it because she's hot?" Rachel interrupted.
Not like Rachel was. "Yeah, sure, she's super hot, but, um, that's..." Finn said.
"As a therapist, is it productive for me to slap him right now?" Rachel asked.
"Well, I'm not a therapist, but no. Um, maybe you should storm out," Miss Pillsbury said.
x
Rachel skipped glee practice again that day. It was just too hard for her to be around Finn and around Santana. She figured she could just lip synch and follow everyone else with the choreography. For once, she was relieved to not have a solo.
The next day, she felt like she should go back. However, she felt like she couldn't be in the same room with Finn or Santana without losing it, so she taped her mouth shut. "Rachel, what are you doing?" Mr. Schue asked as she came in.
"I'm not doing anything," Rachel said. "You've silenced my talents, I'm merely protesting. My talents are wasted in this club. My star shines too bright, and I think you're threatened by it."
"Take that off!" Mr. Schue shouted. "I'm tired of this, Rachel. You have a terrible attitude, you're a lousy sport, and it is not okay anymore."
Rachel wasn't really upset about Sectionals. She was more upset about Finn's lie. "Well, I'm upset! I'm furious about this! About a couple of things, actually."
"Well, I'm sorry you're disappointed," Mr. Schue said. "But you know, you could also make the choice to be happy that we're a part of a Glee club that is bursting at the seams with talent. There's an awful lot of "me" talk going around. "What's in it for me? What solo am I gonna sing?" Now, when we go to sectionals, we're gonna be good sports. We'll cheer on the hipsters, we'll cheer on Kurt and the warblers. And if they win, we will congratulate them. Because that's who we are."
Then Puck came in with Lauren Zizes. "Dude, where have you been?" Artie asked.
"I found him in a porta potty," Lauren said.
"I was trying to find Kurt's replacement for sectionals," Puck said. "I tried talking to the football team, but then I was trapped in that porta potty for 24 hours until Lauren rescued me. So I asked her if she wanted to join. She agreed on the conditions of a carton of Cadbury eggs and seven minutes in heaven with me. I have to say, she kinda rocked my world."
"Okay, guys, um, well, looks like we're back in business!" Mr. Schue said. "Let's all welcome our newest member, Ms. Lauren Zizes. Puck, nice work. We owe you one."
x
All Rachel wanted to do after glee was go home. She wasn't ready to talk to Finn. Not yet. As she went to her locker, Santana passed. "Did I tell you he bought me dinner after?" Santana asked.
When would this end? As Rachel leaned against the wall, Puck came over. "You okay?"
"Why are you talking to me? Are you gonna steal something from me?" Rachel asked.
"Look, after six hours in that port-o-john, Ozzy himself would have turned to God. I prayed. I promised him that if he got me out of there, I'd start being nicer to people. Then I realized there was no way I could do that, so I changed it to just Jews," Puck said.
"It's Finn," Rachel admitted.
"Boyfriend troubles?" Puck asked. "I got that covered. Considering I'm usually the cause of them, I'd say I'm an expert. Walk with me." He held out his arm.
"Have you been working out? Your arms seem bigger," Rachel said, taking Puck's arm. This didn't feel right.
"It's the steroids," Puck said. "So, what happened?"
"Finn lied to me," Rachel said. "He told me he was a virgin when he really did it with Santana last year."
"That's not cool," Puck said. "How about we give Finn a taste of his own medicine?"
What did Puck mean? Rachel didn't like the sond of this. "Come with me," Puck continued.
"I love Finn," Rachel said.
"This'll only be once," Puck said. "Just to get things even."
"What are you doing?" Rachel asked.
"Aren't you hurt?" Puck asked as they arrived at Rachel's car.
"Well, yeah," Rachel said.
"He doesn't even need to know," Puck said. "This'll be between us."
This was sounding worse and worse. Rachel sat in her car as Puck drove to her house. She was feeling more and more uncomfortable, but she honestly felt too weak to fight back. Puck went up to the door and Rachel unlocked it. "So, what do you want to do?" Rachel asked.
"If I get you to do it, I'll have a perfect record," Puck said.
"NO!" Rachel shouted. She didn't want to lose her virginity to Puck. She only wanted to lose it to Finn.
"Okay, maybe that's a bad idea," Puck said. "But we should do something."
"This feels so wrong," Rachel said.
"Doesn't the fact that your boyfriend did it with another girl and then lied to you about it feel wrong?" Puck asked.
"Well, yes," Rachel admitted.
"This won't last long," Puck said.
"This isn't right," Rachel said. She loved Finn. She couldn't do this to him. Close to tears, she went up to her room and lay down on her bed, ready to start crying. When she had her face buried in her pillow, she heard the door open and saw Puck coming in. She looked up at him as he lay on the bed next to her and kissed her. Rachel pulled back in horror. "What was that for?"
"You want to make Finn feel bad for what he did to you, right?" Puck asked.
"Well, yeah," Rachel said. She just wasn't sure if this was how she wanted to make him feel bad.
Puck leaned in and kissed Rachel again, and Rachel returned the kiss. This was feeling horrible, and Rachel felt even more sick to her stomach. A bad situation was getting worse and worse. Then Puck pulled away. "Is something wrong?" Rachel asked. "Did I bite you again?" She remembered when they dated briefly, she bit him while making out in hopes that it would make him want to end things.
"I did this to Finn once before," Puck said. "I can't do it again. I'm sorry. I have to go."
Rachel sat up. "If you know that this is wrong, then why did you get me to do it? I didn't want to do this?"
"Well, you know how much I love doing stuff with people," Puck said. "But this isn't a good thing."
"You're right, it's not a good thing!" Rachel snapped. "Now I feel even worse than I did before. Get out of my house, NOW!"
She threw herself on the bed and really started crying. Now she'd done something worse than Finn had done.
x
Rachel didn't go to glee club the next day, either. She felt guilty as well as hurt and angry, and she couldn't face Finn. At least not now. Instead, she decided to go to the auditorium for some alone time when Kurt came in. "Hey, Rachel. I've been looking for you."
Was Kurt here to make her feel bad, too? "Don't bother spying on me to get a leg up, because the only solos that I'm getting for sectionals are in my mind."
"Actually, I was hoping you could help me," Kurt said. "I've been sitting in my car for over an hour waiting for Karofsky to make a Mickey D's run. I've been invited to audition for a solo."
"Why should I help you?" Rachel asked. "I mean, you're our competition now."
"Because even though we hate each other, we've had our moments, and I could use your expertise," Kurt said. "And no one knows how to kill a ballad quite like you. You are as brilliant and talented as you are irritating."
Rachel didn't hate Kurt. In fact, she liked him. But instead, she decided to focus on the nice part of what he'd said. "Considering that this might be my only chance to sing for a little while, I'll give you a couple of tips. So, what did you have in mind?"
"I've settled on Celine Dion's classic My Heart Will Go On," Kurt said.
"Oh, no. No, no, no," Rachel said.
"No?" Kurt asked.
"Listen, you need something much more personal than that. I mean, this is about you. Do you ever fantasize about your own funeral?" Rachel asked.
"No," Kurt said.
"I do," Rachel said. "Finn throwing himself into the grave out of grief, and all of the heartfelt speeches and the regrets." She really hoped it wouldn't take her death for people to realize that maybe they actually liked her.
"That's insane," Kurt said.
"Clearly no one in the Glee club appreciates me," Rachel said. "Is it so wrong for me to fantasize about them finally realizing how amazing I am, but it being too late? And there's only one song that expresses those feelings. I'm sure that it's in here somewhere." She began looking through her sheet music. "Here it is. Don't Cry For Me Argentina. Want to try it as a duet first?" Even though Kurt had said he didn't like her, she did like singing with him.
"Sure," Kurt said.
Rachel looked at the music and began to sing, letting Kurt know when she wanted him to take over. This was the first time this week she actually felt comfortable with someone.
Rachel: It won't be easy, you'll think it's strange
When I try to explain how I feel
that I still need your love after all that I've done
You won't believe me
All you will see is a girl you once knew
Although she's dressed up to the nines
At sixes and sevens with you
I had to let it happen, I had to change
Kurt: Couldn't stay all my life down at heel
Looking out of the window, staying out of the sun
So I chose freedom
Running around, trying everything new
Rachel: But nothing impressed me at all
I never expected it to
Kurt: Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is I never left you
Rachel: All through my wild days
My mad existence
I kept my promise
Kurt: Don't keep your distance
Don't cry for me Argentina
The truth is
Rachel: I never left you
All through my wild days
Kurt: My mad existence
Rachel: I kept my promise
Kurt: Don't keep your distance
Rachel: Have I said too much?
Kurt: There's nothing more I can think of to say to you
But all you have to do
Rachel: Is look at me to know
Rachel and Kurt: That every word is
Kurt: True!
Rachel: True!
"You sounded really good," Rachel said to Kurt when they finished. "I hope they give you a solo at Sectionals."
"Don't you want to win?" Rachel asked.
"You're kind of lucky you transferred, to be honest," Rachel said. "There's been a lot of fighting this week." She wished she could talk to Kurt about what was going on. Her dads were out of town on a business trip, so she couldn't really talk to them, and her stomach was still hurting from what happened with Puck.
x
Sectionals day arrived, and things were only getting worse. Rachel and Finn weren't talking to each other much and Rachel's dads were still out of town. Rachel didn't think that they'd do well because they hadn't sounded their best at rehearsals, but she honestly didn't have the energy to care. She just wanted to forget about Finn and Santana and about what had happened with her and Puck. To top things off, the costumes they'd gotten were ugly.
Lauren was refusing to perform unless people got candy for her, and she wasn't happy with the concession stand assortment. Kurt came up to Rachel as he saw her on the phone. "Carb loading?"
"Puck got Lauren Zizes to take your place and she won't go on unless she gets her damn candy," Rachel explained. "She's a warm body. Hey, did you, uh, get your solo?"
"Sadly, no," Kurt said.
The Warblers were so good they rejected Kurt for a solo? He'd been the most talented member of New Directions with the exception of Rachel and Finn. "Oh, wow, if you didn't get a solo, then they must be really good. We are doomed. Sorry, that was selfish. What I meant to say was, wow, that, that really sucks. I'm, I'm sure you were really good."
"I was..." Kurt began. "I mean, I think I was. Being in the Warblers has really made me question everything I thought about myself."
"Yeah. What has become of us, Kurt?" Rachel sighed. "So do you miss us?
"I do. Being a warbler is great, but I don't think they appreciate my individuality as much as you guys did, and I can't help but think that I let you guys down," Kurt admitted.
"It's your life, Kurt, and you weren't safe at McKinley anymore and we all get it," Rachel said.
"How come you were never this nice to me when I was your teammate?" Kurt asked.
Rachel winked at Kurt. "Because you were my only real competition."
Kurt smirked. "Hmm, yeah, true."
Rachel gave Kurt a hug. "Aw..."
"So how's Finn?" Kurt asked. "I feel bad. I haven't spoken to him since the wedding."
"I haven't really talked to him much either," Rachel said. "I found out that he and Santana were romantically involved and he lied to me about it."
"Wait, you didn't know about that?" Kurt asked.
Finn had told other people? Why hadn't he told Rachel? Before Rachel had a chance to ask Kurt if he knew anything else (was Finn hiding something else from Rachel?) Blaine came over. "Kurt, they're calling places."
"Hey. Thanks again, Rachel," Kurt said before going off with Blaine. Rachel felt her anger coming back. So more and more people knew... and all this time, it had been kept from her. She went to the green room and up to Finn. "You told Kurt?"
Finn shrugged. "I don't remember. Maybe."
"About Finn and Santana?" Mercedes asked. "No. I think I told him."
"Who told you?" Rachel asked.
"Me," Quinn said. "I think Brittany told me. Or maybe it was Puck."
"Yeah, it was me," Puck said.
"Everybody knew about this but me?" Rachel asked.
"Pretty much," Tina admitted.
Santana came up to Rachel. "Nobody tells you anything because A, you're a blabber mouth and B, we all just pretend to like you."
"That's not true. I kind of like her," Puck said.
We all just pretend to like you. That had to be the most hurtful thing anyone had said to Rachel this week. It was what she had feared. They didn't really like her. They just wanted her on the team for her voice. Right now, she just wanted out. And what felt even worse was how nobody had said they actually did like her. Santana was right. They just pretended to like her.
"Look, Rachel, when this all happened, you were dating another guy, so you don't really have a right to be pissed at me about it, okay?" Finn rambled. "And fine. I shouldn't have lied about it, but to be honest, that isn't what you care about. You care about the Santana of it all."
Rachel couldn't believe this. She would have been hurt no matter what. "Oh, who are you right now?"
"Best... green room... ever," Lauren said.
Rachel had had enough. "You know what? You guys are going to have to find somebody else to mindlessly harmonize in the background, because I'm not going onstage with him."
"Make that two subs. I'm not going out there with Brittany," Artie said.
"Me, either," Tina said.
"Enough!" Mr. Schue shouted. "Listen to yourselves! I'm ashamed of you. Think back to where you were this time last year. In this room. No set list, no choreography. No chance in hell of winning, but you did win. Because you did it together. Look, I don't care if you guys hate each other. All I want is for you guys to go out there and sing together. Get up there, and for six minutes, remind yourselves that you're not alone. All right. Show time!"
x
Sectionals hadn't gone like it had last year.
Sure, they won again, but it was on a tie. And quite frankly, Rachel thought that tie was generous. Time Of My Life hadn't fit Sam and Quinn's voices, and even though Santana was a great singer, Valerie wasn't the best she'd sounded. The best part of their performance had been Mike and Brittany's dancing, but Rachel was sure that the Warblers' fantastic singing (she had to admit, Blaine was as talented as her and Finn) would have given them the win.
Still, no matter how it happened, she was glad to have won Sectionals and be going on to Regionals. And she thought now that things had calmed down, it was time to really talk about things with Finn. What had happened with Puck was still giving her nightmares, and she just wanted to get it out of her system. "When we first started Glee club, I told Mr. Schuester that being a part of something special makes you special, and I don't know, I just... I think I lost that somewhere along the way," Rachel told Finn as they walked through the hall. "But winning that way at sectionals... it really reminded me of it."
"Are we a part of something special... you and me?" Finn asked.
"Yes," Rachel said, giving Finn a hug.
Finn returned the hug. "I love you. No more lying... ever."
Rachel led Finn into an empty room. This wasn't going to be easy, but it was the right thing to do. "There's, um, something that I need to tell you." She could barely look at him. If she could take back any moment of her life, this would be it. Why had she gone along with it? "Last week, when... when we were fighting, I was... I was so mad at you and I was... I was so hurt that I wanted to make you feel as bad as I felt. Puck came to my house with me, and he was trying to get me to do some stuff. I kept saying no, but he kept pushing me. Eventually we made out, but then he realized what we were doing was wrong, and I yelled at him. I'm so sorry, and-and it will never, ever happen again."
Finn wasn't saying anything. Finally, he spoke. "I knew you were a lot of things, Rachel, and I loved you because and in spite of all of them, but... I never thought you were mean."
Loved? Past tense? "I'm saying that I'm sorry. And doesn't what you did with Santana kind of cancel this out?" Rachel didn't know what to say.
Finn just looked angry. "We weren't together. I didn't cheat on you. How could you do this to me?"
This was worse than Rachel thought. "It was a mistake. Well, maybe we should go to another counseling session with Miss Pillsbury."
"Can't have couple's counseling if you're not a couple," Finn declared.
He was breaking up with her? "You're breaking up with me?"
"What you did was really bad, Rachel," Finn said. "And you knew how sensitive I'd be about this after what happened with Quinn." He left the room.
Rachel ran after Finn. "You said you'd never break up with me."
Finn turned around. "I never thought you'd make me feel like this." He continued walking, and Rachel began to cry. What was wrong with her? She'd given into pressure and acted on impulse, and now she'd lost the only person in her life who really made her feel special, and liked, and that she was more than her talent. She didn't know how much worse things could get.
x
The common theme continued. Rachel didn't want to go to glee today. At this point, she wasn't sure if she ever wanted to go back. When Finn arrived, he gave her an upset look, and she couldn't help but feel mad at herself. He was right. They weren't together when it had happened with Santana. Why had she been so irrational? Why had she gotten so angry? Why had she agreed to do that stuff with Puck?
Rachel just hated herself now and she wasn't sure if she could ever bear coming back to glee. She'd removed her decorations related to Finn from her locker and taken off her Finn necklace.
Mr. Schue arrived. "Congratulations, guys. It wasn't pretty, but we're moving on. And I, for one, am going to be happy to have regionals and nationals to focus on."
"Mr. Schue, we heard the news about Miss Pillsbury marrying the finest dentist alive," Santana said.
"It's all right," Mr. Schue said. "We don't need to talk about it. Now... I know we've had our, um... Our dramas this week, but our family's back in a happy place, and I think we should celebrate the best way we know how. Rachel... so how would you like to solo?"
No. This wasn't a happy place. This was far from it. "Thanks, but, um, I don't really feel like a solo right now," Rachel said. "I'd like to defer to this week's two unsung heroes, Mercedes and Tina."
"Well, don't have to ask me twice," Mercedes said.
Rachel couldn't focus on singing now. Right now, she was going to put every ounce of her energy into showing Finn how sorry she was and getting him back.
10 reviews unlock Chapter 33!