Maya
As Riley and I arrive at the cabin, we notice Shawn's car already in the driveway and smoke coming out of the chimney.
"You ready for this?" I ask Riley as we both stand on the front porch with our suitcases.
"To spend a whole week with my family, your mom, Shawn and your fantastic self in this cozy cute cabin? I've got no other plans since Lucas isn't joining me for Christmas, but he did say that he was going to try to make it for New Years Eve." Riley fires off as she opens the front door, revealing our parents just standing in the foyer, looking right at Riley and I.
"Hi everyone." I awkwardly greet them with a slightly forced smile.
"I'm going to unpack. I'll be back down later." Riley says in a rush as she scurries upstairs and manages to trip only once on her way up.
"Baby girl, I've missed you!" My Mom gushes as she goes to wrap me in a bone crushing hug and I drop my suitcase to the floor.
"Mom, nice to see you too." I get out as I manage to get out of her grasp.
"Hey, Kiddo." Shawn greets me next and brings me in for a hug. "Just to give you a heads up, Josh is coming up for the week." He whispers in my ear before releasing me from his embrace.
"Whh..what?" I stammer as I feel my eyes grow wide and my heart start to pound in my chest at the mention of Joshs name. "I'm going upstairs now." I spit out as I point to the staircase.
"Okay." Shawn simply replies back in an understanding tone and a nod of his head.
I waste no time getting upstairs and finding the room I'll be sharing with Riley. I sit down on the bed that's closest to the door and put my head in my hands. I don't know how to feel about Josh joining us for Christmas. I'm not sure if I should scream, cry, or both.
Riley
I stop staring at my phone, waiting for any form of communication from Lucas, and put it down on the bed side table next to the bed I'll be sleeping in for the next week, once I hear strange sounds coming from my best friend.
"Maya, are you okay?" I ask her in full concern.
"No." Maya sobs back as she lifts her head from her hands.
"What do you need?" I ask in return.
"Can you go down and get me a glass of water?" Maya requests after a moment of silence.
I nod my head. "Of course. I'll be right back up." I respond as I go to rush out of the room and downstairs into the kitchen.
As I fill Maya's water glass, I hear more voices among my parents, Mayas mom and Shawn. I go in towards the living room area and the glass in my hand shatters to the floor and all of their heads turn in my direction.
"Shit." I blurt out and I watch my father shriek out in horror as he points at the broken glass at my feet.
"Riley." My Uncle Josh speaks my name as if I just overheard some top secret conversation I wasn't supposed to hear.
I just back away, slowly, into the kitchen to find something to clean my mess up with, without a word. I grab the trash can, a towel and a dust pan with the brush attached and go back to clean the spilled water and pick up the broken glass. The whole time I clean, I just keep my head down and work as quickly as I can. After my mess is cleaned up, I go get Maya a new glass of water and make my way back to the stairs.
"Niche." I hear my Uncle Erics voice call out just as I set foot on the bottom step. "How's Harvard?" He asks to get my attention, so I turn around just as my Aunt Morgan, Aunt Alex and my Uncle Josh go past me and go upstairs together.
Josh
"Boo."
I jump as I feel a hand touch my shoulder and I turn around to see my sister, Morgan, standing in the hall with this twisted smile on her face.
"Jesus, Morgan, what the hell?" I growl with narrowed eyes.
"You still love her." Morgan smugly teases and I start to walk away, but she grabs my arm to stop me. "Oh, come on, Josh. Come with me." She says while dragging me into a room.
"Morgan, what in the actual hell?" I snarl again at her after she closes the bedroom door behind her.
"Oh hush. Okay, so how come I just caught you standing outside of our niece's door, listening into whatever conversation Maya was having? It's creepy to linger, little brother." Morgan interrogates me with both of her hands on her hips and an eyebrow arched.
"Alex, can you tell my sister that she's overstepping her boundaries and needs to butt out of my business and just let it go?" I ask of my sisters' wife.
"I think I want to know the answer." Alex, my sisters' wife replies with a smile.
"Okay, fine." I breathe out as I go to sit down on the bed next to Alex. "No, fuck this. I'm not giving in to you." I say as I get up from the bed and head for the bedroom door.
"Joshua, language!" Morgan scolds me as if I were a child.
"Morgan, I'm not twelve years old anymore! I'm twenty-four! And I don't have to answer your questions either." I can't help but to shout back, but then take a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair and try to calm myself down. "What am I supposed to say? That I am still in love with Maya? Is that what you want me to confess? Because that would go so well if I tell her that. I mean, yeah I do. I was an idiot. Still am." I ramble on as my hand touches the doorknob.
"Try talking to her." Alex suggests to me and I just stare at her like she's got two heads.
"Talk to Maya? Yeah, I'll just go do that." I sarcastically respond with a dry laugh as I open the bedroom door.
"Josh, you know I love you." Morgan quietly says as I get a foot in the doorway.
"I know." I respond with over my shoulder as I exit the bedroom and out into the hallway.
After I close my sisters' door, I go to take a step in the direction of the room I'm staying in and I hear a door open and slam shut. I turn my head in the direction of the sound and I find its Maya who slammed the door. For only a few seconds, our eyes meet before she turns to walk towards the stairs.
I was going to go in my room to unpack, but then I remember Alex's advice on trying to talk to Maya. So, instead of unpacking my things, I head for the stairs as well. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I see Maya sitting at the kitchen table, drinking a beer by herself.
"Mind if I join you?" I ask Maya as I enter the kitchen and get myself a beer as well from the fridge.
"You can do whatever you want to." Maya answers back with no emotion in her voice.
I just nod my head and sit across the table from her and let the awkward silence fill in between us.
"Yes, I know all about the family tragedy." My brother, Eric, blurts out as he comes into the kitchen about five minutes after I sat down at the kitchen table.
My whole body freezes the second I make eye contact with Maya over the top of my beer bottle. I watch as Mayas eyes close shut, her chest starts rise and fall heavily and she then gets up from her chair with a huff as she walks out of the cabin.
"You seriously had to say that?" I ask Eric as I get up from the table as well. "Actually, don't answer that." I tell him as I go after Maya, not giving my brother the chance to defend himself. I call out Maya's name just as she gets to the driveway and she comes to a halt.
"We're not some family tragedy. We're not a Shakespeare play." Maya seethes as she turns around to face me. "I can't believe your brother just said that." She continues as I make my way down the front porch steps of the cabin. "Why would…you what, never mind." Maya stops talking as I reach her halfway.
"You're right, were not a Shakespeare play, but we can't just avoid what happened between us." I start off with and Maya snorts as she tries to walks past me. I reach out a hand to stop her and she just brushes right past me. "I still love you." I dare to say out loud with my back to her.
Maya
"Stop." I breathe out and I can see my breath as I stop walking back towards the cabin and I turn to face Josh.
"Maya, I missed you so much when I was out there without you. I never stopped being in love with you. You need to know that." He continues as he turns around to face me.
"Josh, stop." I demand as I start to feel my eyes grow hot and tears start to prick at the corners of my eyes.
"I won't." Josh goes on as he takes a step closer to me.
"No. You left me." Start off with as I shake my head. "You don't get to tell me these things. You have no clue what hell I went through after you left for Europe." I sternly tell him as he continues to walk towards me.
"Then tell me." Josh coaxes as he stops right in front of me and reaches out to hold my hands and I actually let him.
"I can't." I respond to him as I take my hands back and wrap my arms around myself to try to keep myself warm.
"You can't, or you won't?" Josh challenges back as he goes to reach out to touch me, but retracts his hand just before his fingers can touch my arm.
"I'm sorry." I tell him as I turn to walk back inside the cabin and Josh does put his hand on my arm to stop me, but I shake him off and make a run for the cabin.
Once I'm back inside, I find my mom and Shawn standing by the kitchen window. Cory, Topanga, Riley's Aunt Morgan, Aunt Alex and Uncle Eric all sitting around the kitchen table together. Riley is in the living room by herself with the TV on, but she's paying more attention to her phone and hasn't noticed that I've come back inside. As for everyone else, I heard them talking amongst each other once I opened the door to the cabin , but now as I stand between both the living room and the kitchen, everyone has gone quiet.
Seconds, no more like minutes later, I hear the front door to the cabin open and close. I close my eyes as I hear his footsteps behind me and when I reopen my eyes, Josh is halfway up the staircase. I turn my head to the left, towards the kitchen. Morgan is whispering something to her wife. Topanga sips from her mug while giving me a sympathetic smile. Cory is nervously fidgeting with his wedding ring. Eric won't make eye contact with me. My mom looks like she wants to say something, but is struggling with what to say. And Shawn looks conflicted about hat his next move should be. I then turn my head to my right; Riley is now curled up on the couch with the TV off.
"I'm sorry, Maya!" Eric blurts out and I snap my head in the direction of his voice.
"I know." Is all I respond with as I unclench my jaw that's starting to put a strain on my mouth and I hadn't even realized that I was clenching it so tight.
"Are you going to be okay?" My mom asks next.
I involuntary roll my eyes at that question. "I will be." I answer the old inquiry I've heard over and over the past year. My mom gives me the same expression everyone gives me after I repeat this conversation. The sympathetic smile and pursed lips that aren't quite sure what to follow up with. And I add the old cliché "Eventually."
"Honestly, I think you could do better than my little brother. Maya, you're gorgeous and a bombshell. If my brother was stupid enough to let you go once," Morgan starts to tell me and I try my best to keep a poker face as she's telling me all of this.
"Then what, I'm stupid too if I forgive Josh?" I cut off Morgan with as I start to feel my blood boil.
"Enough. Stop attacking her." Josh bellows as he makes his presence known as he shows up beside me. "Morgan, just stop it. You need to learn how to stay out of others relationships if they don't want you in their business. Yeah, I was selfish when I left Maya to go to Europe, and I regret not taking her with me. I just wasn't thinking when I bought that plane ticket." Josh stops his rant and turns to look straight into my eyes. "I saw you everywhere I went. It was torture." Josh tells me in a serious, but kind and loving tone.
I take my eyes away from Josh's to look at the stunned expressions on everyone looking back at Josh and I. "I don't know how to respond to that." I whisper as I turn my head to look back to Josh and he just gives me a tiny smirk in return. "But I do know that we have to talk." I add.
"I'm not ready for this." I say under my breath as I stare at my hands in my lap as I sit next to Josh on his bed for the next week.
"Take your time." Josh softly speaks beside me. "No pressure."
I let out an uneasy laugh. There's the feeling of butterflies in my stomach and I feel nauseous. This shouldn't be this hard to talk to Josh. But it is.
I dare to look up at Josh underneath the curtain of my bangs and I find him just sitting there, watching me with this nervous look upon his face.
"I…" I start off with, but the words fall away. "I couldn't stop thinking about you." I say with ease, but it comes out in a whisper and I don't know if Josh heard me or not. "You left me with the worst possible timing." I tell him as I turn my head to look straight ahead instead of looking at his face as I get this out.
Josh remains quiet, so I continue. "I don't want to tell you this, but you have all the right to know." I pause to take a breath before everything is about to change. I brace myself as I press the palms of my hands on the bed. I feel all of my weight on my two hands and I start to feel my body shake with anticipation even before I tell Josh something that could have changed our lives.
"Maya?" Josh calls me to attention, but I'm too scared to look him in the eye.
I feel Josh slip one of his hands into mine and give it an encouraging squeeze. I pull that hand away with a jerk and reposition myself to sitting Indian Style on the bed. I'm back to staring at my hair that almost reaches my eyes and I blow soft puffs of air to make it move.
"I had a miscarriage." I test, but still no sound from Josh. "I found out I was pregnant a week or so after you left for Europe. Three months later, I lost the baby, our baby. I didn't know how to reach you, or even knew if you wanted to be in any sort of contact with me at that point since I 'haven't heard anything from you once you broke up with me. I haven't been the same person since." I tell Josh as the tears fall down my cheeks. "It felt like I lost everything. I was at school and it became harder to concentrate. As time passed, nothing became easier, just bearable. I fell into a depression, but somehow I was functional enough to get through my classes. I honestly don't know how I'm graduating in the spring." I let all out and finally look at Josh to watch his reaction.
I get nothing in response. All I get in return from Josh is him leaving his room and leaving me sitting on the bed to stare out into the hallway though the open bedroom door. That feeling of loss is back and it's overwhelming.