I do not own the characters from the potter universe or anything else recognizable.
July 1983
He could smell the cigarette before he even rounded the corner of the shallow alley, so familiar now after a year of apparating and disapparating from it.
His nose caught the subtle hint of jasmine as well and then she was turning to face him, blowing one last puff of smoke out and pocketing the groundout stub because she never ever littered and would rip you a new one if she saw you doing it.
"Why do you always come out of that alley?" Dana fixed him with her penetrating gaze, curious as always. "You do know that at night that's where the slags and users hang out."
"Oh, believe me, I know." Remus said dryly. "We've become aquatinted over the last year. That one Tansy has even stopped offering to 'make me see stars'."
She snorted and then laughed, a full bellied sound that caused passers by to stare.
"Does your Dora know that you get offers for sexual favours?" she asked as she made sure that the shop was locked up for the night. She looked at him over her shoulder and grinned.
Remus raised a brow as he was want to do and said in the same dry tone, "Of course. Where do you think most of them come from."
Which had her laughing again and caused him to smile. He was glad that Dana was laughing, she hadn't been for a while now.
"You're really very nice to do this for me, you know. You don't have to." She told him, voice earnest, as they began walking down the street.
"Do what?" Although he knew.
"You know, coming here even when you didn't have to work today, just cause I asked you too. By the way you really need to get a phone Remus. The man at that grocery must think I'm a stalker. He even informed me today that you were in a perfectly happy relationship, as if I didn't know, and that Tonks, I assume he meant Dora, would beat my ass if I even tried anything."
"Wendell is almost as fond of Dora as he was my mother. Don't worry,she knows I'm here, she's working tonight." Dana thought that Dora worked as a private investigator as it was the closest thing to her actual job he had thought of when she had pestered him to know what his zany wife did for a living.
He reached down and squeezed her hand for a brief moment in reassurance. "You're my friend Dana and you're hurting. If you need me to help you than I will."
She smiled at him as they entered the small coffee shop she liked to frequent. "You're a good man Remus." she sighed and her smile faded. "At least it's nice to know there's one out there."
She went to order, insisting on buying for him as it had been her plaintive phone call, relayed by a suspicious Wendell, that had him in the city at 9:30 at night.
Remus sat in the booth at the back and watched her as she criticized how many beans the barrister was using per cup. They had known each other for a year. She had become, despite not knowing that he was a wizard and a werewolf and despite the fact or maybe because of the fact that he thought she was crazy,a good friend.
Probably the last, he thought wryly. He missed crazy, although being married to Nymphadora Tonks there wasn't a shortage of it. It was a particular type of crazy that he missed and Dana had it in spades.
Two months ago she had come to the shop on her day off, her usually clear penetrating gaze clouded, haunted. He had taken one look at her and put the closed sign in the window as soon as the last customer was gone.
He had listened as she told him in a deadened voice that she hadn't known were else to go, who else to talk to. She told him that a man she had known for her whole life, whom she had grown up with, who had been her first kiss, her first crush and her best friend had been killed that morning. Then she had cried, heart wrenching sobs and he had awkwardly hugged her when she had collapsed against him.
He knew how she felt all too well, just as he knew that the pain would not go away although it may ease as time went on. He knew that it would sneak up on her at the most unsuspecting moments and she would find herself having to take a moment to just breath.
"One cup of coffee sir." she carefully sat the cup in front of him and slid into the booth.
"The trial started today you know. Or the pretrial or what ever the hell they call it." she took a sip of the steaming beverage and looked at him. "I couldn't go. I know I won't be able to. I don't want to look at the man who took Robby away from me. I'll just end up hating him."
"You don't now?"
She took another sip and he did the same, although he never drank coffee at night, and she slowly shook her head.
"No. I feel sorry for him, that he made a mistake and that because of that he killed someone. He'll have to live with that for the rest of his life."
Her gaze was direct, the old Dana shinning through the worn out shell she had been for the past two months. "I just can't believe he's gone. I think about it a lot, how the last time I saw him before he was hit by that bus he was laughing and teasing me.I see that a lot and I can't reconcile that with the image of him dead in the hospital morgue."
This Remus also knew well. How many times had the memory of the last time he saw James and Lily haunted him? The last time he had seen Peter? Sirius…no he couldn't think of him.
"You can't reconcile it Dana, so don't even try," he sighed and pushed his coffee over to her, knowing she would gladly drink it. "Just try and remember Robby as he was, all the good memories, the not so good. Focus on his life and not the fact that it was taken from him at such a young age."
They were silent for a time and then she asked, "Do you think it gets any easier?"
"No." he said without hesitation. "No Dana it doesn't. When you lose someone you love they take a part of you with them. Eventually the pain eases, but it doesn't go away. You learn to live with it and despite it you move on with your life because you are still alive and you still have to live."
They looked at one another in silence and she drank his coffee.
The look she gave him said that she knew he knew what he was talking about. But she didn't ask and he was glad. This was about her; not about the continual lose that seemed to follow him through life.
After a time she reached across the cheap plastic table and touched his hand slightly in thanks. She didn't say anything and they sat there for a little longer, eventually the conversation shifting to lighter things.
August 1983
The house was dark and she swore she could hear her heart pounding in the silence that was creeping over her.
Slowly she crept forward, wincing when a floor board creaked. She quickly stopped and listened, straining to hear any sound of movement. Nothing.
Taking a breath to steady her nerves, Tonks started forward again wand gripped tightly. Moody's gruff voice floated through her head warning "Constant vigilance!" and she found herself suppressing a giddy laugh.
Get ahold of yourself, she scolded herself. This is it, what you've wanted since you were a little girl, don't screw it up now!
Since helping to find Wallace Tonks's training had gone back to normal. She had trained and studied in the mornings and Moody would occasionally assign her to follow up on Dark wizard sightings or to listen to the complaints of nosy witches and wizards who had nothing better to do than spy on their neighbours and form theories that they were up to no good. Then had come the day when Moody had pulled her into his cubicle and informed her that next week would be her qualification tests. Pass and she would be a full Auror. Fail…well failure wasn't an option, not when he had put so much time and effort into training her. Tonks knew that he would be disappointed and disappointing her mentor was not an option. More than that, she knew if she failed than she would be disappointed in herself, because she knew she could do it.
The first part of the qualification had gone well, she thought. She had to track and follow Kingsley, who Moody had coerced into helping, and Moody himself. There were no rules as to what she had to do. She simply had to keep track of them and make sure they didn't see her following them.
She had followed them for two hours as they traversed first Diagon Alley and then Hogsmead. She'd only lost them once, but quickly located them again as they headed back into the Leaky cauldron. She had morphed no less than five times and when after the two hours she had deposited her report detailing their every action in front of Moody he had read through it and looked at her for a long moment.
"Which one were ya then?" he asked, a slight crooked smile fighting to appear.
She knew she had passed the first test then and smiled, raising a brow. "Wouldn't you love to know."
Now here she was in this old abandoned house in the middle of the country side. There were three Aurors in there, who she wasn't sure, pretending to be dark wizards and Moody waited outside. Her goal was to apprehend them without being "killed".
She stopped again outside of the sitting room and listened. She heard a slight shifting and used a shielding charm quickly, just as the jet of spell fire came at her. Without hesitation she fired back and rounded the door into the room, ducking as another spell came at her from the other side of the room.
She sent a quick Impedimenta at her "attacker" and ducked behind the sofa. She could see the whole room now. Two of them then. They were advancing on her position and she purposely thudded her boot against the opposite end of the sofa causing it to shift and catching their attention for a second.
A second was all she needed though and she jumped up to cast a silent Expeliarmus, catching the wand before ducking again as her other opponent fired at her. The spell hit her arm and it went numb. Not dead though, she thought as she switched wand hands. Not yet.
she again fired back and was rewarded with a muffled oaf as her spell hit home.
While the other Auror was distracted she made a dash for the door reaching it as he sent an Impedimenta at her. She cast another shield just in time and then deliberately blasted the wall behind him, causing him to have to duck as plaster and wood reined down at him. Using the momentary distraction she cast an Incarnous and then it was over. One man was tied and on the floor, the other had already left the room when his wand had been taken.
One more to go, she thought as she kicked his wand away from him. She searched the rest of the first floor methodically and then slowly moved up the stairs.
He was in the third room off the hall and she just missed being hit by the spell that would have ended the test. Cursing herself she fired back and entered the room. It was just as dark as it had been in the rest of the house but she had no trouble seeing as they duelled for what felt like an immeasurable length of time.
Finally she gained the upper hand and then she was standing over him, wand pointed at him. She kicked his wand away and then smiled down at him.
"You're dead."
Mark smiled back at her, "Well done, Auror Tonks."
October 1983
Remus leaned against the cold wall and closed his head hurt and the burn under his skin was already starting. He knew that this would be a bad night. It seemed fitting, in a twisted way, that the night he had to lose himself was the anniversary of the night he had lost everything important to him.
Well almost everything, he thought, as he heard Dora shift her position outside the reinforced door. He still had her, his amazing and supportive Dora, who he knew would sit outside that room on the hard cellar floor for the whole night. He had practically begged her not too. Told her it was ridiculous, but she had only glared at him and told him to shut up.
Despite knowing that the room and door were enforced and locked, he always worried and he hated the fact that she had to drag him out in the morning. Sometimes he could do it himself but most times he was so far gone that if she didn't drag him out he would end up lying there for hours, in too much pain and too tired to move.
She deserves better than that, he mused as his muscles tightened and burned. She deserves better than me. Yet here they were and he didn't know what he would do without her.
He had tried not to think of his lost friends that day or at least tried to remember the good, not the funerals and the burning anger. But the moon had been too close, the wolf too close to the surface and his thoughts and mood had become dark.
Even Dana had noticed as they worked that day and he had felt bad when their eyes had met and she had looked quickly away, busying herself with a customer.
He knew what she had seen, the part of himself he worked so hard to keep hidden;the part that only showed through his mask when he was unable to control his emotions.
He would have to apologize for acting weird when he saw her next.
The Moon was now rising, his bones and joints were creaking, popping, realigning. The burn under his skin had turned into an all consuming fire. As always it felt like an eternity in the worst hell, but was over in less than a minute.
Then all there was, was the wolf who raised his head and howled at the invisible moon, a cry of haunting pure sadness that had the small woman on the other side of the door covering her face with her hands as she cried with and for him.
December 1983
"Why the bloody hell did she have to get married at Christmas?" Tonks groused as she adjusted her emerald green dress in front of the full length mirror in the corner of the room.
Remus didn't answer, knowing that she didn't really expect one. Instead he finished doing the buttons up on his vest and then pulled his dress shoes on.
Tonks turned from the mirror. "Well what do you think? Will I pass?"
Remus looked her up and down slowly, smiling when she blushed, as he knew she would, at his appreciative gaze.
"Yes. You definitely pass and if you keep standing like that with your hands on your hips, I'm going to pass out."
She smiled and winked at him. "You bad bad man. What am I going to do with you?" she paused and then glared at him. "Wait, don't answer that."
Remus simply laughed. "Wise choice."
She turned to the mirror again to make sure her hair, which was long and mahogany coloured, was pinned properly. Satisfied, she grabbed the wedding gift and followed him out of the room.
"These heels are going to kill me." she muttered twenty minutes later. They hadn't been able to apparate too close to the church as there would be too many Muggles around it and they would have been noticed. It was now coming into view up the street.
"I could carry you," He suggested and was rewarded with a slight shove in the side.
"Just catch me if I look like I'm going to fall over. Merlin I hope this reception has some good booze. Matilda said she put us with dear old aunt Cynthia and Curtice's cousin Richard."
Remus steadied her on the many stairs to the church and held the door open for her as they entered. Their coats were taken and put in a side room.
The ushers held the inner doors open and Tonks smiled at one of the teenage boys as she passed, causing him to blush slightly.
"Watch out," Remus warned in a whisper, "Next thing you know he'll be asking to dance with you."
Tonks snorted as she slid into the pew to sit beside her mother and father. "Merlin help his feet."
"We didn't think you were going to make it." Ted said as he leaned over his wife to kiss his daughters cheek and grasp Remus's hand.
"We had to walk a few blocks." Remus replied.
Ted smirked. "I let Andromeda try to drive the car. Try being the operative word."
Andromeda elbowed her husband. "You were taking too long. It was either I drove or we meet our ourselves coming back. Honestly, aren't woman supposed to be the ones who take longer getting ready? Besides I wasn't that bad driving. I got us here didn't I?"
Ted made no reply, mostly because the music started and the wedding began.
Matilda's wedding dress had a tight off the shoulder bodice with quarter sleeves made of lace. Her nose stud was still present and glistened in the light that came through the stain glass windows. Curtice, her fiancee, looked dazed when she walked down the aisle.
The ceremony was short and soon the priest was declaring them man and wife and everyone was clapping as they kissed.
The reception was held in the church hall, but first pictures were taken and Matilda pulled her reluctant cousin in. "Come on Nymphie. I want one with just me and my favourite baby cousin."
She wrapped her arms around the shorter woman and Tonks simply smiled. Matilda was happy and this was her day. Who was she to say no?
Soon the pictures were done and they found themselves at their respective tables.
"I'm glad to see you've given up on the outlandish hair styles Nymphadora." Cynthia said over diner. "But what's this I hear about you getting married and not inviting your family?"
Tonks took an over zealous gulp from her wine glass and said, "We eloped. It was very sudden." knowing that it would receive a rise from the older woman.
Sure enough Cynthia tutted disapprovingly. "That young man of yours put it in your head didn't he? I know you were raised better than that."
Tonks smiled cheekily, glad that Remus, who had already finished eating, was at the bar getting her a requested beer. "It was mine actually. Besides, my parents eloped if you don't remember."
That shut the opinionated older woman up for a bit but left Richard, Curtice's twenty something cousin, to go on about how statistically marriages made on the quick never lasted long.
Tonks only rolled her eyes and beamed at her husband when he slid into the seat beside hers and handed her the requested beverage.
Remus's prediction about the teenage boy proved true, but she accepted with a smile when he stutteringly asked if she would "care to dance" and laughed when he blushed after she replied, "As long as you keep your hands to yourself luv."
"That dress looks very lovely on you darling" Andromeda told her daughter later as she sat with her and Remus and Ted were deep in conversation.
"Thanks mum. You look pretty spiffing your self."
Andromeda laughed while shaking her head. She had given up on correcting her daughter on her language long ago.
"Matilda seems really happy."Tonks said as she watched her cousin dance with her husband.
"Yes. Lets hope she doesn't eat him alive."
Tonks stared at her mother shocked. "Mum!"
Andromeda shrugged elegantly. "It's the truth darling. You know your cousin. Very like her mother that one. Oh well, she does make a lovely bride." she glanced at her daughter. "Not as lovely as you though Dora."
"Oh, mum."
February 1984
"Bloody fucker!"
Remus leaned against the side of the nearest building, his hands shoved deep into his pockets against the biting cold. He eyed Dana with the wariness that one would give to a pacing tiger.
She fumbled with her lighter trying to light her cigarette and swearing again when she failed.
"Give it here," he sighed and took the lighter easily lighting the cigarette between her candy apple red lips.
She took a long pull off of it and then turned her head away from him to blow out the smoke.
"Thanks."
Remus settled against the wall again and she scowled at him, although not in anger at him he knew.
"I can't believe that woman! What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
Remus shrugged, but didn't say anything;he was asking him self the same question. What do I do now?"
Dana eyed him, her blue and green eyes sparkling in sharp contrast, but both with a fire he had never seen there before.
"Remus, we were just laid off. Does that not bother you?"
"Of course it does Dana. But getting worked up isn't going to help you. Or myself for that matter."
She sighed and ran her free hand through her mane of long black hair. "My mother is going to skin me alive. Do you know how long it took me to convince her that I was going to be ok if I moved to London? She thought I was going to end up as a sex trade worker you know!" she gestured wildly with her cigarette.
"I've worked in that shop since I finished high school. Seven years, God I practically ran it by myself before you came along. That woman, that old cow, never took any interest in the shop. Just signed our pay cheques and that was it and now she bloody thinks that it's ok to just come in and say, by the way, I'm closing the shop immediately, so I'm soooo sorry but I'm afraid you're out of a job?"
She stilled for a moment and simply smoked the rest of her cigarette before carefully stubbing it and putting it in her coat pocket.
"And she looks at me like I'm barmy because I think she should pay us for the rest of the week. Not all of us are rich and can afford to loose our jobs. Some of us have to pay rent!" she glared at him, "I'm going to end up on the streets, my mother was right, I should have just stayed and gotton married like a good girl and by now I would have five kids, waiting to pop out the effn sixth!"
Remus raised a brow and waited to see if she was going to start up again, when she didn't he moved away from the wall and gestured for her to continue walking with him.
"You'll get another job Dana. Despite your penchant for strange systems and lack of interest in helping the customers, you were good at managing the shop. You'll have no trouble once you start looking."
Not like I'm going to have at least, he thought somewhat morosely. What am I going to do?
They headed towards Dana's favourite coffee shop because neither one of them really wanted to go home and wallow.
Remus ordered hot chocolate this time, because he really only had a taste for coffee In the morning and because he thought chocolate really did help most situations and Dana ordered coffee because she was a caffeine fiend as well as addicted to nicotine.
"Remus." He had been scanning the local paper, mostly to help Dana who was still slightly freaking out and now he looked up at his friends voice.
She was looking over his shoulder. "Isn't that your wife?"
Remus turned slightly, doubtful, but as soon as he caught the flash of hair he knew she was right. "Yes, yes it is."
As if she sensed his gaze, Dora turned and then for a moment looked confused then seemed to shake it off, said something to the man behind her and then made her way over to them, the man trailing behind.
"What are doing here?" she asked, "Didn't you just start work three hours ago?"
"I could ask you the same thing," Remus said, just as Dana said, "We were bloody laid off!"
Dora stared, blinked and then looked at him, a slight crinkle in her brow."What?"
The man behind her cleared his throat loudly and she jumped slightly as if she had forgotten he was there.
"Oh, sorry. Remus, Dana this is Mark Hawksley, my…"
"Partner." Mark said dryly.
"Yeah, that." she turned her attention back to Remus. "You were laid off. How come you didn't tell me?" she asked incredulously.
Dana winced; she hadn't meant to get her friend in trouble with his other half, but Remus just raised a brow and took a sip of his coca. "Well, considering It only happened," he looked at his watch. "An hour and a half ago, I didn't really have much of a chance did I?"
She scowled at him, and seemed about to reply when Dana said, "You better sit down Mark. They could be at this for a while."
Mark did so, with an amused look, which only caused Tonks to scowl more. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to stamp down irrational irritation and felt a warm hand wrap around hers and rub a slow circle on her wrist. she opened her eyes and met Remus's warm ones.
"I would have told you tonight Dora." he said softly.
She smiled slightly and he knew whatever irritation she had felt was gone. "I know, sorry, I'm just…"
His lips turned up in the half smile she knew so well. "I know."
"So," Dana had claimed Marks attention. "You work with Dora?"
"Who?" Mark asked sounding confused, although he seemed to not really care.
Both Remus and Tonks were amused to see that he was checking Dana out and she likewise had that look that Remus recognized as the one that said she liked what she saw.
"She means me."
Mark pulled his attention away from Dana. "Dora? Oh, because…"
Tonks glared at him. "Not a word Hawksley. You say the name and I will…" she trailed off, because what she would do really was not something to be discussed in front of a Muggle.
"We have to go." She turned to Remus. "We'll talk tonight yeah?" she asked softly leaning down to steal a kiss.
"Yes."
Somehow in the short time of that kiss, Dana had produced a pen and grabbed a napkin. "Call me some time Mark, that is if you're not already involved with someone. All the good looking men always seem to be." she scribbled her number on the napkin and pressed it into his hand. "Either that or married, like this one." she nodded at Remus.
Mark just nodded, looking a little dazed and followed Tonks to the door of the shop. Just as they were leaving, he seemed able to collect himself and asked incredulously, "You're married?"
April 1984
"Ease on the gas a bit." Remus calmly warned as the Ford Cortina lurched down the misty lane. "Watch that no one is coming."
Tonks gritted her teeth but did what he said. This was your idea, she reminded herself as she slowed the car down. Could have just spent a quiet Saturday with my husband, but no, I have to learn how to drive the bloody car, just so I can say I can!
"Watch out for that Duck!"
Tonks stepped on the breaks so hard that the old car lurched and she jerked against the safety belt.
"Bugger!" she rubbed her chest to ease the pain of the belt tightening and leaned against the steering wheel, peaking at Remus from under her hair.
He too was rubbing his chest and was watching the Duck cross the lane at a slow waddle. He seemed to be trying to control his expression.
"Well that's going to bruise," he said bemusedly and looked at her. His eyes were dancing with mirth and she realized that he was trying not to laugh.
"Go ahead," she said straightening, already laughing herself, "get it out. I know I'm a horrible driver."
He snickered but to his credit didn't laugh out right. "I took out the neighbours fence the first time I tried to drive the car," he admitted. "I think you can be forgiven for almost making us murderers of water fowl."
"Damn Duck," she muttered easing off the brakes and slowly moving the car forward. "You really took out the fence?"
"I did." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "She told my mother I was a menace to society and was not impressed when all my mum did was stand there and laugh. My father was not pleased that he was paying for a new fence to say the least and said that if I had to take out someones fence why couldn't it have been our own?"
"No wonder the old bitty doesn't like us."
"Us? You're the one who pulled a wand on her, in nothing but a t- shirt and knickers. All I did was take out a half section of fence."
"I thought she was a Death Eater!" she glared at him, but Remus wasn't looking at her.
"Watch the road!"
She lurched the car to a stop again and was chagrined to see the afore mentioned elderly neighbour an inch from the front of the car, shopping bag clutched tightly to her chest.
"Afternoon,"Remus said courteously out the open window.
She glared at them both and then strode away, muttering to herself about the disparages of today's youth.
Tonks banged her head against the steering wheel, once again cursing herself for this idea.
"Well," Remus said slowly, seriously. "If she didn't like you before she certainly won't now."
"Shut up Lupin."
May 1984
"Would you just consider it?" Tonks hissed, hands on her hips, voice low. She didn't want the rest of the pub to hear the argument and was thankful that it was almost empty except herself, Remus and two others. The Lupins were already talked about enough in the village, she didn't want this added to the gossip.
"Nymphadora, there is nothing to consider," he said from his position behind the bar; he had been hired at their village pub two months ago. Some part of her hoped that it wouldn't be permanent.
She glared at him exasperated. "What do you mean, there is nothing to consider? Remus, if this works…"
"Do you know how long they've been working on this? The effects? Dora I can't…I won' t get my hopes up for something that's…" he trailed off as the door opened and five men came in. "We'll talk about this later."
She pushed away from the bar with a petulant stare. "Oh you better believe we will. I'm not done with this." she warned and then stormed out, knocking a glass over in the process.
"Bloody stubborn man!" she cursed to the over cast sky as she walked briskly out of the village and down the lane. She didn't think of where she was going just let her feet lead her, as her mind used every curse word she knew and some she didn't to lament the stubbornness of Remus J. Lupin.
Eventually she found herself on a part of the beach she had never been on before and collapsed in the sand to stare up at the sky. At some point it had started to rain.
The day had started out so well too. She had a rare day off and was able to sleep in. Remus had teased her as he got ready to go to work and she had thrown her pillow at him.
Then had come the owl. It landed on the sill of the kitchen window and startled her as she was making tea.
The letter had been long, gave some background history, a lot of which she knew because she had looked into it years ago. It was from Cally. She said that she had a proposition for them, for Remus really. She told them to think about it carefully and get back to her as soon as they could.
Tonks closed her eyes and listened to the waves crashing against the near by rocks. Why does he have to be so stubborn? again flashed through her mind. She thought that part of it was that he was afraid. He didn't want false hope and if she was honest with herself neither did she.
She knew when she said yes to marrying him it would be hard, she had no illusions. Sometimes knowing the pain he was going through,because she always knew no matter what he said in the morning, was too much. Lately she had found herself helping him up the morning after if she could, getting him to bed,smiling lovingly and then as soon as she was out of the house, crying because she knew that she couldn't cry in front of him. Not about this.
It had been so much easier when he had his friends with him. Of course she had worried then as well, but not as much. Now there was only her and she would do anything to help him, to make it more bearable. She would be damned if he was going to give up without trying.
It was dark when she finally returned home and she knew he was there waiting. She stood in the door way and watched him silently as he sat on the couch and read through the letter, a slight furrow in his brow. Merlin he's only 24, she thought tiredly, and already there are lines starting to form by his eyes.
"I don't want to…give you false hope Dora. Let myself hope that they have found a way to help," he said softly, calmly.
She crossed to where he was, but didn't sit down. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself and eyed him wearily. "We won't know until we try Remus. I know that…" she took a breath and continued. "I know it's hard, I know that you're constantly in pain, not just physically but mentally. Because you hurt, I hurt. I know that Cally said it's just a trial, that they want to see if this Wolfsbane thing will work, I know that there is a very good possibility that it won't and it may take years and years for them to figure it out or they may never."
She sat on the edge of the table then and took his hands in hers leaning forward until there was a hairs breath between their faces and they were looking into each others eyes. "But I want you to try. For me. And I promise you that if you decide that it's not worth it to continue than you can stop. I won't argue, I won't try and push you into continuing. Because I don't want false hope either, but I'm willing to let myself hope a little, because I would do anything for you, if it could just take away this pain."
He looked into her eyes for a long time, reading all the emotions there. Finally he nodded slightly.
"Tell Cally I'll do it."
July 1984
The floor they were on looked like it received little use. It was not as modern as the other floors of the wizarding hospital, nor were there any paintings as there were on the many other floors. A chill pervaded the air.
Tonks tapped her foot against her knee absently as they waited and Remus reached out to steady her.
"You're making the bench vibrate."
She smiled sheepishly, but stilled her foot.
"Sorry I'm late." Cally came bustling down the hall followed by an older healer with streaks of Gray in her hair. "This is healer Clare, she's in charge of this trial."
The older woman shook their hands and studied Remus for a moment. "I remember you." she said softly. "I was a mediwitch then, but remember when your mother brought you in. I'm glad to see you've made it this far Mr. Lupin."
"Thank you," he said sincerely.
She nodded and gestured for them to follow her and Cally into one of the rooms along the hall.
"Everything has been explained to you properly? You understand that this is still experimental?"
They assured her that they understood and she nodded again. Cally moved to a cauldron that was bubbling in the corner and extracted a goblet full of the putrid liquid inside.
"You must come in everyday the week of the full moon and we will administer this to you. If you feel any different let us know as soon as you can. On the night of the full moon we will monitor you in our lockup."
"I know it's not ideal," Cally added as she handed the steaming goblet to Remus. "Right now your the only person who has agreed to this,so at least there won't be any other werewolves there."
Remus and Tonks shared a look, then he looked into the goblet and tipped it back quickly.
"Bottoms up."