"Belby's changed the doses. He's added more Aconite." Healer Clare said as she handed Remus the steaming goblet. "He thinks he's close to figuring it out. Are you sure you didn't feel anything last full moon?"

Remus downed the liquid with a slight grimace and she took the goblet from him, replacing it with a glass of water.

"It felt the same as it always does. Painful." It didn't help that there had been another werewolf there, Kyle Reynolds a man in his thirties. Nor had the cages used to keep them locked in the bowls of St. Mungos.

"Well, perhaps we shall see a difference this time." She sounded overly optimistic.

He did not want to bring this kind woman down, so he simply smiled and said, "Perhaps." +++

The transformation went as it always did. Painful and without remorse. For the first time since he was teenager Remus threw up as soon as he was conscious. Reynolds was fine except the usual pain.

The healers were sympathetic. They gave him a potion to settle his stomach, made sure that he hadn't broken anything when he had rammed the bars of the cage the night before, returned his cloths to him and then they asked their questions.

How do you feel? Did you notice any difference in the transformation, your mind perhaps being clearer? Do you usually howl for so long after you change?

The last was both amusing and intrusive, he thought. He refrained from saying so, ever the polite gentleman, and instead simply answered their questions.

Then he went home.

After landing outside the house he had to lean on the fence for a few minutes to steady him self and then when he was able to straighten up he saw Dora standing in the door, Auror robes already on. He knew she had been waiting to leave until he got home.

She tilted her head questioningly and he shook his tiredly in response. She sighed, left the door open and strode towards him. "Get some rest." Was all she said standing on her toes briefly to brush a light kiss over his cheek. Then she stepped away and disapparated with a loud crack that caused a cat hiding in the front garden to jump and stalk away with its tail in the air. +++

"Here you are." Remus accepted the goblet and drank its contents quickly trying not to gag at the taste. Not something I'll ever get used to, he thought as he handed the empty cup back.

Cally glanced at a scroll on one of the worktables. "The Aconite has been adjusted again. Maybe we'll actually see some results this time." She looked up at him in full healer mode.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired." Exhausted was more like it. And there was still six days before the full moon.

"That's usual though, isn't it?"

"No. I mean, yes, but I don't usually feel this tired with six days to go." He suspected that the Wolfsbane was messing with his system.

"Hmm." She looked thoughtful for a moment, scribbled something on the scroll and then let it roll close.

"You feel any different, worse, you let me know right away. I better go. They'll be expecting me in spell damage any minute."

He left the room first, promising he would give her regards to Tonks when she asked and then he went to work where he broke up a yelling match that was fast turning into a brawl, and served watered down whisky to the old men who had already had too much to drink. He stopped at the grocery on his way home after he was relieved by the bar maid and then he made a simple dinner, which Dora devoured when she came in at 9. He listened to the stories about her day that she was allowed to share and told her about the near brawl, which had been over who's turn it was to throw at darts, which she laughed at and shook her head.

He was asleep by 11:00. He had been exhausted all day, but other than that he felt fine. In the morning he told Cally so and she marked it on the scroll. Then he drank the potion and left. Being his day off he visited Dana, whom he hadn't seen in two months.

She told him about her new job, book keeping for an antique shop, and about the dates she had been on with Mark Hawksley, who she didn't know was a wizard and thought was endearingly odd because like Remus, he did not know any of the popular bands she listened to and he liked to stay in with her instead of getting all dressed up for dinner. She was now introducing him to the addictiveness of Monty Python. He enjoyed the Lumber Jack song.

It was 3:00 in the afternoon and Remus had been home for an hour when he began to feel strange. It started with a headache and he decided to wait it out, because he frequently got migraines when he was nearing a transformation. He sat on the worn couch, drank some tea and looked through some articles on the dark arts and dark creatures that had been sent to him.

He read that morning's prophet as well and saw that the ministry was thinking of instituting more werewolf legislation. That Umbridge woman, no doubt, he mused with a sigh. As if my life isn't complicated enough, next thing they'll be asking for us all to get branded like cattle.

At around 5:00 his headache increased and he had to make an abrupt dash for the garden door because it was closer than the bathroom, where he promptly lost the contents of his stomach. Heaving deep breaths he shakily pulled his wand out of his pocket and cleaned up the mess before collapsing to lean against the door thinking he would just rest a moment before contacting Cally.

Thirty minutes later he was in a cold sweat, again heaving and confused. It was hard to breath. His last thought before he passed out was that it was mildly alarming to throw up blood.

He was awakened after another thirty minutes by a frantic Dora who was slapping him to bring him around.

"Remus! Damn it, wake up!" her voice was calm, but the hand that was slapping him was slightly shaky.

He opened his eyes and had to blink a few times before she came into focus. "Dora." His voice was no more than a rasp, his throat raw from throwing up.

"You're burning up." She had her hand against his forehead and then on his wrist and neck.

"Ok…"

"You are not ok." She hissed. "You've got…is this blood? Remus?" she slapped his cheek lightly again and he wondered why she was doing so. Blood? Yes he thought he remembered something about some blood…

"Blood." He agreed. "Help me up."

She looped one of his arms over her shoulder and stood pulling him with her. He lurched to his feet and collapsed against her, forehead pressed against her shoulder. She smelled like soap and some kind of tangy citrus he had never been able to name.

"Remus?" he could feel her worry vibrating through her body, although he knew she probably looked outwardly calm, being strong so they could get through this situation. It was one of the things they had both learned quickly as part of the Order. A good soldier kept control until they had the situation in hand or could hand it off to someone else who knew what they were doing. Panic only caused death.

He was about to answer her, tell her that he only needed a moment to catch his breath because it was hard to breath properly, but was cut short as he was once again throwing up. He managed to turn his head so she wasn't covered but she still ended up being hit.

"Merlin's balls." She cursed and then she was half dragging him, as he was once again loosing consciousness, into the house and to the fire because she knew that if she tried to apparate them then he would be splinched and he really didn't need that on top of everything else.

She pushed him through first and swiftly followed in time to see two men in green robes pulling him up and another floating a stretcher over.

"What happened?" Snapped the younger of the men as Remus was loaded onto the stretcher.

"I don't…I found him like this when I…I think…" she swallowed, reminded herself to be calm, "He's a werewolf. He's been part of the Wolfsbane trial."

Two of the men swept Remus off down the hall. He was deathly pale. She stared after him long after he disappeared.

"Get healer's Malloy and Clare." The man told a mediwitch, before he too took off down the hall, leaving Tonks standing there.

She continued to stare, not really seeing anything. How long she stood there she didn't know, but eventually she was roused out of her daze by a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright dear?"

Tonks looked around, blinking, as if she didn't really know where she was and then finally settled on the motherly looking woman who was looking at her expectantly and a little worriedly.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

The woman smiled slightly, and repeated herself, still looking worried. "Are you alright?"

Was she? She didn't really know. "Yeah. Yes, I'm ok." It lacked conviction and the woman frowned.

"It's just that you have blood down the front of your robes and on your boot. Have you seen a healer?"

"I'm alright, really." She tried to put more conviction in it. "It's not my blood."

"Oh." Now the woman looked slightly horrified and seeing the robes that Tonks was wearing, was obviously drawing her own conclusions.

"Excuse me." Tonks rushed down the hall, almost running until she reached a women's bathroom. Once inside she leaned against the sink and took a few deep breaths.

"Get a hold of your self," she scolded aloud. "Do not cry, now is not the time for crying. Clean your self up and go find out what they are doing for him."

She turned on the tap and splashed a few palm fulls of cold water onto her face, then scrubbed off the blood residue on her hands until her skin was a raw looking pink. Then she cleaned off her robes the best she could before exiting and heading to find someone who could tell her where Remus was and what they were doing to help him.

"Here you are." Cally met her half way down the hall Remus had disappeared down. "Healer Clare sent me to find you." She had a pained look, one Tonks recognized well, despite their lack of contact in recent years.

"It's bad isn't it." Her voice was no more than a whisper.

Cally nodded. "They're trying. They want to give him some blood replenishing to be safe; he coughed up some after they got him in to the room. His breathing is laboured; he stopped breathing for a bit but we got him back around and he woke up briefly, disoriented."

"It's the Wolfsbane?"

Cally eyed her, "Do you want the answer I'm supposed to give you, or the real one?"

Tonks smirked slightly, "Both."

"The answer I'm supposed to give you is that we can neither confirm nor deny that your husband's ailment is caused by the use of the Wolfsbane potion." She said grimly. "The truth is that it more than likely is Aconite poisoning. In fact, I'm positive it is."

Tonks didn't say anything, just looked at the blank wall across from her, crossing her arms for comfort. "It's my fault you know, that he's even in this situation. I pressured him into taking the Wolfsbane," she finally said hollowly.

"Come here." Cally wrapped her arms around her and Tonks leaned against her gratefully. The last time this other woman had hugged her had been because of Remus as well and she found it slightly ironic.

Eventually she pulled away and wiped the few tears that had managed to escape. "Thanks Cal."

She just smiled sadly.

It was another hour and a half before Tonks was allowed to see Remus. She entered the ward slowly; careful that she didn't disturb the two other occupants who were sleeping. She knew they wouldn't keep him here for long, although werewolves could once again have access to the wizarding hospital, the unofficial policy was to get rid of them as soon as possible.

Remus was sleeping as well when she finally reached his bed and ignoring the chair that was placed there she climbed on to the bed and rested her head beside his.

"You gave me a scare Remus," she told him softly. "I thought I might loose you, that you might be leaving me." She pushed his hair out of his eyes with a shaky hand and linked her fingers through his with her other.

"You're not allowed to leave me."+++

It was close to midnight when Tonks apparated to the small park by her parents' home and walked the short distance to their front door. She hadn't wanted to go home and couldn't think of anywhere else to go. She had spent an hour on the log bench watching the sea and then decided that she couldn't be by herself.

"Dora? Coming by a bit late aren't you kid?" Ted asked when he unlocked the door and saw his daughter standing there. "Your mother and I were just heading up to bed."

Ted sounded as jovial as always and she found that that was finally her undoing. A sob escaped her lips before she could stop it and then she was leaning against her father's broad chest crying out all her frustration and fear.

"Shh, It's all right." Ted comforted as Andromeda came into the hall, a questioning look on her face. The look changed once she took in the scene.

"Bring her into the sitting room." She told her husband as she headed back into the kitchen. "I'll make tea."

"Hey." Ted soothed as he sat himself and his sobbing daughter on the couch. "Hey, it's all right. Tell me what's wrong."

Andromeda came in and sat on Tonks's other side, setting the tea on the table and wrapping her arms around her daughter. "What is it darling?"

Slowly Tonks collected herself and told her parents what had occurred. Andromeda gasped and Ted shook his head.

"I think we better add some firewhsiky to that tea." He said determinedly when she had finished and stood to do just that.

"I'm sorry I broke down like that, I didn't mean to put this on you and I know it's late, but I didn't know where else to go. I didn't want to be by myself."

"We're your parents Nymphadora. You're supposed to come to us when you are hurting." Andromeda told her gently. "How is Remus now?"

Ted came back and handed out the dosed tea, which Tonks drank gratefully.

"They told me that he should be all right in a few days. They have to detox all the Aconite out of him and make sure nothing is damaged. He stopped breathing for a bit. They've got him on a blood replenishing potion as well." She sighed, "I'll probably have to take him home before he's really ready to go though. The full moon is in a few days and they don't like to have werewolves with the other patients unless they're newly bitten any way. Bloody ignorant…" she trailed off.

"Sorry, you don't need to here my rant on werewolf rights. At least not all the healers are like that."

Neither of her parents responded. She knew they wouldn't. Sometimes she suspected that they thought she would be better off without Remus. She knew they liked him, loved him even. But still, every now and then the thought would strike her.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she finally asked dejectedly.

"Of course darling. I'll make the bed up for you."+++

"Tonks, hello! Is there anyone in there?" Mark snapped his fingers in front of her face.

She slapped his hand away and heard titters of laughter from their colleagues who also packed the room they were in.

"I was just asking you if you had anything to add to Auror Hawksley's report." Rufus Scrimgeour said over the laughter. He looked at her expectantly and she tried to remember what they had been discussing before she zoned out.

"No sir, I don't have anything to add."

He eyed her over his glasses for a moment and then continued the meeting.

Tonks sighed audibly and Kingsley who was beside her nudged her and winked, causing her to smile slightly.

"What was with you in there?" Mark demanded. As soon as the meeting drew to a close she had made a dash for her cubicle. He now leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

"Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind. How's it going with Dana?" she asked, trying to redirect the topic.

He gave her a look that said he knew what she was doing, but went along with it anyway. She was glad. She wasn't sure about Mark Hawksley. Some days they got on well and others they argued.

"It's going well," he smiled. "Dana is great. A bit strange, but great." His smile faded. "But eventually she's going to find out I'm lying to her."

Tonks looked at him surprised that he was sharing this much with her. She suspected that this marked something pivotal in their relationship.

"Dana's a tough cookie Mark," she said slowly, measuring her words. "Granted, I don't know her as well as Remus does but I've always got the impression that she's very accepting. If you tell her the truth I think she'll be ok."

She stood. "Are you to the point that you think you need to tell her?" she asked in her usual blunt inquisitive manner, quite aware that it was a very personal question.

Mark surprised her again by answering without his usual sardonic look. "I think we just might be, almost."

She smiled. "I'm happy for you. Look, um, I have to go, see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah." He didn't pry, apparently having enough of sharing for one day.+++

"Wotcher."

Remus smiled tiredly at her from the bed. "Hello, your self."

She sat on the edge of the bed and peered down at him. "Have the healers been in?"

"Healer Clare was here, as was Cally." He returned her gaze. "It was the Aconite, wasn't it?"

She nodded, but it was the nod of one who is slightly distracted. He let her be, knowing that she would get to whatever she was thinking eventually.

A mediwitch popped in briefly, asked if there was anything he needed and then moved on to the next bed to administer a potion.

Tonks stood and pulled the privacy curtain over and then smiled slightly when she caught his questioning look. She sat on the edge of the bed again.

"I have something to say Remus and you have to promise not to interrupt me."

He nodded encouragingly, although he was tired and would soon be falling back asleep. "As long as you say it before I conk out again. Then I'm not responsible for any interruptions caused by snoring."

She snorted, "You only snore when you've had too much to drink." She sobered then and continued.

"I feel like I'm at least partly to blame for this. For you almost dying. You can say whatever you want, but I pushed you into this, because I know just what buttons to push to get you to do what I want. So even though I said that I wanted you to do this, to give it a chance, I think that maybe we've given it that chance and it might be time to stop. But only if that's what you want. " She finished and peered at him anxiously.

Remus wasn't looking at her; he was staring at a spot on the curtain. He looked pensive and so she waited. She had become an expert on waiting for this man and knew that eventually he would reach whatever conclusion he was striving toward.

"I think you're right." He finally said. "Not about it being your fault, that's ridicules. I know that you know what buttons to push and when I give in, its because some part of me, even if its small, agrees with you. " His bleary eyes met hers, "All good things take time. I think we need to wait until its time for this one."

"I'll tell Cally and Healer Clare. " she stood and pulled back the curtain. "You sleep."

"They'll be disappointed."

She paused and looked back at him. "It's part of life."

A/N: I researched the effects of Aconite poisoning and tried to incorporate them, although the time it took for Remus to succumb to the poisoning might not be accurate. I don't know if it could cause him to cough up some blood, but I want to clarify that it wasn't a lot of blood, I may not have conveyed that you enjoyd this chapter, I enjoyed writing it.