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Weapon (Possession Chapter LXIX)
Chapter XVIII - Not Ready Yet

Sirius lay back on the grass trying to remember the last time he'd done this... Just let the world pass him by... it would be... it had been in his last week at Hogwarts. Their NEWTs had been finished, and they were taking the opportunity to relax in the relative safety of the school before they had to face the world, before they had to face the reality of the war. For him, that meant going back home...

It meant going away from...

He heard Remus before the other man crossed through his patch of sunlight, and smiled. Right at the moment, despite all his concerns, life was good.

"You're being remarkably mellow today," the werewolf observed as he sat beside him.

The effort required to gesture was too much. "The sky is blue, the sun is warm, the grass is cool, the wind is nice... it's a mellow day."

"The Dark Lord is attacking, the Ministry is worried, the Order is concerned and there is change coming... hardly very relaxing."

Sirius looked over at Remus cautiously. He saw immediately that something was wrong but was careful to keep his expression neutral. He didn't really know what his friend had been doing for the last year, some mission for the Order he'd been told, but he could see plainly that it hadn't gone well. Or at the very least, something else was troubling the werewolf. While they'd spoken at Harry's induction into the Order, there hadn't been time to talk.

"Has the Dark Lord made an offer?" He asked. They had been driven apart seventeen years ago by their suspicions and he was determined that that wouldn't happen again. He didn't like it when he was separated from Remus... Azkaban had been bad because of the Dementors, but also because, barring this year and Hogwart's summers, if they didn't manage to arrange a visit, since he had met Lupin, it was the longest time he'd been separated from the werewolf.

You didn't really appreciate how much you needed someone until you couldn't see them, and he knew how much he needed Remus.

Remus snorted, "Not yet. We're expecting it though." Sirius knew more about the werewolves' organisation than most wizards but he still didn't know the truth. It was painful to keep such a secret but it was the only way. Some things though... they could be easily discussed.

"But nor has the Ministry retracted their laws," Sirius said with a wry smile, reading what Lupin hadn't said.

"There's that..." "There's something else?" Sirius was surprised but he caught an echo of laughter from the shadows and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

"You know me too well. There is... But I can't speak of it. I don't know enough... and..."

"It's okay. I always knew there was more to werewolves than you were telling us. Tell me when you are able."

Remus gulped. "That might be too late but whatever happens, I know the path I will follow."

"It's that bad?"

Lupin nodded. "It's that close. If the Ministry doesn't do something soon, and I mean within the next few weeks, I think a lot of werewolves will side with the Dark Lord out of frustration."

"That would be a disaster."

"I know."

"There's nothing in this new... thing?"

"Not yet. It's promising... But it's going to have to be powerful. And if it really is an alternative, it's going to have to come quick. Seventeen years ago we were managing to stall the Dark Lord. Right now, I don't think we can. The werewolves have got You-Know-Who if we don't support him, but equally, that bastard's got us if we don't show our support soon enough."

"It's not going to be easy."

"No," Remus' voice was sad. He looked over to Sirius with a wane smile. "I know where I stand though."

Black eyes closed briefly as he hid a shiver at the timbre of his friend's voice. That note was not something he needed to hear. The sun suddenly seemed cold.

"How has Harry been?" the werewolf asked, changing the subject.

Sirius smiled. "Good. Better than good."

"Truly?"

"There have been bad times, but..." Sirius sighed. "He's grown up," he finished. "He's no longer the little Prongsy we knew."

The werewolf sighed but it was a sound that showed happiness. "James would be proud?"

"Exceedingly. He's become his own man," Sirius skirted around the truth. "I don't even think Dumbledore appreciates how much Harry has matured."

"Oh?"

"Let's just say, that when it comes to battle, he's going to be turning heads."

Remus chuckled. "Let me guess, he'll do what he has said he's going to do but it is going to be on his terms?"

"Yeap."

"He's so like his father."

"To a point. Remus, don't... Don't make the same assumptions Albus has; that the world has. Harry is his own man. He is not his father. He will make his own decisions and live with the consequences. And so help us, we've put him in the position where we are going to have to live with the consequences as well."

Lupin's eyes narrowed at the serious note coming from his friend. "Now, there is something you're not telling me," he said, no trace of joviality in his voice.

Sirius nodded. "Yes. I want to tell you, Remus, god knows I want to but I can't. Not yet, not now but I can warn you. Harry is not James and he is no longer a child."

"He has never been a child," Lupin interjected gently.

Sirius nodded, black eyes fierce. "Remember this, please. Just don't assume that what you are seeing, is what you are really going to get with Harry. He's been pushed and pulled, and forced into a concept. When that breaks... I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'll be careful," Remus said before he smiled. "Besides, the last two Marauders really should stick together... I'm staying with you." Remus suppressed a gasp when he realised what he had said and how Sirius would view it... He hadn't meant to say that... He wanted it... but...

Black eyes snapped wide at what he was hearing before a sly smile crossed his face. He'd thought that they had lost all hope in the past and he had resigned himself to just being friends... but if Remus was prepared to try again... "I'd... I'd like that," Sirius whispered, his voice thick.

Lupin lay back on the grass, letting his hand steal over to take Sirius'. "We'll just take it slow."

Brown eyes closed as he let himself relax, enjoying the feel of the smaller, warm hand within his own. It had been too long, and it appeared that they had both resigned themselves to something neither wanted. It was funny how just a few words could change everything. They both had secrets and were both dancing around the edges of them, trying to protect the other.

He never meant to say he'd stay. Werewolves learnt early that such words only lead to betrayal.

Sirius had left him before...

No... That wasn't true... No matter what it had felt like.

Peter had betrayed them all. Sirius had never left him, never wanted to leave him.

He never meant to say he'd stay... Brown eyes opened and looked up at the sky as Sirius squeezed his hand.

Somehow, he didn't think Sirius was going to let him go.

He smiled.

He could live with that and maybe this time it would be okay.

Harry walked through the corridors slowly. It was very peaceful. It was very quiet.

It was so frustrating! There was nothing happening.

Classes had finished, and the students had gone. He'd said his good byes to Ron, Hermione, Ginny and the other Weasleys at the station as they'd left with the promise that he would see them over the summer... Or if he couldn't see them he would write.

In a week or so, Dumbledore had scheduled his OWLs to be held in a week and after that, depending on how he went, he'd have private tutoring to make sure he could fight the Dark Lord. With the recent attack people were even more on edge as everyone tried to figure out what Voldemort was doing.

Hermione had left him with all her notes to help him study but she'd made him promise to give them back immediately after his OWLs, claiming that she needed them for her summer study.

Humph! 'Summer study'... This from a girl who'd probably equalled all previous OWL high scores...

Ron had left him with a far more useful gift, a whole stack of Honeydukes toffee accompanied by a small promissory note from his Mother that she would send him provisions at regular intervals.

He couldn't help a small smile. It was like she believed that no one ever feed him! But it was nice to know that some people still cared.

Blaise and Millicent were returning next week to do their OWLs as well. Unfortunately they both came from pureblood families who had in the past believed in having more than one child so custody of them had fallen rather simply to the first available Aunt or Uncle. It was slightly disappointing but it did offer a new range of alternatives.

He hadn't missed the glances Dumbledore had been giving him at meal times. With no students, the still remaining staff and guests ate in a smaller room near the Great Hall. It was much more personal and Harry grinned as he realised it was probably the Staff Common Room with a bit of extra furniture. Oh... the Twins would love this knowledge... Pity they'd graduated.

Still, the old wizard had been looking at him questioningly and Harry knew it was to see if he'd speak about those who raped him at Hogwarts. The man was looking for an excuse to expel them.

"It's too late," he whispered. "It's too little, too late."

Albus hadn't known what happened to him at the Dursleys, he knew that, he accepted that. And there was no way for him to know. Vernon had been careful, Heprah had been paranoid and Xeoaph's charm had been flawless. But the events of this year... The Headmaster had had options then. He'd just not used them. He could have done nothing about the Dark Lord's attack but when Blaise and Millicent had attacked, the Headmaster could have done something more than waited until he awoke. There were charms... The two had been careful, true, they had cleaned up after themselves but against a wizard of Dumbledore's power even their aura's would have been enough to give them away. There were some things the Headmaster would have needed him awake to perform, but there were others that could have been done independantly of him, and Albus had done nothing.

It still would have been too late, but he wouldn't now feel insulted by the attempts he was making, the half veiled and encouraging glances of pity, a few softly voiced sentences trying to awkwardly broach the subject.

He wasn't going to condemn Blaise and Millicent even though his old reason - that the Dark Lord would attack them like the Muggles - was now invalid. He knew, but Dumbledore didn't, that it didn't matter that Voldemort knew who had hurt him, the Dark Lord had given them to him, and he wasn't about to let them get away, even though he could chase them down where ever they ran. Emerald eyes narrowed. He needed them. Both Blaise and Millicent still had their roles to play and he needed them here. Neither would appreciate their role; but they had forfeited all rights, even the common courtesy he would usually give a foe...

Harry shook his head... That thought was definitely one from the shadows. With a little smile he dismissed it. Their rules of engagement had served them well, there was no reason those rules couldn't serve him.

"Argh!" Harry cried. "I don't want to do classes!" He sighed... He'd have to do some, since they'd want to at least confirm his OWL results. But perhaps he could shorten the time if he showed himself proficient.

The shadows were off seeing to his earlier instructions to seduce or otherwise entice various factions to his side. There were one or two around him. They were always there but they were just watching him, ensuring that he remained safe. There was no need for them to speak. That magic, his heritage, wasn't a problem though. He already knew how to control the shadows so he didn't need interaction with them at the moment, it was the other magic that he had needed to practice with. Harry looked around and saw what he needed.

-Is the classroom empty?- He asked.

His answer came in a general feeling of agreement. After a quick inspection of the hallway, he slipped inside, closing the door firmly. All Hogwarts classrooms had shields, reinforcing them against any charm. It would be perfect if something went wrong...

"What to practice?" He mused in jest. There was really only one thing he wanted to perfect quickly. He was almost positive that for all the knowledge his beloved had given him, he would be able to use it when called to, except the animagus transformation.

That was because the charm was unique for everyone.

Sirius turned into a dog. His father into a stag. His beloved transformed into the true serpent king... He shivered in pleasure momentarily, remembering the ruby gaze.

He turned into... Well... that was the first problem, he didn't know.

Harry sat cross legged on one of the desks as he considered what he knew about the animagus transformation.

It was a high level transfiguration. Any first year wizard could transfigure something external to them... Well, at least partially transfigure something, Harry thought with a smile as he recalled some of their first transfiguration efforts.

It was an internal transfiguration and somehow no matter what you changed into you had to retain enough of yourself to change back... or to even want to change back. The Quintapeds - Hairy MacBoons - were supposedly evidence enough of that problem. And some wizards never even got that far. The fear of loosing human form was instinctual, and they simply could not transform.

Then there was the fact that it was a transfiguration of a living being. It was easy enough to give something living the appearance of another living creature since you weren't actually changing anything, but the animagus transfiguration required that you change everything. External and internal organs, bones, skin, everything. It wasn't so bad if the animal you were changing into had some similarities with a human. Between all mammals for example, their internal organs worked in pretty much the same way and so you could concentrate on the change of shape. But for some creatures you actually had to recreate entirely new systems.

The Serpent Lord... the basilisk... While his beloved did possess the eyes and poison of a basilisk in human form, the functionality of that human form needed to be changed when he changed. And if he hadn't been the Serpent Lord, then that would make the change all the more difficult.

Harry sighed. Internal, living being transfiguration. Yeap... it was the hardest. That's why Dumbledore wanted to train him in it, not so much for the transformation itself, but for the additional knowledge he would have to gain to master the transformation.

But he already knew the extra knowledge. The only thing that remained was the transformation.

Except he didn't know what he transformed into... Well... he knew it was unique and he knew it was conspicuous. Other than that he had no other details.

"Nothing for it but to try," Harry said with a little laugh as he slid off the desk. You could almost say that was his motto. He walked to the front of the classroom where there was an open space.

Harry closed his eyes, tilting his head upwards as he cleared his mind. With a deep breath he recalled the words for the charm. While it was a transfiguration, it was also a charm. With a practiced ease he grabbed at his power, willing the magic to flow through his body as he said the words, focusing the power inwards.

Harry gasped as he pitched forward, the air catching in his upper nasal regions painfully. But that pain was tiny compared to the rest of his body. He coughed and spat blood, desperately trying not to scream. Every cell seemed to be splitting apart. His back was in agony and it felt like it was being shredded. The pain of the cruciatus curse was easy compared to this. His magic lines were burning and his mind felt raw.

He fell to the ground, resulting in a small splash as he hit the blood that had pooled there. The wounds on his back weren't just imaginary. Harry tried to curl up to avoid the pain but it was coming from everywhere. He desperately grabbed at the energy he had sent through his body but it did no good, even once he had managed to pull his power back. His whole mind was bruised and instinctually he reached out for help, coughing up blood as everything went black.

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