New chapter. :D Tonks gets a bit melodramatic, but I think she's justified. Hope you like it.
Anything recognizable is not mine.
The sun was shining brightly, the day holding a pleasant warmness. It was the sort of day that had people greeting one another, weather they knew each other or not. Especially if you live in a small community, Tonks mused as she entered the ministry late that afternoon, old lady guise still intact from the latest operation she had participated in. That morning, as she'd left her house she'd been greeted by at least three different villagers making their way down to the tidal pools to see what was what. It struck her strange because her neighbours generally avoided talking to her. She supposed they found her off putting.
Getting onto the lift, she leaned against the back of it and began to unmorph back into herself. It had been a long and unfruitful day despite the lovely weather and increase in geniality. All she wanted was to get to her desk, write up her report and go home. As the grills opened the sight of her partner greeted her.
"Wotcher," she greeted flashing him a smile. Mark simply looked at her, his features fixed, controlled. It was a bit unnerving.
"What's the matter? Scrimgeour on a path again today?" she asked with her usual cheek. Again Mark's lips did not even twitch. Instead of answering her, he said,
"I need to talk to you." Then he turned and strode through the large wooden doors of the Auror offices.
With an exasperated sigh and roll of the eyes, Tonks followed, shucking the tweed jacket she'd worn as part of her disguise. Wish I could chuck this skirt too, she thought mildly, as they entered Marks meticulously cleaned cubicle. He did not sit, but indicted for her to do so, his expression still fixed. Once she had sat he continued to simply stare at her.
Tonks arched a brow, her normally ancient patience wearing thin. "Well? What do you want Mark? I've got things to do, and I'm not in the mood to deal with your brooding."
He picked something up and threw it at her, instead of answering. It landed on her knees and she was surprised to see what was clearly a rolled up evening edition of the Prophet. She looked at Mark again quizzically but all he said was, "Read it."
A feeling of trepidation settled on her then, but her fingers were steady as she unrolled the paper. Then her eyes were caught by the headline on the bottom half of the front page and the article underneath the bold type.
As she read, Tonks physically felt herself pale. The article wasn't long thankfully though, only taking up a few column inches of the front page, so she was done quickly, but the words, the awful words rang in her head as if someone was standing close beside her and whispering them in her ear. And then over her shock came a buzz of anger.
And when she looked back up at Mark, the paper clutched so tightly in her hands that her nails bit into it, her gaze met his steadily.
"How could you keep this a secret Nymphadora? How the bloody hell could you knowingly, and believe me I know you knew, your not oblivious although obviously you are addled in the mind to go along with this, keep something like this a secret?" He spoke in hushed tones so those in the next cubicle could not hear him, but the anger was evident. Mark never called her by her first name unless he was trying to get under her skin.
Tonks stood, not wanting to give him anymore of an advantage than he already had. "We're not having this conversation Hawksley," she said in equal quiet tones. "I am not going to stand here, in the bloody ministry and talk to you about this. Not this. Not when you don't understand what you're talking about."
She went to move around him as he was blocking the exit, but he grabbed her arm in a grip she knew was sure to leave a bruise.
"Let go," she said, deadly quiet. "I'm warning you Hawksley, if you do not let go of me now-"
"You'll what?" he asked acidly. "Sick your werewolf husband on me?"
Tonks ripped her arm out of his grip and stepped back, her gaze livid. "How dare you? What the fuck is your problem? Yes, it's true, my husband is a werewolf, and yes I never told you, because it's none of your bloody business what I do and who I do it with. You know me Mark," she added in a slightly softer tone, "Do you really think I would be involved with anything that was-"
He cut her off with a humorless laugh. "I thought I knew you," he corrected. "For the love of Merlin's balls, I made you both the guardians of my daughter! I let my wife and child spend time with that…with HIM!"
"First off," she said coolly, crossing her arms and ignoring the throbbing coming from the one he'd gripped, "You don't let Dana do anything. That woman has got more spirit in her little finger than you'll ever have. You have no right Hawksley to judge me. Or to lay judgments on anyone else. Remus would never hurt Dana or Rhiannon. In fact your more likely do something than he'd ever be. And do you really think Dana didn't know?"
"Just what do you think your playing at?" He hissed, completely ignoring what she'd just said. "What, did you think, hmmm he's a werewolf, I know I'll bloody shack up with him and we'll pretend to everyone that he's a just a normal person with the right to be around and associate with innocent people. It'll be a right laugh! You could loose your job for this! I should probably just turn you in now, make you choose. Merlin knows someone has to!"
A resounding smack could be heard then, echoing through the office. Tonks had little care though if her colleagues were now aware that something was going on. Given the chance she would have slapped him again.
For a moment they simply glared at each other, Marks left cheek turning red with the clear indent of a hand print.
"How dare you?" she said again slowly, almost calmly. "What am I playing at? Do you really think so little of me? You think this is just a lark, that I don't know what's going on and I'm naïve to believe that Remus is anything other than a monster who hides it well?" She shook her head and now her wand was in her hand just in case because she really wouldn't put it past Mark to curse her.
"You don't know my situation. You don't have to listen to…to bones breaking and flesh tearing as the person you love most in the world becomes this horrible thing through no fault of his own. You don't have to clean up the bloody fucking mess in the morning and pretend that everything is okay, when inside you are dying and you know he is too. But you don't talk about it, because you never do, its not the way it works. And clearly you don't know what its like to love someone so bloody much that you would give up everything for them. For Merlin's' sake I've never even been able to tell anyone in this office, other than you that I'm married! I can't even wear my bloody wedding ring! Every night after I leave here I put them back on my finger and every morning I take them off, so no one will see and wonder and ask questions, because according to the ministry it is a crime for me to be with him. So don't you present me with ultimatums and threats, because you will loose Mark. I've been in this situation before and my answer will always be the same. I will choose him always. You say you thought you knew me? I thought I knew you Mark Hawksley. The man I knew would never be acting like this, nor would he be threatening to out me. He wouldn't believe the slanderous lies in this paper. He would believe me, the woman who is supposed to be his partner, who though she could trust him. So I guess we were both wrong. Now if that's all, I would like to leave so I can go and make sure my husband hasn't tried to drown himself in the ocean."
He stared at her with an unfathomable look and when she pushed past him to leave he did not try and stop her. Instead he said quietly, coolly, "I think we had better get different partners."
Tonks did not look back as she walked away from him. "Yes, I'd say we'd better had."+++
Remus felt like he was in some surreal bubble of time, where everything was topsy-turvy and he was the only one that didn't know what was going on. Except this was all too real he knew. It wasn't the fact that his secret, his condition, which had been kept hush for so many years was now broadcast to the whole wizarding world, well not completely. He really didn't want to wrap his mind around that one, although he would have to think about it soon. Nor was it the recent resignation from his job; he would not be asked to leave, there was no way he would have let that happen. No, what really had him reeling was the truth that he had learned the night before. He wished he could have talked with Sirius more, regretted that the chance to do so would probably not come for a long time. The regret he felt was bitter, like bile rising. He knew it was his fault, his own stupid fault. If he'd only taken his potion. How in Merlin's name could he have forgotten? As far as he was concerned, the fact that he had just received a great shock was no excuse. He had felt the moon pulling at him even as everything had unfolded in the Shrieking Shack, calling to him like a cruel lover who refused to let you out of their hold. But he'd somehow been able to push it aside, for the first time in his long years as a werewolf he'd let himself slip. It wouldn't happen again.
He leaned forward on the worn log bench that was his perch; his hands clasped almost in prayer, if he believed in such things, and sighed deeply. His amber and gold eyes stared out at the calm surf without seeing it. If he had been registering it, he would have noted how its sereness was in sharp contrast to everything he was feeling. The sun was failing, dipping down to meet the water. When he'd been a small boy he'd thought that the sun lived in the water and asked his mother how it survived there, how it didn't burn out when it touched the water. To her credit, Sarah had not laughed.
A resounding crack echoed in the evening air then, the kind that could only single someone apparating. It was a fair bit off, but to Remus's sharp ears it sounded like gunfire right behind him. There were now very few Wizarding folk living in the small village, so he was fairly confident that he knew who it was. Unless of course it was some ministry official come to harass him. Or a reporter. Between the two he hoped for the ministry official. They asked fewer questions.
Ten minutes later and he heard footsteps thudding towards him and the sound of breath trying to be caught. His lips curled upward slightly into a humorless smile.
"You can relax," he said wryly. "I'm not going to try and off myself. Although at the moment it might be the best option."
She sunk down beside him and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her hair was a wild mess and for some reason she was wearing tweed. He couldn't help noting, not for the first time, that she still looked as young as she had twelve years ago.
"Didn't think you were going to." She replied. "And it wouldn't be the best option in any situation." There was a wry relief in her voice. He wondered if the thought really had crossed her mind.
They were silent again and it seemed to him then that it was right they were about to have this conversation here, by the water, in this spot that had seen so many of the other moments in their lives.
"I'm supposing from your mad dash that you've seen this?" he reached down and picked up the prophet that lay on the ground just by his feet.
She snorted derisively. "Oh, I've seen it. Bloody rag. Can't get anything right can they?"
"How do you know its not true?" he asked quietly, catching her eyes with his.
She raised a brow and rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid, is how. And I mean I spend everyday with you love. I know you and for that matter so does Dumbledore." She paused. "He didn't really fire you?"
He shook his head. "No. He wouldn't have either, but if I'd stayed it would have caused more problems. Its better, at least for him, that I resigned."
"And you wouldn't have let him sack you anyway," she said astutely. "Would have gone against that Lupin pride."
He quirked a slight smile, but didn't reply.
"It was Mark that showed me the paper. Well ambushed me with it was more like." There was a bitter anger tingeing her voice that he had never heard before. It was surprising. Dora didn't do hate, but if she did this would definitely be as close to it as he'd ever seen.
"He had the nerve to accuse me of betraying the ministry. He was giving me ultimatums, said he would turn me in." she laughed harshly. "I may have let slip that Dana already knew about you, but I'm sure she'll be fine. That woman knows how to hold her own."
Remus wasn't surprised. But he felt an even more grievous feeling for once again being the catalyst that destroyed another one of her relationships.
"I'm so sorry Dora. I know Mark's friendship meant a lot to you."
"Screw Mark!" was her vehement reply. "I don't give a toad's ass about him. I am worried about you though."
Her arms slipped around him and she leaned against him. "You don't need to be sorry."
He sighed, wrapping his own arm around her. "I messed up Dora. Everything was happening so fast though, its no excuse but…"
Her Grey eyes were intense as she looked up at him. "What happened last night Remus?"
Instead of answering he directed her to the article on the front page of the Prophet. She hadn't looked at it before, too worked up over what she'd read in the other article. Now, she read quickly, glancing at the familiar picture of her emaciated cousin.
"I don't understand."
Again Remus sighed. He himself was still reeling. It would be best to tell her all of it now.
"It was all a lie Dora. Everything we thought that had happened 12 years ago, it was all a lie."
She stared at him, her own mind reeling now. What was a lie? Was he saying…
"Are you telling me that Sirius is innocent?" she demanded.
Remus was once again staring out at the water. "They switched. James and Lily, they switched secret keepers and never told anyone. Sirius convinced them to switch Dora, and not to tell me, because he thought that I was the spy. That it was me that was betraying everyone."
She was sure her mouth was hanging open. "But who?"
He looked at her now, eyes slightly haunted looking and really who could blame him, when everything he thought he knew had been turned upside down again. "It was Peter. They switched to Peter. It was he who was Voldemort's spy, he who betrayed Lily and James to him. Sirius knew as soon as he heard what had happened. It was he that confronted Peter, not the other way around. What's more, I saw them both last night Dora. Peter is very much alive and had been hiding in animagous form, posing as the pet of Harry's best friend for twelve years."
She didn't say anything, simply stared at him, shocked, so he continued. " Sirius broke out of Azkaban, not to come after harry as everyone believed, but to come after Peter. He saw him in a picture on the front page of the Prophet last summer. You remember, that story about the Weasley family winning that money? He knew the Rat was Peter."
"You've talked to Sirius?" she breathed. "I mean," she swallowed. First things first, "What happened? If Sirius is innocent why did he run again?" She could sense a nervous energy in him and she was sure that if she relinquished her hold he would be up and pacing in a second.
He told her then, all which had transpired the night before, starting with what he'd seen on the map up until the point of his transformation. "I screwed up," he finished. "If I'd only remembered to take my potion, remembered that in just a few short hours I was going to turn into a monster, then Sirius would now be a free man and Harry could actually be with someone who cares about him. I almost attacked Harry and his friends Dora…If it wasn't for Sirius I would have, I remember that much. As it is Peter transformed and got away, or so I'm told. Sirius was taken in by the Dementors but Harry managed to help him escape before anything drastic could happen, Dumbledore assured me of that."
Tonks ran a hand through her hair. "Merlin's sweet phanny, I need a drink. So he really is innocent?"
Remus allowed a slight smile. "Don't sound so surprised, I know you've always doubted that he was ever guilty. I have to confess that I found it much easier to believe that he was once he'd told me, but to have Peter be the one that was betraying the Order, that caused his friends deaths…"
"I believe it. There was always something about him Remus. I never said anything, he was your friend, but I always got this vibe off of him. There were moments when Sirius or James would say something, embarrassing him or putting him down and there would be this look in his eyes, even as he was laughing. The only person he never looked like that at was you." She had her own theories about why that was, but she didn't think she should share them with Remus just then. It wasn't the moment.
"He said he was afraid. That's why he did it. He never was as strong as the rest of us when it came to that."
His tone was bitter, sad. Tonks hoped that he wasn't slipping off again into self-loathing. No matter what he said, what was done was done. There was no use dwelling on it.
"How was Sirius? How did Harry take it all?" she wouldn't be surprised if the poor boy felt like having a breakdown. That was a lot to throw at one 13 year old in one night.
"Harry handled everything surprisingly well, all things considered. That boy is going to be a better man than any of us. His parents would have been proud of him. I was proud of him. Sirius is…" he trailed off as if searching for the best way to describe his best friend. "Sirius is broken Dora, there is no other way to describe it. The man we knew is still in there I think, but its like someone snuffed out the sun when you look at him. I wish I could have spoken to him further, but all things considered I suppose I should be grateful for the short time we had in the Shrieking Shack."
Tonks could empathize with how he felt. She too wished that things had turned out differently, but she had a feeling that if she knew Sirius Black, and despite everything she had believed or thought over the years about him, she was fairly sure she did, he would find a way to contact both Harry and Remus. She just hoped he wouldn't get himself caught in the process.
"Remus," she said softly.
"Hmm," his eyes met hers.
"I know that things are going to be hard now. Harder then they've ever been. But I love you. Please always remember that. I love you and no matter what I'm always going to be here."
He rested his forehead against hers. "I know."