Note- This fic takes place after season four episode one, which was titled Mayhem. In that episode Derek calls Garcia his God Given Solace. The first part of this are text messages from Derek to Garcia and her responding back.

The Circle's End

May 2008

Still mad?

U know it.

U should be asleep, baby.

Can't.

Very sorry.

I know.

Try to sleep. Please, princess.

Can't. Come see me. Room 3467.

K.

He wanted to see her. Needed to see her. Hold her- something he rarely got to do anymore- and convince himself this was all really over.

Derek Morgan didn't care if he ever, in all the rest of his life, saw New York City again. Everything about this case had been a freaking headache and a damn nightmare from start to finish. He hated that Penelope had been brought along too. She had to see people murdered in real time as she watched and could do nothing. She had to worry over and over that Derek, or someone else on the team, was dead.

She had been put through hell. But she did her job like a pro and made him proud, that's for sure.

There was no doubt about it, without her help tonight, his life would be over right now. Cause he would have tried to drive the ambulance that was filled with explosives away from the hospital with or without Garcia in his ear telling him where he could take it to safely let it explode without getting anyone hurt. And he would have never found that place in three minutes time without her help.

Penelope saved him.

When he had been racing through the city streets all he could think about was her. It would have been that way if she wasn't talking to him at that moment. If his life was just about over then there was no one else that could ever be on his mind but her.

She had come to mean so much to him. More everyday. Even though he had long ago decided they would never be a couple, that he could never get that vulnerable and risk that much pain, she still was the woman who he gave the biggest part of his heart.

She called him a noir hero but sometimes Derek felt like a coward. Especially when he realized how much of his life he wasted being terrified and playing it off as being cool, a real player, too wild to settle down and fall in love. Too hot for any one woman to handle.

He worked with a bunch of profilers.

Who was he really fooling? Anyone? Those kind of thoughts were plaguing him tonight. His life had flashed before his eyes and all he could see were two things: his childhood and Penelope.

She got him through so much. Just being the voice on the other end of the phone. She really did give him comfort and strength to face the horrors he saw everyday. He had long ago forgot how to live without her being just a call away.

(On a prayer, in a song,

I hear your voice and it keeps me hanging on.

Raining down, against the wind,

I'm reaching out till we reach the circle's edge.

Till you come back to me again.) (Garth Brooks)

XXXXXXXXXXX

Penelope stared at herself in the mirror in the hotel bathroom. She looked like crap. Her eyes were red rimmed and her skin splotchy.

She had waited till she got to her hotel room to break down but break down she did. Not even making it to the bed she had slid down the wall and sobbed her guts out.

Now it was hours later but she still felt sick. It would take more than a few hours to get over the fact that she could have lost Derek tonight. What happened left not a doubt in her mind....she was just as in love with him as ever.

Now it seemed kinda ridiculous how she had been telling herself she was so over him. She had moved on. Yeah, right. She got real damn far. There was no one else on earth that got to her the way Derek did.

The connection they shared was undeniable. Just because they flirted incessantly and teased don't get it wrong, nothing about how they felt was a joke or no big deal. They would die for each other. They would fight to live for each other. They would save each other with their actions, words, hugs and desperate prayers.

Looking into her own eyes in the mirror she couldn't lie to herself anymore. The way she felt about Kevin would never, if she lived to be a 100, grow into as big of love as she already shared with Derek.

For God sake's, why was she throwing her life away with the wrong man?

Something had to change. For the longest time Penelope was scared to push Derek for more....scared he'd bolt from their friendship or even laugh in her face....but tonight she stared down a much more terrifying fear: that he was gone from her life and from this world for good.

It made her feel shaky. Dizzy. Disgusted with both of them. Why hadn't they ever kissed? What the hell were they waiting for? It would always feel scary but she would always want him anyway. Didn't he want her back?

His God given solace.

Sure Penelope could tell herself that Derek meant that in a friendly way but she wasn't a dumb ass. Never before had she heard any more romantic words in all her life.

Getting fed up with trying to fix her face Penelope threw down her compact. Her hand rose to rub her forehead. Her head was throbbing from all the crying.

It was nearly four in the morning and she doubted she would get a bit of sleep tonight. At least Derek was coming to her room. She needed to see him, touch him, know he was truly still here.

More than that though she wanted to know if nearly dying had given him any sort of wake up call.

He called her hard headed! He was even worse, if you asked her.

She had no clue, not anymore, why he never made a move on her. She had theories, all based on her insecurities, but they didn't ring true after tonight. Those moments when they both thought he might die had been desperate and he used them to tell her how very much she meant to him. That had to mean something. If she didn't have his heart he could have used that time to send a message to someone more important to him. But every second was spent on talking to her...grasping for the right words and running out of time. If he didn't make it out of that ambulance she never would have heard the three words he found to describe her: God given solace.

After hearing that she was still too scared to process anything and told him she was mad at him for risking his life that way. It wasn't till after she stopped crying, later on in her hotel room, that she started to truly replay those words over and over in her head.

She couldn't imagine him saying anything like that to anyone else he knew. That was only how he felt about her.

Yet he was fine with just staying friends. It was beyond frustrating and what chased her into Kevin's arms in the first place. She couldn't say she was unhappy there but she wasn't known and understood by him like Derek knew and understood her. She couldn't laugh with him like she could with Derek. She couldn't tease him and have him understand her short hand. She couldn't get as turned on over him as she did Derek. Couldn't burn for him like she did Derek. Couldn't hunger for just the slightest touch. She didn't perk up when he called. Her body didn't tingle over his voice and his smell and she never lost herself in his eyes.

Kevin was good to her. But she was still so caught up in Derek, in all the old dreams and all the feelings that wouldn't let her go. Tonight just made all that slap her in the face.

(There's a moment
we all come to,


in our own time

and in our own space,


where all that we've done
we can undo


if our hearts are in the right place.)

How was she supposed to act like it was a normal day tomorrow? The day after he almost died. How many more times could she wake up the next day and smile through her pain? Why did she have to sleep alone when she needed him and his arms to comfort her? Did he really not want to give that to her?

These kind of depressing thoughts were torturing her since the moment she heard Derek's voice come back on the line after the explosion. That is after she calmed down enough to think straight.

The knock on her door told her that Derek had made it from his room to hers. Letting out a steadying breath Penelope left the bathroom and walked the couple of steps to the door, looked through the peep hole and then opened it.

One glance at him and her eyes filled with tears. "Do you have any idea how close that was tonight?"

She spun away and walked into the room, upset all over again.

(Again and again I see

my yesterdays in front of me.

Unfolding

like a mystery,

you're changing all that is and used to be.)

Derek came inside, closed the door and then walked nearer to her. He spoke to her back because she refused to look at him. "I'm sorry for putting you through that, mama, but I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you very much for talking me through it."

"This time....I really thought you were gone."

"I'm sorry."

He obviously didn't know what else to say and she didn't blame him for that. Her anger was irrational but very real to her. And his apologies were sincere. He was truly sorry and she was truly ticked off. She hated that he had been at that kind of risk. His life was not disposable and she wished he would act like he had something to live for once in a while cause she sure needed him around.

But it was just his nature to be the hero. She loved that about him even when it caused her to be scared out of her mind for him.

"I don't think I could handle losing you, Morgan."

"Hey," he said gently "I'm not going anywhere without you, okay? I wouldn't do that." After a moment, when she still didn't turn around, Derek added "Baby girl, come over here."

He moved closer and, once she turned around, he took her into his arms. Holding her as tight as he could he whispered "I got you and I'm not letting go."

"How long till I stop hearing that explosion in my head?"

"I don't know the answer for that but I do know that it has to mean something that when I knew I could die tonight you were all I could think about. And not just cause you were talking to me. Cause I got things I wanna say to you and I don't wanna die, baby, never saying them, do you understand what I'm telling you?"

She titled her head up and looked into his eyes. And then his lips came down and pressed against hers.

And Penelope did get just what he was trying to explain. After many times when they almost crossed this line it was finally the moment when they put aside their fears and let their hearts lead them home.

(On a prayer,
in a song,
I hear your voice
and it keeps me hanging on.


Oh, raining down, against the wind.
I'm reaching out,
till we reach the circle's end.
when you come back to me again.
When you come back to me again.)

THE END

Inspired by Run To You. Song by Whitney Houston. Mvid by hilscher40.