I am so sorry that I haven't updated in quite a while. I am also sorry that this chapter is short and honestly just an emotional one; nothing that will further the story, such as canon events, occurs. At the moment, my heart is just not in this. Real life has thrown me down on the ground and to borrow from many chapters ago, "I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, put back together shoddily with duck tape and put back upside down in my chest." I just do not have the emotional energy to give this the attention it deserves. I will never abandon this story, I love it too much, but I don't know when I will update again. At this point all my writing will come across as angsty and while some angst is good, that is not the vision I have for this and it wouldn't be fair to you, my loyal readers, if I did not give this the dedication it deserves.

It was evening, the light outside defused, the sun setting. If she had been at home, it would have been the kind of evening that would have found her in her back garden, or down on the beach, simply taking in the peace of the night. Instead, Tonks was sat at the table in Sirius's kitchen, staring at the glass that had been pushed in front of her by her well meaning cousin, and not really registering anything but the feel of her husband's hand as he gently caressed her hand in soothing circles, under the table.

The day had been exhausting, mentally. Mark had been buried in the cemetery where all his ancestors had been buried, on the family plot. When he was alive, the fact that his family even owned a plot would have been cause for her to tease him. Now though, it was simply depressing to think about. All the Aurors office had come for the ceremony, dressed in their crisp red robes, which while resembling the red robes they wore as regular uniform, were far better in quality.

She had stood with Kingsley and Mad eye, trying to remain stoic; she felt like she had already cried enough to fill a river on the night Mark had been murdered. The rest of that night had been a blur, but she did remember Remus coming home, even though he was supposed to be watching Harry on Private Drive, and holding her as she cried heart brokenly into his chest. She had never been more grateful for her husband then in those hours, as he helped her wash the blood off and consoled her without even having to say anything.

As the casket had been lowered, using magic of course, she had glanced over to see Rhiannon struggling wildly against the hold Dana had on her, crying and then the girl began to scream.

"Daddy! What are you doing to my daddy? Get up!" she kicked at her mother, who looked as if she was about to fall apart herself and would have fallen over if not for the arm Remus, who was standing by her, placed around her.

The scene was enough to make Tonks feel a bile of sickness rise in her and she had quickly turned away, lest she too began crying.

Now, hours later, she found herself stuck in a perpetually numb state of exhaustion. The house was quiet for once; she had the vague thought that Molly had probably threatened her children with all kinds of wicked punishments if they didn't remain thus. But then again, they were probably having a meeting in one of the many bedrooms upstairs. Ron's friend Hermione had arrived a few days before and they had been doing that a lot lately.

With fingers that felt like they were disconnected from her hand she reached out and pulled the glass towards her, wrapped her hand around it and raised it to her lips, relishing the burn of the whiskey as it tricked down her throat. The drink seemed to clear her mind somewhat and she smiled shakily at Sirius, who was watching her intently with shadowed eyes, and gripped Remus's hand tightly for a moment.

"Do you think Dana and Rhiannon will still leave?" Her voice was surprisingly strong.

"Yes." There was no hesitation behind Remus's response and she wondered if he and Dana had already discussed it. "She is even more afraid now then she was before. She wants her daughter safe, and leaving seems to be the best option."

"I don't blame her," Sirius intoned, pushing the half empty bottle of whiskey towards Tonks. "Sometimes I think the best thing we ever could have done was run. Too late now I suppose."

"They still don't want to recognize what's happening," she looked at them both with over bright eyes, although both men knew her well enough to know that the tears would not fall. "The ministry still sees what's going on as a coincidence or some rebel faction thinking they can go back to their glory days!" she slammed her hand down on table and pushed away, standing shakily. "Even when one of their own dies; someone who has dedicated their life to the safety of this community…" she shook her head. "I wanted to be sick today. What was said at that funeral…All Mark wanted was to be a good Auror, to have his family and to have a good life. And because no one wants to realize that there is a bloody problem, he is dead! I should have been there that night, right by his side, but instead I let my own petty feelings of hurt get in the way…" she took a breath, pressing a hand against her chest.

Both Remus and Sirius were watching her and she found herself glad that Molly had vacated to another part of the house for the evening. It was one thing to make a scene in front of them; they had known her for what felt like her whole life and in Sirius's case it was literally her whole life. But to do so in front of someone she hardly knew…

"Dora," Remus said softly, "Please sit down."

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I can't, I just feel so-Merlin, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. Mark was my partner, whether we had been talking or not. I was supposed to have his back, be there to make sure nothing happened. "

"Tonks," Sirius's voice was rough, holding a tone of earnest seriousness. For the first time that evening she realized that her cousin was completely sober, a feet he had not accomplished for some weeks. "What happened wasn't your fault. This is a war, and we knew going in that there was going to be casualties right? Despite whatever happened between you and your friend, he knew deep down that you cared. And you said that he apologized, yeah? That proves that he valued that friendship. You were there for him in the end and that's more then a lot of people can say. You have to believe that you are going to get past this, as much as it hurts. "

She stared at him, wanting to ask if it was really that easy. If it was that simple really, then why the hell had he hung onto his loss for so long, why was he still hanging on? Blaming him self? Instead she sat back down and leaned against her husband, who wrapped his arm around her snugly. She knew the situation was different, although she was sure she felt it just as keenly. She knew one thing though; she was not going to deal with it in the same way.

Sighing she pushed the previously offered alcohol away from her with one hand and turned her head into Remus's shoulder. "When the hell did you get so bloody insightful?" she muttered in the direction of her cousin.

He let out a slight bark like laugh, "Years of dealing with mopey gits I guess. Couldn't live with Mooney here for seven years and not have gained a little bit of empathy."

She sighed again, and closed her eyes for a moment. Life, she knew from bitter experience, would move forward. It would go on, and the every day trivialities would take over; the world would move forward. And, she knew, she would have to do the same.