A/N: Merry Christmas and happy holidays, whatever you celebrate. Hope you enjoy the update. :) Also, I am editing some of the chapters, but there will be no major changes to the story, just in grammar and such. Its been driving me mad. :/
Tonks stifled yet another yawn as she watched Arthur and Harry quickly leave the kitchen on their way to Harry's hearing at the ministry. She felt horrible for the teenager; he looked like a good wind would have no trouble knocking him over at that moment. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Molly looked after him and then let out a sigh.
"I'm going to see to a few things upstairs before I tell the rest of them to shift it," the older woman said as she left the kitchen. No one replied, but it didn't seem as if she had really been expecting one.
"Will Amelia Bones really be fair you reckon?" Sirius asked as she yawned yet again. She could hear the worry in his voice and when she looked at him he returned her gaze in earnest. As she looked at him, the thought that he had changed so much crossed her tired mind. It saddened her.
"Course I do. I know Amelia, she is always fair, sometimes painfully so. Sometimes I wish she was in charge instead of Scri-mgeour," she yawned again, but they both seemed to get what she was saying.
"Speaking of Scrimgeour, what exactly did he say to you?" Remus asked as Sirius settled into the morning prophet, a ruse really as his eyes stayed stationary at one spot on the page.
She twisted one lock of blond curl around her index finger, eying it almost crossly before wrinkling her nose and having it go back to its "natural" pink bob. "I ran into him while I was leaving after guard duty. He wanted to know why I'd been in so early, when he was sure that I wasn't supposed to be. I told him," She yawned again, holding up one finger to indicate she was going to continue, "Bugger, sorry. I told him that I was working on a case that has been bugging me for a few weeks and not to worry I wasn't looking for over time. Don't think he believed me. Like I said, he's been asking me and King a lot of questions lately; the other day I was taking a report to King and all of a sudden there Scrimgeour was wanting to know if either of us had spoken to Mad-Eye lately. I don't trust him; I think he's sizing up the situation and waiting to show his hand. I know King is good at playing the ministries games, but if it comes to it I'm not bloody doing it. I've never been good at it and it's too late to try to start now,"
Remus smiled slightly, "It would probably just give you away anyway. You should go get some sleep love, your practically falling asleep at the table. I'll wake you up when its time for you to go in for your shift."
"Yeah, before you start snoring at the table. I don't know how Moony puts up with it, I swear I could hear you in Buckbeak's room the other night, you were so loud."
Tonks rose from the table, and stuck her tongue out at her cousin childishly. "I'm going to choose to ignore that little dig for the moment, but only cause I'm so tired. You got lucky this time." She stumbled from the room then, passing the twins on the stairs as they came down for breakfast. ++++
It was late in the evening when Remus returned to headquarters, after completing some business for the Order. He had missed dinner he knew, but he figured that could wait until he was in his own home later that night. His only reason for coming back to number 12 that day was to talk to Sirius; he wanted to know what had happened with Harry. He could hear Molly in the kitchen, but he knew he would not find his friend there. Things were still tense between she and Sirius and as such he tried to spend as little time alone with her as possible. It was sort of funny, in a sad way, that he had taken to hiding away from guests in his own house. Going upstairs he headed for the library first hoping to find Sirius there and not in Buckbeak's room. He hated going in there. It seemed luck favored him though as he found the dark haired man sitting in a armchair by the cold fire place, staring into space and nursing a finger of whiskey.
"You drink too much," he said quietly as he sat across from him in the other armchair placed there.
Sirius, who didn't seem at all surprised at his sudden appearance, saluted him with the glass. "Want one? You can never drink too much Moony. Besides, I remember a time when you could down it with the best of them and not even have a hangover in the morning. Must be the Irish blood." He downed his drink and put the glass aside on the side table.
"I also almost lapsed into alcoholism a few times. Its much too easy a fix," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair tiredly, the ever-present fringe falling forward with the motion. "I didn't come to talk about your abuse of alcohol Padfoot."
Sirius raised a dark brow and let out a low bark like laugh, "Didn't you? I know you've just been itching too. You forget how well I know you Remus, sometimes I think its better then you know yourself. You've wanted to say something for a while, so we might as well have it out."
Remus shook his head, but didn't rise to the bait. As well as Sirius claimed to know him, that's how well he knew his friend. Harsh words were not needed in this moment, although a good swift kick to the arse wouldn't hurt, he thought.
"I take it from your rather pathetic mood that things did not go well," he said instead.
"For Harry? Oh it went well, he's been cleared of all the trumped up charges. Everyone is over the moon."
"Except you," he said shrewdly.
"Of course I am!" Sirius snapped, standing from his chair and moving to the empty fireplace. "No one is happier for him, I swear. I was practically doing a jig!"
"That must have been a sight," he muttered. Sirius shot him a dark look, but Remus only raised a brow in return.
"If you're as happy as you claim, then what's all this about?"
Sirius leaned against the mantle, his eyes closing for a moment, "Do you think I'm a bad person Moony?" He sounded tired and drawn.
"What? No," he said instantly. "You are many things, but never that my friend."
Sirius moved back to his chair and sat, his gaze meeting Remus' almost desperately. "I am happy that Harry is going back to Hogwarts, despite what anyone may think. He asked me if he could come live here you know? If he got chucked out, that is. I never answered him, not really. How can I tell him that I want him here more than anything? Its not that I would have been glad if he got expelled and had to come stay here, far from it. But I wouldn't have hated it."
Remus nodded, he understood perfectly what Sirius was trying to say. "There is nothing wrong with wanting him here Sirius, of liking the idea; it doesn't mean you are a bad person. It's the farthest thing from it. You took a responsibility for Harry the day he was born and James and Lily asked you to look after him if anything ever happened and while you may not have been able to do that for some years, you are now. I know it's hard, seeing him and seeing James; they are far too alike in many ways."
Sirius smiled slightly, "You know Moony, when I talk to Harry and I spend time with him, its Lily that I see. He might look like his father and sound like him and even act like him sometimes, but there is far too much of Lily in that boy to ever mistake him for anything but himself. He is the perfect mix of them both and I think that's what gets me the most. That and I feel like there is nothing I can do for him, not locked up in here."
They lapsed into silence for a time, the room becoming dark as the moon rose. It would be full soon, within the next week; Remus could feel it in his blood and bones, pulling like the tide on the shore.
"Do you remember the time that James thought he lost Harry in Diagon Alley?" he finally asked.
Sirius laughed, the full on bark like laugh that James had always heckled him about. "Merlin's pants yes! And you found him in the "mature section" of Flourish and Blots, sitting there on the floor as happy as could be. James was beside himself; made us promise to never tell Lily."
Remus smiled, shaking his head at the memory. "You teased him for hours after and promised that you were going to tell Harry all about it when he was older. That's what you can do you know. Harry needs you Sirius; there are precious few people who knew his parents like we did. You may not be able to leave the house, or have him live here with you when he's not in school, but you can give him those memories and you can be there for him now. In this moment, he is here with you and he is confused and probably not a little bit terrified about what the future might hold. Be there for him now Sirius; I know you think its not enough, but it will mean more to him than any of us can know."
Sirius eyed his friend for a moment, and the sighed, "Listen to me getting mopey like an old woman; that's your job not mine. I'm supposed to be the smart and devilishly handsome one."
Remus snorted and rolled his eyes, "Nice to see your ego hasn't suffered any."
Sirius smirked briefly, but then turned sober once more. "Thanks Moony. I know I can always count on you for the truth; I realized that a long time ago. Should have never forgotten it, then maybe none of this would have happened and I'd be able to walk down the street like a normal citizen."
"We can't dwell on what ifs Sirius," he replied quietly, "Not anymore."
Sirius nodded, but Remus wasn't sure he believed him. He glanced out the only window in the room; it was now later then he had intended to stay. Still, he didn't feel as if he should leave his friend to his own devices.
"So, how about that drink then?"
Sirius smirked again, "Oh, I thought you were a teetotaler now."
"What can I say, it's the Irish blood, gets me every time."+++
Tonks moved over to the table laden with food after Arthur had finished giving his speech, congratulating Ron and Hermione on their appointment to perfect. She was a bit surprised, she had to admit, that Harry hadn't been made one; it might have given him a confidence boost. She supposed Dumbledore had his reasons though; besides it wasn't like being a perfect was indicative of anything to come in life.
"I was never a perfect myself," she commented knowing Harry could hear her, "My head of house said I lacked certain necessary qualities."
"Like what?" the question came from Ginny who was beside her choosing a potato.
"Like the ability to behave myself," she replied crisply, causing the redheaded teen to laugh and Hermione to choke on her Butterbeer. Poor girl, you think she would be used to the idea of breaking rules by now, she thought bemusedly as she piled food on her plate. Ginny was now asking Sirius if he had been made perfect and Tonks had to bite her lip, so she didn't start laughing; the idea of Sirius as an authority figure was ludicrous.
"No one would have made me a perfect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge." If any one else noticed the gleam in his eye as he said this they didn't let on; as it was she almost met the same fate as Hermione as she tried not to snort into the Butterbeer she had just picked up. Oh, Remus had been a good boy alright; he was so good that he never got caught getting into trouble, which he most certainly did. The number of times James and Sirius had been in detention, Remus should have been by their side.
"I think Dumbledore might have hoped I would be able to exercise some control over my best friends. I need scarcely say that I failed dismally," she heard her other half intone dryly.
Soon enough she found herself cornered by Ron, as he insisted on informing her all about his new broom. She nodded in all the right places, vastly amused by the young man and his excitement. Across the room she could see Remus finally extracting himself from Hermione's diatribe on House Elf rights and how they were comparable to Werewolf ones. Their eyes met and he raised a brow nodding at Ron who had his back to him. She shook her head slightly indicting that she didn't need rescuing from conversation with the young Weasley. She found that she liked talking to him and to the others; if she had been able to have a child he or she would have been only just a bit younger than the teen in front of her. She sighed and continued to listen to the boy, smiling slightly. "It sounds wonderful Ron, when are you going to try it out?"+++
"What's that?" Remus asked, peering over Sirius' shoulder to see the photo that Moody had just showed him.
"Its us, the old order. Mad-Eye was just showing it to Harry. Merlin's saggy y fronts I forgot how much of a tosser you used to look." He glanced at Remus and smirked, "Not much has changed eh?"
Before Remus could reply, Moody interrupted saying gruffly, "We should head up stairs. Potters just walked in on Molly; doesn't look good." His eye was fixed on the ceiling above them.
Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance but complied, the three of them thudding upstairs. The sight that greeted them as they came running into the room was something out of a nightmare. There on the floor in front of a sobbing Molly was Harry's body. Of course, Harry was also standing in front of them, so there was only one explanation for what was going on…
"Riddikulus!" Remus said firmly, pulling out his wand and pointing it at the Boggart. It changed instantly into a full moon and he waved his wand vanishing it in a puff of smoke.
Molly's sobbing doubled and Remus' heart went out to her. No one should have to see what she had just seen.
Molly," he said bleakly, moving towards her, "Molly, don't…"
She launched herself forward grasping on to him, crying into his shoulder. Remus patted her on the head soothingly, "Molly, it was just a Boggart, just a stupid Boggart…"
"I s- see them de-dead all the time! All the t-t-time; I dream about it!" she sobbed tremulously into his shoulder. She was trying to wipe her eyes now with her sleeve, begging him not to tell Arthur. Remus handed her a handkerchief and she apologized to Harry for having to see what had just occurred, but he told her not to be silly.
"I'm just so worried-half the families in the order; it will be a miracle if we all come through this-and P-Percy's not talking to us; what if something dreadful happens and we've never made it up with him? And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who's g-g-going to look after Ron and Ginny?"
"Molly, that's enough," Remus told her firmly. He knew what it was like to loose people the way she was describing; to be so afraid that the at any minute you could find out that the people that you loved the most were just gone. It was hell; but it did no good to dwell on fear. "This isn't like last time. The Order are better prepared, we've got a head start, we know what Voldemorts up to-"
She squeaked at the name and he had to resist rolling his eyes, although not in derision. It was ridiculous how people refused to say it.
"Oh Molly come on," he continued not unkindly, "its about time you got used to hearing his name-look, I can't promise no one's going to get hurt, nobody can promise that, but we're much better off than we were last time. You weren't in the Order then, you don't understand. Last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by the Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one," he trailed off, but Sirius picked up where he left off, surprisingly, in reassurance.
"Don't worry about Percy," he said, "He'll come round. It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does, the whole ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology," he finished bitterly.
Remus shook his head, but continued after his friend, smiling slightly, "And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died, what do you think we'd do, let them starve?"
Molly smiled slightly, tremulously, "Being silly," she sighed.
Remus nodded, patting her on the back. "Its alright Molly. It's not silly, not at all. Come on, I'll fix you a cup of tea and bring it up to you. You should go have a lie down." He helped her to her feet and out of the room, leaving Sirius and Moody behind, Sirius no doubt making sure Harry was alright. +++
Remus and Tonks watched as Sirius ran after the departing train in his animagus form, tail wagging. Molly was muttering to herself still about what a fool he had been to come and see Harry off. The couple shared a look; it said that they agreed with her, but what was done was done. Remus was worried though, he was sure Lucious Malfoy had recognized Sirius.
"Get him home safely," Moody said gruffly, gripping Tonks' shoulder. Looking at the two of them, Remus couldn't help thinking that at the moment, in her old woman disguise, his wife looked more like she should be with the gnarled man gripping her shoulder than him. "Bloody fool, gonna get us all caught if he's not careful. Won't do Potter any good if his Godfathers back in prison." He stumped away then and in a moment was gone with a crack.
"I'm off to work then," Arthur was saying to Molly, as Sirius finally ran back towards them. He too disapperated and Molly soon followed after one disapproving look at Sirius; clearly she had recovered from yesterday's ordeal, Remus thought.
"Well love," Tonks said, linking her arm through his, "What do you say we take our doggie here for a bit of a walk. I know a lovely park close by."
Sirius barked his agreement, and Remus could only shake his head in exasperation. "It depends," he said as they headed towards the barrier, "Will I be escorting my wife, or her grandmother?"
"Oh, isn't he such a flatterer, eh doggie? Haven't you ever heard that age is better?"
Sirius barked again, his tongue hanging out, eyes alight with doggie laughter. Remus supposed that it couldn't hurt to allow his friend some more time outside, after all he would only be confined once more within the bleakness of number 12 all too soon.