*Once again, the Red vs Blue theme played with clips of the two teams scrolling by before The Booth came into focus, Doc and Chi sitting in their spots. * "Well, here we are again," Doc said.
"Indeed. And let it be known that regenengel3 does not own RvB, it's characters, locations, or weapons. The idea behind this story, the idea that Caboose has sisters, and the thought that they might be Spartans is also not hers," Chi said.
"Hope you enjoy it!" the author said, popping into being in the left chair. To his credit, Doc didn't even jump that time.
"I'm Frank 'Doc' DeFreanse!"
"And I'm Chi 'The Sarcastic One' Church!"
"Once again, we are your hosts for the Project Red Spin-Off Show!" Doc declared.
"Today's show is based off a request by Boggie997. He asked me to write a Spartan!Caboose story where he and his sisters were a Spartan team. Well... here's my take on this monster of a 'What If...' I'm fairly sure there will also be a Smart!Caboose Show but... I'm not saying when!" regenengel3 said before vanishing once again.
{Show Two: Margret... Caboose?}
After everything they'd gone through together, it was a little hard for Tucker to believe they'd never heard about Caboose's past. Church had talked about his. It wasn't much and turned out it was mostly imagined, but the guy had talked about it. Tucker had told them a little about his past. But Caboose had only mentioned his seventeen sisters and his father once. Only once, and only in passing. "Hey Caboose, what were your sisters like?" he asked the simple soldier. Caboose hummed, tapping his finger to his chin.
"Like me, only girl like," he said. Tucker sighed.
"That's..." he began, though he wasn't sure what to call it. Unhelpful? Scary? Something he hoped never to see?
"Hey, Tucker! We uh... we might have a... situation. Out here," Church yelled. Shaking his head at Caboose, as well as Church, Tucker headed outside. He was greeted by the sight of a large, armored woman.
"Oh. Situation. Right. Because you suck with women," Tucker said, eying the newcomer with slight trepidation. Dang it, had he just jinxed himself?
/*/
"No~! Whatever gave you that idea?" Chi drawled. Doc groaned.
/*/
"This is Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha, right?" she asked. The men nodded. "Where might I find Spartan Micheal – 61?" Tucker and Church shared a look.
"Uh... the only Micheal we know is Caboose, but he's not a Spartan," Tucker said, turning back to her.
"Hum. May I come in?" she asked. Tucker easily moved aside, welcoming her to their base. As soon as they entered the main portion, the woman's helmet focused on the dark blue soldier standing by the flag. "Micheal?" she asked. The young man turned, tilting his head.
"Hello. How are you?" he asked.
"Oh, right, I got different armor," the woman said, reaching up to take off her helmet. Caboose stared at the woman, then gasped dramatically and latched onto her.
"MysisterMargret!" he squealed. Tucker blinked.
"Okay, that's something I will never be able to unhear. Or unsee," Church remarked.
"I never realized how unsettling that would be," Tucker muttered, wondering if they had enough beer for him to get black out drunk.
/*/
Doc and Chi were in near catatonic shock. "Huh. Caboose can squee," Doc remarked numbly.
"Why did he have to latch onto her like that?" Chi asked.
"Uh... sibling love?" Doc offered, sounding unsure himself. Chi's holo shivered.
"Ugh, don't suggest something like that," he moaned. "I so feel for Big Bro right now. Uu~gh," he groaned.
/*/
"Wait. He said, 'my sister Margret.' You're... Caboose's... sister?" Church said. The woman, Margret, nodded.
"Captain Margret – 44, at your service," she said.
"Margret Margret! This is my Best Friend Church! He's really funny! And this is the flag! Don't let people touch it, it is important for some reason that no-one will tell me. And that is the ramp! It is an important place. And over there is..." Caboose rambled, causing Margret's small smile to change into a confused frown.
"What happened to you, Second Lieutenant?" she muttered. Caboose stopped and turned to her, tilting his head curiously.
"What do you mean, Margret?" he asked.
"Yeah, what? Caboose? A Second Lieutenant? I think you've got your Mikes crossed," Tucker said.
"Ours is an idiot," Church confirmed.
"All this time, hunting you down, and you've been here, degraded by your new team... it must have been hard for you, Second Lieutenant," Margret said. Caboose just tilted his head curiously at her.
"They are not degrading me. They are my Team," he said as though this were the most obvious thing in the world.
"So... you really didn't know?" a new voice asked, causing the four to spin around. There, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed in a deceptively relaxed posture, was Agent Orange.
"Know what?" Margret asked, nervous of what the Agent had to tell her. He sighed, his head sinking slightly.
"There was an unfortunate string of accidents after he arrived here in Blood Gulch, Captain. First, he managed to insult his acting CO's ex-girlfriend. Then, he let the flag get captured. After that, his teammates really didn't like him, so they either ignored him or told him to do meaningless jobs. Somehow, not too sure when, his armor was 'rebooted,' forcing him to hold his breath far too long. Also, Church somehow convinced poor Caboose that gasoline was lemonade," the Agent said, looking up. "I find myself seriously curious as to how you did that Church," he said, giving the Private a serious look. Church shrugged, not looking all that keen on giving up his secrets. "After that there was a malicious A.I. by the designation of O'Malley that infected his armor's systems, messing with his mind. Then two 'ghosts' jumped in and shot up the place. Sad to say ma'am... his mind is damaged beyond repair. I'm sorry, but the Second Lieutenant you knew is gone, Captain." Margret whimpered, sinking to the floor with her head in her hands.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have been here. I should have stopped them. I'm sorry, so sorry," she chanted, rocking slightly. Agent Orange sighed and strode forward to stop right behind her.
"There was nothing you could have done. He insulted Church's ex-girlfriend, whom he's a bit obsessed over; insulted both his teammate's intelligence and utterly failed to drive a tank, resulting in the creation of one of the 'ghosts' that shot up his head. Honestly, his fate was sealed the moment he landed," he said, as gently as he could while still being brutally honest, not to mention blunt.
/*/
Doc winced. "Harsh," he muttered.
"Honest. And personally, I think that was the only way he could have broken it to her," Chi countered with a shrug. "But, really, dang Caboose! How are you still alive after becoming convinced gasoline is lemonade?!"
"He is a medical mystery, I'll give you that," Doc said, nodding seriously.
/*/
Margret sighed, leaning back against the wall. Agent Orange shifted uncomfortably, thinking about how he'd feel if someone told him the same things about Kai. "Listen, I understand how hard this is for you, how it twists at your heart," he said, sitting beside her, offering a shoulder.
"How?" she whispered. He glanced over, taking in how defeated she looked.
"I'm a big brother and my sister... well. Let's just say she's a wild child," he said, hating the look on the woman's face. She rolled her head over to look at him, a question in her deep blue eyes. "She joined the army not too long after I left, not wanting to be alone. Our dad wasn't the best and mom... well. I'd just as soon say we don't have one," Orange told her.
"Hang on... this sounds familiar," Tucker said. "And who knew Agent Orange had a sister?"
"And why does this sound familiar?" Orange asked.
"Kai," Tucker said, just as the girl in question came into view.
"What about me?" she asked.
"Hey," Orange said, nonchalantly raising a hand in greeting.
"Ah. Hey, Orange. What brings you here?" Kai asked. He shrugged.
"Being the bearer of bad news sadly," he answered, nodding toward Margret. Kai turned her attention to the now curious woman.
"And that would be... ?" she asked.
"Captain Margret Caboose," the older woman said, holding out a hand to the Sim. Kai gave an 'ah' of understanding.
"You're one of Caboose's sisters then?" she said, taking the offered hand.
"He's told you about us?"
"In passing."
/*/
"Seriously, though, Caboose really hasn't talked about his past has he?"
"Considering your past, are you sure you want him to?"
"What are you getting at, Chi?"
"Ugh, Red vs Blue Back Stories," regenengel3 groaned, appearing in her chair. Doc and Chi slowly turned to her.
"Again, what are you getting at?" Doc asked.
"They always seem to be depressing!" the young woman declared, waving her arms frantically. "Take Doc for example. Abandoned by his parents. Eagle, older brother killed over a computer program. Dex, emotionally abused by his parents and step-mom. Kai, practically raised by her brother and with a longer list of tragedies than I want to get into. Rick, pressured to be the best by his father and traumatized by a pretty girl. Red, PTSD. Church, a tortured A.I. based on the tortured mind of a brokenhearted scientist. Tucker... actually, I'm not too sure what his sad back story is, but I'm sure he has one! And don't get me started on Felix and Locus!" Doc and Chi leaned away from her.
"Whoa... yeah... you've got a point," Chi admitted, Doc nodding along beside him.
"Yeah well, I had intended for Doughnut to have a decent home life but..." regenengel3 trailed off with a shrug. "Red vs Blue hit and BOOM! Depressing back story."
/*/
Margret sighed and took the younger girl's hand, allowing herself to be dragged up off the floor. "So, you're Kai?" she asked. The yellow helmet bobbed before focusing on the gray visor of Agent Orange.
"You didn't warn her about this, Bruha?" she asked. He shrugged, putting up his hands and stepping back slightly.
"What do you want from me? I told her Blood Gulch has a way of twisting people," he said. Kai groaned, rolling her head on her neck before snapping around to glare at him and stomping her foot.
"You should have said he might not be the same!" she snapped.
"I thought it was understood!" Orange said, taking another half step backward.
"That's not good enough!"
"Oh, like you could have done better, Kaikaina!"
"You better believe I could, Dexter!" Kai snapped, pushing her helmet into his personal space.
"Wait... Agent Orange... is actually..." Tucker started, pointing one finger at Orange and the other at Kai.
"Way to go, Lil Sis, you just blew my cover," Orange said, taking his helmet off. Margret turned to look at the face of her guide... then froze in numb shock. Seeing her expression, Kai bust out laughing. "It's not funny Kai!" Dex snapped, frowning at his sister. "Do you know how hard it's been trying to keep the Blues in the dark about this?"
"Dude, I don't think that's why she's laughing," Tucker said, nodding toward the still stunned Margret. Dex turned and saw her pole-axed expression and answered with an unimpressed eyebrow raise.
"Captain, that really isn't your best look," he drawled. Margret shook herself and looked away.
"And here I thought your voice was sexy," she muttered. Dex's eyebrow climbed just a little higher.
"I thought Spartans didn't have those kinds of feelings," he remarked. Margret gave him a cocky smirk.
"I'm a Caboose. We don't do normal," she remarked. Dex blinked, then threw back his head and roared with laughter.
"Well said! Allow me to properly introduce myself. I am Private Dexter Grif, First Class, Senior Agent of Project Red, weapons expert, field medic, and designated driver/pilot. A pleasure to meet you, Captain Margret Caboose," he said, giving her a sweeping bow and a self-assured smirk of his own.
"No," Caboose said, as serious as he never was. Dex blinked and looked over at the... was he trembling?
/*/
Doc leaped back from his seat with a loud, "OOH!" Chi flickered and looked after his host.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"Caboose done got serious," regenengel3 remarked. Doc jerked his head toward her.
"Whoa! When did you get here!?" he asked. She shrugged.
"I know when I'm needed," she remarked, as though this were the most normal thing in the multi-verse. Actually, when Doc took a moment to ponder that, he decided it was about par for the course and let it go.
/*/
Suddenly, the Agent was feeling inexplicably nervous. "Uh... no what, Caboose?" he asked, backing away from the other man's sister very slowly.
"I don't like it," Caboose stated, moving to stand beside his... was she resigned?! How many guys had Caboose scared off? And didn't that sound wrong. "You're not good enough for my sister." Ho boy. Dex wasn't sure, but he had a feeling Caboose was glaring at him.
"I would just like to go on record as stating... She totally started it man!" he said before snatching his helmet and booking it from Blue Base, snapping it back into place. And not a moment too soon it seemed, if the hail of bullets the tore after him was anything to go by.
/*/
"Yeah... I think that's a good place to call cut!" Doc said, managing to look a little disturbed while wearing a full face helmet and power armor.
"Seriously, I've been working with you lot for I-don't-care-to-remember-how-long and I still don't know how you manage to emote through your helmets!" regenengel3 pouted.
"It is one of life's great mysteries," Doc remarked 'sagely,' nodding imperiously.
"Seriously, it's like your a completely different person during the show and then when you're put back in contact with the 'real' Reds and Blues, you're a total..."
"O~kay! That's enough from the peanut gallery!" regenengel3 said, using her Author Powers and clamping a hand over the A.I.'s mouth. Doc blinked.
"There is only so much that can be explained..." he muttered, shaking his head at the impossibility of what he was seeing.
"Author Powers, Doc. Author Powers," regenengel3 told him, extremely smug and sipping on a root beer.
"Right. That's it. I'm done. Until next time folks, I'm out," Doc said, picking up his scanner and leaving. Regenengel3 turned to the camera and shrugged.
"I have no clue what his problem is. I'm only using my Creative License," she said, holding up a cheesy card that looked like it had been drawn by a five-year-old and then laminated with invisible tape. "Anyway, if you have a request or suggestion for this Spin-Off series, feel free to either drop a review on your way out or shoot me a PM. Laters!" The brunette smiled happily at the camera and switched it off.