The next morning I woke up to Spot's hand on my shoulder. I smiled up at him, and he leaned in for a quick kiss.

"Good morning," he grinned at me. "We're heading over to the distribution center soon, but I wanted to see your smile before I left." I sat up as he continued, "I'm leaving you two bits for food and of course your faithful dog," he gestured to the tail-wagging creature looking on from two feet away. "Don't go far, and find someone if you need anything. Even just a friend," he added.

"Sure," I said, fighting down the nerves at the idea of a day on my own. I couldn't hold Spot back forever; he needed to be selling if he was to have any kind of future, and I needed to stop being so dependent on him. I could do this.

"Meet me at Ray's for lunch?" he asked.

"Sure," I said again, blushing at my seemingly repetitive and mindless answers.

"Cat, you are cute when you blush," Spot said, sitting down on the bed and pulling me in for another kiss. Boy, I have to say that even a handful of soft kisses in the course of a day were not enough. I was getting far to comfortable with them. I wondered briefly about that; I didn't want to become dependent on them—or him. That train of thought was halted by the flipping feeling in my stomach as this one lasted a bit longer than the previous ones. Spot pulled away suddenly.

"I'd better go or I'll be tempted to stay with you all day again," he chuckled, then headed over to the bunkroom to wake the boys. I dressed quickly and saw them off, then headed out with Jimmy.

The morning was uneventful. In fact, it was so uneventful that I realized I was lonely and a bit bored. I used the time to clean the washroom of the lodging house and to play with Jimmy. But mostly I thought. I thought about how much I missed Mama and Papa. I wondered about Hazel. I actually debated going to see Ingrid, but I decided I wasn't quite ready to do that. I did make a mental note to ask Spot to let her know I was okay, though. I thought about what Spot had said months ago about Red leaving as soon as the right ship came along, and about what Roller would do without his de facto big brother. I thought about the girls over at Miss Mina's who had been so kind to me and about what Spot had said about his permission to work there. That got me thinking about Spot.

Spot was a working boy; a tough street kid with a fierce reputation that was obviously earned. I had seen him fight, after all. Heck, I had even seen him sparring with the older boys (often two to one) just for fun and teaching some of the younger ones to fight last summer. I also remembered his kissing Minnie on New Years Eve—that was certainly a more passionate kiss than any he and I had shared. His words came back to me, too:

"Katja, sex is just that. Sex. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone does it. These girls just do it for a living. Everyone else hides it. Just relax."

"Anybody that comes from Brooklyn to work there has to have my permission."

It suddenly occurred to me that Spot probably knew a whole lot more than I did about these things. The thought didn't sit well. Where did I fit in? I honestly had no idea, and I didn't really know where I stood with him at all. I wondered vaguely if any person actually deserved someone as amazing as Spot. No, I don't think so. I knew I certainly didn't deserve him, but the selfish part of me was unwilling to give up even the kisses I did get from him. At least not yet, not while I still felt so vulnerable and emotional. No, once I got stronger—then I could handle losing him to his reputation, his schooling, another woman . . . . At least, I hoped so. Maybe I could be tougher like Minnie? Maybe even learn to fight?

That was it. I would get the boys to teach me to fight. Then Spot wouldn't need to look out for me so much, and I could fit in to his world a bit better. I wouldn't be so helpless, such a burden. It was a plan, at any rate. Even if I really couldn't imagine hitting anybody.

I headed over to Ray's to meet Spot, lost in thought the whole way. I was so concentrated I almost walked past it.

"You must be dreamin' about me," Spot's cheeky voice interrupted my reverie. Oh, the irony. I grinned at him.

"Don't you wish," I shot back, almost surprising myself. I hadn't teased him like that since before everything had gone wrong. His smirk broke into a smile as he replied in kind.

"I don't need to wish. I know," he said, giving me a dramatic wink. I laughed as we headed into the restaurant. We spent an enjoyable hour over a meal, and I have to say that I felt like my old self for much of the time. I didn't realize how different I had been lately. I said as much to Spot as we walked out of Ray's.

"You've been through a lot, Cat. Of course you need time to get it figured out. You'll get it sorted. For now we'll take the good and the bad as they come," he said. I nodded, and he grabbed my hand as we walked back toward the distribution center. My heart fluttered a bit, and I wondered at that. Why was it that his hand sometimes steadied me and gave me strength and sometimes made me all jittery? I took a moment to steady myself, trying to pretend that his hand on mine did not make me a bit breathless.

"Can you teach me to fight?" I asked, my mind going back to what I had been thinking earlier. Spot looked at me in surprise.

"What brought this on?" he asked, and my heart sank. He didn't want me to learn?

"I just thought-" I trailed off, looking down at my feet as we walked.

Spot stopped, turning me to stand in front of him. He put his fingers on my chin and brought my gaze up to his. He leaned in, kissed me briefly, and then said, "If that's what you want, yeah, I can teach you. You just surprised me."

I smiled at him. "Thanks," I said, and we walked on. We reached the distribution center just as the bell began to ring for the next edition.

"I'll see you tonight," Spot said, giving me another quick kiss as we parted. I smiled at him, turned to pet Jimmy at my feet, and headed back to the lodging house.