Hi everyone. I know this is a really bad episode for Finchel (it's my second least favorite episode ever, beaten only by Special Education), but it does exist. (Rachel's speech at the end is perhaps my least favorite scene of Glee ever...) However, with the arc of Finn leading the glee club coming up, there are some good things coming! Thanks for all your support and review if I should keep going!

Chapter 74: The Break Up

Finn looked at the guy who was in Rachel's living room. Who was he? Finn managed to speak. "Hi."

"Hi," Rachel said, giving Finn a hug. Finn returned the hug. This wasn't the reunion he'd been dreaming about. They weren't screaming and kissing and running toward each other and embracing. Instead, they were hugging awkwardly and at a loss for words.

Rachel turned to the mystery man. "Could you maybe go? I haven't seen Finn in four months and... we need some time."

"Of course," the boy said, giving Finn a weird look. "I'm Brody. I've heard so much about you."

Finn already knew he didn't like this guy. When he left, he just turned to Rachel. "Who's he?"

"Just a friend from NYADA," Rachel said. "Where have you been these past few months?"

When things were already uncomfortable, Finn didn't want to talk about what happened in the army. "I just... I had to come see you."

"I missed you," Rachel said softly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Finn lied. "I'm okay." He looked at Rachel. "You look... different." These clothes weren't things the high school version of Rachel Berry would wear.

"Oh, I got these clothes from Vogue," Rachel said. "You know Kurt works there now, and he got me some clothes from there and they showed me some things for my hair and makeup."

Finn nodded. "I see." Why did this feel so weird?

"You look different, too," Rachel said. "You got your hair cut. And you've lost some weight."

"Well, the army shaved my hair off, but it's starting to grow back," Finn said. "And I guess weight loss is what happens when - "

Luckily, he didn't have time to finish the story. The door opened, and Kurt came in. "Finn!"

"Hey!" Finn said. Somehow, seeing Kurt felt more comfortable. He got up and gave Kurt a big hug, hoping that it didn't upset Rachel.

"I wasn't expecting you," Kurt said.

"Well..." Finn began. He knew Kurt knew about what happened, and he was glad Kurt hadn't seemed to have told Rachel. He wanted to be the one to tell her himself.

"So, what do you think of the place?" Kurt asked, clearly trying to keep things comfortable.

"I like what you two did with it," Finn said.

"Are you okay?" Rachel asked Finn. "You're not being yourself."

Well, maybe part of the reason why he wasn't being himself was that he'd walked in and seen another boy there. Rachel claimed he was a friend - but what if he was more than that? "I'm fine."

"Are you hungry?" Kurt asked. "There's a good bakery down the street."

Finn shook his head. "I'm fine."

"Okay," Kurt said. "I'm glad you're here."

"So am I," Rachel said, giving Finn a small smile.

"I'm kind of tired, so I'm going to go rest in my room," Kurt said. "I'll give you two some time to yourselves."

"Okay," Finn said. In a way, he wished Kurt wasn't leaving. Why did this feel so wrong? He loved Rachel and he wanted more than anything to get back together. So why didn't it seem like this was going anywhere?

"Want to go to my room?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Finn said.

"I missed you so much," Rachel said softly as she led Finn into her room.

"I missed you too," Finn said.

"How long do you think you'll be here?" Rachel asked Finn.

"I don't know," Finn admitted. He'd been hoping he'd just stay here... but what if she was moving on. "I'm just so, so tired."

"We can go to bed if you want," Rachel said quietly.

"Yeah, maybe we should," Finn said. Maybe they'd feel better in the morning.

x

Finn's reappearance last night had caught Rachel off guard. She'd been waiting for him to come back for months, but he'd come back at the worst possible time. She probably shouldn't have had Brody over. She didn't even have any interest in Brody. She was only spending time with him to fill the void in her life.

Rachel looked over at Finn, who was still sound asleep. She rubbed his shoulders to see if he'd wake up, feeling more muscle. Maybe the army had done that to him. What had happened with the army though?

Maybe he'd tell her when he was ready. She kissed his head, noticing it felt different with a buzz cut rather than a lot of hair, and then went to the kitchen, where Kurt was making eggs. "Somebody slept late," Kurt commented. "It's lunchtime. Do you want a Croque Madame?"

"We didn't go to bed till late," Rachel told Kurt.

"Thank God for earplugs," Kurt said. "I love you both but I don't want to hear any of that."

Rachel wished Kurt had needed the earplugs. "We didn't do anything. He didn't even talk to me, we just, like, laid there."

Then Finn came in. Kurt picked up his food. "I'm gonna take this down to the park and watch drug deals go down." He turned to his brother. "It's good to see you again, Finn."

Finn smiled. "You, too, little brother."

Kurt left as Rachel tried to think of the right thing to say. "Um, so, are you hungry? Can I make you some eggs?"

"Yeah. Thanks." Finn looked around the apartment. "Wow, this place is awesome."

"It's not the ideal neighborhood, but at least we can sort of see Manhattan," Rachel agreed. Now that she and Finn were alone, she might as well ask him what she'd been holding off from saying. "I can't do this, Finn. I don't understand. I don't know what's going on. Why are you here and why aren't you in your uniform?"

Finn gulped. "Because I'm not in the Army. Well, I was, for 16 days. It wasn't that bad. I really felt like I was someplace. I could make a difference, and I'm pretty used to getting yelled at, so I was doing okay. Then, one day, I was cleaning Rachel - they make you give your rifle a name - and a bullet went right through my thigh."

Right through his thigh? He got shot? Rachel didn't know what to say to that. He was walking, so he clearly must have recovered...

"Thank God it didn't hit any bone," Finn continued. "I got a semi-honorable discharge. So I've been backpacking through Georgia for the past couple months. I'm sorry I didn't call you, but but I was just so embarrassed. I mean, I left with so much certainty and confidence. I was gonna redeem my dad and make you proud. I couldn't face you seeing me as a Lima loser."

Rachel didn't ever want to hear Finn refer to himself as a Lima Loser again. "Enough of this, enough lumping around. All right, so what? The Army didn't work out. Plans change. You're here now, with me, in in the greatest city in the whole world and what a better place for you and I to find you a new dream."

"Like what?" Finn asked.

"Before the Army, you applied to Pace to be an actor," Rachel said. There were dozens of schools in New York, maybe they could find one for him. "You know, that was obviously not the right school but I don't know, maybe NYADA is. I mean, why don't you come with me to all of my classes this week, and if you love it, then you can move in here and we'll spend the whole year just finding a way for you to get in."

"You serious?" Finn asked.

"I love it here, but something has always been missing," Rachel said. "I let you go once and I'm not gonna let it happen again." She sat on Finn's lap and gave him a kiss. Maybe there was hope for them getting back together this week - and this time, staying together.

x

Shadowing Rachel at NYADA hadn't gone so well.

It seemed like Rachel was doing well, but Finn didn't fit in. This place was different from McKinley. Sure, Finn was McKinley good, but he wouldn't be considered good here.

He was glad when the day was over and they returned home. But when they got home, Kurt was waiting for them. "Who's ready to go out?"

"Go where?" Finn asked.

"Oh, you will see!" Kurt said. "Rachel, put on a dress. Finn, put on a suit."

"Dude, I'm not wearing a suit for a night out on the town," Finn said. "I didn't even bring a suit."

"Finn, you can't wear Dad jeans and a rugby shirt to Callbacks," Kurt said as if he was stating the obvious.

Well, at least Kurt had let it slip where they were going. "What's Callbacks?"

"This amazing bar that all the NYADA students go to, and Friday nights are the best because everybody gets up and sings, and it's where we're going tonight, and it's gonna be great," Rachel rambled.

Well - Finn would love to sing with Rachel - but what would the other NYADA students think? "So I have to dress up to go to a karaoke bar?"

"Come on, Finn," Kurt encouraged. "We'll let you sing Don't Stop Believing, or something equally uplifting."

"I don't know, I'm so out of practice, I haven't even sang in the shower since Nationals," Finn lied.

Kurt and Rachel both gave him looks. They knew he'd sang at graduation. Luckily, they heard a knock at the door.

Kurt went to the door to answer it, and Finn heard a familiar voice. "Surprise!"

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed.

"Hi," Blaine said.

"This is amazing! But I wasn't expecting you for another two weeks," Kurt said.

"I know, I just couldn't wait any longer," Blaine said. "I miss you too much."

"Oh, I miss you, too," Kurt said as he kissed Blaine and Finn and Rachel came over. "So good to see you."

Rachel gave Blaine a hug. "Blaine! I can't believe you're here. I missed you so much."

"Hi!" Blaine said, hugging Rachel. Then he turned to Finn. "Finn! What are you doing here?"

"I'm not really sure at the moment," Finn admitted.

"It's fantastic we're all together here," Rachel said. "Just like the good old days."

Finn wished more than anything that the good old days would come back.

"And Blaine can come to Callbacks with us, too!" Kurt said.

"Callbacks?" Blaine asked.

"Some karaoke bar," Finn said. "Kurt wants me to dress up."

"Well, sorry Kurt, but I don't have any fancy clothes," Blaine said.

Kurt pouted. "Finn, at least put on something a little less juvenile."

Juvenile? Finn went to Rachel's room and dug through his suitcase, eventually selecting a black shirt. He came out and looked at Kurt. "Better?"

"That'll do," Kurt said. "Let's go."

The four of them left and Rachel and Kurt walked ahead, talking about their last visit to the bar, leaving Finn and Blaine walking behind in almost silence. "So, how long have you been here?" Blaine asked.

"Just got in yesterday," Finn said.

"I see," Blaine said. "We miss you and the seniors at Glee."

"I miss you all, too," Finn said.

"You and Kurt should do a duet," Rachel told Blaine. She turned to Finn. "And of course, you and I need to sing together."

"I don't know," Finn said. He'd love to sing with her in the privacy of their own space - but he didn't know if he wanted to sing in front of NYADA students.

The bus ride into town was quiet. Finn still didn't feel right after visiting NYADA (where Brody was clearly hitting on Rachel) and he noticed that Blaine was acting a bit strange too. Rachel kept suggesting songs for them to sing until they finally arrived at the bar.

Finn and Rachel stood by the bar. "What would you like?" the bartender asked.

"Uh, coke," Finn said.

"And amaretto sour, please virgin," Rachel said before turning to Finn. "It's good."

Then Brody came over to them. "Hey Finn, Rachel."

"Brody, hi," Rachel said.

Finn tried to be polite. "Hey, Brody, good to see you again, man."

"Yeah, you too," Brody said. "So, how's the, uh, visit been going so far?"

"Amazing," Rachel said. "I took him to school to get the full NYADA experience together."

"Cool," Brody said. "Well, in that case, I hope you're singing tonight. You haven't really been to NYADA until you've sung at Callbacks."

"This is what I've been trying to tell him, and I really, really want him to sing Give Your Heart a Break with me, but," Rachel began.

"But I'm not a student," Finn said.

"Well, you're here with Rachel, which makes you honorary," Brody said. "And the songs works better as a duet."

Finn figured he might as well see if Rachel liked this guy. "Well, why don't you guys sing it together? It's a NYADA tradition, right? And you guys are both NYADA students."

"Finn..." Rachel began.

"Yeah," Finn encouraged.

"All right, let's do it." Brody and Rachel went to the karaoke stand, and Finn went to sit with Kurt and Blaine. Watching them, Finn felt like he was going to throw up. He didn't like the way Brody was looking at Rachel. Now he was even more sure that something had happened while he was gone.

At the end of the song, Rachel came to join Finn, Kurt and Blaine. "Oh, my God, you guys. It's so amazing up there." She turned to Kurt. "You have to do your Sweeney Todd mega-medley."

Kurt laughed. "And risk a Page Six spread? I don't think so. ' intern sings without warming up.' Not happening."

"I want to sing something," Blaine said.

"Yeah, just ask Pascal," Rachel said to Blaine.

Blaine looked uncomfortable as well when he went up to the piano. "Um, hi, everyone. I, um I want to sing a song that's very special to me. This is a song that I sang the first time I ever met the love of my life. Um, so, Kurt, this is for you."

As Blaine sang, he looked sick. He looked like he was going to cry. Finn was already suspicious that things were wrong for them, too, but this pretty much confirmed it.

Blaine came up to the table. "Maybe we should go now," Kurt said.

"Yeah, I think so too," Finn said, wanting to get out of there.

"I need some time with Blaine," Kurt told Finn and Rachel. "We'll meet you back at the apartment."

"That's fine," Finn said. He wanted some time alone with Rachel as well. As Kurt and Blaine walked off in one direction, Finn began walking with Rachel. "So, you and your friend sounded great together," he told her.

"Oh, I wish you would have gotten up there and sang with me," Rachel said.

"Yeah, I just I don't fit in here," Finn complained. "This place is just too big. It moves too fast. People are too talented."

"No," Rachel protested. "I felt that way when I first moved here."

"Even in Ohio, I knew you were meant for this. I'm just not." Finn tried to get to the point. "So, are you sure you and that Brody guy are just friends?"

"Look, I told you, everything's..." Rachel began.

Finn looked Rachel straight in the eyes. "Just, please don't lie to me."

"I couldn't get in touch with you, okay? You weren't answering my calls or my text messages," Rachel said. "I didn't know where you were or even if you were okay."

Finn knew what this meant. "So you were with him."

"I kissed him, but that's it," Rachel said. "Okay, and only just because you told me that you wanted me to be free."

So Rachel really was starting to move on. "I can't believe I even said that. I'm so stupid."

"Do you think I wanted to be with him?" Rachel asked. "No! I wanted you! You forced me on that train! I offered to defer for a year."

Finn didn't know what to say. Rachel was already angry. So was he. "Let's just go home," Rachel said.

Finn didn't argue. When they got back to the apartment, Kurt and Blaine were already there. But Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table, and Blaine was on the couch. Finn couldn't talk to Rachel right now, so instead he went to Kurt. "How much do you know?"

"Know about what?" Kurt asked, looking unhappy.

"Brody," Finn said.

"He's into her," Kurt said. "I don't know much else. I've only met him briefly."

"But why?" Finn asked. However, he could tell his brother was upset about something. "What's going on with you guys?"

"Blaine cheated on me," Kurt said.

"What?" Finn asked.

Rachel came over. "Kurt..."

"Don't act like this is all my fault," Blaine called from the living room.

"How can I not, Blaine?" Kurt snapped. "I'm not the one who slept with some random stranger from the internet!"

"Well, you were ignoring me!" Blaine shot back. "YOU HUNG UP ON ME!"

"It's not like I can spend all my time at work on personal calls," Kurt snapped. "But don't expect me to take ANY more calls from you. I want you out of here by tomorrow morning."

"What's going on with you two?" Blaine asked Finn and Rachel, clearly trying to take the focus off him and Kurt.

"She kissed another boy," Finn said.

"Didn't you guys already break up?" Blaine asked.

"Yeah, but I didn't expect someone else to come into the picture," Finn said, glaring at Rachel. "Let alone a boy with good abs whose been on Broadway."

"God Finn, you sound so immature!" Rachel snapped. "I told you before, I only hung out with him because I missed you so much! You didn't contact me for months!"

"That sounds familiar," Blaine said, looking at Kurt.

"Blaine, stop it," Kurt said.

"Well, it was a few months for me and Finn..." Rachel began.

"Of course you're siding with him," Blaine said.

"I guess I was right when I said none of us would ever forget this night," Kurt said. "I was hoping this would be the four of us together having fun. I was so excited for the four of us to be here together. Instead, look at us!"

"I didn't think things would be like this," Rachel said. "Things aren't supposed to be like this."

"Yeah, I didn't either," Blaine said.

"I just want to go to bed," Finn said. He'd had enough already. Things really were different now, and he hated it.

"You can sleep in my bed," Rachel said. "I know you're mad at me, but I want you to be comfortable."

"Same goes for you, Blaine," Kurt said. "But if you're still here tomorrow, you're on the couch. Or maybe even in a hotel."

The four broken hearts went to their respective rooms in silence. Why was everything so messed up?

x

Finn opened his eyes. Rachel was still asleep next to him, and he knew he had to go. Even if he couldn't catch a flight right away, he could just hang out at the airport. Even though he was mad at her, he knew he couldn't completely fault her. She had a point: he had gone for a few months without contacting her, but it was because he felt bad about what happened at the train station and he was trying to think of the right thing to say. He liked to think if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't have flirted with other girls, but who knew?

Finn began packing his bag together and started to leave when he heard a voice. "You can't just run away."

Finn turned and saw Kurt. "Dude, you totally spooked me. I thought I was the only one awake."

"Been waiting for somebody to come out," Kurt said. "I was hoping it'd be Blaine."

Finn was definitely worried about his brother and his friend. "You guys okay?"

"I kind of feel like I'm going to die," Kurt admitted. "Guess I don't have to ask you what you're doing, apparently."

"I'll talk to her later about it," Finn said. "I just got to get away for a bit."

"Six months ago, did you ever think that things would be like this?" Kurt asked.

It was as if Kurt had taken the words out of Finn's mind. "Sometimes, I miss high school, you know? Come on, give me a hug before I go."

Kurt came over and gave Finn a hug. "Do you want me to say anything to Rachel?"

Finn wanted to be the one to talk to her. "No."

x

Rachel woke up. Finn wasn't in the bed next to her. She went into the kitchen, where Kurt and Blaine were at the table. "I'm so, so sorry," Blaine said.

"I know," Kurt said. "You've said that before. Doesn't change what happened."

"Can we talk about this?" Blaine asked.

"There's nothing to talk about," Kurt said.

Rachel felt so bad for both of them. She felt bad for Kurt for obvious reasons, but she could relate to Blaine as well. It was like what had happened with her and Finn. She'd been trying to get in contact with Finn and failing, so she tried to get what she needed somewhere else, and it didn't work. Not knowing what to say, Rachel went into the kitchen to get some cereal, wondering where Finn was.

"Where is he?" Rachel asked softly.

"He already went back to Ohio," Kurt said.

He'd gone back to Ohio? Without even saying goodbye? Was he really that angry at her?

"Just like you're going to do," Kurt said, eyeing Blaine.

"I told you, I got my flight back changed," Blaine said. "I should go now."

"Yes, you should," Kurt said, escorting Blaine to the door and opening it. Rachel watched, not knowing what she should say. Blaine stood at the door, but Kurt just held it open. Rachel made eye contact with Blaine and gave him a small wave. She didn't know what she could say now.

Blaine returned Rachel's wave, then looked back at Kurt. When it became clear Kurt wasn't budging, Blaine left the apartment, and Kurt collapsed on the couch. "Oh my God, Rachel..."

"I feel sick," Rachel admitted. "Really sick."

"So you guys really are done?" Kurt asked.

"I think so," Rachel said. "I know we technically broke up after graduation, but I was really, really hoping we could start it up again. It felt like we were sort of back together for a few hours, but maybe we need to officially end it." She turned to Kurt. "Have you officially ended it?"

"I haven't said it, but he should know," Kurt said. His phone vibrated and he looked at it. "Now he's texting me."

"Kurt, if you don't want to hear from him, tell him to stop," Rachel said. "I know what it's like to be ignored by the person you love."

"I'd pick being ignored over being cheated on," Kurt said.

"Life can be unfair," Rachel said. "Remember our senior year? I just wish we could go back to then. At the end of the day, everything was okay."

"Me too," Kurt said. "Me too."

x

Finn knocked on the door of Mr. Schue's office. He'd spent the weekend moping around the house, but he couldn't keep to himself forever. This week his mom and Burt were in DC, and he really needed to talk to an adult about everything. Mr. Schue smiled when he saw Finn. "Hey buddy!"

Finn forced a smile. "Hi."

Mr. Schue came over and gave Finn a hug. "You look great. It's so good to see you. Wait, hold on, I don't get it. What happened to the army?"

"It didn't work out," Finn said.

"Okay," Mr. Schue said. "Well, um when'd you get in? Have you spoken with Rachel? She's been worried sick about you."

"It's so good to see you, Mr. Schue," Finn said. "Can I talk to you about something."

"Yeah, of course," Mr. Schue said.

Finn started crying. Mr. Schue pulled him in for a hug. "Whoa. What's wrong?"

"Everything!" Finn blurted out. "How can everything be so wrong? Right before graduation, things were looking up. I was going to get married and go to New York with Rachel and Kurt..."

Mr. Schue motioned for Finn to sit down. "What happened?"

"It's just -" Finn began. "I accidentally shot myself in the leg when I was in the army. I was so, so embarrassed. I couldn't even face anyone. Then I gathered enough courage to go to New York and try to start over with Rachel. She's into a guy in New York."

"Finn..." Mr. Schue began.

"I thought my life was going to be so amazing after high school and now I feel sick," Finn said. "I don't even know what's going to happen to me and that's scary. I feel so lost and confused."

"Look, we're going to find you a dream," Mr. Schue said. "And your life is going to be amazing."

Finn sighed. "I hope it will be."

"It will be," Mr. Schue said. "Glee practice starts in fifteen minutes. I'm sure everyone would like to see you. How about you go say hi?"

"Okay," Finn said.

"All right," Mr. Schue said. "I just need to pick up some papers and then I'll meet you there."

Finn walked to the choir room. One person was already waiting in there - Blaine. Finn didn't know what to say. He knew that Kurt was hurt and angry at Blaine, and to an extent he was too, but he did feel some sympathy for him.

"Hey," Blaine said as Finn came into the choir room. "By the time I got up, you were already gone. I didn't get a chance to say good-bye."

"Why'd you do that to him?" Finn asked.

"I don't know," Blaine admitted. "I just... there's no excuse. He won't talk to me. I don't even know if we're broken up."

Finn and Blaine were interrupted when Sam came in and embraced Finn. "Finn! Dude, what's up?"

"I'm just passing through, visiting my mom and Burt, and Mr. Schue said I could come by if I wanted," Finn lied.

Artie wheeled in and high fived Finn. "Finn Hudson in the house, yo!"

"Listen up!" Sam announced. "For all of you guys who don't know, this is Finn Hudson right here."

Tina came over to give Finn a hug. "I thought you joined the Army!"

"I did, but..." Finn began.

Mr. Schue came in with some papers. "But things don't always work out the way you planned them to. And I said to Finn the same thing I say everyone who comes through this club: We're a family, and you're always welcome here. Even if you just need to take a break and think things through." He began passing out the papers. "In any case, we have a lot to do today. First order of business: Deciding what the fall musical's going to be. I'm passing out a list of possibilities."

"Unique wants to do Hedwig," said a black girl who looked vaguely familiar. Then Finn remembered her. This was Unique from Vocal Adrenaline. She went here now?

"Tina wants to do Pacific Overtures, Miss Saigon, and Flower Drum Song," Tina said.

"The challenge is picking something that plays to our collective strengths, and that won't set off a firestorm in the community like Rocky Horror did," Mr. Schue told the group.

Finn looked at the list and saw what he thought would be a good choice. "You should do Grease. I know it 'cause the song I auditioned for Glee Club was from Grease. Guys like it. Girls like it. People like my mom like it. It's about high school, and growing up, and being true to yourself. Plus, the songs rock."

"The wisdom of Solomon," Artie said.

The group seemed to agree that Grease was a good idea, and Finn had to smile. At least he knew he was still appreciated somewhere.

x

Rachel had tried calling Finn to talk about what had happened in New York.

He hadn't been answering the calls.

She reached the conclusion that the best way to talk about it would be if she just showed up. He'd just showed up in New York, she could just show up in Ohio. She drove to the tire shop, where Finn wasn't working. She drove to the Hudson-Hummel house, and Finn's car wasn't there. Tired of searching, she decided to go to the auditorium to think. This was a special place to her, and throughout high school, she'd always come here when she needed to think or some time to herself. When she walked in, Finn was waiting on the stage.

"Hi," Rachel said.

"Hi," Finn said.

Rachel realized she couldn't be surprised Finn was here, too. This wasn't just a special place for her, but a special place for THEM. "This is where you proposed to me. When you did, you reminded me it was where we had our first date. It's also where we first met. Do you remember that?"

"Yeah, glee rehearsal," Finn said. "You really freaked me out."

"This place is kind of like our Jerusalem," Rachel continued. "All roads seem to just lead us back here. I went to your house and to the tire shop. I should have known you would've just been here though."

"I know it sounds kind of weird, but I just felt like singing up here," Finn said. "Seems to have helped me figure out stuff before, so..."

"Yeah, I would have just, you know, come here first, if you would have picked up your phone or answered my text messages," Rachel scolded. "Instead I had to get on a plane and drive around town, looking for you, like an idiot."

"I'm sorry," Finn said. "I just needed time to think."

Rachel could feel her anger building up and couldn't hold it in anymore. "You had four months. I hated you for what you did to me at that train station."

"I was trying to help you," Finn protested.

"I hated you," Rachel continued. Well, she didn't hate him. She could never hate him. But she hated the situation. "But then when I got to New York, I thought how much you love me and how hard that must have been for you, and I thought, this this is what a man looks like. This is how a man loves. But you not telling me where you were for four months and sneaking out before sunrise, in the middle of the night, without saying good-bye, that is not being a man, Finn."

"I'm trying to give you your freedom!" Finn shouted.

She would have had her freedom either way. "I don't need you to give me my freedom! I am a grown woman. I don't need you to hide from me, to keep me from doing what is right for me."

"Like that Brody guy?" Finn snapped.

Brody again? Why couldn't Finn understand that she wasn't into Brody? "I didn't do Brody, okay? And don't you think that I would have rather have been with you?"

"Well, didn't you say he was on Broadway? Right? And he's got, like, three-percent body fat. Who am I? I barely even graduated high school, and my life has absolutely no direction," Finn whined.

Those things didn't matter to Rachel. "Don't you get it? No matter how rich or famous or successful I become, when it comes to you, I'm I'm always gonna be that moon-eyed girl who freaked you out at our first glee rehearsal. You were the first boy who made me feel loved and sexy and visible. You are my first love.

And I want, more than anything, for you to be my last. But I can't do this anymore. At least, not now. We're done." It pained her to say that. They really were broken up. She didn't want to do it, but it felt like she didn't have any other choice.

"Wow," Finn said. "What am I gonna do with my life? I don't have my girl, I don't have a job, I don't have a place in this world."

"You have you," Rachel told Finn. "And that's better than anyone else on the planet, as far as I'm concerned." She gave Finn a kiss and began to leave the auditorium.

Rachel didn't hate Finn for what he did to her. She hated what he did, but she couldn't hate him. But right now, she was mad at herself. She hated the things she said to Finn. She'd just let her hurt build up and let it all out. But after the things she said to Finn, she didn't know if he'd want to get back together in the future.

She wanted to reunite. One day. But maybe right now he needed some time to himself. Rachel felt herself close to tears when she heard a voice. "Berry?"

Rachel turned and saw Santana. "Hey. What are you doing here?"

"It's a long story," Santana said. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Finn and I are officially broken up," Rachel said sadly. She knew she and Santana had never gotten along too well, but she was the first person Rachel had seen...

"I'm so sorry," Santana said.

It wasn't like Santana to be this sympathetic. "How are you?" Rachel asked.

"Brittany and I broke up, too," Santana said. "I came to see her, but I just realized that things weren't working anymore."

"What?" Rachel asked. "Why?"

"Long distance just isn't working out," Santana said. "I love Brittany. I'll always love her. It just isn't what it should be right now and I don't want us to reach the point where one of us has betrayed the other."

"I'm sorry," Rachel said. "Kurt and Blaine broke up, too."

"Really?" Santana asked.

"Yeah, just this week," Rachel said. "I didn't want to break up with Finn, but after not having contact with him in a few months... I think he might need time to himself."

"I thought you guys were already broken up," Santana said.

"We were," Rachel said. "I guess we were in denial for a while and hoping that things could start up again... but now's not our time."

"It all sucks, doesn't it?" Santana asked.

"It does," Rachel agreed. "It really does."

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