A/N: Tonks' Point-of-View

A/N #2: I love how we've kept a lot of the vital dialogue from the books, so let me repeat the disclaimer that we don't own the series nor make any money from this.

Tonks received word the following day that her patrols had shifted to a new schedule. She had scowled at the change then and she was scowling now as she headed toward the forbidden forest. It has been over a week since she had started these day shifts and because of them she hadn't had a single chance to talk to Severus.

She had seen him at the head table, wearing the ring she had given him. The sight had warmed her completely, but this isolation felt wrong. It felt calculated. Changing her to day shifts put her in direct conflict with his class schedule and gave her no excuse to still be in the castle when he would be free. Damn Dumbledore! She stalked into the edge of the forest to meet her relief.

MacKenzie leaned against one of the trees casually. His smile wavering slightly when he saw her scowl. "Everything alright?"

"Oh…yes," She sighed. "Just a lot on my mind. Patrols are going smoothly. Nothing to report. How are the night patrols, going?" Tonks responded trying to keep the frustration out of her voice.

"Eh…mostly quiet. I sure don't enjoy patrolling around the perimeter of the Forbidden Forest at night, though. Not with the recent Greyback attacks." MacKenzie shrugged before turning serious.

Tonks' head snapped up, "Greyback attacks?" she asked hurriedly.

"Aye, or at least that is what everyone is assuming. It is obviously the work of a werewolf…"

"…and the full moon isn't for another two weeks." Tonks finished for him.

"Exactly, so it has to be Greyback. So far there has only been one body found, up in the Highlands where his pack is known to roam, but the body was so badly mauled that it hasn't been released yet if they were male or female, let alone who it was." The look on MacKenzie's face had turned grim and there was a noticible shiver that shook his body.

Tonks felt her heart speed up. She hadn't heard from Remus since the New Year's party. She knew he wasn't scheduled to go to the pack, but that didn't mean the pack, or at least Greyback, couldn't have come to him.

"Are you alright?" concern heavy in MacKenzie's voice.

Tonks looked up, startled from her thoughts. "What?...Oh. yes. I just hadn't heard is all." Tonks mumbled. The following goodbyes and pleasantries flew by in a haze as Tonks fought everything within her not to apparate directly to Remus' place to check on him. Instead she apparated to her room at the inn.

She couldn't blame him if he didn't want to see her. Merlin knew he hadn't tried to contact her at all since New Years. Maybe he couldn't. Her mind responded darkly, accompanying the thought with images of Remus' mauled body, her imagination supplemented with the case details the other auror had provided.

She strode quickly across her room to her desk, grabbing paper and a quill. In hurried rounded writing, just legible enough to read, Tonks wrote a letter to Remus.

Remus,
I know you are probably still angry at me from New Years and I am sorry. You have every reason to not want to see me, but I need to see you. I at least need to know you are safe. There have been rumors lately and I just want to know that you are okay.

Also, and I am sure you still aren't in the mood to hear this, but we need to talk. I realize that hasn't gone smoothly for us so far, but I would like to try to make that up to you. So please, at the very least let me know you are alright and at the most let me know when we can meet and maybe do lunch again or even dinner.

I miss you.

Tonks

She gave the owl waiting patiently by her window the letter as well as an extra tip to see that it was delivered as quickly as possible. Her head fell into her hands and she wasn't surprised in the least to see her hair had returned to its natural brown as a tear traced its way down the side of her face.

A knock sounded on Tonks' bedroom door. She rushed over to answer it. Part of her knew, just knew it had to be Remus. Throwing open the door she froze before stumbling back in horror.

Remus stood there, covered in blood. Deep scratches and bite marks covered his body. His face had been torn, one entire cheek missing, his teeth visible all the way to his back molars. Others would have said he was unrecognizable, but Tonks knew those eyes. Those eyes were typically so warm, if not a little sad. However, last time she had seen them they were filled with passion, rage, and ultimately hurt. Tonks would have thought that was the worst, but now…seeing them filled with disappointment and disgust? She almost begged for him to be angry again.

"To think that I thought it was I who was too dark for you? That it was I who was dangerous?" Remus wondered aloud as he stalked forward, his tongue working visibly inside his ruined face. His voice was wrong, gurgling slightly as it forced its way up through the blood and rips in his throat. "But no. It was you…you did this to me." As he moved forward, Tonk tried quickly to retreat, tripping and falling to the floor.

Tears streaked down her face as she tried to talk to him, "What…what are you saying? I didn't do anything. It was Greyback. I just tried to find you, to make sure you were okay." She sobbed.

"I would have been okay had you been true. You said you loved me and instead I see you practically drooling over a Death Eater. If it weren't for you I never would have had to leave, I never would have been attacked…I owe it all to you. You killed me Nymphadora. You. Killed. Me."

Tonks woke up screaming. It took her a good minute to realize it was morning and she had fallen asleep at her desk, waiting for Remus' reply. Remus. What have I done? A shiver ran through her as the images of her nightmare played continuously through her head. Glancing at the window, seeing that there still wasn't a reply from him, her eyes filled with tears. Her hand moved up to quickly wipe them away only to find her face already damp. She realized that not only had she cried herself to sleep, she had obviously been crying in sleep as she had within the nightmare. The fact that her tears had been reality made the possibility that everything else might be as well all too real.

The bracelet on her wrist caught her attention. It felt like a betrayal to wear it when Remus could be dead. Because of me. Dumbledore's voice came unbidden through her head, You'll distract him and risk his position along with his life. Her hands shook as she unclasped the bracelet and with it felt like she was letting go of the only grounding force she had had lately.

Immediately she wanted to put it back on, revulsion at her own selfishness washing through her. She proclaimed to love both of these men and had done nothing but put them both in danger for her own comfort. Putting the bracelet in a drawer in her desk and casting both a protection and locking spell on she left to complete her patrols.

The day had gone by in a haze. Whereas before she had tried to catch Severus' eye, she had spent the day purposely avoiding him. She was not only determined to keep him safe, but knew that her concern for Remus was the last thing he deserved to hear. MacKenzie had tried to help, both during the on-going and off-going debriefs. Both times she had shrugged him off, insisting she would be fine. She had been in a hurry to get her patrol done with and get pack to her room to see if there had been any word.

Arriving in her room she saw that there was still no response. Unable to take it anymore, she apparated directly to his house. She had only ever been there once before to give him a message from the Order, but the difference between then and now was glaring. The blanket of snow outside was unmarred by footprints, the windows were dark, no smoke came from the fireplace, and her letter sat unopened on the sheltered front stoop. Remus hadn't been here for weeks from the looks of it. He never came home. After the party. He never came home…or never made it home.

Unable to stand that thought for more than a second, she immediately apparated back to the gates of Hogwarts. She had to see Dumbledore. If anyone knew if Remus was with the pack on purpose, he would.

She practically ran up the staircases to his office. Standing in front of the statue she repeated the password she had been given. The statue didn't budge. She said it again and again and was about ready to kick it and demand entrance when McGonagall's voice stopped her, "Miss Tonks, may I help you?"

Pivoting on her heel, Tonks turned to face her fellow Order member, "Dumbledore. I need to speak with Dumbledore."

"He…He isn't here right now. What's wrong? What happened?" McGonagall's brows furrowed in concern, glancing over Tonks for any sign of injury.

"It's Remus. I've heard there were attacks…I need to know he is safe. Have you heard anything?" Tonks responded desperately.

Surprise followed by sympathy washed over the older witch's face, "No. I am sorry my dear I haven't. Dumbledore may know, but I don't know when he will be back. I wish I was more help."

"No…It's alright…I'll try back…later." Tonks was in a daze as she turned away from McGonagall and walked back down the corridor. She continued to walk, knowing the moment she stopped the wave of "what if's" would come crashing down on her.

As she rounded another corridor, after what had likely been an hour of wandering the castle, loud tumble focused her attention forward. Harry was sprawled out on the ground and quickly attempting to right himself as he quickly asked "What're you doing here?"

"I came to see Dumbledore," she stated, her voice sounding dead to her own ears.

"His office isn't here," said Harry, "it's round the other side of the castle, behind the gargoyle —"

"I know," she said quickly. "He's not there. Apparently he's gone away again."

"Has he?" said Harry, as he shifted his weight. "Hey — you don't know where he goes, I suppose?"

"No," Tonks replied simply.

"What did you want to see him about?"

"Nothing in particular," she said, knowing Harry wasn't going to be any help. There were only two people in Hogwarts she actually wanted to see and one was apparently gone and the other she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted. Her hand reached over to her wrist subconsciously, rubbing the sleeve on her arm where her bracelet would have been. "I just thought he might know what's going on. I've heard rumors… people getting hurt."

"Yeah, I know, it's all been in the papers," said Harry. "That little kid trying to kill his —"

"The Prophet's often behind the times," said Tonks, only half listening. "You haven't had any letters from anyone in the Order recently?"

"No one from the Order writes to me anymore," said Harry, sullenly. Nor me. Tonks thought as she realized her resources for tracking down Remus were quickly dwindling. She felt helpless, biting the inside of her lip to try to keep the tears in her eyes from falling.

"Not since Sirius…I'm sorry," he muttered awkwardly. "I mean... I miss him, as well."

"What?" said Tonks blankly, trying to figure out what he was talking about, but too worried to care. She had left her letter on Remus' door step and needed to get back to her room in case he had come home and responded. "Well. I'll see you around, Harry." She announced quickly as she turned on her heel and made her way back out of the castle.