Chapter 3: Planning Big

A storm surge broke against the ice of the Southern Water Tribe docks, causing cracks. Lightning flashed in the void of a sky and thunder shook the ground. Sokka stood in the center of the village with abandoned, ruined buildings. Rain was falling heavily, causing the ice to melt around him. As if suddenly aware of his surroundings, he stepped back out of reflex only to find water behind him. Nearly falling into the steaming water, Sokka righted himself on his feet and began running toward the docks, the ice melting with hisses with each step. The moon rose high in the northern sky, huge and welcoming. He ran as fast as he could. At the docks, he saw a lone figure in front of a backdrop of a flashing, chaotic sky. Reaching out to the person as he ran, he opened his mouth to scream to them, but nothing came out. The person began to turn around.

Sokka's eyes opened. Sitting up, he felt a bit of sweat slid down his cheek. He laughed to himself and shook his head. Suddenly, he threw his fist down at the floor and stood up. Without much thought, he began doing squats, push-ups, and curls. It was hard. Too hard. Suki had been right about him taking it easy on his training. After finishing with his curls, he smacked the floor again, stood up, and ran out the door. His body was already screaming, but he went for a jog around the village anyway. Just a few laps. Content with the large amount of sweat, he returned to his tent to wash up. Suki was waiting for him. She was sitting on the floor and had rekindled the fire in the center of the tent.

When she looked up, he could tell that she hadn't slept well. Her eyes were pink and puffy. "I bet your body is killing you right now. You were so doughy."

He gave a weak smirk. "Nothing I can't handle. Know me, stubborn."

"To an unhealthy extent sometimes," she said and then looked down, absent-mindedly picking at her nails. She gestured over to the washing area. "Don't let me stop you. You stink. I can smell you from over here. I already know what you're top half looks like, anyway."

Sokka shrugged and decided to do just that. He walked over to the washing area and removed his coat, opened his tunic, and then took off the bandages. The bandages were soaked with sweat, so Sokka just threw them to the ground to throw away later. Dipping a cloth in a prepared bucket of water, he began washing himself.

Suki didn't look. Sokka could tell that she was avoiding seeing him like that again. "I don't appreciate feeling like the bad guy here."

"I never said you were the bad guy. This is…complicated." Sokka said as he washed himself.

"Or really simple when you stop to think about it," Suki said. "Look, I love you. I probably always will, honestly. I get that. I know you know it, but I… I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave you, but when I look at you… I see a woman. I don't even care if your tribe allows same-sex marriages or not—that's not the problem."

Sokka grimaced and said, "So you already talked to Katara this morning?"

There was a pause, Sokka assumed she was nodding, and then she said, "She came by early this morning and told me that you were still sleeping. We talked. She tried her best to convince me that I was being too harsh and that our relationship was worth more than gender." She stopped for a moment. "I can almost agree. Almost. I can imagine us together as a couple when it comes to being a family, bonding, but not sexually. You said it yourself: someday soon, you will be a woman in body."

Sokka stopped and put down the rag. Turning around, he walked over and hugged Suki from behind. He felt her body tense as his upper body came into contact with her back. She did relax, but only a bit. "I'm sorry. I didn't tell her to come. Also, you're not a bad guy. If I was in your boat, I don't think I could be with a guy sexually. I don't think it makes you a bad person."

"At the same time, I don't want our relationship to end," Suki said, her voice low.

"Me neither," Sokka said.

Suki turns and looks Sokka in the eyes. "So you still like women?"

He stopped and then thought about it, looked at Suki and then shrugged. "It seems so. Still attracted to you."

"So you're still a man mentally?"

She had to ask it. That painful question. He had been wondering it himself. If he was being honest with himself, being called beautiful, a girl, female, a woman, or cute didn't necessarily upset him. Sure, he preferred being seen as strong, masculine, and independent too. He recognized that he should be upset with insinuations that he's feminine, but the reality was far more confusing. There were too many things about this situation that were just so gray. He wanted to feel disgusted with his body. He wanted to answer Suki with a confident yes, but he just couldn't. It's not like he liked everything about being a woman. He didn't like everything about being a guy either. Always feigning control, making everyone think you're stronger than you really are, and not being able to express your true emotions were all things he hated about being male. At the same time, he wasn't stuck in a tent all day. Being a man had given him far more opportunities. If anything, that's what scared him about being a woman now: that loss of freedom, not being female itself.

Sokka blew a sign out of his mouth and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at Suki. "I won't lie to you: I don't know. I don't really feel like a guy or a girl right now."

She didn't look satisfied by his answer, but she nodded despite it. "Thank you for being honest." Standing up, she looked down at him with a smile. "I'm going back to Kyoshi Island. Don't worry: this isn't good-bye. I need some time to think and I need to go somewhere familiar."

Sokka stood up and forced a smile, but his eyes were watering a bit. "Oh… Oh, okay. I get it."

Walking over to a bag, Suki pulled out a fresh tunic and then walked back to Sokka and put it on his shoulders. "Don't be like that. We'll meet again and then we'll talk. We both have a journey to go on, I think. When we're both done, we'll meet on Kyoshi Island to talk."

Sokka stood up and said, "I may be a whole woman by then."

Suki nodded. "Most likely, but this needs to be done."

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon," Suki said and pointed her thumb in the general direction of the docks. "The next boat comes in two weeks. I'll be heading out then."

He stepped toward Suki. "So then we have until then to—"

Holding up her hand, she shook her head. "No. I'm sorry, but it's too painful for me right now."

Sokka's eyes gleamed with determination. "At least let me say good-bye properly."

She hesitated and then gave a nod. Sokka walked over and into her arms. They held each other and Sokka got up on his tip toes as he gave Suki a kiss. While Suki was accepting of the affection, her body felt unsure through trembles. She broke the kiss suddenly and then left the tent.

From that day on, Sokka continued to train. The morning run stopped tiring him out and making his muscles nearly give out, the pushups and curls became a bit easier. Progress was much slower than what he was used to when he was completely male. Still, progress was being made. Sokka was so focused on his training that he hardly noticed the days going by. True to his word, he gave Suki her space. He still caught her by coincidence while walking to do some drills or in the changing room for women, which his father now insists that he use. It was awkward, to say the least. There were very few female soldiers, but the ones that were there often ignored him or glared at him.

"Ladies, ladies," Sokka said to them one day. "I don't want to be here either, you know, but where am I supposed to change? It was a pain to hide my chest and get changed in front of the guys." It occurred to him that it was the first time that he had used the word "guys" to reference men as something outside of himself.

The lockerroom was small, but it was as big as the demand required. Five women, including Sokka, could fit snugly inside. There were not at all as tough-looking as Suki, but still looked to be in better shape than him.

The tallest of the three women put her hands on her hips and looked down at Sokka. "And we should care about that why? I don't care if some magic or whatever has made you have woman parts, you were still born male, have a male mind, and will ogle us."

"Say what you want about how I came to be in this position—I don't expect many people to believe it—but don't insult my spirit." Sokka said, making himself as tall as he could. "I'm here to protect the Southern Water Tribe, which changing room I use to gear myself up doesn't matter to me. I'm not in here to be a pervert. I'm in here to get changed and get on with my training."

"That doesn't change what you are," the woman to the right of the leader said.

"Good," Sokka said. "I never asked to be a woman. I don't want to be a woman. I'm a man, but I'm an honorable man. You have nothing to fear of me. We'll all soldiers here, so I expect everyone—male or female—to act like soldiers."

The two toadies physically backed up and looked at each other. The leader just eyed Sokka and then extended her hand. "That's all I need to here. My name is Yukara." Pointing behind her with her thumb, she said, "These two are Jena and Misaka." The two of them gave a light bow. "We've been giving you a hard time to bring back your fire. As for your condition: this world if full of mysterious stuff, so when the Avatar says something I believe it."

"This harassment was a test?" Sokka asked.

Jena peaked out from behind Yukara. "Not a test."

Nodding, Yukara said, "Like I said, we wanted to push you so you would bring out the old Sokka." She waved her hand. "I can't imagine what it's like to change sex, but I do know that it shouldn't change who you are. Like you said: we're soldiers, but sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are and what we fight for."

Sokka was surprised and humbled. He smiled at the three women and nodded. "I may not be the reactionary kid I used to be, but I guess if you still push my buttons I can't hold back."

Yukara nodded and said, "We need some of that fire. The guys don't take us female soldiers seriously. Not even you, Sokka. You've noticed how they haven't been giving it their all during sparring matches."

"That's true," Sokka said, rubbing his chin and lowering his brows in thought. "If we want them to take us seriously, we have to strike fast and hard. Catch them off guard." After saying this, a wicked grin grew on his face.

"You got an idea?" Yukara asked.

Sokka laughed a bit and said, "Oh, I do. Courtesy of a certain Kyoshi warrior."

A bit later that afternoon, the male soldiers walked into the sparring arena while talking with each other animatedly. They didn't seem to be worried about their upcoming spars. They stopped talking when they stepped inside and found the arena empty. The official was there, though, leaning on a wall. It was weird for him to be in that position if a spar isn't happening, but they all ignored him.

A soldier scoffed and said, "Late, are they?"

"Probably off, trying to make themselves pretty for us," another said with a laugh.

"I hope I get to spar with Sokka. I like 'accidentally' rubbing against her."

Some of the soldiers shook their heads.

"Gross, man. Used to be a guy. Not sure how I feel about that."

The man who was attracted to Sokka just shrugged. "She's cute, small, and that masculine attitude is just adorable." He pointed at the rest of them as they made their way to the center of the arena. "I'm telling you what you guys don't want to admit you see too."

Before anyone could argue, four of them fell to the ground. Four small blurs burst out from underneath the snow, and whack the remaining soldiers in the back. As they fall, the first four are beginning to regain their senses, so Sokka and the other girls strike them with a quick kick to the side of their heads.

The officer holds up his hand and said, "This spar goes to the female team, with a well-executed ambush."

The three girls all jump up with a cheer at the victory.

From the ground, the man with a crush on Sokka said, "That wasn't fair."

Shaking his head, the official sighed and said, "War ain't fair, kid. Ultimately, these sparring sessions are supposed to prepare you for it."

Sokka looked down at him with disgust. "Also… The things you said about me… Gross, no." He kicked snow in his face. As he was spitting the snow out of his mouth, Sokka continued, "Everyone, you need to start taking our training seriously if we're to become good soldiers."

They stood up, looked at each other, and then one of the brave ones said, "We're just not sure why they started letting girls serve. They just aren't as fast or strong as men."

Sokka regarded them for a moment and then said, "I'm not going to say that men and women don't have weaknesses and strengths of their own, but I will say that there are many examples of women being strong and leaders right in this village. Gran Gran served as the chief while my father was away. Katara is now serving as an ambassador for our village right now. Suki is one of the best soldiers the tribe has." He paused to let the thought sink in to the boys. "These examples don't illustrate a minority but a potential." He then pointed at the three female soldiers. "If given the chance, these women may be future generals or even chiefs. But they won't ever live up to their potential if you spar with kid gloves."

The boys looked from Sokka to the other girls. The one who said the things about Sokka, rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Maybe we haven't been giving you guys the proper chance. You did take us by surprise."

"Indeed," a deep voice said from behind Sokka. Turning around, Sokka found Hakoda walking up to them. "Everyone has potential inside of them. It took my own daughter to show me that the gender roles of our tribe were harming us as a tribe." He looked down at Sokka. "The women of the Southern Water Tribe are strong and proud—people definitely worthy of much respect." He looked at the boys. "It's good that people are beginning to realize this."

One of the boys said, "It isn't exactly honorable to take people by surprise."

"Honorable?" Hakoda said and then crossed his arms. "You may be right. Sokka guessed that her team didn't have the physical strength to take you guys on head-on—a correct assumption. She's right: the women of the guard are far too undertrained to stand a chance. Instead, she analyzed the situation. She assumed that you all would be expecting to win, so you would be arrogant. This created an opening to surprise you. Taken by surprise, she knew that you would be so shocked to have you or your peers taken down by a girl that it would give her and the girls another opening to inflict more damage. If you had been taking this session seriously, Sokka's plan would have failed. She analyzed the situation, the strengths of her troops, and executed a strategy. There's honor in a well-executed plan. Take this session to hear: never get overconfident. If you ever think you'll win a battle, that only means you have to pay closer attention. Anyone can surprise you."

Sokka wasn't sure what to think of all of the female pronouns, but it was still good to hear his father complimenting him. Although, he had to admit that he was right about the flaw in the plan. There wasn't a backup in case the surprise failed. He was a bit rusty at this. Maybe it was time to start attending the chief's strategy meetings again and really pay attention.

The morning fog was heavy a week later. Suki was scheduled to leave in a few days. Sokka was trying his best to train his frustration away. He was on his daily run, but it was going a bit long because his legs hadn't begun to hurt yet. It was quiet. The fog refracted sunlight, so Sokka could see just barely. It was glaringly bright. It was just another obstacle that was meant to be overcome. Anything could be turned into training. Due to this bright fog, though, he didn't notice that someone was in his path until he saw their silhouette a few feet in front of him. Sokka tried to stop, but the collision was inevitable. He braced himself, but a strong pair of arms caught him and only resulted in a bit of stumble on the part of the victim.

"Are you okay?" A man asked.

Sokka gave a laugh and said, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't see you."

"Don't blame you. This fog is so thick that I had trouble docking." The mystery man seemed familiar, but Sokka just couldn't place it. "Why are you out here running around so early in the morning?"

Sokka smirked up at him and said, "I need to train to become a respected member of the guard."

"Training is important, but environmental hazards should be thought about," he said.

"Suppose you're right," Sokka said, flushing with embarrassment.

The man appeared to be looking around. "Do you know where the chief's tent is?"

Sokka nodded. "Even in this fog, I can find it. Follow me."

He sighed with relief. "Thank you. Everyone must still be sleeping because you're the first person I've seen, aside from the guards on the docks."

"Honestly, we don't get many visitors. For some reason, people think it's a bit south of nowhere." Sokka smiled to himself. Nothing from the visitor, so his smile faded. Finding the tent wasn't hard, considering that Sokka walked to it almost every day. He could find it in the dark. Pushing the pelt aside, he walked into the dark tent. The visitor walked in after. Turning around, Sokka saw him wearing a thick coat with Fire Nation colors, a rare thing to see in Water Tribe territory. The man pulled down his hood. Sokka's eyes widened. The stiffness. The lack of humor. The urgency of every single thing he did. It was Zuko.

"Hey, Zuko!" Sokka said, pointing with both pointer fingers. "Didn't recognize you with your big coat."

The Fire Lord eyed him down a bit and said, "I don't believe we know each other. I'm Fire Lord Zuko. Please refrain from being too friendly—I'm not too good with strangers."

The thoughts floated listlessly through Sokka's head, as if he couldn't process them. He doesn't recognize me? Wait, he seriously doesn't? Then a wicked smile traced itself on his lips. He doesn't recognize me. This could be fun.