"Will our captivating captain find her first mate, or will it be man overboard? Find out tonight as we set sail for love on...The Dream Boat."

On a regular Wednesday evening in the Loud House, the kids sat around the television watching their favorite show. Well, except for Colin, who was sitting sideways on the chair.

"Karen, I DO love you! With all the heart I can-"

"No one cares!"

"Would you be quiet, Colin?" Lola snapped at the teenager. "We're TRYING to watch!"

"Well, I'm just saying! This show is pointless!"

"-sigh- Lincoln, pause the TV for a minute…"

"I mean, why do these shows ALWAYS have to have the most blatantly stereotypical contestants? I mean, they all have a single interest that sets them apart from each other!"

"Colin, I do sincerely hope you realize you are rambling again…"

"I know, chica! I'm just saying, it's basically a battle of what Karen likes more! I mean, if she was a goth girl, we wouldn't be having this conversation! Bram would have won by now!"

"Sigh… if only it were that easy…"

"I mean, if someone's gonna go find love, you'd want it to be… well, NATURAL!"

It still amazed Colin how well he had managed to adapt to his situation. He had gone from barely knowing what reality TV was to deeply analyzing it, all within a span of months! He couldn't put his finger on it, but he KNEW it had something to do with… well, his 'siblings.'

"I guess it's just natural…" he thought, brushing it off. At that moment, one of the twins stood up.

"Welp, I gotta check out now! I still need to feed 'El Diablo' tonight!" Lana stated as she walked towards the stairs.

"Woah, Woah, Woah… 'El Diablo?' The devil?"

"What? Oh, no! El Diablo is… well, one of my 'special' pets," she said, using finger quotes to emphasize her point. "You'll find out sooner than later!"

She ran upstairs, causing the other kids to resume their activities.

"Well, I'm confused now…"

"Aw, don't be, dude. Lans has got all kinds of things up there in her pad," Luna said as she strummed her ukelele.

"Yeah! And it ALWAYS get on MY side of the room!"

"Well, I don't know… I heard the Spanish and instincts took over, I guess…"

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The large scream that came from upstairs drew immediate attention. Lori jerked her head towards the sound, standing up in the process.

"What was that?"

"It sounded like Lana!"

"Well, duh, of course it's her," Lori said as she walked towards the stairs. "But why is she screaming?"

"I don't know…" Colin said as he stood up. "That sounded bad, though…"

"Colin, YOU go up!"

"What? Why me?"

"Uhh, because if it's a bad guy-"

"So you're gonna use me as a human shield?!"

"No! Well, kind of…. Well, yeah, but just go!"

Before you could say 'Serpiente,' Colin found himself at the front of the twins room.

"Uhh, chica? You alri-"

The door swung open, revealing Lana holding an empty glass fish tank.

"HE'S GONE! He must have gotten out somehow!" She said, trying to hold back tears.

"Well, what does he look like? Are you sure he's not in your room?" Colin asked, walking in. The room was completely different on either side. You had the princess theme on the one end and a veritable jungle growing on the other.

"-sniff- I checked! He isn't under my bed! Or under Lolas!"

"HE BETTER NOT BE!"

"Quiet, chica!" he yelled down the stairs as he turned back to her.

"When's the last time you saw him?"

"Uhh, this morning? Maybe? I was eating breakfast with Hops!"

"Hmmm… he could be anywhere by now. I'll help you look, Lana."

The girls face lit up as he stated his offer.

"You WILL? Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"The pleasures all mine, chica. I have a soft spot for animals! Now, what are we dealing with here? Frog, Lizard?"

"Oh, El Diablo isn't a lizard! He's a Boa Constrictor! A snake!"

The words didn't even need to hit Colins ears before he knew. He took a step back, looking at the girl in horror.

"D-did you say… SNAKE?"

"Well, duh! What did you think I-"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" the boy screamed as he hopped on Lolas bed, curling up in the fetal position.

"What's wrong, Colin? It's only a snake! Nothing wrong with that!"

"P-P-PLEASE don't say that word again…"

"What? Snake?"

"Oh, God! MAKE IT STOP!"

"Why are you- oooooooohhhhhhh, you're afraid of snakes, aren't you?"

"-sniff- I am NOT afraid of sna- THOSE THINGS!" he sat up, still shaking. "I-I-I love them!"

"Well, then WHY are you panicking, then?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"Uhhh… let's just say it had something to do with a zoo escape, ok? No more, no less!"

"Colin, we NEED to find him! It's too cold outside for him to live! He'll DIE!"

"Well, are we gonna let that happen? No! We aren't! Well find that snake, I guarentee it!"

1 Hour Later…

"How have we NOT found this thing yet?!" Colin asked in frustration. "It's a MASSIVE sna- THING! It shouldn't be that hard!"

"Well, he's GOTTA still be in the house. The doors are locked. He won't be able to get out!"

"Uhh… what about the doggy door?"

"Hmm? Oh, that! I made some repairs to it a while ago! Works like a charm for keeping things out! And in this case, IN!"

"Alright, I'm hitting the hay. We'll look tommorow, okay, Lans?"

"Yeah… I guess…"

He could see the dissapointment on her face, but what could he do at that point? He had all day tommorow. He could look then.

"I promise you, Lana, we WILL find him. Got it?"

"Got it. Night, Colin…"

She walked into her room, closing the door behind her. Colin walked to the basement and settled in, hoping that he could think of a solution by morning.

4 Hours Later…

HISSSSSSSSSS…

The hissing sound didn't immediately wake up Colin. It was usual for random pipes to go AWOL at times, so it wasn't that big og a surprise.

The only thing was… this hissing was LOUD. As if it was right next to his bed…

He stirred in his sleep, mumbling as the hissing intensified.

"Hghhh… yeah, mama, tea is ready…"

It was then that he felt something putting weight on his leg. This time, he woke up, more angry than tired.

"What the hell, man?" he loudly whispered as he went to grab the flashlight from the side of his bed. He turned it on and shined it at his leg, where…

"What the…"

Resting on Colins leg was a large, green mass, but he couldn't tell what it was. It was too early for him to focus.

"What is that?" he thought to himself. "It has to be something big… or else it wouldn't be draped over… wait, it keeps going…"

He followed the green mass off the mattress, down the side… whatever it was, it was BIG. Almost as if-

Colin suddenly knew what was beside him. He became as rigid as a rock as soon as he put the pieces together.

"Oh, dear God … please don't do this…"

He forced himself to turn the flashlight directly to the left of his face, and after a brief hesitation, also turned his head.

The head directly facing him was the single largest snake he had ever seen. And that was NOT OK with him.

"El Diablo…" he said, absolutely horrified.

"HISSSSSSSS…"

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The scream echoed throughout the house, managing to wake up almost everyone in the process. Colin managed to jump to his feet and tun to the stairs, stumbling along the way.

"HELP! HELP ME! HELP ME, GOD DAMN IT!"

"WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"WHO SCREAMED?!"

"IT SOUNDED LIKE LOLA!"

"IT WASN'T ME!"

Colin slammed the basement door open, managing to crack the doorknob in the process. He sprinted to the base of the stairs, where at least 5 people had gathered.

"Colin?! What's going-"

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" He screamed, running up the stairs. He tripped and fell on half of them, but he finally managed to get to the safety of the bathroom.

"Alright, what's going on?!" Lynn Sr asked as he opened his door, Rita following behind.

"Colin just started freaking out!"

"Yeah! It's like he saw a GHOST or something!"

"There are GHOSTS?!" Both the twins and Lucy asked.

"Colin?! What is the meaning of-"

"BLEEEACH!" Came the familiar sound of vomiting from the upstairs. The parents looked at each other, and after a minute, ran up the stairs to the bathroom door.

"Colin? What happened? Is the door unlocked, honey?"

"Y-Y-Yes…" he whimpered from behind the door.

"Ok, we're coming in, then…"

They opened the bathroom door, revealing the teen curled up in a ball beside the tub.

"Honey! Are you alright?!" Rita asked as she hurriedly walked to him, Lynn Sr close behind.

"I-It was r-r-right there… it was huge…"

"What was, Colin? Was it a bad dream?"

"It w-was a s-s-s-"

"A scary dream? Did you have a nightma-"

"SNAKE! SNAKE! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!" He shouted, beginning to jerk his arms and legs wildly. Lynn Sr managed to hold him down long enough for him to settle down.

"Are you OK now?"

"-sniff- I think so… I don't know…"

"So you has a bad dream about a snake? We'll talk about the language later, but-"

"It wasn't a dream! It was real!" he cried out, tears welling from his eyes. A simple phobia had managed to bring him down to a babbling mess.

"What? Honey, there's no-"

"It was Lanas! It got out, a-and it w-was right next to m-my face!"

"Oh, honey…" she said, hugging him. Lynn Sr stood up and walked out of the hall, presumably to tell Lana about her pet.

"Did it hurt you, Colin? Are you-"

"It HISSED at me! It, it, it-"

"You're alright, you're alright… so it didn't hurt you?"

"N-No, I don't t-think so…"

"Alright, just sit up and take a deep breath. Got it?"

"Yeah…"

After a minute, he felt a lot more comfortable. Comfortable enough to tell Rita what had happened.

"Ugh… I TOLD Lana to keep the lid on her cage. As soon as we get up in the morning, honey, I'll make sure she-"

"No, no, it's not her fault. I'm the one that caused the trouble…"

"Well, how did you do that?"

"Well… I'm the one afraid, aren't I? I could have just, like, caught it or something. And not react like I did…

"Well, sweetie, a phobia isn't a big deal. It's just a bad memory you have of something."

He sniffed, thinking of the bad memory he had of snakes. That fateful day…

"It was in the summer, I think. I was 5. Me and my Mama were at the zoo… a-and then an alarm went off… the reptile room had lost a few sna- THINGS. So my mom and I… went to get something to eat…"

He stopped, trying to muster enough will to keep going. Rita was patient, silently awaiting his next line.

"And at the concession stand, I felt something. It was… around my foot, and it… it… it just slithered up my leg, and…"

"Did it bite you?"

He was silent. After a minute, he pulled his leg up to his chest, pointing at his thigh. It was clear to see a medium sized scar.

"It took 15 stitches. And everyone was just so… serious. I thought I was going to die."

"But did you?"

He looked at her, bewildered. What was she doing, trying to prove something?

"Well, duh! It was only a small one. A Kingsnake, I think is what they called it, at least… I didn't stick around to find out. I NEVER went to the zoo again. It took me 2 years to willingly go outside after that."

"Hmm… I see… honey, it's ok. I understand why you screamed like that. And, if we're being honest, I have a really dumb fear, too."

He smiled a bit. Rita having a fear? He couldn't imagine that!

"Heh… what is it?"

"Well… ever since I was a kid… I've always been afraid of… puppets."

He couldn't help but laugh at that.

"HAH! What?! Puppets? Why?"

"Would it be weird to say, I don't know? I just never liked them…"

"Wait. But what about Luans…"

"Oh, believe me, Colin, if I could get rid of that… THING, I would in a heartbeat…"

"HEY!" A familiar voice yelled from outside the door. "I heard that!"

"Kids, go back to bed! Me and Colin are talking!"

The sound of shuffling feet could be heard outside the door. Obviously the kids had been listening for a while.

"Well… I'm sorry I woke you guys up, then…"

"Colin, why are you apologizing? It's not a big deal. Any of the kids could do that, and believe me, they've done it for far stupider reasons."

"Really? You don't mind at all?"

"No, I don't. Now, I think it's time we go back to bed, alright?"

"Yeah, sound good to me…" he said as he stood up. But before he left, he turned back to her.

"Hey, uhh, can I sleep on the couch tonight? I, uh, just don't wanna go down-"

"Of course you can, sweetie. We'll talk about it in the morning, ok?"

"Ok… thank you, Rit- Mom…"

He walked back down the stairs, falling asleep almost immediately on the couch.

The Next Morning…

As soon as Colin woke up, chaos immediately erupted.

"I want to ask him first!"

"No, I DO!"

"I want to talk to him!"

All around the couch, the Loud children were fighting over who got to see how he was doing. It flattered him, really.

But as he looked around, he noticed that one child was missing.

"Uhh… where's Lana?"

The kids stopped their brawl, realizing that she was missing.

"She's still upstairs," Lola answered. "She said she didn't feel well."

"Oh, boy… guys, I want to talk to Lana first, ok?"

A collective groan arose as Colin got up and walked upstairs. Soon, he found himself once again at the twins door.

He softly knocked, in the case that she was asleep.

"Lana? You awake?"

A minute passed before she gave a faint response.

"Go away…"

"Lana, I need to talk to you. Open the door, please."

"I don't want to…"

"Well, then I guess I'll just have to show myself in, then…"

He walked through the door, where he saw Lana laying on her bed, Hops next to her. Just from the way her face looked, Colin knew she had been crying.

"Hey, chica… how's the… you know, the-"

"El Diablo?" she said in a monotone voice. "Over there. He's fine… I guess."

"-sigh- Lana, you don't have to be so angry at yourself, you know…"

"I'm not angry at myself!" she said defensively. "I just… don't feel good! That's it!"

"Really?" he asked, skeptical. "Are you sure that doesn't have anything to do with last night?"

"Well… maybe a little bit, I guess… I should have put the lid on the cage."

"Well, what's done is done, now. Believe me, chica, I would have done the same thing if I owned a pet."

"Heh… really?"

"Oh, yeah… I'm not too organized in my head, you know? It's really my fault, when it comes down to basics. You shouldn't beat yourself up about it."

"But it isn't that simple, Colin!" she said, sitting up. "I made you scream last night! And throw up! And it's because of, well, me!"

"Lana, I'm not mad at you, do you understand that?"

"-sigh- Yeah… I guess I'm just mad at myself."

Colin walked over and sat on the side of her bed, a pensive look in his eyes.

"Chica, you have no reason to be mad at yourself. I'm the one with the fear, aren't I?"

"Well, yeah…"

"So why are you beating yourself up over it? No one is perfect, ok? Everyone forgets stuff. I assure you, I don't hate you. Honestly…"

He leaned over and whispered into her ear.

"Honestly, you're my favorite twin. Don't tell Lola."

She giggled. Colin knew he had won her over.

"Aww, thanks, Colin. And I won't tell Lola," she said with a wink.

"Sweet deal! Now, I've been meaning to ask you something else."

"Really? What?"

"Uhh… where do you keep the s-s-SNAKE, at?"

"Uhh, over there. Why?" she asked as he walked to where she pointed.

"I'm burying this fear forever, chica. It's pointless! So, I'm gonna TOUCH EL DIABLO."

"What?! Seriously?"

"Hel- Heck yeah! How bad can he be? I mean, is he venomous or anything?"

"Oh, not at all! He's harmless! Here, I'll get him out for you!"

A few seconds later, Lana had a snake half her size draped over her shoulders.

"Alright, so all you have to do is touch him. But NOT his head, got it?"

"Y-Yeah, I guess…" he stuttered, still a bit worried. He reached his hand out, and very gently, touched the boa.

"Oh, my god…"

"Good! Keep going!"

"Aleight, uhh, nice s-snake, nice snake…"

And even though it would take a while, Colin knew what was happening. From that point on, he wouldn't be as afraid as before. About anything…

Alright, I thought I'd give you a bonus chapter here. I originally put the twins together, but that was more Lola related, so here we are. I'm not afraid of snakes, but I am TERRIFIED of… -shudder- WASPS. I hate those things.

Anyway, main plot coming back up! Next chapter, sparks will fly, and it will be amazing, believe me. Time Travelers Brother is going nicely, and I'm starting up the Bobby/Lori breakup story again! Stay tuned, people! Thank you for reading!