This story is heavy on exposition for the first few chapters (meaning it has no dialogue). Its dedicated to sangreal7.

So Over You

Morgan and Garcia

Chapter One

July 2011

When he saw her walking down the aisle at the wedding, it hit him like a thunderbolt. How foolish he had been. How much of a liar he truly was. How he had needed to believe he didn't want her anymore so he could stay sane but of course he still wanted her. Always had and probably always would.

Wanting her was as natural as breathing for this man.

Look at her, how could he not desire her? She's beautiful in every way. As bright as sunshine in a dark, dirty world that is not good enough for a precious heart and kind soul like her.

Seeing her walk towards him, as he stood there with the other guests, it struck him how she grew more and more breathtaking everyday. When he was a young man he had bought into the theory that sexy college girls would always be the hottest thing in the world, but he hadn't known a thing about how a woman can grow into her beauty as the years go on.

Each year made Penelope Garcia even more gorgeous in Derek Morgan's eyes.

Today, she was exceptionally so. The prettiest woman at this wedding by far, at least as far as he was concerned. He couldn't take his eyes off her as she walked nearer to him and when she passed him, her eyes flickered to him and held for a short moment, her smile growing a little bigger in that second.

Through the whole ceremony he stared just at her.

As the vows were spoken her eyes welled with tears. Derek wished he could go up there to wipe them away. For a moment, her gaze found his. He comforted as best he could with just a look, knowing there was joy and pain behind her crying.

His own soul was tearing itself to shreds, while the seconds of this wedding ticked on.

Derek had told himself he was done with wanting her, done with lusting and longing, done with hoping and dreaming and praying for another chance. Since the day he came to that bitter conclusion he had been tempted to change his mind so many times but it would be pointless to do so because she liked them as just flirty friends. She was satisfied with them just like they were and wanted nothing more for them.

Morgan felt idiotic for being so hurt that she had no desire left to go further with him.

Too old to have a crush, too young to give up on love, that was the situation he had found himself in while she dated Kevin Lynch. The years went by and each day it only became more pathetic that he still couldn't find anything like what she had with her boyfriend for himself. He still compared all his dates to her.

It was a knock down, drag out fight in his heart to move on from Penelope.

He had finally started to do it with Tamara, and continued with a few women after Tamara, each relationship lasting a few months here and a few months there. He gave himself credit for trying, permission to be happy with someone other than Penelope.

It worked somewhat, as his life got better for his efforts. Their friendship grew stronger also. Thank God for that because he had needed her badly when things got grim around them.

During the darkest of times, Derek and Penelope got each other through the pain. He knew he wouldn't have leaned on her like that if he hadn't come to terms with the fact she was outside of his grasp for good now. It would have been too hard to lean on her if he still was holding in with every breath what he really wanted to say.

Never again did he want to go back to the time when he was so crazy for her he couldn't even smile at her for fear of revealing himself, or worry he would snap and scream at her that she couldn't be so blind as to not see what she was doing to him. Not wanting to do either, he had carefully couched every look for over a year just to be sure his gaze gave nothing away.

No, that wasn't a time he could stand to repeat again. Loving her that hard had nearly killed his sanity, sending him back to a dark place he knew he could drown in if he stayed there long enough.

Yet staring at her as she stood up at the alter Derek Morgan knew it wasn't a choice he could make- whether to ache for her love with all his heart or not. He was powerless to the flood of emotions taking him over today.

As the bride said "I do," Derek's eyes closed for a brief moment and he imagined Penelope saying those words to him.

Soon everyone on the beach was clapping for the newly married bride and groom and then the wedding party started back down the aisle. Derek briefly caught Penelope's eyes again.

Once she moved past him, he let out the breath he had been holding and glanced down, while thinking I'm supposed to be so over you.