Chapter 17
Morning came too soon, though Konti hadn't slept much. Kirk, he was reasonably sure, had slept soundly. After Kirk had completed his usual morning routine, Konti told him the meal would have to wait until later. Kirk seemed to understand. But Konti was astonished when Kirk turned, carefully walked to the cabinet where the branding case was stored, picked it up, turned and carefully began carrying it to Konti. Unconsciously, he held his breath to see if Kirk would drop it. He didn't. He carefully placed it in Konti's outstretched hands, only letting go when he was sure Konti had it.
"It's not time yet. Do you want to try doing that in front of an audience, or was once enough?"
Kirk took the case back and returned it to the cabinet, just as carefully. Then he practiced getting into and out of the kneeling position for half an hour. Finally, he sat on the floor in front of the cabinet and just waited, his eyes on Konti.
"Not long. Koh and Korn should be arriving shortly. So you did understand what I was trying to tell you last night. But you can't possibly realize how badly this will hurt. The weak lose consciousness. Even the strong waver. Not one in a hundred can hold still for the required time period. I've seen you accept incredible levels of pain without complaint. If your mind were whole, I would believe you could do this too. But now - the price of failure is two more repetitions, while being held. Kirk, I don't want to do this."
Kirk spoke a single word, the first and only word since losing his mind.
"Do."
Kirk held his quietly intense gaze on Konti, who just stared.
"You're trying to tell me that you want me to do this?!"
At this moment, their dialog was interrupted by the arrival of Korn, followed by Koh. As soon as they were seated, Kirk stood and brought the branding case to Konti, without being told to do so. Likewise, he got himself into the proper kneeling position. But the way he moved made it clear to those watching that this was hard work for him still. In position finally, he turned his face up to Konti and calmly waited.
Konti looked into those eyes and saw that same indescribable something deepen and intensify. But the look of innocent trust was there too, and Konti fully expected to shatter it in the next few minutes. As he hesitated, Kirk gave him a look of encouragement, as if to say, 'You can do this, and it will be okay.'
Konti sighed, opened the branding case, flipped the switch, and asked Koh to time it for him. Four minutes seemed to stretch into nearly forever. Kirk's gaze never faltered. His eyes filled with pain, but he neither moved nor made a sound. Konti watched carefully, expecting to see betrayal, anger, and hatred. Not a trace. Instead the trust was still intact.
Without words, Kirk was saying, 'I choose to trust you. The agony of this moment shall not be remembered against you.'
Konti had no idea how Kirk could do that, but he understood that Kirk was doing it. And maintaining complete control of himself besides. With a mind that only had one week of data storage. Absolutely incredible. If speech had been required, Konti would have been speechless. Fortunately, it wasn't.
Finally, Koh called time. Konti returned the branding iron to its case, examined the wound carefully, and added the knife cut, which Kirk had clearly earned. He had forgotten to say anything to Kirk about this in advance. But Kirk remained still for this as well, apparently not at all alarmed. He really does trust me, Konti thought.
With the ceremony over, Korn stood to take his leave.
"Very impressive. Bring him to my office this afternoon. Koh, you come too."
With no further words, Korn departed. Konti tried to explain to Koh what he had seen in Kirk's eyes, but Koh didn't believe him. 'Wishful thinking,' he called it.
Promptly at 1300, they arrived at Korn's office. Kirk had accepted assistance to walk more quickly down the corridor, or they would have been late. All three were ushered into Korn's office.
"Sit down, gentlemen." They did.
"I am willing to concede that it is most improbable that what I have seen this week is an act. However, I want corroborating evidence. I've ordered a complete physical. Dr. Kidra will be here shortly. Koh, you're too personally involved with the prisoner. I want an independent opinion."
Koh drew himself erect, his eyes sparkling with anger. "With all due respect, sir, my personal interest in this patient is due to his unique characteristics. I am the resident expert on human physiology. Dr. Kidra is very competent in her field, but she knows nothing about humans. Request permission to accompany the patient and assist Dr. Kidra as needed."
"Granted. Here she is now."
Koh, Kirk and Kidra departed. Konti waited in Korn's outer office, because Koh and Kidra both said it would be better if he didn't come with them. Konti paced and fidgeted for over an hour. Finally they returned, Kirk apparently no worse for wear. Kidra presented her report and departed. Then the three of them were ushered back into Korn's office.
"All right, it's official. Kirk passed the physical. Kidra agrees his mind is damaged by the mindsifter. She had no idea that this much function could be restored, and was very surprised it was done in just one week. She says he understands much of what is said, but will probably never speak. He walks, but will never run. So I want to know what you think. Koh?" Korn turned to him with a belligerent stare.
"Her opinions about what he will be able to do are based on preconceived notions, not extrapolation from known facts. In my opinion, given sufficient opportunity, there is almost nothing he will be unable to relearn."
"Konti, you've lived with him and watched his every move. What's your opinion?"
"The things he accomplished this week were because he pushed himself, not because I forced him. Indeed, for much of it, I hardly even helped. He decided what he was going to do, and relentlessly pursued it til he got there. Then he immediately chose a new goal.
"We haven't actively worked on language. I've talked to him is all. Yet this morning, he spoke a word that was clearly understandable, was the key word in what he was trying to communicate, and he was using that word to give me an urgent message. There is no doubt in my mind that he will learn to speak fluently.
"Koh has told me that we are dealing with an adult personality, and I've seen it proved over and over again. All of Kirk's force of character is there. It's currently trapped in a child's skill level, but not for long."
Korn stood and addressed Kirk.
"Kirk, come here."
Kirk stepped forward to stand in front of Korn.
"Look at me." Kirk did. "So, you understand basic commands. I wonder how much more you understand. Do you know who I am?"
Kirk looked briefly at Konti, then back to Korn.
"That's right; I'm Konti's boss. He does what I tell him to, just like you obey Konti. I should tell him to kill you. You are a problem as long as you are alive. Now, is the lack of reaction because you don't understand what I just said, because you don't believe me, or because you don't care?"
As Korn looked into Kirk's eyes for some sign that he understood the question, he saw a sudden change, as if a light switch had been flipped on.
Kirk was overwhelmed by the sudden flood of returning memories. He kept his gaze focused on Korn, letting him watch it happen. After several long seconds, Korn broke the silence.
"I think I need to speak with Kirk alone. Leave us now."
Konti and Koh rose and left the office without a word. In the outer office, Koh whispered to Konti.
"You don't think he's going to kill him, do you?"
"Father? No. His idea of good discipline is to make me do it. And I will, even though I hate it. Just like this morning."
Korn gestured Kirk to sit down.
"So, talk to me."
"What would you like for me to say?" Kirk replied as he sat.
"Then I'm not imagining it; your mind is back?"
"Yes. I am intrigued at the Lord's timing. He chose to restore my memory when you would see it happen."
"Most interesting. Unfortunately, this makes for more complications. Killing you was an acceptable solution if your mind was gone, but most unsatisfactory otherwise. I'm sure you know the mindsifter report was completely useless.
"I have on my desk a design for a completely new mindsifter, much more sophisticated. Expensive too. If I understand it correctly, this one dissects your mind one layer at a time. And we can dig as deep as necessary in each layer. So those thirty years of data you've managed to block out will be revealed, even if it takes hours. The designer claims he can have a prototype ready for testing in one month. Realistically, it will take at least two months.
"Between now and then, I want Koh to find your breaking point. And since I've needled him about personal involvement, he will be especially careful in his treatment of you. But Konti is even more personally involved. Give me one good reason why I should return you to Konti."
Kirk touched his forehead. "By your laws, I belong to Konti, to do with as he pleases."
"There is that, isn't there?"
"Korn, I give you my word that no harm will come to your son because of me."
"Did he tell you I'm his father? He never tells anyone. And how can you keep him from harm? Can you make him hate you?" It appeared to be a genuine question, not just a sarcastic retort.
"Yes, I could. But I would have to be convinced that it was in his best interests."
"How?"
"Simple. Betray his confidence, try to kill him, run away, and when caught, display such cowardice that he is repulsed and disgusted. If he doesn't immediately kill me, then keep up the cowardice until he is no longer convinced it's an act. At this point he would hate himself for having liked me to begin with, and would then transfer that hate to me as the source of his pain. Then he would kill me. But as I said, I would have to be very sure it was best for him."
Korn leaned forward. "Do it. I say it is best for him."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because hate and killing do not remove the pain. There is a better way."
"Kirk, I do not understand you. What are you doing here?"
"I will tell you, but I don't expect you to understand or believe it. I have no military or political goals. The Federation did not send me here. I have come to show you the God I serve. I hope that as you see Him at work in my life, that you will wish to know Him as I do."
Korn stared at him for a long moment, then sat back and shook his head. "You're right. I don't believe it. Well, I will give you back to Konti because I must. He will just have to live with the consequences."
He stepped to the door, told Konti he could take Kirk home, but he wanted a word with Koh. Kirk and Konti departed without waiting for Koh. Neither spoke on the way home, but upon arrival, Konti faced Kirk in the main room.
"What happened in Korn's office?"
"The Lord restored my mind while Korn was watching. Do you want a verbatim account of everything we said?"
"No. A summary will do."
So Kirk summarized quite succinctly. When he was finished, Konti collapsed into a chair.
"It's true then. I thought so as soon as I saw you walk, but I was afraid to believe it. And Korn knows, but he didn't give me any orders."
"It would solve his problem if you would just kill me, but he doesn't think you will." He grinned. "Neither do I."
"A better way? Why didn't you hate me this morning? How could you not?!"
"Because the Spirit of Christ which is in me is functioning, regardless of the condition of my mind. Konti, I will never hate you. At the beginning, I knew that hating you would destroy me. Now, I know you too well to hate you." Kirk smiled warmly.
"But this morning, you didn't. Yet what I saw in your eyes was trust. And the agony didn't shake it. You still trusted me. I don't understand." Konti was frustrated but not really belligerent.
"Two things may help. While my mind had no memory of the experience, my body did. I knew we had done this before. It was not some strange, foreign, scary thing. I was not frightened. More importantly, I knew what you felt about it. From the first of the week, I was sensitized to your emotions, because I had no language. I trusted you because your emotions contained no element of attack."
"That reminds me: what were you afraid of that second morning?" Konti asked.
"Rejection. I did not know that you would be willing to deal with the mess. Those first two nights were awful - much worse than the branding. Please, next time, no food or water until I'm mobile enough to use the facilities."
"But Kirk-"
"I can survive for three days or more without anything. And much longer than that without food. Ask Koh."
"Ask me what?" Koh walked in unannounced.
"Kirk wants me to starve him next time, so he can avoid dealing with the anxiety associated with messing the back room."
"Tell him how long I can survive without food and water," Kirk asked Koh.
"The standard answer is three days without water, three weeks without food. I expect you can last a good bit longer than that. But as to how long you could function well enough to teach yourself to walk, I don't know. But isn't the question academic at this point?"
"Didn't Korn tell you they're going to build a new mindsifter?" Konti asked. "We've got a month or two. What did Korn want you for?"
"Kirk knows. Korn told me he didn't get the slightest flicker of a reaction when he told him. No surprise." Koh sat down and started absently fiddling with his tricorder.
"Oh, right. Korn wants you to find Kirk's breaking point. How does he figure you're going to do that?"
"That's my problem as far as he's concerned. Told me I had two months; gave me the impression that failure would cost me my career, if not my life. Also told me you'd be getting orders to cooperate with all my demands. I expect you'll be notified in the morning."
"Well of course, I'll cooperate, but that won't do you any good. How can he expect you to achieve the impossible?!" Konti rose and paced toward the window.
"Oh, he doesn't. He just wants me to think it'll cost me. That way he gets top-level effort, and he can always deny he threatened me. He does it to everybody. Only reason you don't get standard treatment is because of who you are."
Konti turned and rocked back on his heels. "Right. I'd know he didn't mean it. But trust me, he has other ways just as effective. Anyway, what do you plan to do?"
Koh turned to Kirk, who'd been grinning through this entire conversation.
"I thought maybe I'd ask Kirk for advice."
At this, Kirk burst into laughter. "Are you seriously asking me to tell you how to find my breaking point?"
"Of course you shouldn't answer. But I decided to ask anyway, just to see what you would say."
Kirk turned serious. "Do you want a considered opinion, or just what comes to mind off the top of my head?"
"Either or both."
"Kirk, you're not-!" Konti looked out the window to hide his reaction.
"Relax, Konti. You yourself admit he's got a problem. Let's just see what we can do to help. First of all, tell me what kind of a breaking point we're trying to find."
"Well obviously, they want data."
"That's not going to happen, because it isn't there to be had. You know that, and they know that. So what are they really after here?"
"Frankly they don't believe you that it's not there. And they will keep trying until they succeed, or you die, whichever happens first."
"All right. But would this be a safe assumption: that if I die under your hand without talking, they would see that as failure on your part?" Kirk asked mildly.
"Yes, of course." Koh had laid the tricorder aside and was twiddling his stylus.
"So whatever we come up with has to be non-lethal, but preferably feel bad enough that I would wish it were."
"Kirk!" The appalled shock made another appearance, not quite as successfully hidden.
"Konti, what's the big deal? Don't tell me you had no idea what Koh was doing to me on that ship of yours?"
"That was different." Irritated, Konti crossed his arms and stared at Kirk.
"Why? And how?" Kirk wasn't worried about challenging Konti's anger.
"I don't know. It just was."
"I'm sorry, Konti. Maybe Koh and I had better discuss this elsewhere."
"No." Konti took a deep breath and willed himself to calm down. "You're staying right here, and I'll try to stop interrupting."
Kirk turned back to Koh. "The problem is you tried everything you knew to do; at least I presume you did; I told you to. So we have to find something new and different. Or maybe a new combination. And we have more time. Maybe a new psychological twist."
Kirk was really talking to himself, pacing as he thought. After a few minutes of silent pacing, he turned back to Koh.
"What about this, and hear the whole thing before you give an opinion. Twelve hours out of every twenty-four, I spend with you. Of the twelve I spend with Konti, at least six have to be a public display of slave behavior - city streets, his club, the State Assembly, could even be here, if he has guests. The other six would be any activity of Konti's choice, as long as it doesn't include any food or drink for me, any sleep, or any privacy.
"Thus you would control all food and drink input, either by mouth or IV, your choice, as well as sleep, if any. You would obviously plan your experiments in advance, but I would never know whether I was facing hours of non-stop agony, or the exact opposite. Obviously more agony than not, but enough pleasantness to keep me guessing. Maybe even wearing those wires all the time, so I wouldn't know from minute to minute what to expect.
"And here's a new twist that'll give your superiors gray hairs. You set up your lab somewhere in this city that I can get to by walking. Every night, I leave here and walk to your lab. No guard, no escort. Not even Konti comes with me. Absolutely nothing to prevent me from running away. No cameras, no monitoring devices, nothing. I walk into your lab and put on those wires of my own free will, night after night after night.
"Something else I just thought of. If you're running an experiment that needs more than twelve hours, you make arrangements with Konti, but you don't tell me. So I never know how long I'm going to be in there - hours, days, or weeks. All I know is when you let me out, Konti will be waiting at the door to demand six hours of public obedience, followed by six hours of other activities, followed by a voluntary return to your lab for another unknown period of time.
"If this sounds good to you, I want to make a deal with you. And I'll tell you up front that you can say 'no' without jeopardizing the rest of it. I will cooperate with you on all the experiments by giving you whatever feedback you ask for - as honest and transparent as I can be - no talking drugs needed. In exchange for that cooperation, you will come here one evening a week to engage in an activity of Konti's choosing. This would be part of the six hours of private activity. And I should warn you: Konti's favorite activity is talking, and some of it gets pretty serious."
Kirk sat down and looked at Koh with a grin. "Well, what do you think?"
"I like it. I think it's brilliant. I don't suppose you have any good ideas for experiments."
"You want me to do all your work for you?!" He grinned. "Seriously, it's better if I don't know. Use your creative imagination. Tell you what, you think about it, and if you're really stumped, we can talk about it after I get in there."
"All right. I'll write this up, and if I get approval, I'll let you know when I'm ready. Should be a day or two anyway. The only thing likely to cause trouble is the unescorted walk, but that's the very thing that makes it brilliant. And I'll never know whether you're going to show up or not."
"Right. If I don't, you'll know I've just reached the breaking point. Either that, or somebody mugged me, and I'm bleeding to death in some alley."
"I'll keep that possibility in mind. And about your deal, I certainly accept. Your cooperation is worth a lot more than one evening a week. I consider that a real bargain."
The plan was approved. The very next day, they were called into Korn's office, and given instructions that matched Kirk's words almost exactly. Only the three of them knew it was Kirk's plan, not Koh's ideas. If they had told Korn, he would have refused the plan, and they would have been back to square one. Kirk managed to keep a straight face, but didn't manage to look appalled. As they were leaving, Korn commented on it.
"Doesn't anything faze you, Kirk?"
"Sir, you did tell me yesterday to expect this. Dr. Koh is very creative. I'm sure I will enjoy working with him."
Koh very nearly cracked up at this comment. Fortunately, Korn misinterpreted the reason for Koh's snort. Once safely in the flitter, all three of them laughed. It was a rare moment, and Kirk was grateful. When he had met them, neither would have considered laughing with him about anything.