Chapter 18

B: So there I was at the lunch table with the other junior high cheeleaders while Miss Tin Teeth and the Stoppable loser were blabbling along.

("I just don't know which pet to get for my dad, KP!" Ron said as he and Kim were walking in line. "You do know that he's allergic to fur, right, since the golden receiver incident?"

"Yes, Ron. You told me that a few today. And it's golden retriever , not receiver! Dogs don't catch footballs!" Kim sighed while taking a small list from the pocket of her dress. "Let's go down the list of non-fur animals that your dad would like."

"Ready when you are!" Ron said.

"Okay..." Kim hummed, going down the list. "How about frogs?"

"Eww...those things are so slimy!" Ron gagged.

"They don't give out slime, Ron! It's mucus!" She then looked at the next animal, "Or maybe a sphynx cat?" Kim asked another possible animal.

"Sick and wrong...they look like mutated human skins!" Ron groaned, grossed out at photos he has seen before of those type of cats.

"Okay...cross them off the list...what about rabbits?" Kim suggested a third animal, "They shouldn't be a problem if you keep them in a cage!"

"Hello, KP! I don't wanna see my carrot bill skyrocket!" Ron exclaimed.

"I guess you're gonna cross the rabbit off the list..." Kim hypothesized, a little frustated about Ron's rejection of choices.

"Duh, KP! I recall one over at Wannaweep that had glowing red eyes and has teeth about as sharp as machetes!" Ron exclaimed while mimicing the teeth with his index finger and middle finger.

"You've been watching way too many British sketch comedy movies, Ron." Kim chuckled a little.

"I just love their style of humor! Or is it humor with an extra u between the m and o?" Ron countered but then got confused a little before getting back to the subject, "Anywho, I can't just choose any hairless pet, KP! It's gonna need a lot of love and caring for! Probably I could make a run to Smarty-Mart after school..."

He felt a tightness then in his skinny girly jeans when he came to the lunch ladies, "...right after I change my pants!"

"Like I said, Ron, those jeans aren't meant to fit you!" Kim repeated while the lunch lady served her spaghetti in a plastic bowl with good meat in it. "And I have cheer tryouts this afternoon, so I'll try to catch up with you afterwards at Smarty-Mart."

"KP, according to my mother, wearing these jeans will prevent me from having any more...'de-pantsing incidents'...and lessen my trips to the principal's office!" Ron gave his point of view, even though he clearly felt uncomfortable in them.

He then said to the lunch lady, "Um, I think I shall have the grilled lamb with those little fancy lemons from France and add some truffles on the side..."

The lunch lady gruffily said, "This is a public school cafeteria. You're going to have what's on the menu today, whether you like it or not!" She slopped the noodles into the plastic bowl, followed by the meat which came from the high school and reeked of an awful smell.

Ron was disgusted by it, but didn't want to either anger the lunch lady further or to stall the line, so he moved like the other students.

"Okay, Ron, but I'm warning you to change into something a bit more...suitable...when you go to Smarty-Mart. And I hope you don't have any of...as you said, 'depantsing incidents'.")

B: My cheerleaders and I, meanwhile, were planning what banner to write out for our first football game of the season. Our table was right next to a wet spot on the floor that the janitor just mopped.

That was when...it...happened.