Chapter 25
"You brought the whip? Good. Then take it down to Room E, and leave it in the middle of the floor."
When Konti returned, Koh pulled out a tray of wires like Kirk's.
"Leave your clothes in Locker 3 over there. Take this tray into Room A, wake Kirk up, and get him to help you put them on."
Konti complied without a word.
Kirk felt a hand gently shaking his shoulder.
"Hmm, up to 150 and climbing."
He opened his eyes and smiled up at Konti.
"Hello, Konti. I see you're about to join the wires club. It's the latest fashion."
"Do you always joke about this?"
"Yes. If the jokes get too obnoxious, just kick me. Stabilizing at-"
"Let's leave out the numbers, Kirk. What's barely functional for you may be much different than Konti's barely functional."
"Understood."
He slowly got to his feet. Konti watched how slowly he moved. He looked at the monitor window.
"Why do you want him just barely functional?"
"Because he enjoys making my life difficult," Kirk quipped. There was laughter in his tone and no hint of bitterness.
"Is that true, Koh?"
"Yes. But that's not the whole truth." Koh wondered just how transparent Kirk would be. Apparently, very.
"He hopes that if he can keep me just barely functional, that you will settle for the same, regardless of the dial reading."
"That might be true. But for you, just barely functional means you're moving a little slowly. You can converse normally, and there's no hint of pain on your face. I might be able to get off the table, but conversation? I doubt it, and I have no idea how you keep it off your face."
"Well, that's what we're here to practice. Instructions, Koh?"
"Help him get the leads on and tested."
A job that took Kirk less than five minutes now took fifteen, but it was finally done. Konti was visibly nervous.
"Tell me what you fear, right at this moment."
"The hours of agony, I guess."
"You don't have to face hours of agony, only the agony of this moment. Don't think about the hours ahead. Focus all your attention on what's happening right now."
"Nothing's happening right now."
"If it were, could you face one second of agony?"
"One second? Of course; I could stand almost anything that long."
Koh supplied the one second of agony. Konti gasped, stiffened, and grimaced.
"Tell me what that felt like."
"A whole bunch of knives sticking me all at once. And the feet? I can't describe it - fire maybe."
"Good description. Now that you know what it feels like, can you face another second just like that one?"
"I guess so, yes."
Koh gave him another second, and Konti managed to avoid gasping.
"I feel as if I want to rip all these wires off, and rub my skin to assure myself that it's uninjured. Especially the feet. The itching sensation is fierce. How can you just stand there?"
"The itching only comes when the pain stimulus is gone. Do you think you could face ten seconds?"
"I don't know."
"What about it do you fear? What's the worst that could happen?"
"I could scream."
"No one would hear except me and Koh. What else?"
"I might fall down. I might claw at these wires. I might even attack you."
"The floor's not really very far away. The wires may not be indestructible, but I'm sure they're replaceable. And I'm sure I've been attacked before."
"What I'm really afraid of is losing control, of acting like a coward."
"Which is more of a coward: the one who finds a level of pain that he can't stand, or the one who refuses to face the pain for fear of finding out that he can't stand it?"
"The latter, of course. So I will face it, even though I fear it."
Koh turned on the pain for ten very long seconds. Konti held himself rigid, and didn't breathe til it was over. Kirk smiled at him.
"Well, you didn't do any of the things you were afraid of. Could you face another ten seconds?"
"Yes," was Konti's immediate reply.
Shortly thereafter, Kirk had Konti up to thirty-second intervals. But he still wasn't breathing through it. Nor had Kirk even started discussing the need to relax, or the concept of accepting the pain.
"Do you still fear this?"
"Not the way you're doing it, no, but you're spoon-feeding it. What happened to the crash course?"
"I told you, I don't recommend it. Of course it depends on what you're after. If all you want to know is whether you can survive the same thing Koh did to me, then go ahead. But if you want to learn how I do what I do, then the crash course is not the way to go. The only reason it worked for me is because my body already knew what my mind couldn't remember."
"I want to learn from you, so we do it your way."
"Okay then, so you don't fear what we're doing? Which would you fear more: an increase in the length of time, or the intensity?"
"Both. Maybe the intensity more, though it would depend on how long a time."
"We're going to face the intensity first. Thirty-second intervals, but each one five points higher on the dial than the previous one. We'll rest for two minutes between each one, but we're going to keep going up until you pass out. Doesn't matter how out-of-control you get. We're going all the way to the top. I want you to know what the worst feels like. Any questions?"
"You said earlier that Koh would be in charge. It sounds to me as if you're giving the orders."
"He is in charge. His hands control the pain. He can knock me out any time he wants. If I've gone to sleep, he can wake me up. He even tells me where to go and what to do when I get there - all by changing the pain I receive through these wires. Of course, I could refuse to do what he tells me to, but where's the fun in that? Right now, he wants me to teach you. I've told him what I want, but he will decide whether to do it. If you've no other questions, grip my wrists. Hold on as tight as you want to."
It took almost an hour. Konti's breathing was very ragged, when he breathed at all. He kept his body rigid with the effort to control himself. About half way up, he started shaking his head and muttering, "I can't." Kirk kept up a running stream of encouragement. The 'I can't's became louder and more insistent. Kirk kept his voice calm and quiet, while refusing to accept the 'I can't's.
The last three, Kirk could tell they were getting close. Konti's eyes glazed over, he began to sway, and his death grip on Kirk's wrists loosened. Kirk could feel him fighting to stay conscious. He almost lost it towards the end of an interval, revived slightly during the rest period, and lasted almost half way through the next interval. As Kirk lowered him to the floor, he spoke to Koh.
"That's it, Koh. How high did we get?"
"130."
"Do you have any data that indicates what's normal for Klingons?"
"No, not really. And I don't consider you normal for humans either. You're just very interesting to study."
Kirk chuckled as he sat on the floor next to Konti.
"I'd be willing to bet we can raise his score by at least 50 points, but I don't have any assets with which to bet."
"50 points? Hmm... Seems unlikely. I take your bet. How about this for terms: I've got a new twist on the sleep deprivation test I want to try. If you win, I won't do it. If I win, I do the test."
"Koh, that's crazy. You're going to do the test no matter who wins the bet, and you know it. I have a better idea: If I win, you get me a steak dinner, and actually let me eat it, not just look at it and smell it. If you win, no steak."
"You're on, except if I win, you have to watch me eat it."
"If who wins what?" Konti woke up.
"A little friendly bet on how much I can raise your score. I accept those terms."
"Score?" Konti sat up.
"The dial reading when you passed out. Now, tell me whether you're still afraid of the intensity of the pain."
"The dial reading? You mean, you expect me to go even higher?!"
"Your perception of the pain is what's important, not the dial reading. When we're finished, the dial reading will be higher at the max you can tolerate, but your perception will have changed. So, do you still fear it?"
Konti didn't answer.
"What's your reaction to the idea of doing it again right now?"
"Fear. Definitely."
"On your feet then. That's exactly what we're going to do."
They actually did it twice more, with Konti's scores at 135 and 130 respectively. Kirk sensed Konti was tired, so he was pleased to hear Koh announce it was time for his second weight workout. He hoped Koh would let Konti sleep, but no such luck. He wanted Konti to coach the workout, in the hopes that he could help Kirk concentrate enough to raise the score above 120.
Konti was an expert coach. Within a few minutes Kirk told Koh to start raising it.
"Stop when Konti tells you to. I think he'll see it in my eyes."
When the workout was over an hour later, Kirk was tired but felt good. He hadn't noticed the pain from the wires hardly at all.
"Kirk, you better sit down before you fall down," advised Koh.
"Why? I feel fine."
Kirk started walking towards the door, and suddenly collapsed. Konti thought he had passed out, but Kirk slowly turned onto his back. A wry smile lighted his face.
"Koh, if I didn't know better, I'd say this was over 200."
"It is and has been for the last half-hour. Congratulations on a new record."
"Thanks. But don't tell me how high til I get used to it. So, where to now?"
"You think you can go anywhere?"
"Yes. I may have to crawl, but if I'm conscious, I'll get there."
"Back to Room A then."
Kirk tried twice to get up and couldn't manage it. Konti offered to help. Kirk said he didn't mind crawling, but it would be slow. Suggested Konti go lie down. He refused. It took Kirk ten minutes to crawl the few feet from one room to the other, with frequent stops to rest. But they finally got there, and Kirk rolled over onto his back.
"Konti, do me a favor and bring me those IV tubes."
"Do they really help? Can you tell the difference?"
Kirk answered as he plugged in the IV's.
"My mind knows I need this to survive. But it doesn't alleviate the sense of thirst. When I finish one of those workouts, the desire for a glass of water is pretty overwhelming. Hunger isn't a problem unless I can smell food. Every once in a while, he feeds me something just to make trouble, but mostly I subsist on the IV's."
"Kirk, why do you let him do this to you?"
"It's lots more interesting than a prison cell. We have work to do. Help me up."
Konti pulled Kirk to his feet, but had to hold his wrists or Kirk would have fallen over. After a few minutes, the dizziness passed and Kirk could stand on his own.
"Koh, how high are we anyway?"
"Guess."
"220?"
"You're at 230."
"230! No wonder this feels so overwhelming!" Kirk was surprised, but not appalled.
"It doesn't look like overwhelming. If it weren't for the fact that you can hardly stand up, it doesn't look any different than before. Kirk, how do you do that?"
"The concept is simple. Not easy to do, mind you. But the idea is not complex. I do not fight the pain; I accept it. It is not an enemy to be conquered. It is a familiar friend with whom I spend much time. My whole approach, mentally, emotionally, and physically, is based on this one concept. Likewise, Koh is not an enemy, but a friend. We are colleagues working together as a team.
"We spend a lot of time pushing the limits. This jump up to 230 is an example. For the past week or so, I've been passing out at about 200. A thirty-point jump is unusual, and I'm not quite passing out, just very close. Anyway, sometimes I'm eager to push it; I like the challenge. Other times, it's a real effort emotionally to let myself be stretched, pushed beyond what I know I can do. Often I'm quite certain I can't do it.
"But I've learned not to let myself even ask the question. Whether or not I can do what he's pushing for is irrelevant. What matters is my attitude about it. Get the attitude right, and the physical response takes care of itself, mostly. There are a few techniques I will teach you about how to keep it off your face and out of your voice, but they're secondary to the basic concept.
"Let me hasten to add, this does not mean you don't feel the pain. You do, overwhelmingly, but it doesn't have to control you. Any questions?"
"During the workout, did you feel the pain? Why did you say you were fine, and a moment later, collapse in agony?"
"That's a slightly different phenomenon. If I can focus and concentrate sufficiently on something else, I genuinely don't feel the pain. That's how Koh could raise it over a hundred points, because you were helping me focus. Once that focus was removed, the pain hit me like a ton of bricks. Koh knew it would. So did I, but I had no idea how high he'd pushed it."
Kirk worked with Konti another four hours, getting him to breathe during the pain, to relax his hands and arms, to accept two-minute durations, then three minutes, as well as ten-point jumps instead of five. Konti stayed with it, and by the end of four hours, was more confident and relaxed than Kirk had ever seen him.
Koh announced another session in the weight room. This time Kirk would go alone, and Konti would stay in Room A.
"Are you going to let him sleep? He's been up all night."
"So have you."
"So what? The question is whether Konti can learn to do this if he's exhausted. Whether or not I can teach in a state of exhaustion is an entirely different question."
"So get yourself over to Room B, and let me worry about Konti."
"Okay." No further word of protest.
Kirk managed to stay on his feet and walk to the door by holding onto things.
"Koh, are you going to make him work out with the dial at 230?"
"Probably not, but he expects me to make him try."
"He's barely conscious. Walking is almost more than he can manage. And he's going to try to lift weights?"
"He knows it can be done. Remember, he did it just four hours ago."
"He's been standing here in agony for the last four hours. He's got to be exhausted."
"Exhausted is relative. And he's been focused on you, not himself. Notice he's walking, not crawling."
"Still... I'd like to see it."
"You can if you want. Come on back to the monitoring room."
"Is that fair? Shouldn't I stay here?"
"What does fair have to do with it? Do you think Kirk would object to your watching?"
"No, it's not that. He probably doesn't care. But I'm supposed to be dealing with pain, not watching him from the safety of the monitoring room."
"As long as you're wearing those wires, you're not safe from the pain, no matter which room you're in."
"All right, I'll come then."
When Konti walked into the monitoring room, Kirk was already well into his workout. Koh just pointed to the dial, which still stood at 230. Konti shook his head in disbelief, and stared at the screen, fascinated. Some ten minutes later, when Konti was thoroughly involved in what was happening on screen, Koh turned on Konti's pain generator at its lowest setting. Konti didn't react, and Koh didn't think he was even aware of what he had done.
Every few minutes, Koh inched the dial higher. Konti continued to be riveted on Kirk's workout. And Kirk was working very hard, mentally and physically. To Konti's amazement, he was actually doing it. Konti felt he was vicariously experiencing it with Kirk. When Kirk was through, he lay down on his back, grinning from ear to ear, immensely pleased.
"Koh, you'd better leave that out of the report. They'd never believe it. I wouldn't have either."
"I disagree. If you hadn't believed it possible, you couldn't have done it. Konti can hardly believe it though, and he's been standing here watching it. And he still doesn't know what I did to him."
Konti jerked his head to stare at Koh, who simply pointed at the dial reading, which read 50. As Konti realized what it meant, his body stiffened in reaction. Koh saw it and moved to turn off the pain.
"No! Leave it."
Koh froze mid-move, looked at Konti to make sure he meant it, then removed his hand from the dial. Into the silence intruded Kirk's voice.
"Knowing Koh, I can guess what he did to you. How high did he push it?"
"50."
"Are you angry?"
"No, why would I be?"
"He tricked you."
"He taught me a lesson I wouldn't have learned any other way. It's one thing to see the phenomenon at work in you; it's quite another to experience it myself."
"And how is the pain now?"
"I'm definitely aware of it, but it's not overwhelming. If you can handle 230, I can get used to 50."
"But can you go to sleep?"
"I'm not sleeping unless you do."
"You'll do what Koh tells you to, just as I will."
"Koh says, it's time for sleep. I'm running this show by myself. I gave Khich several days off. The fewer people that see this the better. So I'm going to bed. You two can do what you like for the next six hours."
Koh turned off the equipment, ushered Konti out the door, and shut off the light. He disappeared into Room C as Kirk appeared in the doorway of Room B. Kirk gestured Konti into Room A, plugged in the IV's, and lay down on the floor, leaving Konti the bed.
"Why should I take your bed?"
"Because I'm the slave. Don't argue; just sleep. Tomorrow will be a long day, even if it doesn't start til after noon." He sat up. "Of course, there's nothing to prevent you taking off those wires, getting dressed, and going home. You'd sleep better there than here."
"I'm staying here. But the floor is cold."
"Don't worry about it. I can sleep anywhere, any time."
Kirk lay down again, and within minutes was sound asleep. Konti lay awake for almost an hour, and when he did sleep, it wasn't particularly restful.