Chapter 14: Diary of a Nazgûl

13. I will not perform a 10 hour long live musical of They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard

Some time in September

Dear diary,

Once upon a time, it was raining really hard.

No, I mean it. That image in your brain isn't right. It's not dark enough. Try again.

It was dark, and stormy, and raining really hard.

There. That's better. Now on with the story.

Out of the gloom came the figure of four little munchkins on horses, who rode up to the town gate covered in rain and looking rather depressed. The guard dude (who was actually a cook, but was trying to make some extra cash), let them in without question.

The four travellers looked around their gloomy surroundings. I stood in the shadows and watched, like a stalker.

I'm good at pretending to be a stalker. If you wanna hire me, just ask. I'm serious.

...

ANYWAYS, the four little munchkins stared at each other for a while, then went into a loud, bright inn. Can't say I couldn't blame them though, seeing the horrible rain.

I followed and positioned myself beside a window, trying to read the sign on the front.

I'm kinda dyslexic. Don't tell. It looked like it said Hte Prncaign Pnoy. Dunno what that means.

I stood out in that horrendous downpour of torrential rain for what seemed like weeks. It sucked, man. Sitting outside a warm pub filled with drunk people while you're freezing your butt off outside. Yeah, no thanks.

Eventually a louder voice rose up above the psychos talking inside. Seeing as I got the worst guard spot, I couldn't see the person singing, but my colleagues told me he was the munchkin later that night. Oh, and the voice started to sing too.

It was that horrible YouTube song that Two showed me a couple of months ago. No, not Gangman Style. The other one. Taking the Hobbits to Isengard. That.

Even writing the title gives me shivers.

We're taking the hobbits to Isengard!

I hate life.

Tell me where is Gandalf, I much desire to speak with him.

My ears are burning off just writing the lines down.

BUM BAD DUM BA DA DUM DU DA DUUUUMMM.

Etcetera.

For 10 who freaking hours.

Eventually I donned enough courage to look through the window, only to see a stage set up with a flashmob.

What is wrong with life?

Just as the sun was coming up we finally decided to leave. It was hopeless. We'll catch up with the munchkins on Weathertop.

Love, Nazgûl #5

I actually have made up my own names for all the Nazgûl, but I can't remember them right now. I know that One was Jack...(because every fandom's gotta have a fellow named Jack in it).