Chapter 14: Archet and Tigger

Dedicated to Daffy Duck, because he asked for a dedication. He has absolutely nothing to do with the story. Sorry, Daffy.

14. I will not pay a news reporter to follow the Fellowship around

"Who the heck is that?" Aragorn glared harshly at the two approaching figures he could see in the distance.

Legolas stared quietly at the sky, as per usual, ignoring Aragorn completely.

"I said," the Ranger repeated, "Who the heck is that?"

Legolas glanced over at Aragorn, then resumed staring at the sky.

"A red sun rises," he said distantly, "Blood has been spilled this night".

Aragorn face-palmed. The figures slowly (and menacingly) drew forwards.

-cue introductory theme song, which sounds suspiciously like Elmo's World-

Legolas continued staring at the sky with a troubled expression until Gimli woke up. Aragorn watched the little silhouettes grow closer and closer until he could make out the shape of a girl and a stumpy little guy with a camera.

The two of them walked straight up the hill.

"Hi!" exclaimed the little man with the camera, "My name is Tigger, like the guy from Winnie-the-Pooh. Some fellows named Meriadoc and Peregrin told me and my coworker that you guys had some scoop".

Aragorn looked confused. So did Gimli. They didn't have any ice cream with them...

Legolas glanced at the dude, then looked over at the girl. He glared daggers at her, "Please tell your MarySue friend to get the hell out of Middle Earth and my life in general. And then to go die in a particularly large hole".

Everyone stared at him. Legolas had never said more than 15 words before. It was a small miracle.

"I'm not a MarySue!" exclaimed the girl, "My name is Archet, and I'm here on behalf of Merry and Pippin and earth in general and nice fanfic reviewers and all those people who want to go to Middle Earth and people who write really bad parodies and-"

"That will be enough, miss" Aragorn said gruffly. Tigger turned on his camera and started filming brightly.

"I'm going to interview you"

"Yeah. No thanks," Legolas turned away, pouting. Archet ignored him.

"So, Aragorn?"

Tigger focused the camera on Aragorn's familiar scratched-up face.

"Yes?"

"If you were stuck on a desert island and the only things to eat were worms or rats, which would it be?"

Legolas turned around, "What kinda question is that?"

"That's what it says here," Archet held up the list of questions Merry and Pippin had supplied. Legolas snatched it from her to read, his eyebrows moving up and down his face like Lord Elrond's.

Tigger beamed broadly, watching the elf's movements through the screen. He truly looked ridiculous, but Tigger had learned over the years that the public loved ridiculous.

"Who on earth-"

"Middle-earth" Gimli suggested.

"Right," Legolas heaved a great sigh, "Who on middle-earth-"

"Rats," said Aragorn, beaming broadly.

"What?"

"I said rats"

"Yes, I know that but-"

"I thought it was Middle-Earth!" burst Gimli, "Where did all the rats come from?"

"Now why don't we all just settle do-" Archet, stepping backwards, tripped over Tigger (who had been filming gleefully) and the two rolled down the hill in a heap.

"Who's that?" Legolas pointed far across the plains, where the Eorlingas were slowly heading towards them.

"That's Archet and Tigger, Legolas. They just fell down the hill," Aragorn gave his friend a sideways look, "You feeling alright?"

Legolas sat down on a rock. He stayed quiet. Aragorn watched Archet and Tigger disentangle themselves and begin to jog back up the hill. Gimli kicked the rock Legolas was sitting on.

"Ow!"

"What now?"

"Your rock kicked me"

Legolas face-palmed.

When Aragorn turned back from bandaging Gimli's toe, the news reporters had disappeared, replaced by Éomer and his crew.

Magic.

...

Or some other kind of supernatural force that I can't think of right now. Like telekinesis. Except for disappearing. Teleportation. Yeah. That.

Anyways.

Meanwhile...

Merry bent over Pippin's shoulder, trying to see Tigger's video. They had paid big bucks out of Gandalf's wallet to hire a crew that would agree not only to travel to Middle-Earth, but live stream the videos across the globe as well. Archet had offered to do it for free.

"Pause the video!" Merry shrieked, and Legolas's distorted eyebrows-placed-way-too-high face filled the screen the the younger hobbit's laptop.

Pippin pushed a few buttons, and the picture suddenly became the most viewed in the world.

Hobbits really, truly do have connections.

First of all, I decided to reread my last chapter and decided that it was really terrible, like the decision to use the word decide way too many times in this sentence. I may try to rewrite it. Or not. I have a lot of homework...

Second, I need your guys opinions. D'you like the shorter or longer chapters? The ones with the hobbits or without? The really random ones or the more normalish ones? Oh, and did you guys catch the llama cameo in chapter 6? What did you think of it?

I was kidding about the llama by the way.

Or was I...?

Cheers!

~Archet