Chapter 35

Konti was the first to awaken. Verifying that Kirk was still alive, he went to his bedroom to talk to Kirk's God.

Lord Jesus, Kirk's God and mine, I owe you for last night. I can't possibly pay you the debt I owe. I can't pay Kirk either. But if You're anything like he is, You don't want payment. You just want me to know You. I don't expect I'll ever know You like he does, but I want to. And I'll do whatever You tell me to, regardless of the cost. So do You have any instructions for me?

It wasn't quite an audible voice that replied. Translate My Word into Klingon.

I'm not sure I understand, Lord.

Kirk will help you.

Determined to ask Kirk about this at the earliest opportunity, Konti returned to the back room.

"Good morning, Koh. How is Kirk?"

"I'm fine, Konti. Sorry I took your bed."

"Not a problem, and your definition of fine is open to interpretation. So Koh, how is he, really?"

"How should I know? It appears that he's alive and kicking. After last night, I'm not sure whether to believe appearances."

Kirk laughed. "If you'll help me out of this cocoon, I'll try and stand up. That should prove I'm alive."

Koh was aghast. "You died last night. And now you want to stand up as if nothing's wrong? Your backside is still a bloody mess. I checked."

"I know. I can feel it, which is more than can be said for part of last night."

"Didn't you hear me?! I said you died last night."

"I heard you, and I knew that before you told me. After all, I was here. I saw you stand up and tell Konti how sorry you were. God knew I wasn't going anywhere, so I never left this room. I heard everything Konti said too. Thank you very much, Konti."

"What for? I didn't do anything." Konti was clearly puzzled.

"You declared your belief aloud. All of heaven heard you."

"But God is the one who did it! By the way, did He ask you?"

"He knew the answer without asking. But we shared a laugh over the fact that you knew what I would choose. So, Koh, are you going to let me get up?"

"I suppose there's not much harm in letting you try."

So they unwrapped Kirk, leaving the towels and one blanket, that were stuck to his skin. Konti would have helped Kirk up, but he refused assistance.

"If I can't do this without help, then Koh is right, I should stay here."

Kirk slowly and carefully got to his feet. At that point, he noticed Kezak.

"Good morning, Kezak. I thought you were here last night, but much of the night is kind of muddled. Hey, what's with the rope? How come you're tied?"

"Somebody talked. They think it was me. If you died, they were going to kill me."

"No! Konti, Koh, you mustn't! Revenge killing doesn't solve anything. It only feeds the bitterness. Promise me that when I die, you will kill no one, no matter whose fault you think it is. And Konti, that includes killing yourself."

When neither of them replied, he took a step towards them, almost fell, but recovered himself. Fixing them with his intense gaze, he repeated his demand.

"I mean it. No killing! Give me your word. Konti?"

"I promise, Kirk."

"Koh?"

"All right. No killing. My word on it."

"Thank you both." Kirk relaxed. "That being the case, why don't you untie Kezak. I don't think he's the one that talked anyway."

"Sorry. Not till after I discuss it with Korn."

Kirk turned to Kezak with a shrug. "I tried."

"Thanks, Kirk. I appreciate your efforts."

Kirk made it to the bathroom, falling twice, and crawling the last few feet. In typical stubborn-will fashion, he refused to give up or accept help. It took almost two hours before Koh pronounced his work finished, by which time, Kirk was exhausted. A trip to the back room loomed as nigh onto insurmountable. But Kirk insisted on trying. He managed twenty feet, before he passed out. Konti carried him back to bed.

Koh called Korn, who managed to convey that such communication methods were no longer secure. He wanted Konti in his office within the hour. So Konti went. By the time he returned two hours later, Kirk was again conscious and begging to get out of bed. This time he made it to and from the bathroom without falling, but he refused Konti's bedding, and would have lain on the cold floor instead.

"Kirk, don't argue with me. You will use Konti's bed. You're never this uncooperative in my lab. Why are you being so unreasonable?"

"Because we are in Konti's home, not your lab. I am his slave. A slave does not use his master's bed, even a half-dead slave."

"You're not half-dead! But I'm still concerned about shock. You must not lie on the cold floor."

"Then I will stand."

Koh snorted. "Until you fall over. Then I will put you back in Konti's bed, and you will stay there."

"Will you two stop arguing? Do you want to know what Korn said?"

"Yes." "Sorry, Konti."

"First of all, Korn is the one who talked, not Kezak, so we can untie him."

He moved to do so, and Koh helped. Silence reigned until the job was done and all were on their feet.

"Thank you, gentlemen. That's much better."

An awkward silence, which Konti tried to bridge.

"I'm sorry for doubting you, Kezak."

"Quite understandable under the circumstances, but you, Kirk, never doubted. Why not?"

Kirk grinned. "Maybe I was just stubbornly defending my earlier decision. But may I give you all a piece of advice?" They were all ears. "Trust is a fragile thing. Once distrust has been introduced, it will raise its ugly head again at every opportunity. If you want Kezak to be part of this team, and I do, you will have to work very hard at it. Decide to trust him even when you don't feel like it, when you have no way of knowing if he is trustworthy. Trust is risky. Continue to take the risk.

"And you, Kezak, must be not only completely trustworthy, but continually forgiving. It's more than just understanding the reason for the lack of trust. It's keeping yourself open, continuing to give of your time and talent, acting out the decision not to hold the distrust against them, no matter how many repetitions you suffer."

"It is a hard thing you ask, this forgiving, but I will try. Konti, Koh, I forgive you for not trusting me. Can we go on together?"

Konti looked at Koh.

"This trust business is all well and good, but what if he can't be trusted?"

"We make the decision to take the risk, because we want him on the team. Kirk does, and I do, but it's got to be unanimous, Koh."

Koh looked at each of them in turn.

"All right. I will try. Kezak, I choose to trust you."

"Thank you, Koh. That means a lot. Now I, for one, would like to know what else Korn said, and where do we go from here?"

Konti continued his report. "As I said, Korn was the one who talked. All he would tell me is that they goaded him into defending his son's honor." He turned to Kezak. "That would be my honor."

Kezak was briefly startled, not so much at the revelation but at Konti's casual manner of revealing it. "Interesting," was all he said.

Konti ignored the response and went on. "So apparently whatever he said was only enough to make them suspicious. Since we did not provide them the truth they sought, they are forced to accept the show as truth. Needless to say, they will continue to watch. I talked to him about Kezak. To my surprise, he's not necessarily opposed to Kezak's scheme. Says to keep him informed. Last but certainly not least: I have an update on the mindsifter. It'll be at least another month. Apparently they're having problems with it."

Koh snorted. "May they continue to have problems. What about the lab sessions?"

"To be resumed as soon as medically feasible. He'll try to warn you when to expect visitors, but he can't guarantee anything."

"Kirk and I will work out some kind of warning signal. Should prove an interesting mental challenge. And I think a full week of rest is in order."

"A week! Koh, I'll be climbing the walls! How about three days?"

"I'm sure that would be interesting to see, but I'm equally sure you won't be. Here's the program: for the next week, you get all the food and drink you want, no IV's, no new sources of pain, regular doses of local anesthetic, and last but not least, a warm, soft bed, in which you will spend at least twelve out of every twenty-four hours. In short, I want your pampered body soft and lazy by the time you come back to my lab. Will you do this for me?"

"Just one question: what do we do with the bed if visitors show up here?"

"There's a bin in the back corner that's big enough, I think. I'll just have to reorganize a few things."

"Konti! Whose side are you on?" Konti was startled, but one look told him Kirk was amused, not angry.

"Okay, Koh, you win. Sometimes I think you know me too well."

"Let's hope the inspectors don't ruin it by showing up the first day back."

They both chuckled. Koh shooed the others out and put Kirk to bed, with an admonition to take a nap.

"And if I find out you're not behaving, there's always sedatives."

Kirk laughed. "A fate worse than death."

xxxx

When Kirk awoke, the others had gone. Konti served him some soup and juice, and dosed his back with more anesthetic. Then they talked for a while. Konti shared his questions about the Lord's instruction for him that morning. Kirk told him what the Word was, and what kind of a task the translation would be. The first job was to obtain a copy of the Book in Standard. Konti would try one or two contacts he knew that might be able to get him such a thing. Meanwhile, Kirk suggested he get a copy of the tape Koh had from the week in the sensory deprivation unit.

The week passed uneventfully. No unexpected visitors, though they practiced the drill every time Koh or Kezak showed up. Kirk's condition improved rapidly. He did indeed pamper himself. As far as Konti could tell, he enjoyed every minute of it. But he also thought the whole thing was a big joke. And it was the sixth day before Kirk could sit, or lie on his back. Which he also seemed to find highly amusing.

On the night of the seventh day, Kirk went to the lab. He enjoyed being outside, in spite of the shock to his system. Shivering with cold, he lingered in his favorite spot in the park. Was it fair, what he was about to do to Koh? Probably not. Would Koh be furious? Yes. Was he going to do it anyway? Yes. Why? To prove he trusted Koh. And did he trust him? Absolutely! Besides, it was going to be hysterically funny.

He mounted the steps to the lab even more reluctantly than usual, just in case anybody was watching. He walked into the lab with every ounce of body language showing his dread of this. Hands visibly shaking, it took him fully fifteen minutes to don the wires. As soon as he had the first one in place, Koh sent him the 'all clear' signal. The shaking and fumbling continued.

"Kirk, is there something wrong with the connection? I sent you the 'all clear'."

"Connection's working just fine. I got the message, loud and clear."

"Then cut out the act. There's nobody here but us. I want your real response."

"I believe you, Koh. Why do you think this is an act?"

"Don't kid me, Kirk. I've seen you perform often enough. So cut it out."

"Koh, I'm telling you, it was almost more than I could manage to climb those steps tonight."

"Don't give me that nonsense." He paused, clearly assuming Kirk would change his behavior. "Kirk, I'm getting annoyed. What are you trying to pull?"

Kirk's laugh was a harsh, nervous cackle. "I've cried wolf too many times. You don't believe me. You want to come in here and check my vitals? Then maybe you'll believe me."

Koh sighed with exasperation. "Nothing's going to break you. I know it, and you know it. So what's wrong with you?"

"1500 lashes plus a week off is what's wrong with me."

"Kirk, it never occurred to me that a week off would undermine your ability to take this. It was just an excuse to make you let that back heal, and you know it. So stop messing around, or you're going to be sorry."

"I'm already sorry I walked in here. Koh, I don't think I can do this any more."

Kirk had finished putting the wires on, but had not tested any of them. He stood facing the monitoring window, the picture of despair and dread. Koh remembered the first time Kirk had stood before him waiting to get blasted with pain. Then he had been calmly confident, and Koh had fiercely wanted to break him. Did he still want to? No, but it was his job. And he still wasn't sure whether Kirk was seriously afraid of it.

"Kirk, if you are faking, you're going to be very sorry."

"Koh, believe me, I wish I were."

The only way to find out if he was faking was to break him if he could.

"All right, Kirk. You asked for it."

Koh set the dial on 200 and turned on the power. Kirk gasped and visibly struggled to retain his feet. Koh turned on the automatic accelerator, set at a pace slightly faster than Kirk found easy. With the automatic cutoff at 450, Koh turned his attention to watching Kirk.

Standing with his fists clenched, his face twisted in agony, Kirk pleaded with Koh.

"I can't do this, Koh, I really can't. You don't want to see this any more than I do. Please, Koh, turn it off. Can we just talk about this? I can't stand it, Koh! I'm losing it - TURN- IT- OFF!"

This last degenerated into a howl of agony. Kirk dropped to his knees and began clawing his chest in an ineffective attempt to rid himself of the wires. When this proved unfruitful, he simply hugged himself, rolled back and forth, and sobbed. With the dial somewhere over 350, he began with shaky hands to rip off the pads on his palms. Before he finished removing the second one, he went completely limp.

Koh checked the dial, which read 378, and turned off the power. That last move had convinced him that Kirk was not faking it. He had never taken off the leads before, and Koh knew why. Kirk would not risk that just for a joke. And if he was passing out at 378, then he wasn't fully recovered from the 1500 lashes. He berated himself on the way to Room A: of course, he's not recovered. What kind of a doctor are you anyway?

Muttering to himself as he entered Room A, Koh pulled out his scanner. Just as he registered that the machine showed Kirk was conscious, he realized Kirk was shaking. He looked up in astonishment to see Kirk roll onto his back and burst into uproarious laughter. So it had been a joke, and he'd been fooled. There was no denying it. He wasn't sure whether to be absolutely furious, or overwhelmingly relieved. In fact, he was both. Kirk grinned at him.

"Go ahead. Let loose your fury. I deserve it; guilty as charged; no excuse. Get it out of your system, and then we can talk." Kirk sat up.

"Kirk," Konti paused, uncertain how to continue.

Kirk stood up and faced him encouragingly.

"I'm the one who doesn't want to do this any more."

"I know, but you have to. Right now, you need to reestablish what's normal. My fault. So go back in there, crank up the dial to 400, and hit the power switch. Don't argue, just do it."