19 [Park Chanyeol] I'm afraid I won't make it in time
I haven't seen Byun Baekhyun in three to four days.
For the past few days, I've been practising in the company for the special programme's dance performance. As there was a missing member, we had to work extra hard. Our schedules and practises were very packed, such that I have no time at all to take a break, or meet up with Hayeon.
Even though I know I'm trying to avoid her as well.
I needed time to decide how and in what tone I was supposed to bring up my questions to her.
After I finish the important programme recording, it would already be the day before Byun Baekhyun's surgery.
— I should probably go visit him.
I put on a cap and headed to the hospital. Thinking about how I'd soon be pushing open the door to see that person seeing quietly on his bed, I unknowingly hastened my footsteps.
But things are never predictable.
This time when I opened the door, I saw Byun Baekhyun curled up and shivering at the side of the bed. His eyes were shut tight, face scarily pale, and his erratic breathing made him appear even weaker.
I was shocked, and immediately rushed towards him.
"What happened to you!" I asked with urgency. It was then when I realised the sheer layer of sweat on his forehead; his hand was clutching his abdomen.
Is it hurting again?
He looked up towards me with a tired gaze, his pale lips moves, muttering something that was inaudible.
But I knew he was calling my name.
"I'm here…I'm here," I did not know what to do apart from holding his hand tight. Amidst the panic, I finally thought to press the emergency bell at the head of the bed.
He tried and struggled to support himself up, I did not know what was going on but I helped him up, but he leaned over the bed and started to throw up.
He probably did not eat anything prior. All he threw up was blood.
Looking at the dark red puddle on the floor, I was at a loss.
But it was as if the pain only got more unbearable, he groaned softly as he leaned onto me.
Just as I was panicking over not knowing what to do, a nurse rushed over, she took his listless arm and droningly pushed a needle in, injecting him with pain killers.
After some time, the drug took effect, and he slowly calmed down. It was probably because he was too tired from the tortures; he fell asleep immediately after the pain ceased.
Hand still tightly gripped by mine.
I gently lay him down on the bed and placed a blanket over him, at the same time stroking his unkempt hair. Then I returned to holding his hand, his slender fingers were uncomfortably cold.
Such a tiny person, how did he bear with all the pain.
I watched him, thinking of how in the past when I visited I'd just leave after sitting around.
He quietly waited for me to come, and quietly saw me leave. Every time I saw him, he'd be just that calm.
So, you've always bore the pain alone by yourself?
When the night arrives, you hide all by yourself in the cold ward, clutching your stomach and your teeth gritted. And then finally fall asleep like that?
I let my thoughts run out of control, such that my heart felt like it was aching.
The past days, even though I often came to visit him, I've never properly asked him what his illness was. I just kept on thinking to myself "It will get better."
It will get better. It will.
I sat beside him, looking at the light frown on his forehead.
Then I let my eyes wander, and I saw the apple placed on the table.
The apple that was named after me, was still carrying a smile, not at all aware of the current situation.
Didn't I ask you to accompany him well.
Why do you only know how to make your silly smiles.
He is in pain right now can't you see.
…I've never felt this helpless.
Why did I give him such an apple. He had to face this obnoxiously smiling thing while he was suffering in pain, if it were me, I'd probably get mad.
Ah…Park Chanyeol you dumbass.
I suddenly wanted to throw that apple away immediately, but I realised that that guy might get upset to wake up and see it gone.
"You promised me."
I muttered to the person lying on the bed.
"…...You have to quickly recover."
Byun Baekhyun's surgery was on the next day, at nine in the morning. I was at a pictorial shooting then.
"Chanyeol, look here!"
The photographer shouted at me.
"Smile a little!"
I can't fucking smile, goddamnit.
My brain was filled with the image from yesterday of that person curled up in pain.
He'll recover after this surgery right? Even though I tried to think that way to reassure myself, I still felt a sense of apprehension.
After the schedule ended, our other assistants brought us to the hospital. Then, the surgery was supposed to have ended for an hour.
Outside the surgery theatre, I saw Tae Shin Hyung sitting on the chairs, waiting.
"Chanyeol-ah, why did you come?" Tae Shin Hyung looked like he didn't expect me to be here, "I'm fine here by myself."
"My schedule already ended, so, so I'm here," I was panting slightly, since I ran up the stairs, "How…did the surgery go?"
"I don't know," Tae Shin Hyung patted me, "…don't worry."
He tried to calm me down, but I could see that he was worried too.
I sat down beside him, unknowingly, my fingers curled up to form a fist.
After some time, the doors of the surgery theatre opened, a nurse rushed out.
Has it ended?
I dashed up to the lady and grabbed her, "How was the surgery? Is he okay?"
The nurse did look rather urgent and impatient, "The patient is suffering from heavy blood loss right now, the situation is a bit…You should be mentally prepared."
"What…What?" I was in disbelief, " …Say that again, what?"
— What do you mean? Prepare myself mentally.
— Prepare for what
— I'm obviously unprepared…
The fear in my heart suddenly expanded infinite time, as if was about to suffocate, even my breathing felt conscious and difficult.
Tae Shin Hyung was shocked as well.
The nurse no longer stayed to entertain us; she had already rushed off somewhere.
I felt like the last bit of hope had slipped through my fingers, in distress, I turned to Tae Shin Hyung.
"Hyung, will he die."
"Chanyeol, calm down…"
"Byun Baekhyun he…will he die? Huh?"
Tae Shin Hyung too, showed an anxious expression.
"Actually I…I've never told you guys about this, but there's a tumour in his stomach…Even though it could completely removed by surgery, the doctor told me that the tumour was grown at a dangerous spot, such that it might cause massive bleeding during surgery…and I've never told Baekhyun about this…I've always seen the boy to be rather negative about his illness, I didn't want him to be burdened by the heavy weight of this."
I froze, not knowing how to react. Tae Shin Hyung and the nurse's words reiterated themselves in my head, their voices were all over the place, as if trying to drive me over the edge.
So what you're saying is….that person, he will die?
This was something I've never thought about. At our young age, we've barely had any experiences of life and death, or partings and goodbyes. I've always thought of it as something a part of a television drama. But in real life, even if someone were to fall sick, they'd definitely recover, and miracles always happened.
So I've never thought about someone leaving me, falling into eternal slumber.
— I've never thought, that the person right now in the operating theatre would never open his eyes before I got the chance to treat him well.
And I. What about myself. I could only stand here uselessly like a fool just with a door between us. But I can't do anything to help, I can't do anything.
I even wish I could pretend like it's a drama, so that I can push my sleeves up and tell the medical staff to "Please use my blood to save him".
I could only stand on the spot, unable to do anything to relief the situation.
Fear was like vine, winding itself tightly around me. My brain was blank as well, but it also felt as if it was flashing all the scenes from the past.
Of him crying alone. Him smiling quietly. Him when he frowned in pain upon my slaps. Him when his skin was pale from his illness. Him when he was lonely and had no company. Him when he called my name repeatedly. Him when he told me softly, "I like you very much."
It was only then when I realised that some things, if I don't do them instantly, I might never get a chance to.
I wasn't sure how long passed after that. In between there were nurses occasionally entering and exiting. In the end, a man who resembled a doctor the most exited the surgery theatre. He looked rather exhausted. This time, I felt as if I was pinned to the ground, unable to move, afraid that I'd hear any unwanted news.
Tae Shin Hyung rushed to the doctor.
"Doctor, how is that child?"
I licked my dry lips, gazing intently at the doctor.
"His current situation is pretty good. However, there has been a massive blood loss, to ensure the patient's safety, the tumour could not be removed successfully."
"Huh! What?" Tae Shin Hyung's eyes widened.
"You don't have to worry, there won't be any implications with the patient as of now. He should take note of his meals and come for regular check ups. When the time is right we'll arrange for a second surgery."
"S…So he isn't in any danger right now?" I heard myself speak.
"Nope, you may go visit him soon."
"So he won't die?" I continued to ask with much impatience, like I just awoke from a bad nightmare.
The doctor was stunned by my questions, "….no, the patient is in a good condition right now."
They say, that you're in a good condition.
But why are you not waking up.
I sat by his bed, gently caressing his fingers.
Is it because you've lost too much blood? Why isn't there any hint of colour in your pale skin, as if you're about to vanish in front of me.
I got scared for real just now, you jerk.
Quickly wake up, you know I'm impatient. I hate the feeling of waiting.
But how long have you waited. Waited for the bastard to turn back and slowly realise your good, and your scars and your wounds.
Stilly, I sat there, looking at him blankly, but then I saw his eyelids flutter.
And then they opened slowly.
Like the petals of a blooming flower. Silently yet beautifully.
My hands tightened their grip around his.
Thank the heavens. I prayed in my heart. The moment I saw him wake, I suddenly felt as if I had so much to tell him, but somehow my throat was locked.
Byun Baekhyun looked straight forward with confusion for a moment, then when he felt a warm temperature on his hands, he tilted his head slightly to look at me.
"…Chanyeol…" His voice was hoarse. I could feel my heart ache.
"You finally woke."
The corners of his lips moved a little, it seemed like he was trying to smile. But he was so weak then that even his breathing sounded tedious.
"You are so fucking weak," I chided him, "how did you end up like this."
"…But I'm perfectly fine right now, aren't I." His voice was soft, and he didn't budge his hands, but it was probably due to his lack of energy.
"Are you kidding with me."
In between the moment, I felt as if there wasn't any form of ill feeling between us, or a conflict ridden past. It felt as if we've held hands while watching each other for years.
"Apple…Where's Apple-Chan…." He suddenly asked me.
I paused for a moment and reached to grab a apple from the bag on the table behind me. Then I passed it to him.
He took the apple over. His pale slender fingers looked particularly pale in contrast.
He stared at the apple for a moment.
"This…this isn't…This isn't Apple-Chan."
I didn't speak. He looked like as if he was afraid that I did not believe him, he showed me the side of the apple with the drawing.
"…It doesn't smile…"
I did not know how to reply at that instant.
The smiley Apple-Chan seemed to have been thrown away by the nurse while she was cleaning the ward.
But I did hate that smug grin. Like an annoying jerk that kept on smiling at other people's plight.
But I thought of the other jerk that might get upset when he woke up to see Apple-Chan gone, I drew another one, but this time it wasn't smiling. Instead, I only drew the two eyes. It looked particularly pitiful.
"It can't smile. It's sad when it sees you like this," I tried to explain.
He looked disappointed, and looked down on the new Apple-Chan for a long time. Then he turned his head to look at me, then handed it over.
"…Help me, draw another smile…please…" There were weak breaths in between his words, he looked tired.
I did not take the apple. Instead I wrapped my hands around his cold ones, we held the apple together.
"I didn't bring a pen."
And I wasn't lying. This smile-less apple was drawn using a borrowed pen from a nurse.
He pressed his lips into a thin line, not knowing what to do.
"Then Chanyeol…can…can you…" He asked me carefully and hesitantly, "can you smile at me…"
His watched me expectantly.
— But do you think I can smile in this situation, stupid.
I pursed my lips, but I still couldn't figure out how I was supposed to smile looking at his current state.
My heart felt painful, as it was being gripped tight.
Looking at my unpleasant expression, he thought as if he had asked for too much.
"…I…was kidding…haha." He gently pulled his arms back, placing the apple near his heart.
Just the conversation seemed to have tired him out, his eyelashes fluttered, looking rather sleepy.
"Rest well. I'll come see you again tomorrow," I decided to leave.
"…You don't have to come," He looked at me with a serious expression, "…you must be quite busy recently…"
I didn't speak as I watched him.
"Don't worry…I have him beside me," He tried to smile, waving the apple in his hand weakly.
His smile was pale and weak, but his eyes were gentle.
I felt my heart lose a beat.
— How much I wanted to tell him.
— At that moment, I really wanted to kiss him.
20 [Park Chan Yeol] Script
I lowered my head, gently swirling the liquid in my glass. Foam was floating above the light yellow liquid, forming small waves.
The rain from outside gradually increased in volume.
"Its been long huh, us."
The voice sounded as beautiful as ever.
That beautiful voice of hers. I was in denial, has it really lied to me?
I raised my head, looking at the person opposite me — the person whom I've been in love with for a very very long time.
"Oppa?" She looked at me, not too happy, "are you okay?"
"Nothing," I smiled.
"Don't you miss me? You don't even come see me anymore," She pursed her lips, eyes scrunched up.
I reached my hand over to give her cheeks a light pinch, making her giggle.
"So how are you recently? Is your work going smooth?" I asked.
She shook her head.
"Its pretty difficult…We're still in the process of script reading."
"You've received a new drama?" I looked at her, shocked.
"Yeah, the one that I've been wanting to tell you ever since the last time we met, but you never have time to come see me," She whined, then picked up the previous topic, "But in this drama, I'm just a minor role. There's barely half a page of script for me, yet I have to go over it again and again."
"It's alright, just take it slow." I tried to console her, but it was her confidence that made me feel bad inside.
If she never left, if she debuted through our company, she'd easily get casted for lead roles. Or at least the close supporting ones.
She'd never be struggling so much – trying her best, but only ending up with the minor roles.
"Nevermind about that, Oppa how have you been? Busy?" She watched me with wide eyes.
"…Yeah, pretty busy." Thinking of how I've been visiting the hospital that frequently, I answered with a hint of guiltiness.
"Oh yeah…" She watched me, slightly hesitantly, "Isn't Baekhyun Oppa hospitalised? That's what I heard…"
I froze, and immediately nodded.
"It's nothing serious right?"
"…It's okay." I tapped my fingers unknowing on the table, letting my gaze wander out of the window.
The world suddenly turned to an enormous glass bottle, where we sink and float and bask amongst the muddled surge of waves.
There are some things, that I just can't bring myself to ask.
Soon, it was already two month's past Baekhyun's surgery. Those freezing February days has also dashed towards the lively spring of April. We've been busy during those times, but as I gradually watched Byun Baekhyun get healthier by the day, I'd like to think of those days to be smooth-sailing.
Even though his health is pretty bad, he'll be able to get discharged soon. He's originally been staying in the hospital for further attention for his unremoved tumour. Though he lives in a single ward, the hospital was still a public location, staying for too long was inconvenient.
Today, I managed to disguise myself and went to the hospital to see him. When I entered the ward, I saw him sitting at the side of the bed, about to get off.
"…You're here." He looked at me.
"Where are you going?" I asked.
"I just wanted to go out for a walk," He turned his head to look out of the window, "it's boring to stay inside for too long."
I followed the direction of his eyes to the scenery outside of the window. Spring was in full bloom, the lively scenery made the room seem much more cold and miserable in comparison.
I nodded.
"I'll go with you."
"That's alright, I can manage on my own," He denied, as if a habit when he's with me.
"So, I came here to visit you yet you are asking me to wait here for you?"
He smiled, embarrassed.
In the past month, he has finally laid down his barriers against me. Except sometimes when I touched him, he would still instinctively shrink away a little.
Seeing him unable to escape the shadows in his heart, my heart ached.
Just as he was about to bend over to put on his shoes, I rushed up to him.
"Let me help you."
Even though I was aware that his sickness is getting better, I could not help but to be reminded of when he had just finished his surgery. Back then, even a slight movement would cause him pain in his surgery cut, making him wince in pain.
Even though his wounds are probably healed by now, I couldn't bear to see him do anything too vigorous.
"No no no!" This time he was shocked, and a little intimidated. He tried to refuse, but I grabbed onto his slim wrists, disabling his escape.
"Don't move."
"…Oh."
I lowered myself and carefully put on his shoes for him, tying his shoelace afterwards. He was probably feeling nervous when I saw his hands gripping the sides of the bed tightly from my corner vision.
"Done," I stood up, at the same time taking off my coat to give it to him, "It's still quite cold outside."
He slowly took the coat over while watching me, touched.
I wanted to smile, "Don't look at me like that, quickly put it on."
I walked with him side by side on the pavement behind the hospital. But there was still an invisible distance between us.
No words were exchanged. But we were at ease.
After walking for some time, I could feel his pace getting slower. I held him up.
"Let's sit down and rest for a while."
He nodded, sitting down beside me on a long bench.
"Today's weather is nice," I leaned onto the bench, trying to look relaxed and giving our conversation a horribly cliché start.
"Yeah," He agreed as he looked up at the sky, eyes squinting a little, "I want to be discharged from the hospital soon."
From this angle I was at, he looked like a firefly in daylight before me, embraced by the sunlight as it shone over him.
How good looking.
"What do you want to do when you get out of the hospital?" I asked.
He tilted his head in thought, then said, "I want us to have a comeback…haha, and go back to singing."
"…I think you should rest," All those busy schedules, can you manage?
"I heard about Kyungsoo's solo, it's such a good song." He turned his head to look at me with a smile, "I secretly used my phone to message him a support via our fanboard."
"Are you envious?"
"Hehe…a little." He smiled sheepishly, then looked immediately as if he was reminded of something.
"What about Luhan Hyung? Is he back?"
"Yeah, he just arrived yesterday. He's going to have to promote with Sehun in their new sub unit."
"Ah…not bad."
He no longer had his vision far away, instead, he lowered his head slightly.
What could he be thinking about? Relieved that his absence did not affect the member's developments? Or sad because everyone was still living their lives perfectly well.
I saw him get carried away for a moment, but then he suddenly turned to look at me.
"What about you?" He asked.
"Unemployed at the moment."
"Huh?"
I nodded, "However, the company has chosen a few scripts for me," I said, straightening myself to lean away from the bench, I reached my arm over and wrapped it around his shoulders.
"Really?!" He was obviously very attached to the news, he looked up at me from the crook of my arms, "What kind of a drama? When are you going to film it? Which broadcasting station?"
"How annoying of you, I don't know yet," I side-eyed him.
"…Hehe."
"But it's confirmed that I'll be the male lead," I was rather proud, tightening my arm around his shoulders.
"Woah~" He looked much more excited that I was.
"Do you want to make a special appearance in it?"
"What special appearance?" He giggled, "random passer-by dude?"
"I'm serious, after you get discharged."
"Forget it," He smiled, "I have no part in the script."
His words made me feel a little weird inside. Just as I was about to say something, I was interrupted by my ringing phone.
It was our manager.
"Hello," I picked up the phone. Byun Baekhyun shifted away, removing himself from my arm.
"Chanyeol ah, where are you?"
"I'm…" I eyed Baekhyun for a moment, "I'm with Baekhyun."
"You come to the company now, I have things to discuss with you," I could sense some slight unhappiness in Tae Shin Hyung's voice.
"…Got it. I'll head there now."
After I hung up the call, I found the other person looking at me.
"You're leaving?" He asked.
"Yeah, there's some stuff to attend to at the company," I said as I stood up.
"Ohhh," He stood up too, removing the jacket and passed it to me, "quickly go."
"Hey, you'll fall sick," I immediately draped the jacket over his back, "I'll send you back."
"No, its fine…"
"It's nothing urgent anyway," I helped him smooth his clothes.
"But —"
"Shush, you're being noisy."
He obeyed and stopped talking.
"Go back and rest well."
He nodded.
"Do you need me to bring anything over the next I come?"
He shook his head.
I smiled and gently knocked his head, "You're doing it on purpose right?"
He smiled too, almost as bright as the sun.
I watched him, enthralled.
When I regained myself, I've already pulled him towards me.
The hug came too suddenly, his body was rigid in my tight embrace. I did not know which words were fitting for such a hug.
Sorry.
I could only tell him in my heart.
Only in my heart.
When I entered the small meeting room in our company, both our manager and representative were there.
I bowed and greeted them, and then took out a chair and sat down.
"What's the issue?"
"We're here to talk about your upcoming drama," Tae Shin looked at me with a frown, his expression was serious, "Did you know Lee Hayeon is the supporting female actress?"
The question's directness got me.
I froze.
"Of course…I don't know…"
"Really?" He looked at me, suspicious.
"The drama has always been planned by the company; I really have not much idea of the details," I explained.
As I thought about it, I realised that it has been quite a while since I saw Hayeon. I had no idea she was casted in a new drama, as the supporting female role.
Manager Jang spoke, "Alright, I'll go talk about it with the producers to see if they can replace her."
"You can't!" I immediately opposed.
To Hayeon right now, how difficult it must've been to for her to grab such a significant role.
"Don't get your feelings involved," Tae Shin Hyung scolded, "there's nothing I can do about it, but I can't let the two of you be in a same drama."
I was silent.
If I were myself of a few months back, I probably would've grab onto this chance and fight back, — why can't we film together?
But now…
"I'll quit then," I felt muddled, rubbing my temples.
"What are you saying?" Tae Shin Hyung stared at me, "is this a fucking joke?"
"Aren't there other drama invitations? Can't I just pick another one?"
"There's obviously a reason why we chose this drama for you, it was all carefully thought out!"
I wanted to laugh out coldly. Carefully thought out you say, but not for the other supporting actors.
"Moreover, you've already signed the contract, so there's no going back."
"Then stop causing more trouble for Hayeon," I stared at Manager Jang, "You've already forced her into her current state."
"You brat, how dare you speak to him like that?" Tae Shin was greatly angered by my attitude, he gave my head a hard push.
"I'm fine," Manager Jang watched me coldly, "You're no longer a child, don't be so hot-headed. We just wanted to know if you were aware of the news, and we've got our answer.
From now on, we'll settle it, don't involve yourself."
"I only have one request," I stared at him, a hint of plead above my firm gaze.
I knew I was only a pawn of no power.
"Don't let Hayeon lose this chance."
"I already said, this has nothing to do with you."
I lowered my head, and let out a cold laugh.
Hey, I'm about to become an actor.
— You've always been one.
What a lovely drama we'll been acting in.
— But we'll never be the one writing the script.
21 [Byun Baekhyun] It's all just fatalism
On the day I left the hospital, it was Tae Shin Hyung and Luhan Hyung who came to pick me up.
"Luhan Hyung, why did you come too?" I was shocked. From what I heard from Chanyeol, Luhan Hyung and Sehun were recently preparing for their subunit's comeback, and they were both very busy.
"I haven't come see you in a while," Luhan Hyung said, smiling with a hint of guilt, "I've been in China for a long time, and was busy preparing for the subunit, it feels I haven't seen you in a really long time."
This made me slightly overwhelmed, "You really don't have to come, look, I'm perfectly fine now."
Tae Shin Hyung who had just finished some paperwork at the side gave us a side stare, "Quickly get on the car, you guys are in a group, there's no need to be so polite with each other."
Both of us let out a laugh.
"Ya, Hyung, you're too much, I was speaking the truth."
"Yeah right Luhan, you're so real. Get in the car," Tae Shin muttered sarcastically as he got into the driver's seat. The two of us followed his orders and got into the seats at the back.
Throughout our whole trip, Luhan Hyung blasted Kyungsoo's new song as he hummed to it, I felt happy too, being able to leave the boring hospital.
I watched the greenery outside the window fly past me, it was already spring.
"What have the other members been doing recently?"
"Chanyeol went for filming, his drama starts filming today," Luhan replied, but he only spoke of Park Chanyeol, as if to me "the other members" only consisted of Park Chanyeol.
I felt slightly awkward, as if someone had peeked into my secrets.
"Speaking of that drama," Tae Shin Hyung who had been driving the whole time suddenly spoke, "The company has been trying to get you to sing the OST for it."
Being away from schedules for long, it took a while for me to understand what he was saying, it was only after seeing how Luhan Hyung did not respond when I realised he was speaking to me.
"Get who to sing it?"
"You," Tae Shin Hyung looked at me through the mirror, "You have to return to the industry somehow, since you can't immediately involve yourself in schedules, why not start with an OST."
Really?
I was still dazed while Luhan turned around to look at me, "You can do it! I've seen Chanyeol's scripts, it looks pretty good. I'm sure it will become popular!"
It would be a rare chance to get to sing OSTs, and if the drama gets popular, the OSTs would as well. Though this job would be pressurising, I was glad.
Then I heard Tae Shin Hyung ask Luhan in a soft voice, "Oh yeah, Chanyeol is fine recently…right?"
Luhan Hyung's happy mood seemed as if it has been extinguished all of a sudden, his reply was cold.
"Yeah, he's fine."
I didn't get what he was trying to say.
What's wrong with Chanyeol?
I asked carefully, "…Chanyeol, he, he is fine right?"
"Just — " Just as Tae Shin Hyung was about to say something, he was interrupted by Luhan Hyung.
"I'll tell you afterwards."
But when I got back, no one told me anything about it.
And I realised that my life wasn't much difference from when I was at the hospital.
The rest of the members were busy, including Park Chanyeol.
— The thought of him gave me a mix of feelings.
I witnessed his change, but I didn't understand what exactly it was about. Back then I would fall deep into every word he said, but now every of his smile and hugs would make me fall ever deeper – beyond redemption.
Was it God pitying me.
Or is it you instead? Park Chanyeol.
I wanted to continue to enjoy your good, but I'm afraid I'd be unable to wake up from this dream.
A week later, I received an unexpected call from Wu Yifan.
"Hello?"
"Hey, let's meet up this afternoon."
"…I have no — "
"Don't say you have no time. You just got out from the hospital, you'd be very free."
I gave up, "Alright, where's the spot."
And now I was sitting in a café, watching the person before me hold his cup, full of elegance.
"Why did you call me here?" I asked him.
He slowly put down his cup of coffee and looked at me with a smile I couldn't quite understand.
"It seems as if you always feel unexpected to meet me outside of the hotel."
I did not know how to respond to his words.
"…No — "
"So you think we should meet up at the hotel and then do something?"
"I said I don't!" I was slightly angered, but considering the identity of the person in front of me, I had to control myself.
"Be assured, I won't do anything to you taking into consideration your health," He put his joking tone aside, "Moreover, I'm not that inhumane."
It's not like you've never been inhumane.
I didn't reply, I didn't want to care.
"I called you out just to be with you for a while," He said plainly.
Seeing that I gave no reply, he continued on himself.
"I heard your surgery was not too successful."
"It's fine." I gave a simple reply.
"Remember to go for regular check-ups, your illness might return."
"Oh."
I felt strange after realising the fact that he has been stalking my condition.
"Oh yeah, there's been something bothering me. I'm sure you know what it is."
"What?"
"I followed your instructions to push Lee Hayeon up to fame," He looked at me almost teasingly, "But I ended up pushing her into the same drama as Park Chanyeol."
I froze upon hearing his words.
"I'm the main investor of that drama, since I can't just place her as the female lead, I made her the supporting actress."
"You….you did that on purpose didn't you."
"I had no idea," He watched me innocently, "Its just that I find it interesting after getting to know Park Chanyeol would be the male lead."
"Afterwards, your company did approach me and the producers, to replace Lee Hayeon. Of course," He smiled, "I have no intention of doing so."
He anticipated my reaction.
I lowered my eyes and took a sip of hot tea.
"Ah I see. That's nice."
Hayeon has been fighting very hard, I could imagine.
Wu Yifan titled his head, "Why? Aren't you jealous?"
I shook my head.
I don't have the rights to be jealous. If I were to be jealous of Hayeon due to the sudden change of Chanyeol's attitude towards me, I'd be lacking too much awareness of my identity.
Furthermore, knowing the fact that Chanyeol can meet up with Hayeon more through the filming, he'd be happier.
And I was suddenly reminded of when I was returning home from the hospital, how Manager Hyung asked of Park Chanyeol, it was probably because he wanted to know whether there has been anything happening between him and Hayeon while filming together.
Their love has always been so difficult, how nice would it be to get a chance to be together often.
Be together often….how nice.
"I can't understand you," He shook his head, giving up, "So dumb that no one can understand – you're so talented at that."
What the hell was that. I threw him a glance, too lazy to reply him.
"I'm very curious, why you're so willing to help Hayeon."
"Isn't she your rival?"
"So you think I stand a chance against her in competing for Park Chanyeol's love," Such a futile battle, how could I consider her a rival of mine.
"You always say you owe her. What do you owe her exactly?"
I stopped swirling the tea in my cup.
The images from the past slowly surfaced.
Was it in the afternoon? Or dusk? I couldn't remember.
I was looking at the messages on my phone. After hesitating for a while, I dialled the number.
— Hello? Hayeon.
— Yeah, Chanyeol said his phone is out of battery. He called you but you didn't answer, he told me to text you to meet at the normal place.
— But I advice that the two of you should stop meeting up so frequently. I mean, his promotional teasers are already out.
— No that's not what I meant, Hayeon you …
— Can't you be considerate for Chanyeol? He's always thinking for you, can't you do the same?
— Can you stop being so stubborn!
Other's relationship - why did I care so much.
I only remembered Hayeon shouting at me through the phone, I know you like him, so you can't stand us being together. If you dare, go tell on us to the company.
I paused for a while, tightening my grip on the phone
— If it affects Chanyeol's career then I will.
I felt the other end hung up the call, angered. I put my phone in my pocket and turned around to find Manager Jang standing at the door.
He watched me, smiling, but not really meaning emotion behind the action.
— Baekhyun-ah.
— Manager Jang…Good, good afternoon.
— Is it Chanyeol you were talking about?
— Lee Hayeon and Park Chanyeol? Huh!
I opened my mouth but nothing came out, my heart felt a splash of cold.
From then on I was pinned onto the cross, all the punishments were for me.
I bit my lips. If only back then, I had been more careful with my words, there'd be much more happy people.
"So what exactly is it?" Wu Yifan's words pulled me back into reality, "What crime did you commit? That you have to go to such lengths to compensate it?"
I took a deep breath.
"Back then because of me, the company got to know about Park Chanyeol and Lee Hayeon's relationship. That's why…the company fired her." I said softly, watching the tea leaves swirl in my cup.
"Ohhh~" He dragged his word, as if a sudden realisation, "You told on them?"
"…I guess so."
"But what you did was right."
I watched him, speechlessly. I've always found his morals problematic, I guess I was right.
"Because of me she had to wait for so long to debut. Chanyeol was also forced to separate with her, for one year, he couldn't see his lover," I laughed dryly, "That's considered the right thing to do?"
The only right thing must be my punishment and the price I have to pay.
The person in front of me was silent for a very long time. Then he gave a slight smile.
"How interesting, you bunch of people,"
Yeah. Us bunch of people. Controlled as if pawns, unable to be in charge of our destinies.
Acting out drama after drama in front of invisible camera lenses.
How very interesting.
The conversation continued on to get duller and duller. Then Wu Yifan picked up a call, he spoke in his phone at the same time as he called for a waiter.
"Bill." He said, after hanging up the call.
I took out my wallet, about to retrieve some money as Wu Yifan snatched it away from me, then he tossed me his.
"I — " Just as I was about to say something, he made a "Shhh" sign with his finger and started to speak on the phone.
I gave up and took money from his wallet instead to pay the bill.
Two pieces of paper accidentally fell out.
Just as I was about to pick them up, Wu Yifan hung up the call.
"Ah, just nice, there's a musical this week, do you want to go see?" He picked them up to look at them.
Was this an…invitation? I watched him, alert.
"Don't look at me like that, I don't have time for those stuff," He threw the tickets towards me, "I'll give these to you."
"…Why would I want to go watch it…" I took the tickets over, " 'La Vie En Rose'?"
"It's your own choice."
"Let's go, I'll send you back."