Chapter 39
Kirk's fear did not return. Koh sent him home at the usual time. He returned the next night, still completely at peace. Konti had indeed prayed for him, and was greatly encouraged by his testimony. Koh tried by various means to crack it unsuccessfully. Kirk just laughed.
The third night, Kirk was nearing exhaustion, having had no sleep for two days. He was talking to the Lord about it on the way to the lab.
The way I see it, either tonight or sometime tomorrow, Koh's going to put in those wires. He'll undoubtedly start giving me real drugs instead of placebos. And stop giving me twelve hours off. In for the duration, as it were. Who knows, he might even have something new up his sleeve. This peace is absolutely wonderful! Here's my question, Lord. Will the peace continue after I fall apart? Or do You have to lift it in order for me to fall apart? I don't have to have an answer. It just would be nice to know what to expect.
Why do you assume you're going to fall apart? I could take away all the pain as easily as I took the fear.
You're running this show, Lord. Whatever You want to do is fine with me. But You might want to consider that they already think I'm weird. Doesn't seem like this is at all necessary. But You do what You want. I'm a willing tool in Your hands.
It is good that you are willing. There is much to endure. Better for you not to know what I'm going to do.
Okay. I trust You, Lord.
Kirk sensed a change in Koh as soon as he walked into the lab. They were through messing around. He wondered if Koh knew how clearly he was telegraphing his intentions. He smiled into Koh's over-serious and slightly anxious eyes.
"It's all right, Koh. I trust you. And what I said the last time still holds. Whatever happens, I will not hate you."
"How do you know this is it?"
"I can read it in your eyes and body language."
"Is the fear still gone then?" Koh asked hopefully.
"Not a sign of it, but I won't be entirely surprised if it returns before this is over. But don't worry, I'll be okay, even if it sounds like I'm not."
It took the better part of an hour to set it all up. There were two new elements, but he doubted if anything could be as bad as the wires in the back. Koh turned it all on at once, giving him no time to adjust. It was immediately overwhelming and absolutely awful. If anything, it was worse than he remembered. He couldn't even sort out the various pieces of it. It washed over him like a tidal wave.
Interestingly, his first reaction was anger. He wanted to fight back at this invasion. He wasn't angry with Koh, but at the pain itself. Even so, this was not an effective way to deal with it. He spoke to the anger and insisted it depart. He would accept the pain, all of it. He would accept the invasion, the overwhelming awfulness.
Koh watched the stress reader and listened to Kirk breathe. After an initial spike, Kirk's stress level returned to its stubbornly consistent low reading. His breathing was ragged and erratic at first, though not dangerously so. After about fifteen minutes, it returned to the steady rhythm of the previous night.
"Can you talk?"
"With difficulty. Congratulations. You finally did it."
"Did what?"
"Dared to throw the whole thing at me at once."
"And?"
"I can't sort out the pieces. But a definite sense that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts."
"Yet you swallow the whole thing in fifteen minutes flat!" Koh pounded his fist on the counter in exasperation.
"So far, yes. If nothing changes, I'll probably reach physical exhaustion first: the point at which I no longer have the strength to raise my head enough to breathe."
"Does that worry you?"
"No. My life is in God's hands."
"Will you still think so hours from now?"
"Yes, I will."
"We'll see."
Hours went by with no change. Kirk was bored. He prayed for grace, strength, and patience. The will to endure was still going strong, and the fear was nowhere to be found. Kirk was grateful.
Sometime the next day, Koh was forced to lower the line attached to Kirk's collar. Able to breathe again, Kirk gratefully relaxed his muscles. The pain levels were too high for real sleep, but he spent much of the next day in a kind of stupor. No sense of time. Very little coherent thought. Just an over-abundance of pain. And no urgent need for it to stop.
Koh let it go on for a full three days. Kirk's reaction never changed. What he could not stand before, he had now conquered. Koh didn't see how, but there was no arguing with the fact that he had done it. Kirk didn't talk much. When Koh asked him a question, he responded coherently, but slowly, as if half-asleep. He lay relaxed and unmoving; the stress reading stayed low. In the early hours of the fourth day, Kirk suddenly spoke.
"Koh? Did you just turn off the power?"
"No. I haven't touched anything for days. Why?"
"I still have power in the Room F program, but the rest of it just went suddenly dead. I thought maybe you were playing a new game."
"No, I'm not. That's very odd. Things look okay from here. I'm coming in to check your end."
Moments later Koh entered, checked all the paraphernalia, and found nothing wrong. Then he removed several of the leads and placed them on his own skin. They worked as well as before. He checked each of the devices in the same way, even removing one of the wires from Kirk's back. They were all in working order. He returned to the monitoring room.
"Kirk, can you hear me?"
"Loud and clear."
"There's nothing wrong with the system. What's wrong is with you. I'm sorry."
"Koh, you sound as if you've just announced that I have some terminal illness."
"Yes. I've turned everything off. I'm coming back in there."
Koh returned to Room A and removed the helmet so Kirk could hear.
"I'd like to take out the wires in your back first. I need you absolutely still. If I have to, I'll knock you out first."
"Not necessary. Go ahead. I won't move."
Koh worked quickly but carefully. True to his word, Kirk did not so much as twitch. Koh would almost have felt better if he had. He took off the head wires, the leads and skin patches, and the new device on the back of the neck. He peeled the gloves off Kirk's hands, and the footpads off his feet. Kirk remained relaxed and unmoving. How very different from the last time he'd done this. Nonetheless, as a precaution, he unplugged the IV's before taking down the lines to the ceiling.
Kirk chuckled. "Relax, Koh. I'm not going to attack you. I'm fine."
"That's what you think. I know better. But let me finish this."
Without removing the handcuffs or leg manacles, he flipped Kirk onto his back, leaving him strapped to the table, his hands under him. Koh removed the large skin patch on Kirk's belly, pulling hairs as he went. No reaction from Kirk. He took off the rest of the skin patches and all the leads, leaving the face mask for last. He admitted to himself that he didn't want to see Kirk's eyes, but it wasn't fair to Kirk, so he peeled the face mask off too. Kirk smiled up at him.
"Koh, what's bugging you? What do you think is wrong with me?"
"Permanent nerve damage. I'm not sure yet how extensive, or what level of dysfunction will be the result." Koh shook his head and began to put away the leads.
"How long would it take you to do enough tests to find out?"
"A complete set of tests would take about eight hours. Why?"
"Do it now."
Koh abandoned his busy work and came back to the table. "Kirk! You don't know what you're asking for. The tests are very painful. What your system needs right now is rest, not more trauma."
"Koh, I don't think there's anything wrong with me. I feel better than I've felt in weeks. I don't need rest. What I do need is to prove to you that my nervous system is in perfect working order. So do the tests, please. And since when is pain a reason for not doing something? Everything we do in here is supposed to produce pain of one kind or another."
"All right, but if I see the slightest sign of hysteria, I'm quitting. And you have to be coherently responsive."
"Understood."
The next eight hours were interesting. No one test took very long, but there were hundreds of them. By the time they were finished, Kirk understood Koh's hesitation. It had been a strenuous workout both mentally and physically. He would not have been able to complete it had he been exhausted. The last test over, they sat at the table in Room C. Koh served up a tall glass of juice for each of them.
"Yes, drink it. Now, talk to me. I admit the tests prove you're right, but I don't understand it."
"I have only one possible explanation: God did it."
Kirk went on to share his conversation with the Lord on the way to the lab.
"He left the Room F program running, because He knows I don't consider that painful. (It's boring; you need to write some new programs; but even new ones wouldn't be painful.) Anyway, in addition to taking all the pain, He gave me an abundance of energy, as if I'd slept twelve hours or more. In fact, I still feel great. I'm not afraid of you, or the wires. I could take another three days of it, starting now. But I have a few pointers."
"Kirk, you can't be serious!"
"Why not? Better to debrief it now, while it's fresh. The skin patch on the belly works about 150% better than the clamp thing you used before. Ditto for the hands. The strips of the stuff on all the rest of the available skin was also very effective. Strips are better than solidly covering, I think. The effect of the whole thing is hard to describe. Pinpricks more than knives, but more an all-over sensation than the leads. And even though it's all over, the focus is on the face, hands, and belly.
"The new thing on the back of the neck didn't seem all that useful to me. Just gave me a headache, and I've had lots worse. I'd send that device back for rework. And I'd skip the drugs next time. Maybe I'm building up a tolerance, but I hardly noticed whatever they were supposed to be doing to me. And if you can't write new programs, I'd skip the Room F hardware too. I've got them memorized, and they don't even keep me distracted any more.
"But the biggest change I recommend has to do with the line from my collar to the ceiling. The whole thing is much harder to take if I have to keep my muscles tensed in order to breathe. After you lowered the line, I could almost sleep through it. So I think you should skip the preliminary efforts to exhaust me. Go straight to the max right from the beginning and see how long I can last. Especially if there's no fear factor."
"Kirk, I've said it before, and I'll undoubtedly say it again. You are incredible! Konti will be here in a few minutes. We'll see how you feel about all this tonight."
Kirk spent the afternoon helping Konti translate several passages he was unsure about. That evening Kezak showed up for a conference. Konti wasn't sure Kirk was up for that.
"Kirk, if you don't want to deal with this right now, I'll get rid of him. But he's been pestering me for days. So I scheduled this." Konti spread his hands and shrugged.
"Konti, I told you, I'm fine, not like last time at all. I'd be happy to spend the evening with Kezak. Has he come up with any new plans?"
"You'll have to ask him. I won't discuss it when you're not here. Annoys him, but too bad. I'm not okaying anything without knowing your thoughts on it. And you know my opinion about most of the stuff you two cook up."
Kirk chuckled. "Awful, but doable. And you'll reluctantly be talked into doing it. After all, it can't be worse than 1500 lashes."
Kezak's plan called for a one and a half hour show, which they would take on tour. Only after showing it in neighboring cities would they book it for the capital. Konti was the star of the show, and would display by various means his control over Kirk. The show would begin with a twenty minute narration of how Kirk had been conquered, acted out by Kirk, Konti, and Koh. It was fiction, but contained enough fact to be eminently believable. In Kezak's estimation, the combination of dramatic lighting, precise choreography, and live action would create a spectacular effect.
Following that, Kirk would don the head device, along with hand and leg restraints. Konti would force him through a complex obstacle course using only the whip for direction. They planned several falls and near disasters to keep audience interest at a peak. The most spectacular was a fall from the tightrope into the water tank. Kirk would then pretend to be panic-stricken and drowning, splashing water everywhere. Konti would wrap the whip around his neck and pull him from the water, then force him back to the tightrope.
There was considerable discussion over whether he should fall a second time. Kirk thought it made sense if he did. Kezak agreed, but it was better for the flow and momentum of the performance if he didn't. Instead, it would be best if he merely looked as if he was going to fall three or four times. Kirk said he would have to practice that.
For the finale of the obstacle course, they would dim the lights, and light up a floor grid covering the whole center section of the arena. They would demonstrate that the lighted areas of the floor were electrified. Only by keeping to the dark spots could the maze be safely negotiated. At this point in the discussion, Kezak turned to Konti.
"How much do you trust Kirk?"
"What do you mean?"
"What I'm about to suggest risks Kirk's life. One wrong move, one misunderstood instruction, and he's dead. We can't fake it either. The audience will demand the real thing. But it would be ever so much more spectacular, more suspenseful, if your life were at risk also. Are you willing to let Kirk carry you through the maze on his shoulders? And can you accurately wield the whip from that position?"
"Trust him not to dump me, or trust him not to make a mistake and fry us both?"
"Either or both."
Konti looked at Kirk, who grinned but said nothing.
"I would say a prior question is whether Kirk can trust me not to make a mistake."
"My life is in God's hands. You can't kill me until He's ready for you to, and that includes accidents."
"Does this mean you want to do this?" Konti sat forward, wanting to make sure.
"It sounds like fun. And it certainly would be spectacular proof that you control my every move, and are so confident of that control that you stake your life on it."
"All right, count me in. There's no question that I trust Kirk."
The last part of the show would be a public beating, with the audience determining the specifics: number of strokes, Kirk's position, level of reaction permitted, etc. And the persons delivering the beating would be chosen from the audience as well. Kirk, of course, would deliver something less than what they had asked for. If they taped his mouth, he would whimper and moan. If they left the head device on, he would deliver an appropriately shocked reaction to the lash. If they required motionlessness, he would act as if he were trying hard to comply, but was simply unable. As they wrapped up the evening's discussion, Kirk had a concern.
"What's the likelihood that there'll be anybody in the audiences who will see through the act and know what we're really doing?"
"I know perhaps a dozen people on this planet who will understand what they are seeing. Not one of them will give you away. They value rare talent, and care not that you happen to be an enemy of the State."
The first show was scheduled for three days hence. It came off without a hitch, and was a marvelous success, according to Kezak. Kirk had worn the head device for most of the show, and so had no idea what the audience response was. Konti and Kezak both agreed the audience loved it. Thereafter they did three shows a week. They could have booked more, but Koh insisted they space them to give time for Kirk's back to heal.
After the first week, it was obvious that Konti was going to be making a lot of money at this - a fact which made Konti somewhat uncomfortable. Kirk was amused.
"I just don't think it's right to exploit you."
"Why not? Isn't that what slaves are for?"
"Kirk! In spite of the legalities, you are not my slave, never have been, and we both know it!"
"On the contrary. That is exactly what I am. That we are also friends does not change the fact that you own me. I like Kezak's show. I like the image it portrays. I enjoy doing it. I especially enjoy working with you. But even if I hated every minute of it, it would still be the right thing to do. I'm glad you're making money at it, and I don't feel exploited."
"You enjoy it?!"
"It's great fun. I like the challenge; I like the level of precision required; I like the mutual trust; and I like to act. It amuses me to pretend. I'm sorry you don't enjoy it. It would be easier if you could learn to laugh at yourself. You take life too seriously."
The nightly sessions with Koh continued, although their schedule now had to be subject to Kezak's show times. There was only one more marathon session, and that lasted only two and a half days. Kirk said he only needed four hours of recovery time before the show. Koh insisted he needed eight hours. He lasted the two and a half days without falling apart, without even becoming too exhausted to hold his head up.
He then slept for four hours, ate a meal, and boarded the flitter for the two hour ride to the show site. Since Kezak had no instructions, Kirk took a nap on the floor behind the back seats. Koh woke him by running a finger down his spine. Kirk's voice was sleepy, but amused.
"Good morning, Koh. Nobody but you would think to do that. I'm glad to know that you dare. File this for your medical report: nerves working just fine; some residual pain; no fear. We'll have to debrief the rest of it tomorrow."
The show went fine, with Kirk in top form. The next night Kirk and Koh were in the lab talking. Kirk summarized his perceptions of the two and a half days.
"I don't know what else to suggest. I'm fresh out of ideas," Kirk admitted.
"Well, I'm not. There are several things I'd like to mess around with. They're not designed primarily to break you, though I suppose it's not entirely impossible. Frankly, right now, they're placing their hopes on the new mindsifter, so the pressure is somewhat eased."
So they spent their time testing new devices Koh had been given, new drugs ditto, and the usual fun and games with weight workouts, Room F programs, and Room E surprises. The best part about those days was that Koh had regained his equilibrium and was his normal cheerful self again. They joked around a lot, and made light of Kirk's suffering. Thoroughly enjoyable.