Chapter 21: The Chocolate Club

By Archet

This dedication is dedicated to myself, for taking time out of my homework to write it. Just kidding. This chapter is dedicated to my friend _ who gave me the wonderful idea for the chocolate club.

21. Do not start a food fight while Bilbo is singing in The Hall of Fire

"And make sure to clean up the tomato juice stain!" Lindir called over his shoulder as he left the room.

A sponge aimed for his face whistled over his left shoulder as a chorus of "We will!" was heard from the hobbits. Lindir sighed and headed to the kitchen for a cup of tea. He, as well as all the others, still had a hideous headache.

"This is going to take us all day to clean up," moaned Sam.

"Two days," mumbled Frodo.

"A month."

"Well, might as well give up now then!" Pippin said cheerfully, making to stand up, and slipping back down into a pile of tofu. Erestor, who was leaning on the door frame supervising, grinned at the little hobbit.

"This is all Merry's fault," Pippin muttered, picking through the pile of food on the floor and popping a pretzel in his mouth.

"Is not." Merry replied a millisecond later.

"Is too."

"Is not."

"Is too."

"Is not not not."

"Is too too TOO."

Sam aimed a wet sponge at Pippin's head, which easily made the mark. The hobbit fell over in slow motion. Erestor laughed.

"Now that I think of it," Frodo said thoughtfully, "Maybe the Chocolate Club wasn't such a good idea after all."

"Ya think?" grumbled Merry.

Roughly 40 hours ago...

"Hey, guys!" Frodo yelled down the hall as he walked towards the hobbits' room.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaat?" Pippin's voice echoed back almost immediately. Frodo stuck his head around the door to glance at the other three hobbits playing Monopoly very dignified-like on the floor of their bedroom.

"I've just had the greatest idea!" he exclaimed happily, throwing a newspaper cutout at Merry, who held it up. The title read 'Boy Finds Chip Shaped Like Donkey'. Merry stared blankly.

"Turn it over," encouraged Frodo. Merry turned it over. The headline 'Start Your Own Chocolate Club Today!' blazed out.

"What's a chocolate club?" asked Sam, arranging his massively huge pile of money (well, massive compared to the other two).

"Get some friends together, and take turns buying fancy chocolates," Merry read aloud from the article, "Enjoy the enjoyment of eating enjoyable chocolate with your friends."

"That's sounds like fun," said Pippin, who had been oddly quiet for a discussion about food. Frodo turned around to stare at him, only to notice him slip a $500 in his pocket.

"Cool!" exclaimed Merry, oblivious, "When shall we start?"

"How 'bout tomorrow?" Frodo suggested, "I'll bring the chocolate."

The hobbits all agreed on the deal.

Roughly 34 hours later...

"Why do they call it the Hall of Fire?" whispered Pippin as him and Merry settled into their seats, "Is the room going to catch fire? I mean, it's not even a hall. It is more of a room..."

"Shut up!" Merry hissed, "Bilbo's gonna sing and I don't want to miss it."

"Hey," said Pippin, suddenly remembering something important, "Where the heck is Frodo with his chocolate?"

"I don't know," whispered Merry, "But he better-"

"HERE I AM!" yelled Bilbo to the crowd. The crowd cheered. Aragorn grinned into his cup.

"I'M GONNA SING!" screamed Bilbo lamely.

He commenced to sing.

(Insert very lame parody of Eärendil the Mariner that doesn't even rhyme because the author was to lazy to look at the book even though it's sitting next to her as she types this. Note: if you haven't read Lord of the Rings or the Silmarillion, Eärendil was a Mariner. He is the main character (only character) in Bilbo's ever famous two-and-a-half page song. He was also Elrond's father. Now, on with the story...er, song.)

"Eärendil was a Mariner.

Who sailed the seven seas and more.

And he did lots of other stuff too.

Like run up stairs in Tirion.*

He was married to a bird.

Or so I thought, when I read the Silmarillion.

But it wasn't really a bird.

More like a hybrid elf.

(Okay, now I'm just being mean)"

Elrond glared sharply at Bilbo, Eärendil, of course, being his dad (and Elwing the hybrid bird who was actually an elf being his mom). Bilbo quickly veered off into another, less offensive, verse.

"And then there was this pretty jewel.

That Aragorn told me to mention.

It was all greenish and to some importance.

But I'm not really too sure what.

Now Eärendil drives his ship in the sky.

Because he was banished from this world.

And the light of the Silmaril.

Looks conveniently like the northern star."

"Where the heck are Frodo and Sam?" muttered Merry, pretending to look at his watch even though he wasn't wearing one.

"I have no idea," whispered Pippin. Bilbo continued to sing on for a few more pages.

And then the unthinkable happened.

"HERE WE ARE!" screamed Frodo, running into the room drunken-like, throwing chocolate, "DID YOU MISS US?"

"Speak of the devil," Merry facepalmed. Bilbo, unfazed, continued to sing even louder.

"AND THEN ELWING JUMPED OFF A CLIFF.

AND TURNED INTO A TURKEY.

OF SOME SORT."

Elrond looked furious. Turning beet red, he started to get up and stride evilly towards Bilbo (well, that's what I assume he was going to do, but we'll never know), when a huge hunk of chocolate hit him in the head.

"FOOD FIGHT!" screamed Frodo, and started throwing chocolate. Half the elves materialized vegetables out of nowhere. Havoc began.

Enter Sam.

"Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap...MERRY! PIPPIN!" he yelled, tripping into the room.

"What?" yelled Merry from across the room where he had taken refuge under some table. Pippin had joined the food fight.

"I think Frodo's chocolate is drugged!" Sam cried.

"Where'd he get it from?"

"...Gollum..."

"WHAT?"

"I told him it was a bad idea, but he wouldn't listen!"

"Great," Merry shook his head, "Just great."

At that moment he was hit by a flying piece of chocolate and instantly joined in the food fight. Sam, nearly crying, hid under the table as he watched the possessed elves, hobbits, and men (except Bilbo, who obliviously continued to sing until he was whacked over the head and dragged into the corner with Elrond), continue their foodfighting-ing.

Eventually they all fell asleep from exhaustion.

In the distance, Gollum crackled evilly, writing down his thank-you note to Saruman for lending him the chocolate.

THE END!

*I don't really remember if Eärendil actually did run up any stairs...so...yeah. I'm too lazy to check. :)

Sorry for taking a bazillion years to update! I was busy :(

Hope this chapter made up for it. It's longer than normal, I think...

Now, review! Or I'll get Frodo to throw chocolate at you...