Chapter 22: Legolas and the Coke

By Archet AND Elf from DownUnder (because we are incapable by ourselves - at least I am).

Solely dedicated to Legolas, who is grinning at me from the front of the Legolas Drinks Coke! t-shirt sitting randomly beside me. If that didn't make sense, read the story and come back.

22. I will not try and get my own made up phrase clichéd

Imladris ~

Legolas wandered away from the Fellowship after the council of Elrond … who were fighting over what was the best flavor of Poptarts.

"No! It's chocolate chip!" Aragorn screeched, scaring away an elleth who stood nearby.

"No way! Cinnamon Roll!" Boromir protested.

"I say cherry!" Gimli spoke up.

Gandalf sighed, resting his back against a pillar. "You're all being foolish," he muttered.

"I can't believe these idiots swore to protect me ..." Frodo shook his head.

"I agree with Mr. Gimli, I must say. Cherry is …"

Frodo shushed Sam quickly. "Don't get yourself involved, Sam!"

Legolas walked as far away from them as possible, in fact. Slowly, as the irritating voices of the Fellowship (minus Legolas) became a mere echo, the wood elf stumbled over a bright red object – made of aluminum and shaped as a cylinder. Curiously, Legolas picked it up.

"Coca cola?" Ah, so this is the drink product Elladan and Elrohir live on …

Cautiously, looking around to make sure no one was watching him, he opened it and took a sip.

Behind a bush, the dynamic duo Pippin and Merry were capturing shots of this scene with their new cameras.

And so it began.

...a few days later...

"WHAT?!"

"What? What is it Legolas?" Pippin asked sweetly, putting on his I-am-an-innocent-hobbit face, "What's wrong?"

"I-me- MY FACE IS- me- but-" Legolas continued to helplessly blubber for a few minutes as the other occupants of the Rivendell library in turn collapsed in silent giggles. A page fell out of the fax machine. Aragorn picked it up.

"Dear...Legolas..." he read slowly, "I mailed you some coke. Sincerely, JRR Tolkien XIV."

"WHAT?!" squeaked Legolas again, his rather deformed vocabulary taking the better of him. Just then, the doorbell rang.

Aragorn also saw the computer screen.

And burst out laughing.

There was a picture of the sugar high elf, grinning at some faraway something-or-other. He was holding a coke can, and had a huge thumbs-up pointed at the camera. The caption below read LEGOLAS DRINKS COKE! in huge sparkly letters.

Aragorn started hyperventilating from laughter.

Meanwhile...

"Hello?" said Elrond, his eyebrows dancing around on his forehead as he saw the moving truck run into a tree Elrohir had planted in his childhood. He glared, wishing he had never come to open the door in the first place.

All of the sudden, the moving truck stopped moving. The back opened up. Elrond had a brief glimpse of something red and white before he was pummeled by a hundred thousand cases of coke.

"Mwahahahaha..." Merry grinned cheerfully from his position on top of five pillows in the driver's seat.

At that exact moment Boromir walked into the library wearing a LEGOLAS DRINKS COKE! t-shirt. Legolas fainted. Frodo sympathized: he himself had gone through the same thing when Merry and Pippin had come up with FRODO LIVES!

Legolas Drinks Coke! T-shirts, gloves, hats mittens, bread stamps, stationary, chocolate, wigs, pizza boxes, key chains, postcards, and basically every other type of merchandise possible are now available! Cost: 1 review. Please state in the review which you would like and thou shalt be contacted shortly (see what I did there? I made it all Tolkien-y).

Sorry for the looooooooooooong delay, me and Elf from DownUnder had some trouble with this chapter. Hope it turned out OK!