Margaret stayed busy the two weeks in London before leaving for Milton. She partly felt the more wedding nonsense she did now the less reason to return later, and partly she wished to fill her time. Margaret applied herself to her new financial responsibilities, as well as building her trousseau and preparing for her wedding.
Her wedding dress plan was becoming elaborate, more elaborate than she had intended anyway. However, she was finding it easier to accept defeat than to argue with Aunt Shaw and Edith. In the end Margaret decided she did not care enough about the wedding or the breakfast to put up any defense or effort.
Margaret would have preferred to have the wedding in Milton with her own friends and society. She secretly felt guilty for leaving her Aunt and cousin.
When her parents died they had taken her in without question, even though Mr. Bell would have graciously taken care of all arrangements. She would eventually be leaving them for what they considered to be a lesser life and she so eager to get there was visiting and would likely spend most of her engagement in Milton.
They could not understand or see the value in Milton or the fast pace of life. They worried her society would limited to a hand full of families and everything was simply cold and dirty. They did not know about all the families of Princeton or all the families of Crampton or the bustle and life of the mills and streets. Margaret longed to be back in the heat of the action, far away from her dull existence in London.
But if all truth be told what Margaret missed most was Mr. Thornton. Margaret had some time to think about all the words and letters that passed between them and every day she was more assured of his love and longed to be near him.
It was not a proper topic for a young women. However, Margaret was becoming more aware of her future duties and perhaps more importantly, her lack of knowledge about these responsibilities.
She decided it would be her current duty to discover all that she could and be as prepared as possible for her wedding. Her goal would be to please John and not appear as the timid and frightened, fragile creature she imagined most women were on their wedding night.
She had heard horror stories but was choosing not to believe them. There was no way her dear, sweet John could do anything to harm her.
Perhaps others did not love as deeply as she did and so it hurt, she was convinced in her heart that her experience would not be as it was for others. Her love had not been the same as others, she felt it was somehow different and special, deeper than other couples experienced.
She saw no reason to believe this too would not be different. Certainly if everyone felt as in love as I do, we would not have silly conventions and no society would keep us apart.
Edith was her first source of information. Edith had two children and had been married several years and she and the Captain loved each other.
Although their relationship was not what she wanted for herself, Margaret knew they had married for love and loved each other still. Surely Edith would be able to comfort Margaret and assure her that it would be a wonderful experience.
"Edith, my love may I speak to you, very privately about something rather shocking and improper" such an introduction was sure to get Edith's attention. However, Edith was very skeptical that Margaret could have anything more shocking than her marriage announcement, Margaret was not usually the most shocking person.
"Of course Margaret, come in and shut the door. The nurse has Shelto, and the baby can't understand a word of course. But I doubt you have anything shocking to discuss, unless you and Mr. Thornton have plans to move to Constantinople" she jokingly smiled at her dear cousin.
"I wish to be prepared for… my wedding night. I understand the ….concept, but I don't want to be surprised. I was hoping.." her confidence weaving, "you could tell me of the general experience and well, um…. perhaps this will not do, I'm sorry," this was more difficult than she expected, "well how does it start, exactly, and what do I have to, need to do, should do" Margaret's face was now colored and she looked down and nervously smoothed her dress down.
Edith began to giggle as she realized her cousin's distress.
"I am sorry cousin, I do not mean to laugh but I did not expect this. I assumed you and Mr. Thornton had some, experience at this point, you have known him for years and the way he looks at you, as if he knew you"
"Of course not. We have kissed, and he has held me very close around my waist. Though once his arm brushed against my breast but I am almost sure that was an accident" Margaret was starting to loosen as she found her cousin an egger ear and not immediately appalled at her brazen questions.
"Well, once you're engaged no one cares what you do. That's why you are always left alone in the drawing room at the end of the evening, we don't expect you to be chatting. But anyway my dear innocent cousin I will tell you all but please do not cry at the crude truth and do not run to my mother to verify all I say" Margaret nodded at her cousin's requests.
"The start is the most lovely, and at the end. That's when he loves you the most and there's kissing and touching. I'm sure your Mr. Thornton will be as gentle as my Captain Lennox.
Let him take off whatever clothes you have on, and don't be shy and hide, there is no need, men love even what you wish to hide. I heard from Miss Amesby that even the Queen enjoys her husband to remove her stockings" Edith began to giggle, then steadied herself and continued, " He will touch you and kiss you. You simply let him do whatever he likes, and you will like it too, but he will take the lead. In bed he be will be laying on top of you, again just allow him to do as he sees fit and respond however you think will be most appealing.
It will hurt initially, just bite your lip and wait, it will get better and before the end you'll be enjoying yourself too.
Oh and there is blood. No one told me about that, so it was rather shocking for us both. Luckily I learned the next day it was to be expected if it is your first. In fact, I've been told some husbands expect it and if there's not they have grounds for divorce. But I don't know about all that.
Mother told me the bleeding only happens the first time and doesn't happen to everyone so it's best not to mention it to the man. I thought well fine not to inform him about the possibility but it would have been better if I had known.
Anyway, afterward he will hold you close and stay in your bed the whole night. Do you know that I hear Lord Eldridge and his wife do not keep separate quarters?! My friend Miss Allen who is cousin to Mrs. Applegate who is friends with Lady Eldridge and so I was told. Apparently they are very fond of each other and do not wish to part any night so they do not waste the London space of their townhome on separate rooms. I was rather shocked. Captain Lennox would not stand for such a thing…"
Edith talked on about the gossip here and there and what Captain Lennox would and would not tolerate, the main subject long since gone. Margaret was now deep in thought on this new insight she had been given.
Edith's description had been more blunt and honest than she had expected. Edith was not usually so forth coming with practical information. And it did not sound as bad when Edith described it, even pleasurable.
Margaret longed to be close to Mr. Thornton and the prospect of him touching her and being on top of her was exhilarating. The very thought of feeling his skin against hers made every inch of Margaret tingle and a shiver flew down her spine. She discretely shook off the chill and directed her mind elsewhere, for now.
She had not thought of bedrooms before. Her parents had always kept separate room but Margaret knew she did not want her parent's type of marriage. The idea of sharing a room was intriguing to her but the only people she knew who shared a room were poor.
In her mind, they would always be together and may have ended up neglecting separate rooms, but the plan to not have them at all, now that seemed revolutionary. She wondered how Mr. Thornton would react to such an idea, perhaps he had already thought of it.