hope u like it, no Spencers were harmed in the writing of this chapter.
Of course, any normal person would just admit it when they knew they had a thing for someone. But when your thoughts constantly told you 'don't get attached' repeatedly, those feelings could be mottled.
If you're one to constantly question every person that comes into your life it's quite easy to get those feelings mixed up.
Constantly wondering whether you're being annoying, or whether the other person actually hates you is just the beginning of a series of emotions. Emotions that could either go one of two ways.
You could live in constant fear that this person is going to leave you eventually and leave it at that, or you could take it a step further and feel so much as though you need this person to keep you sane.
And that is where Billy and Spencer have found themselves, they just didn't know it.
It started with a simple call.
….
"Hey, Billy, could you get that for me?" Spencer asked, he was driving, and everyone knows you shouldn't text and drive.. especially if you were Spencer.
The phone read mom.
Spring break was coming to an end, and in just a few days Spencer would be back home, that cozy, homey home.
What would Billy do then? The whole reason he'd asked Spencer to come with him was because his license was suspended. Of course he could drive himself, but...
But Billy hated driving! He hated the people in the cars, how slow they were, the way they drove at just the right speed to stop you from being able to pass them, even though that idiot in front of you was driving way to slow, and the jerk behind you was all up your ass- Billy hated driving.
He didn't understand how people could be so stupid, and that usually lead him down a path of breaking a few of the rules of the road.
And also but, he didn't have his licence. And if he was going to drive he was most likely going to run into stupid people, and if that happened, he was almost 100% guaranteed to break a few rules, which would get him into more legal trouble.
He knew this, he knew how he was, and he knew that he wouldn't make it all the way to where he was going without any run ins with the cops.
So he'd searched for someone like Spencer, someone who wouldn't mind running away for a bit with him.
He'd figured, once he landed a place to stay he'd work and earn enough money to pay off that stupid license ticket and he'd be able to drive again.
But what he didn't expect was that he'd actually get attached to whomever that person was. But in his defense, he didn't expect Spencer to be what he was.
He'd figured Spencer was just some dorky, goody two shoes that wouldn't mind doing a guy favour- and in a way he was right. Spencer was a dorky goody two shoes, but he was also broken. He'd found that out by talking to him.
The past 2 days he'd learned that Spencer thought his friends and family hated him. He'd learned that Spencer was that kid that everyone bullied because he let them. He'd learned that Spencer needed love, and Billy had so much to give, but no one to give it to.
Everyone always thought he was a strange, perverted child. They thought he was clingy, needy, and obsessive, so he'd decided to stay away from people for a while.
Which is why he didn't understand. He'd distanced himself from people for so long, he should be one of those cold, assholes that never caught feelings, but he was the same old Billy he'd known for years- and he hadn't even known Spencer that long.
But he hadn't yet figured out why Spencer was turning him back into the clingy child that he used to be. And maybe that was why he did what he was about to do.
"Uhh, it's just a bill collector," Billy lied, letting the phone continue to ring.
Shit?
Spencer mumbled an 'oh' and kept his concentration on the road, when his phone began ringing again.
He glanced over at Billy.
"Wrong number?" he said nervously, turning the ringer off. It was his mom again.
"Why don't I just turn it off until we get where we're going?"
"But what if my mom calls?" Spencer questioned.
Spring break was ending, meaning they should be on their way back soon. Jessica had already missed a week of school, missing anymore would put her totally behind track.
Billy tensed at the question and quickly tried to think of an excuse.
"Maybe she'll leave a text, and besides, bro, you can't text or talk while driving, so it'd just be a distraction."
"Guess you're right," Spencer mumbled to himself.
Billy gave a sigh, and pressed Spencer's phone off.
The two made their way to the park that the concert was at tonight silently. The silence was filled with one sided tension.
Billy shouldn't have done that. Would Spencer be mad if he found out?
Would Spencer care?
Billy didn't know the answer to any of those questions, so he didn't know what to do, all he knew was that Spencer was supposed to be leaving in a few days, and he couldn't let that happen until he understood why Spencer brought out this side of him that he hadn't seen in years in just a few days.
….
"I've never seen so much food in my life," Spencer noted to himself.
"Yea," Billy mumbled, he was still a bit uneasy.
"Don't be nervous, you'll do great," Spencer encouraged, thinking stage fright was getting to the taller boy.
"What? The Cobra knows he's gonna do fine," Billy argued. "But I still appreciate the good vibes."
Spencer rolled his eyes and continued eyeing all the different stalls. Spencer wasn't the type of kid to be obsessed with food, but when the moment presented itself, with food literally surrounding you, it was kinda normal to want to devour it all.
"They usually give out samples at those things, so you can taste what you wanna buy,"Billy informed.
"You've been to one of these before?" Spencer asked, leading Billy to a samples lady.
"Duh! What kind of rockstar would I be if I didn't get involved?"
Spencer shrugged, popping the food in his mouth.
"This is good," he then mumbled.
"They probably give out enough samples to fill you up," Billy explained, "if you don't eat much."
"And even still, since I'm poor I come for the food."
"That's the only reason you come?" Spencer asked.
"Of course not, they're sometimes producers here looking for young, hot, talented musicians, like myself."
The brunette groaned, "has anyone ever offered you a contract?"
"Yea, but The Cobras not ready for that, I haven't even finished writing a single song yet," he paused to swallow, "and I don't wanna be one of those people that have everyone writing music for them."
"I guess I get it," Spencer started, "like how when I enter film festivals."
"I've never been offered anything, but seeing all the other films opens up new paths and ideas that I haven't explored yet, that I should get into to make my movies better."
"Uh, right?" Billy didn't know anything about filmmaking, and Billy rarely became inspired by other people, but if that's how Spencer understood it then fine.
After a few more minutes of getting full off samples it was time for the concert to start.
Everyone signed up a few minutes before, and then they played in that order; Billy was last.
He'd played a few songs that were familiar to Spencer, but even more that he'd never heard, though multiple people from the audience obviously had.
Billy's singing was great, and it soon became another video that Spencer would keep to himself.
He'd keep it to remember this moment, and how he felt during the time.
Billy was so good people had even asked him for autographs and pictures, after the show. Of course he wasn't the only one, but it always seemed like a great thing just to have people love you that much.
Or at least, that's what Spencer had imagined.
…
He's bound to figure out sooner or later. Billy thought avoiding running into multiple people, And when he does he's going to leave.
It was now Sunday he and Spencer were still in Sacramento, they were supposed to be leaving soon. Billy had kept this up for 2 days. Spencer should be on his way back home but because of Billy he wasn't.
These last two days were full of ignoring, and deleting calls from his parents.
And yes Billy felt a little bad, but everyone else should feel bad too. If anything it was his family's fault. It was their fault this happened.
If they all gave him love maybe Spencer wouldn't feel as shit about himself like he does now.
There's that saying that says you don't know what you've got until it's gone, and darn right you don't. They took Spencer for granted and they lost him, but here, with Billy, Spencer wouldn't need to feel shit, and lonely anymore because Billy would give him everything he needed- and more.
Yea! Billy thought, encouraging himself. He'd keep this on for as long as possible, and even once it ends, at least Spencer'd know he was loved.
He always had a way to make things work in his favour.
"Spence! Spence! Spence!," Billy gasped, repeatedly hitting the smaller boy on the shoulder.
"What? What, what?" Spencer questioned, flinching.
"Look!" Billy said pointing ahead of him. They'd decided to take a stroll through the city.
"It's one of those pop up carnivals!"
"Oh yeah," Spencer gaped. " I haven't been to one of those since I was a kid."
He pushed up his glasses, and pulled out his camera.
"Come on, we gotta go!" Billy squealed. Grabbing Spencer's arm, earning a 'wait' from the boy- he'd almost dropped his camera.
They ran quickly, knocking into multiple people.
'Sorry,' Spencer would try to say, but Billy was dragging him on too fast. He'd wanted to take a picture of it from far away, but apparently Billy had other ideas, so running until one of them dies it was
By the time they'd made it Spencer felt like dying. He was definitely not in shape, and all that running was not good for his health.
"You okay?" Billy asked, as equally out of breath as the brunette beside him.
Spencer nodded because it was the only thing he could do.
"Don't do much running?"
Spencer shook his head.
"That's understandable."
Inside the carnival was pretty impressive for it to be only temporary. Of course there weren't ferris wheels, or rollercoasters, but the fair did have little games where you could win stuffed animals, food, and other less popular rides- like one that spent around, or one that went swinging back and forth.
"Ahh carnival food, I don't think I've missed the smell of it," Spencer noted, because honestly carnival food isn't that appealing.
"What?" Billy gasped, "carnival food is the best, it may not smell all that great, but it's still food, dude."
Spencer gave one of those 'sure' smiles and averted his attention elsewhere. Billy should have done the same, but he kept his eyes on Spencer.
The sun made Spencer's eyes exceptionally beautiful, they looked olive, or paler than olive, and a little bit minty? But definitely not. Billy had no idea, and apparently neither did the internet.
"Why don't we go get on that?" Spencer suggested, causing Billy to jump a little. Too bad he hadn't heard a word the boy said.
"O-okay."
He followed Spencer aimlessly to a line, and they waited.
"Spence, can I take a picture of you?" Billy asked on a whim.
"Oh, why?" he responded nervously.
'I dunno' was the only answer Billy gave, and Spencer didn't see anything wrong with it in normal society terms, they were at a carnival, and people liked to take pictures- Spencer got that, but in Spencer terms it meant a forever way to capture a mistake, and he found himself feeling awkward.
"Okay," he mumbled, and gave an awkward half smile.
He probably looked terrible, the sun was high in the sky, and he had no sunglasses, so his eyes were all scrunched up, and his smile was stupid, and he had his arms crossed, which is never a good idea, and to make it worse Billy was laughing.
Even though he actually wasn't laughing, he was doing one of those things you do when you think something is really adorable and you can't help but laugh, but Spencer didn't know that.
"Is your hair red?" Billy questioned.
Spencer shook his head nervously.
"The sun makes it look that way," Billy observed, running a hand through the smaller boys hair.
And Spencer would've been super embarrassed if Billy hadn't shouted 'is that what we're getting on' next.
"Uh, yea?" Spencer answered, and now he did have the chance to get red because everyone wanted to know who the shouting asshole was.
"But I don't like heights," Billy whined.
"We've kinda been standing in this line for a few minutes already, you're just now noticing?"
"Well sorry I was too busy paying attention to you to notice what we were standing in line for," was what he wanted to say, but he didn't really want to admit that to himself, or Spencer.
He gave an awkward smile.
"I mean we could go do something else, I guess, if you want," Spencer decided.
"No, no, we can stay here, it's fine, I'll be fine."
- He wasn't fine, he held onto Spencer the whole ride, and wouldn't open his eyes, or let go until they were safely seated at a bench.
"I'm sorry, Billy," Spencer said, feeling bad.
"No, Spence, it's definitely not your fault," he started quickly, he didn't have time to make Spencer feel bad, not now at least.
"It was all me, you said we could leave, and I didn't want to- it was my fault, I probably even ruined the ride for you."
"Even though I only did it cos I thought you might be scared."
Spencer smiled, and rolled his eyes.
"Here, why don't I go win you a prize," Billy suggested, grabbing Spencer's hand, pointing towards a bunch of game booths.
And Spencer could have protested, but there was honestly no reason to.
…
The rest of their time was spent on the ground, or on the closest thing to ground there was.
Billy'd won Spencer a stupid Jake the dog, and they didn't get on any other rides, but they at least still had a nice time.
"We can just sleep in the van tonight," Billy yawned, "if it's okay with you I mean."
They'd spent the past few days in a hotel room, instead of one of them getting the bed, Spencer'd decided it'd be best if they took turns sleeping in it, and now they were both back to anything but.
"That's cool."
They both smelled like outside, and carnival food, and probably sweat, so trying to find a hotel room probably wouldn't be the best idea anyway- unless they wanted to be judged by snobby, pretentious strangers that is.
"You want the back, or the uncomfortable backseat?" Billy questioned.
"Back please," Spencer chimed with a smile, climbing to the back of the van.
"Haha, yea. Leave me with the backseat."
Spencer's smile faded. "I mean if you wanted to sleep back here then I don't mind, it is your car I mean," he explained quickly.
"I was just kidding, but, I uh, wouldn't mind taking up that offer," Billy laughed, transferring himself to where Spencer was.
"You can stay too," he added, seeing Spencer getting up.
"We can sleep on that blanket you gave me," he mumbled, pulling out.
Spencer watched him struggling. Billy always seemed to be in a good mood, how was he able to do that?
How did he not let life and all its disappointment get to him? Spencer wanted to know.
The two of them struggled to spread the blanket out since you can't stand in the back of a van, but did it the best they could.
"You ever wondered why these things have such big trunks?" Billy asked, not looking for an answer.
"I mean is trunk even the right term? I always tell people I sleep in my trunk, and they get this horrified look in their face."
He grabbed his guitar.
"I mean calling it the 'back' all the time is kinda weird and unfitting."
Spencer listened intently as Billy babbled on about the backs of vans, while doing soft strums on his guitar until he eventually fell asleep.
"Thanks for listening," Billy mumbled, noticing the boy had fallen asleep. It was a one sided conversation mostly, but Spencer had still contributed a few laughs, and 'I guesses', and a few other sounds to show he was listening.
He turned on his side with his back to Spencer, and one hand on his guitar and fell asleep.
He didn't know what time it was when he woke up, but he knew it was after midnight.
"Are you okay Spence?" he suddenly asked.
"Yea," Spencer mumbled quickly. He'd had a bad dream, but Billy didn't need to know that.
"I'm fine," he clarified, wiping his eyes, then sitting up.
"I'm fine, so you can go back to sleep."
But then he hesitated, he had to know.
"Billy?" he called out quietly.
"Yea?"
"Did, uh, did anyone try and call me, or text me today?"
Billy could feel his heart beating faster.
Chill dude, just chill.
"Uh, no," he tried to say normally.
"I figured," Spencer whispered to himself, but Billy heard every ounce of hurt in his voice.
And he felt pain too.
He sat up and did the only thing he could do, he wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and hugged him.
This is not my fault, he tried to convince himself.
I'm not the one who caused this.
If he would've gone back this would've happened anyway.
And they fell asleep together, Spencer rested his head on Billy, and Billy kept his arm around Spencer.
And they both smelled like carnival food, and outside, and probably sweat, but that was alright.
pls don't hate me or Billy for this