"Whotcher James." Almost instinctively, James reached his hand into his pocket to retrieve the two-way mirror that uttered Sirius's voice.
"Sirius, it's not a good time, I'm around Muggles." Whispered James to his friend.
"Oh," Sirius's face fell. "Whotcher doing?"
James went pink. "Nothing, I'm up at the shops."
"OH MY HIPPOGRIFF! YOU'RE BUYING CONDOMS!" Gasped Sirius rather loudly, making passerby's stare at James and his yelling piece of mirror.
"Shut up Sirius. I am not buying contraceptives, quite the opposite actually." Whispered James.
"In my not-so-humble opinion, contracept-condoms and such, means sex. And there is no opposite of sex, because without intercourse-" Started Sirius, who had changed his voice to sound like that of a very dull professor.
"-I get it, Padfoot." Sighed James.
"Please just tell me what you're getting." Whined Sirius, sounding a tad like a neglected neurotic puppy with separation anxiety.
"If you must know, I'm just getting some more tampons for Lily." James was talking like a sex-ed teacher when they were explaining puberty to eleven year olds.
"That's freaking sick." Shuddered Sirius.
"You asked." Shrugged James.
"What brand does she use?" Asked Sirius curiously.
"Why do you want to know these things?" Exclaimed James.
"Just for future reference, Christmas is coming up, and I would like to get Lily something that she will use, unlike that flying model goblin I got her last year." Rambled Sirius.
"I don't know, she just told me to get the 12 pack in the green dotted box." Said James defensively.
"Brilliant." Grinned Sirius. "See you around!"
James was very afraid.
Very. Afraid.