ARCHET AND TIGGER: THE SEQUEL

By Archet

Starring Archet, Tigger, and Tath (aka Tatharwen315, who will hopefully come back to visit this story even though it's been almost six months since I promised it?).

Disclaimer: I do not own Tath (hi if you're reading this!), and I do not own Lord of the Rings. I DO own myself and Tigger though!

30. I will not write fan fiction in which we all die in order to keep our spirits up.

Archet and Tigger had shown up again a few days into the after party of Faramir's that marked the end of the war. Well, it wasn't exactly an after party…more like a I-haven't-seen-you-for-six-months-since-you-took-off-for-Mordor-how-have-you-been, but that's pretty much the same thing.

According to Tigger, who had probably grown shorter since his last meeting with Aragorn last meeting, they were here to 'document' the event for the 'real world'.

And, they had brought a fanfic writer.

"State your name for the camera," Archet said, holding a giant mushroom as a makeshift microphone.

"Er…Tath?"

"Hi Tath. I'm Archet, the one and only Reporter bringing you new from around Middle Earth with my trusty cameraman Tigger."

Tigger waved his hand in from of the screen for effect.

"So, Tath, I brought you here today to hear a fan writer's account of how Middle Earth is in reality, compared to the book series by JRR Tolkien. Thoughts?"

"Well –"

"What's FANFICTION?" burst in Merry, holding up a white binder with a piece of paper tacked to the front.

"Don't touch that!" screamed Tath, but it was too late. Merry had opened the book and started to read.

He could certainly read fast for such a little hobbit.

"This is AMAZING!" he squealed, before running away with all her work.

"Oh, no," said Tath worriedly.

Tigger grinned mischievously, "don't cha worry about it. This happens all the time," he grabbed Archet's mushroom-made microphone at her hand, and threw it at the hobbits.

They stared at it like it was made of gold, the binder completely disregarded. Tigger ran over and grabbed it.

*some time later*

"Okay, read it back to me so far."

"It was Day Four of Faramir's after party in Ithilien. Everyone was reminiscing, hugging each other, eating foreign cheese and olives, drinking beer, fist bumping, getting caught up on their stories and social media, begging Gandalf for an autograph…etcetera etcetera.

"They had entirely forgotten about Saruman; who was sitting unhappily in his tower waiting for his invite to come to join the others. It STILL hadn't arrived, and he was getting angry.

"Saruman decided to send his army of Orcs down to Minas Tirith to ask what happened to his invite. Maybe it got lost in the mail, maybe it wasn't that big of a deal, he thought. Unfortunately, the only commands orcs actually understand besides directions are Eat, Kill, and Destroy. Not 'Ask what happened to my invitation in a polite and civilized manner'. That doesn't work.

"Long story short, the Orcs skipped Minas Tirith altogether, and headed to Ithilien, where all the fun is at. They killed everyone on site, except for two little hobbits and two pretty girls and one stubby guy who was probably half dwarf. They escaped through some sort of transporter. But besides that, everyone was dead. Good times. The end.

"IT'S PERFECT!" cried Pippin with shining eyes, oblivious to the lack of fluidity and common sense that usually holds a story together. Also, length. Also, refraining from killing all the characters. Also, maybe actually having main characters?, "SHALL WE POST IT ON THE INTERNET?!"

"One step ahead of you," grinned Merry, pulling out Archet's 'borrowed' laptop, and clicking onto their story, "WE'VE ALREADY GOTTEN ONE REVIEW!

Anonymous wrote: March 31st, 3019

YOU ARE ALL SO, SO DEAD

"I think it's from an orc," whispered Pippin.

The two hobbits looked at each other, "RUN!"

You thought I abandoned this story?! Well hah! I, well…yes, I sort of did. I apologize. I'm not really reading Lord of the Rings fan fiction any more (but if you think I'm out of the fandom, you're dead wrong. Put your hand up if you saw the last hobbit movie! :D), but I just found this file on my computer that I wrote a few months ago, and then could never find again to put up on the website.

Conveniently, it was named 'Untitled 2', alongside 'Untitled 3' and 'Untitled 4', which are excellent file names, if I do say so myself. :)