ELENA

Strangely, the talk with Damon had helped me to come to grips with the most perturbing things I had found out about him, Alys and Stefan. His way of treating it all very matter-of-factly – as if it was normal that vampires roamed the world – somehow made the whole thing seem less of an out-of-world experience. At least I knew now what I had to fear. It was easier to watch out for a known danger than for a faceless and nameless one. This one had both, a face and a name...

I tried to shake off the feeling of uneasiness that I felt every time a thought of Damon crossed my mind. I had yet a different confrontation ahead of me, which probably would be easier than the one I had just gotten over with. When Damon and I left the café, we were well into the afternoon, and everybody from Mystic Falls was probably on their way home. I quickly sent a text message to Bonnie and Caroline, explaining that my return had been delayed – just in case they had seen my car in the parking lot and were wondering about my whereabouts. I promised that I would get in touch with them tomorrow.

Beforehand, though, I needed to talk to Stefan. Judging by the approximately 10 text messages he had left on my phone, he was desperate to see me and was already back in Mystic Falls. There was no sense in postponing it – I had to face Stefan again sometime, and the sooner I familiarized myself with that side of him, the sooner I'd be able to sleep again.

During my long drive home, I had ample time to think things over. Okay, so they were vampires. Maybe that didn't mean that everything else I had thought I knew about them was wrong. Stefan still seemed to be genuinely concerned for my welfare. Could I blame him for not telling me his secret earlier? It was definitely not something you slipped in when introducing yourself. I wouldn't have believed it anyway. Most likely, I would have shunned contact.

With Alys though, things were different. We had lived together in a tiny, cramped dorm room for almost a year, and I had considered her my friend. But only now did some of her peculiarities actually make sense to me. I even had a fair idea of what she might have needed that fridge for, the one I hadn't been allowed to touch... Still, more and more questions kept popping up in my mind, and I intended to get answers to all of them.

Instead of going home, I drove straight to Dr. Daniels's place, hoping that he was still at the hospital. Better to deal with one vampire at a time. I already knew for certain that Alys had stayed in Greenville with Damon.

Stefan opened the door. He seemed immensely relieved to see me. "I'm so glad you came..." he exclaimed, beckoning me to come in. "After last night, I was afraid you might never want to talk to me again." Yet he remained standing there almost motionless, as if he was afraid to scare me off by making a wrong move.

"Well, I can't say this is coming easy to me. But unless I'm willing to shut you and Alys completely out of my life, I need you to explain everything... at least those parts that Damon hasn't covered yet."

"Damon?" Stefan's face took on an expression of mild alarm. "Have you met him again after yesterday?"

"He waited for me at the parking lot today and took me to a nearby coffee shop."

"And you went with him?" He sounded dumbfounded.

"Well, he can be very persuasive if he has his mind set on something." Or someone.

"I'm amazed that he didn't freak you out for good. Please, come in. Unless you'd rather have us go somewhere more public, that is?"

"No, it's fine. I trust you."

"You can trust me, Elena," Stefan affirmed gravely. "I would never do anything to hurt you." He looked into my eyes imploringly, willing me to believe him. Okay. So he could be very persuasive, too. I wondered if this necklace was really offering any protection. Unbidden, Damon's explanation of its powers came to my mind:'No other vampire can compel you'. Meaning Stefan still could...

I shook off the unwelcome thought and followed Stefan into the living room, heading for the sofa. He took the chair opposite from it, anxious not to make me feel cornered. I could only marvel at how differently Stefan and Damon dealt with their vampire existence. Damon apparently didn't give it much thought, and cared even less about how people might react to him. He was what he was, plain and simple. Stefan, on the other hand, seemed very conscious, even ashamed about it. Though Damon clearly was a threat, Stefan was the one who behaved as if he was. Ironically, this constantly called his true nature to my awareness and was thus even more disconcerting.

"You were really brave, last night," Stefan eventually said. "Most people would probably have run away screaming."

"Yes, I probably would have, too, if my legs had taken me. It was a very scary sight..." I wasn't so much referring to how they had walked away from the trauma of the injuries they had suffered, as to the sheer brutality that had caused them. I hadn't thought that Stefan was capable of such violence – although the fact that he must have known Damon wouldn't be seriously hurt from his attack put it into a slightly different perspective.

"You must have about a thousand questions..."

"I'll probably keep coming up with them along the way. Damon told me about the technical details... you know – like how you can walk in the sun, how you can be killed, how you use your mind powers to trap your food..."

"I don't! I'm not feeding on humans!"

"I understand that. Just why aren't you?"

"Pardon me?"

"Well, Damon has it all right: You are vampires, you need blood to survive and you have the means to assure you get it. He also said that he doesn't kill his victims, but that they give it to him voluntarily."

"He said that? And you believed him? Elena – he has the power to take control over what people want – meaning he makes them want whatever he wants. Do you think any girl would willingly let herself be hurt and drained of blood if she knew about the risk involved?"

"What risk?"

"That the vampire to whom she was so generously offering herself might not be able to stop. I don't know how to explain that to you, because humans don't have any needs that are comparable – especially not the kind of appetite you have for a snack or a meal if you say that you're hungry. Our hunger for blood is more: it's an all-consuming, primal urge, a lust that demands to be sated, a sentiment that overrules all rational thinking. We're much closer to wild animals than human beings when hunger overtakes us."

"But you all seem to cope pretty well," I interjected. "I've seen neither one of you go berserk on any human around..."

"Because at least Alys and I are being extremely cautious not to evoke temptation. Why do you think she doesn't go out in crowds? She's extremely sensitive to the smell of human blood. Vampires become more sensitized to it as they grow older. It's hard for her to maintain control when assaulted from all sides with those delicious and intoxicating scents. Like I said, we much resemble animals in that way – being in the middle of a herd stirs our hunting instincts."

I tried to get my mind around the things he was telling me. "But you're going out to parties..." I pointed out the hole in his argument.

"I try to keep myself separated as much as possible. I only go after I've had a couple of days' worth of blood in me. So far, I've managed to stay in control, but sometimes, it's hard, even for me, though I don't even drink human blood."

"And Alys?"

"She feeds from blood bags, occasionally. She needs that to keep up her protection to UV light. We don't get that from animal blood alone."

"Wait a minute – what about you?"

He hesitated. "I'm still relatively young for a vampire. I still have some protection, but it will begin to wear off in time. As much as I'm dreading the thought – there might be at time when I will have to resort to blood bags as well."

"But still, Damon feeds from humans constantly. And yet he doesn't lose it..."

A frown creased Stefan's face. "Did Damon claim that he's never killed anybody, or never harmed the person he fed from?"

"No..." Reluctantly, I shook my head. He had just said that he didn't have to kill. Not that he never did or never had. Stefan gave me a meaningful look. "Well, then at least he doesn't lie."

"Have you?" I asked.

Stefan's expression changed. He averted his eyes, but not before I caught a glimpse of deep regret in them – and guilt. I thought he was not going to answer my question. But he did. "Yes," he said, tonelessly. "I have. Though I never meant to. I – lost control. Once. And it's been haunting me ever since. Knowing that I am responsible for someone's death, the cause of so much grief for the people left behind... it's very hard to live with that. I know that I'm not that kind of person, and I know that it was an accident. But it doesn't really make it any easier..."

His confession took my breath away for a moment. Though it didn't change my view of him, it was still hard to digest. It was easy to imagine that Damon had taken lives before. Most likely, he didn't even have regrets about it. It was just who he was – a vampire. But Stefan? This must be eating him up inside. I had rarely met anyone who had such high expectations, strong beliefs and unshakable moral values, and who tried so hard to measure up to them himself.

"I understand," I said softly, reaching out and touching his hand, meaning to tell him that I didn't think less of him because of what he had done. It could happen to any of us. A momentary loss of control, a moment where attention drifted... Most car accidents happened like this. It had happened with my parents.

Stefan gave me a peculiar expression. "It's something you can't possibly understand, Elena. You can't know how it is to have this monster lurking inside your own body, and how watchful you have to be not to ever let it take control. Damon might succeed in controlling himself most of the time, but there is no guarantee. His attitude puts people in danger. He is a threat to the life of every girl he feeds on, and he's a threat to your life, even though it might not be his intention to harm you. But I know that he wants you. He's been lusting for you since the day he first set his eyes on you. And he's willing to do anything, really everything to get what he wants."

His words exactly mirrored what Alys had told me before. Had he taken it from her, or the other way round? Or had they both come to the same conclusion? That Damon possibly had an interest in turning me into his next victim was not so surprising. He probably bit and bedded every woman with a heartbeat.

"There is this sort of rivalry between the two of you that I don't understand..." I said, wondering why Stefan took so much offense at Damon's lifestyle. If I hadn't known any better, I'd have said he sounded like a jealous lover – someone who had a claim. "Not that it makes any sense, though, now that I know how you feel."

"Oh, but it does!" Stefan objected. "As I said, I very much care about you. I want for you to be happy. And I have an inexplicable feeling that I have to protect you from Damon. Probably he knows that I'm watching his every move and that I won't let him have his way with you. I don't trust him."

"What do you know about him that you aren't telling me?"

"Only what Alys confided in me. Things from their past. How they got changed."

Funny. Now that Stefan mentioned it, I realized that I never asked him about that. It seemed like an awfully important piece of information – the way someone died and became someone different. An essential part of who they were now. "How did you get changed?"

Stefan's face hardened. "I... don't like to talk about it. It's still too fresh, even if it was quite a while ago. Time feels different if you're close to immortal. It was a lifetime ago, and yet, sometimes it still feels like it was only yesterday."

"Will you tell me – sometime?"

He looked at me with those deep and sad eyes that held so many secrets and so much sorrow. I wished I could do something about the latter, but for that he would have to deal with the first. I could only trust him so far, if the feeling wasn't returned. After a short while he slightly bent his head and nodded. It was enough for now.

"There is just one more question..." I said, feeling a little awkward about asking it. But I trusted Stefan to answer me honestly, and I needed to know. "The fact that you are a vampire – does that have anything to do with why we didn't work out?"

Again, Stefan hesitated briefly, as if silently debating if he should tell me. "That was definitely part of it, yes. Vampires and humans can't be together. It's a pairing bound for disaster."

"Why? You said you don't feed from humans..."

"That doesn't mean that I don't have the urge to do so. Just because I've so far successfully been fighting temptation, doesn't mean it's easy. Being together with someone, with all the intimacy involved, would make it so much harder."

"I don't understand. If you're in love with someone – shouldn't it make you make you even less inclined to hurt that person?"

"Not wanting to hurt the person is no guarantee that you won't do so anyway. Like I said, hunger is all too closely related to similar feelings, like lust, need, passion, even anger. It's hard to differentiate. To be together with a human and not bite them, it's impossible. Do you have any idea what it would be like to constantly live with that kind of temptation? Being around the person who's the most attractive to you, whose smell is enticing like no other? Who's always warm, welcoming and embracing? Can you imagine being in a relationship when you can never ever allow your control to slip, when you can never ever let go? Because from what I understand, that's what loving someone is about."

I swallowed. "What about Caroline? Do you think Damon's – feeding from her?"

"What do you think, Elena? Haven't you noticed the scarves she's constantly wearing? Why do you think that is?"

I remembered the marks I had seen on her. Of course he had been feeding on her. And with Damon's powers to alter memories, she probably wouldn't remember. A new feeling of dread settled in my stomach. I had told her that he'd been using her, but I hadn't meant it quite as literally as that. Using her as his own personal blood bag was even worse than using her for sex, and in combination it made me think of dungeons, chains and whips.

"I can't believe he'd hurt her like that! How come I never noticed anything? Shouldn't there be symptoms?"

"She might feel tired and lack energy. Does she seem paler to you than usual?"

"Maybe – but not so much as to have me concerned..."

"Well, if Damon's sensible, he'll not overdo it. Besides, it's not the blood loss I'm most concerned about, but the continuous removal of memories. It might seriously mess up her brain, in the long run. Vampires normally don't feed from the same source constantly, at least not if it requires altering memories. And given that Caroline obviously doesn't have a clue about what he's been doing to her, he must have done that a couple of times."

So, apart from drawing blood from her, Damon was seriously messing with her brain. And given the nature of their 'relationship', which doubtlessly included a lot of lust and passion and raw need, Caroline was in constant danger that Damon might lose it and mistake all that for hunger.

My reasonable, conscious mind felt the need to send a brief reminder to its potentially traitorous subconscious: Falling for a vampire was a bad move. Falling for a bad vampire was courting disaster.

*'*'*'*'*'*

As soon as I was back in my car and ready to finally head home, I picked up my phone and dialed Damon's number. I was worried, freaked out and angry. He picked up on the second ring, and I wasted no time with pleasantries.

"You'll have to stop seeing Caroline – immediately, understand me? I'm dead serious about it this time, Damon, and I'm not going to take 'no' for an answer."

"Well, hello to you, too, stalker chick. May I ask how you came by this number?"

"I've seen it on Caroline's phone enough times to know it by heart."

"I'm flattered," he said, probably grinning smugly. "But there's no need to be jealous. I hadn't expected you to change your mind so quickly about the biting stuff... even less that you'd want me to get rid of Caroline for that. I hate to disappoint, but I'm not going exclusive."

"Huh?" I was momentarily confused, until I remembered our last topic of conversation – his plans about drawing my blood. Of course, he had to twist everything just so that the outcome sounded naughty. "When hell freezes over, Damon! It was bad enough when I thought you were just the average jerk, but knowing now that you are a blood-sucking jerk with barely controllable killer instincts..."

"Geez, someone's being judgemental all of a sudden... You were so much nicer this morning."

"That's because I didn't know what you've been doing to Caroline then!"

"Seriously? Which part about 'I'm a vampire and I feed on humans' didn't you get?"

"She's not a random human, Damon!" I almost yelled into the phone. "She's my friend! She's your friend, for God's sake! Mosquito bites – kiss my ass! This won't continue. You'll let her down gently, or I swear I'll have you reported."

He snorted. "Really? You're going to go to Sheriff Forbes and tell her that I'm a vampire?"

"No. I'm going to the University board and tell them that you're screwing a student." There was a brief pause. "Are you threatening me?" Damon then asked with mild surprise in his voice.

"Well, I don't threaten people very often, so you have to cut me some slack if it wasn't obvious enough..." I retorted sarcastically. "Yes, Damon: I am threatening to make you lose your job if you don't put a stop to what you're doing with Caroline."

"See, I told you: You do have a death wish!"

"And I told you: You can't scare me, Damon."

"Oh, I bet I could! But enlighten me – what turned you into an avenger in suicide mode all of a sudden?"

"I've seen the bitemarks on her body."

"All of them?" he asked, in that exasperating voice that he used whenever he meant to provoke. I could almost see his raised brows through the phone. I chose to ignore his transparent attempt at deflection. If his remark was meant to cause shock or embarrassment, it was all the more reason not to fall into either.

"You've been feeding on her and erasing her memory. Repeatedly. And you just confirmed what Stefan told me: There is no such thing as perfect control, especially not when you feel angry or passionate about something. You might lose it and kill her."

"Stefan told you that? Has he become an expert on live feedings, lately?"

"Is he wrong?"

"Not entirely," Damon answered straight off, without even a hint of guilt in his voice. As if it was inconsequential. "But there is nothing passionate about my involvement with Caroline – she is a necessity. I'm trying to keep a low profile here, and she came in handy for that. I have absolutely no reason to want her dead. So contrary to you, she's perfectly safe with me."

Meaning that he did have a reason to want me dead and that he was passionately angry with me? "I tried to ask you nicely, Damon." I pointed out, just for the record. "More than once. Caroline is my friend, and I care about her. So you either end it with her once and for all, or you'll suffer the consequences."

Again, he remained silent for a moment, and I started to wonder how he was reacting to my threats. Was he already pondering how to best get rid of me? At the moment, I couldn't care less.

"Very well," he finally said.

"Very well what?" I asked back, puzzled. It couldn't be that easy.

"I'll end it with her once and for all."

"Damon, seriously – are you trying to vex me? What is that supposed to mean? Are you planning on sucking her dry?"

"Well, from what I understood, that's not what you had in mind – correct me if I'm mistaken. You want me to get rid of her, and I will. As simple as that."

"Nothing is ever simple with you," I muttered, frustrated.

"I guess we're similar that way." I swear I could hear light amusement in his voice. He was probably smirking.

"Well, since you're obviously feeling generous tonight: If it's within your bounds of possibility, could you try to go easy on her? She's totally smitten with you, still, despite what you've been doing to her."

"I told you!" Another smug smile.

"Just let her down gently, okay. Please?"

"So we're now from insulting over threatening to flattering and begging... interesting strategy!"

"Does it work?" Given that he still sounded mildly amused and maybe slightly baffled, I dared to get my hopes up.

"I promise she's not going to suffer anymore. There – are you satisfied?"

Actually, no, I wasn't. Damon was the master of double meanings, and that was making me wonder if I had just agreed to something that I would regret later. But given that I couldn't very well ask him to put down the exact terms and conditions and sign them, I agreed, if only reluctantly.

When I finally arrived home, Caroline was waiting there for me, obviously miffed. "What the heck's going on with you, Elena?" she scolded, as soon as Jenna was out of earshot. "You skip classes, tell us by a note under the door that you're heading home, and then you only show up hours after everyone else. Where have you been? Jenna would've had a fit by now if I had told her."

"So you haven't? Great, thanks for covering. I'm sorry I'm late. There were a few things that had happened that I needed to sort out. I just – needed some alone time to think."

"Did you have a fight with Stefan? Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, that's not it. Forget about it. Actually, I'd rather have a reprieve from boy drama. How about an all girls evening? We haven't had that in a while."

"Great idea! We can have a slumber party at Bonnie's, like we did last year, remember? That was fun! I'll call her right away..." Enthusiastically, Caroline picked up her phone and organized our evening, DVD's to be watched and snacks to be brought included.

Given that we hadn't briefed Caroline about Bonnie's witchcraft abilities yet, we never got to watch much TV, though. Once that cat was out of the bag, the topic pretty much monopolized our evening. Bonnie repeated the feather experiment, and gave another demonstration.

"Watch out now", she said, once she had scattered about 50 different kinds of candles all over the room. She closed her eyes again, took a breath and began mumbling something that definitively included the word "incendia". All of a sudden, the candles came to life – all of them, and the room was ablaze with light.

We gasped and stared in wonder. "Bonnie – this is awesome..." Caroline shrieked and clapped her hands, beaming with excitement. "I can't believe you actually did that! What else can you do?"

Bonnie and I exchanged a brief glance and I could see that she politely refrained from rolling her eyes at Caroline's exuberance. "I'm still learning. Grams is teaching me new things every time I'm home, and I'm supposed to got through her witchcraft books while I'm not. Most of it is very specific, though – how to break a curse, how to call on the spirits, how to weave a protection spell against supernatural evil. Given that I've never come across a curse or anything supernatural and wouldn't know why to call upon spirits in the first place, I don't really know what the point is in that. Admittedly, calling fire to a candle comes in handy when lightning a birthday cake, but otherwise I still fail to see the practical use of witchcraft."

I kept my expression carefully neutral and refrained from commenting. She had no idea that supernatural evil was a far more realistic danger than she suspected.

"Can't you do anything a little more gipsy?" Caroline inquired. "Like predicting the future? Cooking up a love potion? Curse Professor Anderson with warts and make Mr. Saltzman pick up the teaching of her classes?"

"I'm afraid not. I'm obviously not a gipsy."

"Too bad." Caroline made a face. "I bet your grams is purposely keeping those things from you for as long as possible. She probably doesn't want you to get into any kind of mischief."

"Probably. Grams made it very clear that you're not supposed to use your powers lightly. Upsetting the balance of nature will incur the wrath of the spirits, and apparently, you don't want to mess with those."

"Just keep up with whatever your grams is teaching you," I advised, thinking a little regretfully how handy a protection spell against supernatural evil would have been just a couple of weeks ago. "You never know when you might need it."