Margaret and Mr. Thornton soon announced their engagement in the Milton and London papers. A date was set for three months from that time and much to Fanny and Aunt Shaw's dismay, the wedding would be held in Milton.
As an appeasement Margaret agreed to spend the last month of her engagement in London with her Aunt and cousin. Margaret was determined to enjoy her last few weeks in Milton before returning for what would certainly be the longest month of her life.
Margaret had spent some time getting to know Augusta Hamper and had not seen or detected any further connection with Mr. Carlyle. She began to feel guilty for her suspicions of their poor behavior, caulking it up to her over active imagination.
Margaret was greatly looking forward to Fanny Watson's house party as one of the last events before she left for London. It would also be one of the only times she was to sleep under the same roof as John until their wedding.
This thought seemed tantalizing and mischievous even though she knew that she would spend no more time than any other night. She had no expectation of the party to increase her familiarity with John, but the idea was captivating all the same.
As soon as Margaret entered Mrs. Watson's receiving room she felt a strange tension in the air. Upstairs she and Fanny had been chatting happily without concern. Here, a subtle anxiety seemed to hang in the room. Only about ten people had arrived, including the Grey's and now the Thornton's.
Augusta seemed to be the center of the room's energy as always. Margaret was able to enjoy herself without the pressure to entertain. However she has scarcely spoken to John all night, in fact she wasn't sure she had even seen him for more than a few minutes.
Margaret knew dinner would be called soon and she looked for Mr. Thornton to walk her in, and it was then she saw them. Mr. Thornton and Miss Hamper walking in together from the adjacent but empty room.
Margaret suddenly felt a heavy stone drop in her stomach and with it her heart sank down. She turned her face to avoid a blush. When dinner was called a few moments later Margaret turned to the closest man, who happened to be Mr. Smith, a somewhat rough yet kind man who had gained a fortune five years prior selling his land to the railroad. Not the type of person used to escorting Miss Hale but Margaret found him gentle and earnest and anyone other than Mr. Thornton would do tonight.
Margaret avoided Mr. Thornton the remainder of the night. She turned from his gaze at every moment for fear an ocean of tears would quickly well if she caught his gaze. Margaret could not eat, every bite felt like swallowing cotton.
Could it be that Miss Hamper had stolen her fiancé from under her nose? Could it have been her John who was seduced by Miss Hamper and not Mr. Carlyle?
Mr. Thornton immediately sensed the change in Margaret and suspected she had read into more than was apparent.
The truth was this: Mr. Thornton had spoken with Miss Hamper outside the drawing room in private, and they had shared a moment and a secret but not the kind Margaret was thinking.
Mr. Thornton longed to speak with Margaret and set her mind at ease. His heart ached that she had an instant of pain but also that she did not trust him. How could she possibly think such a thing?
Mr. Thornton had stepped away with a few gentlemen, including Mr. Watson to the library to view a new piece of art by a rogue artist Rosetti along with a few old Turner sketches. Mr. Thornton soon left the group to return to the party and Miss Hale. Walking down the hall he saw Miss Hamper leaning against a wall looking rather peekish.
"Miss Hamper are you quite alright, you look as if you are about to faint. Shall I call for someone?"
"No, do not call! I mean please, do not trouble anyone. You are very kind but I am fine. I became over heated and only needed some air. Please return and say nothing I will follow soon. Thank you"
"I do not believe I can do that. You are obviously distressed. If you will not allow me to call I will wait with you and escort you back to our party" Mr. Thornton thought Miss Hamper almost looked as if she had been crying. He pulled out his handkerchief and handed it to her. She took it and began to steady herself and her eyes.
"Thank you Mr. Thornton. I would appreciate if you would not speak of this to anyone."
"Of course. But if there is any way I can help, I am at your service"
"Mr. Thornton, may I ask you in confidence. Mr. Slicksen's nephew, Mr. Carlyle, do you know his situation? In a.. plainer sense"
Mr. Thornton knew she was asking what his marriage and money prospects were and he wished to be frank and honest with her before any foolish folly began.
"I believe Mr. Carlyle does not want for money. But, if I may provide some honest advice as a brother would…. Stay away from him. I believe he wishes to marry a docile women from a family that will benefit him. I do not think he will follow his heart, if he has one."
With this Mr. Thornton lowered his tone and said to her frankly, "I've heard he keeps a mistress, but I have heard no names and know no facts. But I do feel he is below you. You deserve a man who will value you for you and your family" Miss Hamper was not poor and she was not ill bred, but she was not excessively rich and she was not exceptionally well bred. However she was beautiful, charming and intelligent.
She came from a good, old family. Her father had been a gentleman and invested in his brother's mill and cotton business. Her dowry and name were not enough for Mr. Carlyle and Mr. Thornton did not think he would be giving her new information. However, with his last sentence Miss Hamper bit her lips and squeezed her eyes shut to block the new flood of tears threatening to spill.
"Now there Miss Hamper, come now. You are a beautiful and wise girl, you cannot have lost your head to Mr. Carlyle"
"I fear I have lost myself and my family to Mr. Carlyle"
"I do not understand"
"I have said too much. I am sorry Mr. Thornton, I have kept you too long. Miss Hale will be missing you. I will see you at dinner sir." With this she began to turn away but Mr. Thornton stopped her.
"Your uncle and father are my good friends and I must know. I promise that I will tell no one except those who hold your interest"
Suddenly and with a new burst of energy, as if she could not contain her words within her body another moment: "I am the mistress. It is me. And now I am with his child. I told him this afternoon and he has cut me, returned all my letters and refuses to speak with me"
A little stunned but without missing a moment Mr. Thornton asked "He gave you no reply?" without a hint of condemnation or shock.
"He said that it could not be his and I must have him mistaken with another. I wish I had slapped his face but I was so taken back I did not have my head about me. Now you know my secret. I suppose it will be out soon enough. Do you have any advice for me Mr. Thornton? Will you allow Miss Hale to speak to me on the street, a few more weeks at least, until all is out?" Miss Hamper now appeared mistress of herself again, in control of her tears and words.
"I am sure Miss Hale will always speak to you. I am sorry for your predicament Miss Hamper. I believe you must tell your uncle at once. He will speak with Carlyle and reach an agreement. I fear Miss Latimer may not speak to you though"
"He will not marry me. He has said he will not give her up. You know my name and fortune are not enough for him. Come let us go back to the party, I will not pull you into my scandal as well"
"Thank you for confiding in me and if you'll allow me I'd like to help. If you will not tell your uncle, allow me to tell my Margaret. She will know the best thing to do for your sake, she will not judge you harshly. I promise you she is quite the romantic and will be sympathetic"
"Yes, if you feel it will not distress Miss Hale you may tell her. It will all be out soon" with this they reentered the room. Mr. Thornton longed to rush to Margaret and tell her all he had just learned. He also wished to rush to Mr. Carlyle and knock him in the mouth, but he like Augusta knew that Mr. Carlyle would not be knocked into honor.
After dinner Margaret felt numb. Unable to face her distress yet unable to avoid it, she sat quietly speaking as little as was politely possible. She avoided Miss Hamper and she seemed to avoid all conversation too, choosing instead to listen and agree with others.
Mr. Thornton stayed at the hem of Margaret's skirts and hung on every word. Miss Hamper's confession had been distressing to him but now his own distress swelled as he realized Margaret's growing displeasure and coldness.
For a short moment they were standing with no one in ear shot. Mr. Thornton leaned down to Margaret's ear and quickly whispered as firmly as possible so not to lose himself and devour her ear and bare neck,
"I must speak with you tonight, something has happened. You will allow me to come to you?" a hesitation, "you will permit me to your room tonight, to speak with you?"
Oh God! This could not be, had it happened just now! Why does he not tear my heart out here and now in front of everyone! No, you will draw out my suffering and bleed me in the silence and security of my bed chamber. Margaret's thoughts raced and her heart sank to her toes.
"If you wish." With this she turned from his face and away from his warmth. She had never pulled away from him before and it took all her strength to take a single step.
How could he do this, and now with a wedding almost in sight? With everything settled and bought, and most importantly all her dreams bought, paid and settled, now stolen away.
But she decided she would not dislike Miss Hamper. Miss Hamper had not promised herself to Margaret, pledged her undying love and eternal favor. No, Miss Hamper had made no loyalties to Margaret and she could hardly blame another women for falling in love with her John.
The hours dragged and yet each tick was a second closer to her undoing. Margaret wished to have it over with, and yet dreaded the moment he would end it all.
Upstairs Margaret undressed and as her corset was loosened she felt as if all her strength was draining away and the strong face she had tried to hold all evening was beginning to fade. She quickly dismissed the girl and put on her night things in solitude with the first tears beginning to fall. Soon the pump was primped and Margaret allowed herself a good cry before facing the ultimate heartbreak.
By the time she heard Mr. Thornton at the door Margaret had prepared herself and her thoughts. Yesterday the thought of Mr. Thornton coming to her bedchamber would have been met with elation and enthusiasm. Today, she almost wished he would slide a letter under the door. But no, he would do the right thing and tell her to her face.
The door knob turned and the shadow began to grow across the room as the door opened. The toe of his slipper entered the room at the same time as a knuckle wrapped around the edge like a caterpillar clinging to a leaf.
"May I come in?"
"Yes, of course. Come in before someone sees" She was surprised at the callousness of her own voice.
He entered and carefully closed the door.
He came in looking as handsome and rough as Margaret had ever seen any man. Coat and waistcoat abandoned, cravat discarded and shirt open to the neck. Margaret could not remember seeing him in such a state of undress.
She suddenly became aware of her own state of undress. Only night clothes under her thin dressing gown. She had never been without her corset in the presence of any man but she could not dismiss the servant without her help removing it first, unless she had asked Mr. Thornton to assist. Which she most certainly would not do, appearing unlaced was the lesser of the crimes.
Mr. Thornton walked to her directly and pulled her close into him. Unable to pull away and unwilling to give in, she bowed her head down and he kissed her forehead.
"Margaret I have something very distressing and somewhat vulgar to tell you"
"Yes, go ahead" She braced herself for the sounds of the words that would cause her pain. Waiting for his words she closed her eyes, determined not to cry.
"Mr. Carlyle is a rake and has left Miss Hamper in a situation" He waited for her surprise, disgust or any emotion, but she was stoic, now staring at him, "he refuses to stand up with her." It was as if Margaret did not hear him, "He has denied her and says he will not marry her." Perhaps Margaret was more naive than he realized.
"Margaret, she is with Carlyle's child, he knows, and told her he will not change his plans for Miss Latimer" How else could he say this to her.
Then instantly he saw the understanding run across her eyes.
"Oh God!" catching the full understanding and realizing her mistake Margaret almost laughed at her own insecurity and false anxieties. What a silly girl you are she thought to herself. Now to save her grace.
"I had no idea. Although I've never liked him. Poor Augusta." Suddenly Margaret felt immediate sympathy for the one she a second ago somewhat despised. Margaret knew she would have to think of how to help her friend.
"She must tell Mr. Hamper and he will force Carlyle to marry her. But I hate she will be attached to him forever in such a way, with such a start. Perhaps he will see the error and spend his life making amends"
"She will not tell Mr. Hamper, not yet anyway. Mr. Carlyle will not marry her. He has refused and denied her. He is the worst sort. He will not do right Margaret, I fear"
"But she must tell her family eventually. Perhaps they could find someone for her to marry quickly, someone who knows the situation. Not unknowingly, that would not be right. But I would not tell if they did not."
"Ha, you are a minx. And you are right. I'm surprised at your practicality Margaret. I would have thought you'd want her to go to Switzerland or France and give her baby to an old couple who have no children"
"If she cannot find someone she'll have no choice. But no woman wants to give up her baby. She will prefer to marry quickly and no one will know the difference"
"There you are wrong my dear" he paused at this deviation from Margaret's opinion. "Not every child is wanted. Many women would change the course if given the chance. Children are a burden and bring a new level of want and pain. I am sorry to be so harsh but it is true."
Margaret didn't argue as she felt he perhaps he knew or felt more on this subject than she but still thought that her friend Augusta would want to keep her baby with her if at all possible. But now that Margaret's chief worry was behind her, she would not argue on this point.
"Perhaps. I can only speak for myself and I can only think of you and I and ours" she knew this small mention of marital bliss would bring his mind to more pleasant things and bring a smile to his face. Sure enough she was right.
Margaret now stepped closer into their embrace and closed the space between them. He settled and tightened his hold around her back while she traced the seam on his open shirt. She could feel the heat of his hand through the few layers of cloth between them to her flesh. The heat was exquisite and she felt paralyzed by it and wanting to sink into it.
He could feel the true form of her body without any constraints. He had not thought of this possibility and limit before. Until this moment he had never noticed the feel of her stays that lay beneath her dress and separated his hand from her. But at this moment he was intensely aware of their absence.
He felt his breath catch in his throat as he began to speak, "Margaret, you know that I do not feel worthy of you. I have many faults indeed, but my feelings… my love for you has no fault. I would never, could never do such a thing. It pains me that you thought me capable of any infidelity. Had I not thought the young woman in distress I would not have been alone with her. I do not say this to diminish your feelings but only to say that I suffered with you."
"I am ashamed at my behavior now, I am sorry. Will you forgive me and forget all about my foolishness?" And she truly was ashamed for her over reaction.
"Consider everything forgotten but nothing to forgive except my poor judgement. We are both insecure in our situation, given our circumstances. I fear I may love you too much. Sometimes I feel I may burst and I never seem to act as I should. When I am with you alone or with twenty people, I want nothing more than to reach for you and touch you."
Margaret's mind soaked in his words while her fingers focused on the seam of his shirt and the black hairs beneath which she had just discovered.
He continued, "I require constant effort to keep my hands by my sides. If I behaved as my heart is inclined I fear rumors would soar." He rested his forehead on hers for a moment. She could feel one of his large hands lowering to her hip and a tingle that stretched head to toe, stemming from this erogenous position.
"How could anyone object to such a display? What kind of rumor could one say? That you love me and therefore will marry me?" Margaret teased.
"I agree, but I'm afraid the rumor would be that I have lusted after and compromised you. It is either that I marry you only for your money, or that I marry you because of a foolish passionate indulgence. But we can never make them all happy."
He smiled as he said this last part, and Margaret knew he was right.
"Well if I must pick my poison I choose the latter, foolish passion was it?" she laughed, now finally relaxed, "As long as I am not with child or we are caught in any great compromise, I'm sure the rumors will be tolerable for a short time." suddenly Margaret realized the casualty with which she spoke, it must be the champagne she drank through awkward conversations after dinner. Otherwise, she would not have said such a crude thing as to suggest he or she would ever do such a thing.
She colored from head to toe and he felt her tense up under his hands. He laughed and kissed her. She felt his chuckle as he held her closer.
He realized her embarrassment at such a simple thing which in no way embarrassed him. His ears were not virgin to such women's talk as this, his mother spoke plainly about rumors and while she did not gossip herself, she did tell him things she heard.
"If such a thing were to happen we would simply change our plans and marry quickly before any such rumors began. Do not worry, I will protect you, you have my word. And you would not be the first fine lady to move her wedding date up to suit the birthday of their first child" he continued to smile and winked at her.
To be laughing during such serious talk Margaret thought. But I would rather he be laughing and talking than not talking at all as my parents and many others choose to do.
They continued to kiss as the tone of the visit soon changed. What began as a dreadful tragedy became light and now was becoming more serious. Their kiss deepened and his hand began to move lower on her hip and he bent down to cup around her rear.
Margaret had never imagined being handled in this way but it surprisingly delightful and emboldened her. Instinctively she leaned into him, standing on her toes and pushing herself into him.
He grasped at her flesh, pulling her up….
More to come :)