Meowth's Memories

(A/N: Themes of suicidal depression and attempted suicide, so if that's triggering for anyone, be warned.)

Meowth remembered his days on the streets of the city of stars as the memories played back to him through his dreams. Them's was tough times alright. He was starving a majority of the time. Where had he gone for food, he wondered? Before he joined the gang, that was. Back when he couldn't find or scrounge anything for himself. He couldn't remember. Wait, there was an image. A boy. Sweet kid, always fed him when he came around dragging his wasting away body to the alley in which the human had abided, mewing piteously. The boy was always ready with food for him. He would always bring him inside and feed him and care for him until he felt strong enough again. Then Meowth would leave his helper behind without so much as a goodbye or a thanks. The kid never seemed to begrudge him, though. At least he didn't think so. Hmm, he recalled that boy from his past when he was a kitten. The boy had saved his life, but then the human had abandoned him… Why had he abandoned him…?

Oh well, no use wonderin' now. He remembered meeting Meowzie and trying desperately to turn himself into a human for her, learning to walk and to speak. First, he learned how to walk and run, and then he learned to speak. It had taken a long, long time, and he'd done most of it by himself, but that human… Somehow he fit in too. Oh yeah, he remembered. He would sometimes go to his human—no, not his human; but then the guy kinda was, wasn't he?—and show off his walking, or staggering rather. The guy would laugh and clap and sometimes help him steady himself. The boy helped him to get more coordinated on occasion, usually after he'd been beat up by the shopkeeper from whom he and his gang had always stolen food. Sometimes he would even show the kid the books he was reading to try and learn to speak.

The guy never did quite understand what was going on, but he read to him and helped him figure out enunciation even though he never spoke and rarely tried to in his buddy's presence. He'd learned not to trust humans ever, see. He got nothing but grief for them, and this human was the only exception he could ever recall. Because he didn't trust humans, he didn't allow himself to open up to his meal ticket, but he had shown the guy the picture of the rocket. He'd wanted to tell him that that was the first word he could say and understand, but he still wasn't willing to trust. Not with something like that. The boy would probably think he was a freak and throw him out the window. Or worse yet, put him on display or try and sell him. The human didn't have much, that was obvious to see, or a parent in the picture either. He'd always wondered what the guy did to survive on these harsh streets. He didn't think he liked seeing the bruises and cuts, or the sad and broken look in the boy's eyes when he was daydreaming and didn't think Meowth was noticing his demeanour.

PKMN

He remembered that one day he came and he saw the kid sobbing helplessly and shaking. He was worried. He didn't like seeing his human so miserable. It scared him. Usually he seemed so happy and go-lucky, even though Meowth knew there was something darker going on somewhere inside; a piece of himself the human blocked off and hid away in a vault he never wanted cracked open. He quickly ran up to the sobbing boy meowing. The boy looked up, gasping, only to have Meowth leap into his arms and start licking his tears away worriedly. What had the boy said again? Oh yeah.

"Meowth, how did I allow everything to fall apart so badly? Bit by bit I see my life dissolving away into nothing and I hate it, I hate it! I don't want to do this anymore, to humiliate and demean myself. I-I don't want to do this!" the boy wept, hugging him tightly as he cried into his fur.

He'd wanted to comfort the kid but didn't think he should talk, and anyways he'd never been a comforter. He didn't know how. What didn't the boy want to do anymore that he was doing now, Meowth wondered? The kid was so pure and good and innocent, and Meowth didn't know what he meant. The bruises were concerning, so were the cuts. Did he have abusive parents? Somehow Meowth doubted that. These cuts looked like they came from jumping through glass. Maybe the boy stole? The kid didn't seem the type, though; unless he didn't have a choice, that is. What about the bruises, though, or the devastated spirit, or the broken and helpless look in his eyes?

"Mew meowth meow," Meowth concernedly replied.

"I don't know what to do. I don't have a choice except to keep this up, but at the same time I do, but I-I don't know. I just don't know anymore," the boy said. Meowth mewed meekly and nuzzled the child gently, settling against him and letting the young boy who somehow didn't seem as innocent as a sixteen-year-old should be anymore, cry into his fur and draw comfort from him. Maybe he just wanted to be listened to. Meowth hated having to listen to whining and complaining, but this seemed more… substantial was the word, than the usual whining and complaining you got from a typical teen. The boy didn't say anything else, though. He just brought Meowth inside and cried himself to sleep, clutching the feline pokémon tightly as if clinging onto his last strand of innocence with his whole being. Somehow, though, this kid still seemed innocent and naïve, maybe even more so than others his age. How could that be? Maybe it was a mask, or maybe the boy had chosen to block off the darker parts of him. Maybe it was that one part of his brain stubbornly refused to let go of innocence and goodness while the other part deteriorated into a mess of angst. He guessed only time would tell which part finally dominated, purity or darkness. They would both always remain together, but one side had to win out over the other, right?

PKMN

He came more often after that night. He was worried about the human who had saved his life so long ago and who took care of him when he'd been too weak to care for himself, before he joined the gang and all. Then one day he'd come, and the boy had been gone… Meowth had been worried. He'd sniffed around, trying to find the human. He was afraid. Everything inside of him was telling him that the guy was in danger. Not necessarily from an outside force, but from himself. He'd run from that house and searched high and low for his friend. "James? James!" he called.

Wait, James… James? James! No, it couldn't be! It was his imagination! It was coincidence. Yeah, that was it. It was just-just coincidence. Jimmy was nothing like that boy had been. Jimmy was opposite. He was naïve and innocent and clueless and stupid…

Because that was the part of him that won…

He'd blocked away the hurt in an impenetrable fortress and given naivety and innocence full range! No, no, no, goodness and purity hadn't won out because James and the James in his dream weren't the same. They weren't.

The next thing he knew, he was watching the one who had cared for him standing on the edge of a high bridge in the darkness and pouring rain. "James!" he yowled out, speaking the first human word he had spoken in this kid's presence. James was ready to jump, he realized. The kid was looking to jump!

No, no, Jimmy, don't do it! Jessie and I need you! No, no, you're not that James.

The boy looked towards him, tears in his eyes and slipping down his cheeks. "Meowth?" he meekly yet somehow hopefully questioned.

"No jump!" Meowth pled, but the thunder drowned out his calls. He wasn't moving fast enough on two legs, so he dropped to four and surged forward, leaping into the stunned boy's arms. "Mew, mew meow, mew!" Meowth pled, desperately digging his claws into the kid. He didn't want him to do something stupid like this! The guy was bonkers. He wasn't thinkin' straight!

James held him numbly back. "I'm tired…" he finally said.

Opting to play it clueless for now, Meowth said, "Meow, meow mew, mew," Then get some sleep.

"I'm tired of all of this, of fighting to survive, of running away, of being afraid. I just… I just want it to end," the boy admitted meekly. Meowth shook his head vehemently. This wasn't the way to end it, whatever 'it' was. His human looked over the edge and down at the river nervously. "I don't want it to end like this, though," he said, voice cracking. "I'm afraid to."

"Meow, meow!" Meowth insisted. Then come down.

"What sort of a world is it in which wanting to take your own life is cowardice, and not being able to is pathetic?" this 'James' wondered, voice breaking as he watched the water of the river miserably.

"Meow mew, mew meow, meow mew, mew, mew, meow, meowth!" Meowth replied. You're not a wimp, though, Jim, you're not! Well, okay, maybe a little, and a coward too, but that's not because of this! It's just who you are. You're a scared kid, that's all. I don't know what happened to you, I probably don't wanna know, but you're strong too. You're stronger than I ever gave you credit for, or maybe even anyone. If you weren't, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation now. You don't want to die, not like this. You're still fighting, Jim, you're still fighting. Just fight a little harder.

The human was quiet a long time, silently weeping and holding Meowth close. "I'm sorry, okina kyodai. I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to keep going… I'm sorry to you too, Meowth," he finally murmured.

Who was big sibling, Meowth wondered? No time to bother thinking about that now. "Meow!" Meowth insisted. Don't!

"I think I found a compromise, Meowth. Just watch me," James said, a smirk crossing his lips as he set the scratch-cat pokémon down. He stood up on the ledge. "If I truly wanted to die so badly, I would have chosen something more certain wouldn't I have? Wouldn't I? Perhaps a weapon or rope or jumping off a building or some other such thing. This way, though… this way it isn't certain whether I perish or survive. It's up to fate. I may depart this life, when I hit the water, but at the same time I may not. I guess we'll just have to see. Don't worry, Meowth. No matter what happens, I'll be okay."

"Mew, mew," Meowth replied meekly. But will I? He hated the kid was trying to be brave, hated how the kid couldn't talk himself out of this and was just trying to make it all seem more bearable for Meowth. He hated the kid was trying to be strong but in all the wrong ways, and for someone that wasn't himself. Meowth needed James to be strong for himself, not for him!

Before he could do anything, though, the boy had fallen backwards off the bridge and was plummeting down to the river far below, eyes closed almost peacefully. "James!" Meowth screamed, reaching after him. James entered the river and sank out of sight. Meowth didn't wait. He raced down to the river bank and began rushing alongside it, scouring the water for a sign of the child. Well, sort of child. There was nothing, there was nothing! "James!" he called out. "James!"

He sprinted for five minutes straight before losing his stamina. He was panting, hardly crawling anymore. He sobbed, closing his eyes tightly. James was gone… Just then, though, he heard something splash and looked quickly up. He caught his breath. There, dragging itself from the water, was a human male! Meowth raced towards the person, hope in his eyes. He yowled in relief. It was him. It was him! He slid to a stop next to the exhausted body and began nudging him hopefully. Weakly the boy's eyes flickered open and fell on him. The human smiled gently and petted his fur before slipping into unconsciousness. Meowth hadn't stopped yowling until help had come.

PKMN

Time had passed. He hadn't seen Jimmy much, but when he did there was a sort of peace about him. There was still the ever-looming threat of his falling into despair again, but Meowth could see there was a renewed desire for life in his friend. The pokémon stopped visiting as often as he would have liked, consumed with impressing Meowzie. The moment he learned to speak fluently he went to her, but she still rejected him. Miserable, Meowth bowed his head low. It was time to let go, he saw. He had to let go… He ran away from that place in tears, hurt badly at Meowzie's harsh dismissal.

He went back to James, you know. This time, though, he decided he wanted to stay. He would show James how he could walk and talk and hope James didn't think he was a freak. He wanted James to capture him and to make him his own so that he wouldn't be left alone anymore with nothing but his gang to lean on. When he arrived, though, James was gone… His friend had moved on without him, not even a goodbye, and he was alone… He searched around and found a note written to him. He'd read it. It was short and simple, and he read it out loud to himself:

Goodbye, Meowth. I wanted to take you with me, I really did. I waited as long as I could, but I simply cannot wait any longer. There is no life for me here, and I've unintentionally put myself in danger. I need to leave before they find me. I'm sorry that I couldn't leave with you as well. Thank you. You gave me hope, and I sincerely hope that one day we meet again.

James

Meowth sniffed, wiping away a tear. "Jimmy," he sadly said, looking out the window. He was alone again, and this time maybe for good… Years later he was in Team Rocket and wondering why something about the two that he was partnered with was ringing a bell…

PKMN

Cassidy and Butch contacted Dr. Namba, Jessie and James watching curiously. "Butch, Cassidy, have you accomplished the side mission I gave you two yet?" the doctor demanded.

"Side mission?" James asked.

"After you two took off I needed some advice on how to treat Cassidy, so I called Namba. He gave me a few pointers then gave us a side-mission to complete while we were searching for Mew," Butch muttered quietly.

"Not yet, Dr. Namba. We've run into a snag," Cassidy replied.

"What is it now?" Namba asked, dramatically sighing in annoyance.

"Take a look," Butch replied, turning the screen to reveal Jessie and James grinning and waving.

Namba twitched then frowned. "Of course it would be them," he grumbled.

"Do we abort the mission?" Cassidy asked.

"Of course not you nincompoops. Get Jessie and James's help! Maybe together you four will manage to succeed for once in your miserable careers!" Namba yelled.

"Excuse me?!" Cassidy and Jessie both screamed, outraged. Cassidy went to smash the communication device. Butch cried out in alarm and managed to catch it before it broke, diving away from his enraged partner who James was now struggling to keep back. No easy task, since Jessie too was out for blood.

"Steal something worthwhile and return post haste," Namba ordered. "You don't get a more basic mission than that."

"Yes sir. We're at the home of some guy named Kaminko, a doctor or inventor or somethin' like that," Butch said.

"Kaminko, hmm? That man is brilliant, albeit absent minded. Find his research notes and bring them to me," Namba said. The name Kaminko had registered very clearly in his memory. He was acquainted with the man's eccentric yet brilliant devices. At least they would be brilliant if he could ever get them to work properly. Kaminko, currently, was researching the creation of robotic pokémon and had come along in leaps and bounds if word around the grapevine was to be believed.

"But Professor Namba, most of the old guy's inventions don't even work," Butch said. "What good's his research gonna be?"

"That's for me to know and you never to find out. Bring me the research!" Namba yelled. With that he signed off. Butch winced at the harsh order.

PKMN

"I can't believe we're stuck with Messy and Lames again," Cassidy bitterly complained as the four glared daggers at each other.

"Who was it that was given the Unova mission? Oh yes, I believe that was us," Jessie replied. Cassidy scowled, seething as her cheeks flushed furiously and her fists clenched tightly.

"Whatever! Let's just get this stupid mission over with!" Cassidy shouted angrily.

"Here, here," Jessie agreed.

"Right behind you," Butch said, nodding affirmatively.

"I'm not sure. It just doesn't seem right. Dr. Kaminko has done quite a lot for us. It's hardly appropriate to rob him," James hesitantly said. "We should leave it be and let Dr. Namba figure it out himself."

"Pathetic," Butch said with a sneer.

"As if that's gonna happen," Cassidy added, scoffing at James's suggestion.

"Either you're in or you're out, James; there's no in between," Jessie agreed, nodding. With that, she, Cassidy, and Butch headed towards the lab, James uncertainly watching after them, teeth gently clenched as he warred within himself as to what the appropriate course of action for him to take would be.

Just then, James heard footsteps approaching and turned. He cried out in alarm, jumping. "Dr. Kaminko!" he exclaimed, blushing guiltily. Quickly, though, he hid it. He spotted Meowth at the Doctor's side. "Oh, uh, is he, err, finished?" James awkwardly stammered.

"It's done," Kaminko replied. "And I don't mean only Meowth's recovery." James started, paling. Did the man know? "I like you, young man, and so I'm giving you a chance to save your friends before the police reach my lab. The alarms will be tripped when they enter it, which they no doubt will, and a series of dangerous and potentially deadly traps will be sprung. Officers will arrive quickly on top of that. You won't have long to get away. As to Meowth…" The doctor trailed off and looked at the shaken pokémon.

"Meowth, what's wrong?" James concernedly asked, eyes softening in worry as he took note of Meowth's odd and overwhelmed expression.

"James, my boy, you and Meowth have a lot of talking to do," Kaminko stated. James nodded confusedly. Kaminko nodded back and began walking towards the front door. "I'd suggest you attempt to get out before the traps start springing."

James became a sickly green on hearing this, sweat dropping. He swallowed hard as the man left, then turned to Meowth in concern. "Are you alright, Meowth? Do you remember?"

"Oh yeah, you have no idea how much I remember," Meowth replied sounding almost testy and bitter. "Come on, we'd better get to da balloon," Meowth said. "Dem's other guys is gonna need our help when dis plan goes up in smoke."

"Right," James agreed. "Let's hurry." He began running with Meowth towards their balloon.

PKMN

James prepared the balloon swiftly, jaw determinedly set. It was ready to go at a moment's notice. He was aware of Meowth's uncertain and suspicious glare on him, though. Had something gone wrong, he wondered? Finishing up, he turned to Meowth. "What is it?" he asked, blinking confusedly at his teammate. "If you want me to release you back into the wild then I will, if that's what this is about."

"Release me?! Why didn'cha take me in de first place, ya moron!" Meowth furiously demanded, leaping up and fury swiping James who cried out in alarm and staggered back, stunned at the display.

"Meowth, what's gotten into you?" James demanded. Had that machine had side effects?

"And another t'ing! Who told you it was a good idea to try and jump off a bridge?!" the pokémon demanded. James started, paling. For a long time, there was silence. Meowth's eyes narrowed dangerously. "So it was you," the pokémon realized in something between fury and disbelief.

James knelt quickly and whispered, "How did you find out about that?"

"Because, dingbat, I happened ta be de Meowth kitten ya found freezin' all dem years ago and den took off on!" Meowth replied.

James blinked blankly at him. After a long moment he said, "Excuse me?"

"Dat's right, ya heard me," Meowth replied, crossing his arms. Immediately he explained all he had seen in his memories to a shocked and, at some points teary-eyed, James. "So, what does ya hafta say for yourself?" Meowth demanded when he finished up. He cried out as suddenly James was crushing him in a tight hug and laughing in delight. "Can't. Breathe!" Meowth gasped out. "All right, all right, I missed ya too ya big creep." Well, this would be an awkward conversation to get through. "Why de heck did you leave me de first time when I was a kitten?! You abandoned me to de streets and de horrors and de cruelties and-and everyt'ing," he continued, eyes welling with tears as he found himself near to crying.

"I wanted to take you, Meowth, I wanted to so badly, but you heard the story I told Jessie. I could barely afford to feed myself let alone a pokémon! I thought you would have stayed at the center and been adopted!" James said.

"Well I didn't! I went lookin' for yous and I couldn't sniff you out and den it was just me alone and starvin'," Meowth said.

"But you did find me again, Meowth," James said, eyes quivering with emotion. "Here I am."

"And I have plenty of choice words and questions for ya too!" Meowth said.

"Likewise," James said. "Now, however, may not be the best time to get into it."

"No kiddin'. Let's get ready to haul de uddas outa dis joint," Meowth said.

PKMN

Cassidy, Butch, and Jessie looked down into the lab. "I can't believe how much of a wimp your partner is, dearie," Cassidy taunted. "First sign of trouble he runs."

"It isn't the trouble! It was the moral crisis," Jessie replied, blushing and glancing to the side, covering half her face with a hand so that Cassidy and Butch wouldn't notice her awkwardness.

"Face it. Guy's a loser," Butch said, kicking open the grate. Nimbly he and Cassidy leapt down, grinning. The next second sirens began wailing, and the duo cried out in alarm. All at once traps were springing from the floors, jets of flame shooting up. Cassidy and Butch screamed, dancing around them and trying to get back to the vent.

Jessie heard a whooshing sound and turned. She gasped, paling. Flame! She screamed, leaping down with Raticate. "Forget the vents, we have to find another way out!" she said. On cue the column of flame spewed from the vent. They screamed again and ran for the door.

"It's locked!" Butch exclaimed, pulling at it.

"Raticate, tackle!" Cassidy ordered.

"Raticate!" Raticate replied, tackling the door and knocking it down. Swiftly they began to flee as traps continued to spring from every direction.

"To the roof!" Butch called out, seeing that the front door was currently blocked off by a spiky pit. Desperately Team Rocket raced upwards.

It seemed forever, but all at once they were there, outside on the roof! But there was nowhere to go, and the whole building was shaking. On top of that, sirens were wailing in the distance. The police were on their way! "What now?!" Cassidy exclaimed in fear.

"We're doomed!" Butch said. The two burst into tears, clinging onto each other.

"Where's James and Meowth?" Jessie asked, suddenly realizing they weren't around.

"Prepare for trouble!" James's voice suddenly called out. The three Rocket agents and Raticate looked quickly in that direction. Coming towards them was the Meowth balloon, James and Meowth waving at them with grins on their faces.

"James!" Jessie exclaimed with a grin, racing towards him and leaping. He caught her hand and pulled her aboard.

"Come on, Butch!" Cassidy said, racing towards it.

"You first, Cass! I can boost you," Butch called to her.

"Right," Cassidy agreed, leaping into the air. Butch cupped his hands and let her foot land in them before giving her a strong push-off. She grabbed the edge of the balloon and crawled inside. "Raticate, return!" she ordered, summoning her pokémon. "Come on, Hutch, we haven't got all day!"

"It's Butch!" Butch yelled back. He leapt for the basket and managed to grab the wicker. He grunted and tried to pull himself up. Just then, though, he slipped. He cried out in terror as he began to fall! "Help!" he shouted.

All at once he felt his hand being seized and looked up. Cassidy, alarm reflected in her face—for one of the very rare times, might he add—had seized hold of him and was struggling to pull him up. "Ugh, don't let go," she said to him through clenched teeth. She felt herself about to go over. She was losing her balance, but she wasn't about to abandon her partner!

Butch saw her losing her footing. His eyes widened in worry. "Cassidy, let go!" he ordered. "I'll find some other way outta this!"

"Not on your life, Fitch!" she replied.

"Oh come on!" he shouted angrily. Just then James leaned over and seized Butch's wrist. Cassidy gave him a grateful look. She could sense Jessie seething from behind. It didn't take much to guess that she'd told James to let them fall. Luckily for her and Butch, James was a soft-touch. Never had she been so grateful that he was. She swore she would never taunt him by calling him a wimp again… Okay, so that was a lie, but still! Anyway, she was grateful, that was the point. Cassidy let go of Butch. She shouldn't trust James, of all people, to keep his arch-enemy up without letting Butch go, but if she didn't she would be over the edge, and James wouldn't be able to lift them both. He wasn't exactly what you'd call strong. That was more Butch's thing, muscled, toned, and tough. Soon enough James pulled Butch into the basket, the two of them panting for breath.

Cassidy quickly, worriedly, knelt next to her partner. "Are you okay?" she asked.

He grinned cockily and replied, "You know it, babe." She smiled worriedly, rolling her eyes at his remark.

Jessie offered her hand, pulling James to his feet. "Great, another failure to report," she glumly said.

"At least we only have to report this failure to Namba," Butch said.

"And at least we're not blasting off," James offered.

"And at least I got my memory back," Meowth agreed.

"You wouldn't believe the stories he has to tell," James said.

"Stories?" Jessie asked.

"It can wait for another time," Meowth replied, winking knowingly at James.

"Good, because right now we have a lot of planning to do. How are we going to make up this loss to Namba, and how are we going to find Mew for the boss again?" Cassidy said with a groan. Worriedly they all looked towards the horizon, frantically racking their brains for an answer to either of those questions.

Just then they heard the screech of an Aerodactyl and gasped, looking back. They cried out in terror, clinging to one another. "It's that robotic monstrosity again!" Jessie said.

"And two more!" Butch exclaimed as two more robotic Aerodactyl's shot into the sky and began pursuing their balloon.

"They're right behind us and gaining fast!" James said in fear.

"Better hold on tight people, 'cause this is gonna get bad," Cassidy said.

"This is all your faults," Jessie shouted at Butch and Cassidy; which, understandably, led to a vicious argument in the skies as the robots continued to gain.

"Would yous idiots focus?! Dey're right dere!" Meowth exclaimed in terror, leaping up and scratching all of them. They gasped, focused again on the aerodacty.

"We can't outrun them," James said.

"Ugh, Cloyster go!" Butch said, releasing it.

"Tentacruel, you too!" Cassidy said, catching on fast. Both those Pokémon could float in the air and generally robotics and water didn't mix. They might get out of this yet!

"Water gun, now!" Butch and Cassidy commanded together, pointing at the aerodactyl. Immediately both pokémon doused two of the pursuing robots in water. The robotics screeched and sparked and suddenly dropped from the sky. The third kept coming fast.

"Get it, both of you!" Butch shot, pointing. They tried to hit the third with water gun, but nimbly it dodged the attacks.

"Whoa, this one's good," Cassidy said.

"I don't t'ink dat one's a fake," Meowth said fearfully, shaking.

"What?!" the four agents demanded together. Aerodactyl shrieked, tearing towards the balloon and piercing it. The agents screamed as their balloon shot away, but all at once Aerodactyl seized the ruined fabric in its talons and flew up into the sky.

"It's got us! Now what?!" James demanded in fear. The aerodactyl suddenly let go of the balloon and all the four went tumbling down towards a crevasse far below!

"Help!" they screamed together.