He should've been asleep, but instead he was awake. Awake thinking about life, his life in particular, and how things ended up the way they had. Billy was out, doing some "official rockstar bizz" as he liked to call it, and Spencer was here.
They say it only takes a month to make a habit, and Billy and Spencer had been together for 2 months, so maybe sleeping together kind of became an unexpected habit, and even though Spencer didn't know it, Billy being gone was part of the reason he wasn't asleep right now.
His mind went over everything, the stupid things he'd said and done, and regretted, and the times things didn't work out because of him, and he wished he could change them all somehow, but when it came to Billy he didn't want to change anything.
He'd thought about it over and over again, and knowing what he did now, he'd go on this whole stupid journey again with thatboy-and he wouldn't change a thing.
Eventually a thought popped up in his head: if he hadn't been late that day 2 months ago would he even be here right now? Would he and Billy have even been in each others lives? Would he still have been Billy's choice to go on this whole thing with? Or would Billy have asked someone else?
And then he thought about why Billy even invited him in the first place. Was he the only one Billy'd asked, and if so why? COuld he have just as easily been replaced by someone else? Did Billy actually like him? They did kiss, but still. Did that mean Billy liked him? Did Billy kiss lots of boys? Did Billy kiss girls as well? Did he actually like Billy?
He was then startled by thunder. Oh yea, it's raining, he remembered. He sighed and attempted to lay flat on his back, staring at the ceiling (or roof, if you must).
He attempted to clear his mind…
and..
listen… to the rain.
It was nice.
He sat up, and stared out the window, he could see blurred lights from the other side.
Hopping over the back seat, he opened the sunroof letting rain fall into the car, and slowly climbed out onto the roof. It was slippery, but he eventually situated himself on his back, blocking the opening.
He closed his eyes, and let the rain hit his face, he'd had experience with being out in the rain, he usually liked to sit under trees, but this time he wanted to try something different.
He laid there for a long time, literally washing away all his worries for a temporary amount of time, he only opened his eyes when he stopped feeling rain on his face.
He saw Billy's eyes staring back at him, and an umbrella.
"Did you walk all the way here?"
"What're you doing?"
They each said it in unison, and then laughed.
"More like hitchhiked, but yea," Billy eventually answered.
He stared at Spencer for what felt like forever, each second making the other boy more nervous until he realised Billy was waiting for an answer to his question.
"Oh, u-uh I was just," he stuttered sitting up, but because he was Spencer, and things were fated to go wrong because the world was against him, he'd miscalculated the distance between them, and ended up knocking his head into Billy's.
He groaned, covering his face with his hands.
Billy laughed, laying his face in Spencer's wet hair.
"It's okay," he whispered.
"Looks like we're gonna have to visit the laundromat," Billy joked, taking off his shirt and replacing it with a dry one, once they'd gotten back into Viper.
They'd basically been living in this truck for 2 months, so not being fully clothed in front of each other became something they'd gotten used to.
Spencer laughed half-heartedly, beginning to change out of his wet clothes. "So is everything okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"Ahh," he thought for a moment, he didn't want to sound intruding, or needy.
"I mean, whatever you had to take care of, y'know," he mumbled.
"Oh, yea, dude! Everything's peachy."
Spencer glanced at Billy with a worried look, not believing him, but decided to leave it alone. Besides, Spencer was the only one here all worried and stuff. He was just an anxious guy, that's all… right?
"You miss me," Billy asked, wrapping a towel around Spencer's head in an attempt to dry his hair off.
"You're hair's so straight," he marveled in amazement," unlike this tangled mess on my head."
"Shut up," Spencer remarked quietly trying not to smile. "Besides, I think your hair is pretty cool too when its not streaight."
"ONLY WHEN ITS NOT STRAIGHT," Billy cried in horror.
"It'snicewhenit'straighttoo," Spencer replied quickly, trying to calm the taller boy down.
Billy smiled and laid down on his back, propping his head up with both his arms.
"Everything is okay though, right," Spencer asked for reassurance.
"Of course dude-bro! Everything's smooth, come on let's sleep now."
He pulled on Spencer's hand, dragging the smaller boy down next to him.
….
The next morning the two of them were out on the road again. They'd lost track of where they'd been. All the cities they'd passed through on their ride to where they were now, all the things they were able to see, it was something you could get used to.
"Spence! Spence! Spence," Billy shouted.
"LOOK AT THAT!"
It was a pet adoption thing. One of those pop up adoption places that are usually in parking lots.
"THERE ARE PUPPIES."
"I've always been more of a ca-," Spencer began.
"LETS GO!"
So they decided to go visit the adoption.
"Billy, look at me," Spencer said seriously. He put his hands on the taller boys shoulder and stared him right in the eyes.
"No matter how bad you want, you know we don't have space, or money for a dog right?"
"Of course broski," Billy assured scoffing.
"So, you do understand that a pet is a big responsibility right," the adoption lady asked in a cheery voice.
"Yup," Billy responded with a smile.
Spencer stood behind them with his face in his hand.
"Great, so because she's a puppy you're gonna have to get her shots updated, she's all good for now, but in a few months you should take her in to get these," the woman pointed to the names on a piece of paper, "she's one of our older ones, so you won't need to get them as frequently in about a year, but for now just make sure to keep up."
"You betcha!"
"Alright well, if that's all, no questions, I'll let you on your way."
The woman bid them goodbye with their new puppy, and they were on their way.
"Billy! I just said we didn't have the space or money for a dog and what do you do? You get a dog," Spencer scolded.
"We can barely take care of ourselves and now you want a-," he stopped as Billy put the dog in his face. She looked at him with her little puppy eyes and he no longer wanted to talk.
She licked his face.
Spencer sighed. "Okay, what are we naming her?"
"You pick," Billy decided, rubbing her black and white, curly head.
Spencer thought for a while and then said "Chrysanthemum."
"Mum for short."
"Ahh! That's the fluffy looking flower right," Billy noted.
"I'm just going to assume we're both on the same page here, so yes." Spencer gave a smile, and the two of them walked happily back to their mobile home.
"This is gonna be so cool, we're like a little family now!" Billy'd said without thinking, rubbing the new pup behind her floppy ears.
They were sitting side by side in their makeshift bedroom, with their backs up against the wall of the car.
Spencer smiled to himself, he had to admit that the thought made him happy. Spending the rest of his life travelling with Billy seemed like a good life. Of course they'd have so much more to go through if this became a permanent living arrangement, but who cares?
Maybe they'd never settle, maybe they'd just keep driving and driving until they'd seen every hidden corner the United States had to offer.
He could see it now, a life full of part-time jobs, temporary homes and people, but he'd always have Billy. Right?
He wondered what his family was doing without him. None of them had even tried to call, he'd been missing for over a month and nothing. Rajeev and Shanilla didn't even try to contact him.
Perhaps his life was full of people who didn't care about him, and he honestly didn't know if Billy cared about him, but he seemed to, and right now that was the only thing getting Spencer through life at the moment.
He couldn't imagine what would happen if he'd lost Billy, he would truly be alone then, he'd have nothing left to live for.
"Hey Spence, you oaky," Billy asked, removing him from his thoughts. "You lookin' a little," he paused, "disturbed."
"Oh, yea im-" Spencer hesitated, staring back at his friend. He smiled, "Im definitely okay."
Though, neither of them were 100% sure whether that sentence was true or not.
Billy smiled anyway, turning towards him, he placed a hand on Spencer's knee.
"Y'know, im not sure if I ever thanked you for all that you've done for me. I get that this can be a little..." he paused to think of the word. He settled for "anxiety-inducing."
"... but it's something I've always wanted to experience, I can really see my life just being full of this everyday, and I'd be happy with that. So thank you, so much, for helping me make my dream come true."
Billy was looking at him in a way unfamiliar to him, like nothing he'd ever seen before, but it felt so nice.
Spencer swallowed, hard, his heart was beating really fast. He felt like he was going to cry, and he did.
Billy gave a small laugh and wrapped his arms around the sad little soft boy, pulling him in for a hug.
Had they ever hugged before? Spencer couldn't remember (neither can I, lol sorry), but that didn't really matter right now because either way, this would ultimately become his favourite moment with Billy.
Billy pulled away, briefly wiping Spencer's face with his hand before placing it onto the boys other shoulder.
He smiled at Spencer again with that face he'd never seen before. "I'm so lucky to have met you," he said, barely above a whisper.
Spencer didn't know what to say or do, so he just stared at the boy. and much to his pleasure, slowly but surely their lips met.
There was still one, burning, question that Spencer wanted answered, but he didn't want to ask it. Not now. He was afraid of the answer, and he wanted to keep this, moments like these, for as long as he could.