I'm really sorry it's been a really long time since I've posted. What happened is my parents took my phone and found out through some of my old texts that I'm actually severely depressed and suicidal. So they took me to a mental hospital where I can't kill myself (I tried. The windows are bulletproof so I can't jump through them, the mirrors metal, the curtains fall off if you pull on them, and you can't stab a pencil through your wrist, I speak from experience). So I was there for 11 days, over twice the amount of days most people stay, got discharged, two days later ended up back in there for trying to hang myself. I was only there for 4 days this time. I got discharged, picked up major cutting habits and tried to hang myself again three days later. We're moving though so my parents decided I don't need to go back to the hospital. Two days later I tried to electrocute myself then ran away and had to be dragged home by the police.

So, fun times, fun times.

I'll give you some words of wisdom based off my experiences

1. If you genuinely want to die and kill yourself don't tell people

2. Don't overdose, it never works

3. You jugular is under your chin, not across your neck. Stupid people.

4. If you attack a police officer, don't tell people you will end up in jail

5. If you kill someone, be smart and don't tell anyone

Okay, there we go. Words of wisdom. Take them to heart children.

I'll try to stay out of the hospital, for your guys' sake if anything. I put fanfictions down with my reasons to live along with get a tattoo and body piercings.

Anyways. To answer akakushinigami, yes, the character Ericka is based off the show I put up for school, and Adalyn is what I feel like inside. Writing this helps to get my feelings out besides self-harm.

Adalyn laid in bed, awake. She couldn't stop thinking about the Sebastian issue. He deserved a chance, she knew that, but could she give him one?

Both of them were only going to get hurt. Love doesnt exist and people who try to force it only end up broken. Her heart couldn't take anymore damage.

Why did he care about her anyway? She wasn't particularly pretty. She had boring brown eyes and hair, both almost the same color. Her hair was longish, it went down to her elbows, but it was hella thick and clumpy with an abundance of split ends. Her nose was too wide and her mouth too big. She wasn't tall and glamorous. According to the meter stick on the wall in the doctors office, she was a grand total of 5'4". Her personality was boring, she was too shy to get to know anyone anyway. She wasn't even sure why Ericka stuck around. She wasn't funny, or particularly nice, or rudely sarcastic, she was just... Boring.

She had no talents. When she was little her parents put her in gymnastics but she was never really got very good at it. Now at her glorious age of 17 she could hit a ball with a tennis racquet into the net and throw a basketball at the backboard, but that's it. Her art skills consisted of being proficient at drawing potatoes and smiley faces. She could sing okay, she guessed, but she would never attempt a solo or anything. She tried piano when she was ten, but quit after the first book.

In her mind, she literally was the most boring person alive.

Somehow, within the first week of school, though, she had managed to catch the eye attractive, popular guy at school and she had no idea how.

But she didn't want a boyfriend. She was fine having her school life be nothing more than lunches with Ericka and homework. Boyfriends lead to drama, something she gets enough of at home.

...

Ericka weaved through glossy black science tables toward Sebastian. The class was supposed to split into partners now. Sebastian was waiting for her at his table, notebook open and ready. He made her nervous, but knew he couldn't be that bad if her anti-love friend saw something special in him. She remembered Adalyn telling her that she's willing to give him a shot, and had spent last night planning ways to get Adalyn and him together.

She sat down in the chair next to him and pulled out the sheet which explained the assignment. "Which parts do you what to do for the poster?"

He completely ignored the paper and smiled at him. It gave her the impression that he was flirting with her, even though he couldn't be. He likes Adalyn, right?

"Ericka, it's Ericka right?"

Ericka nodded.

"Good. I get the feeling you actually don't care about who types up Isaac Newton' birth, who types up his death, and who writes the laws of motion. Rather, you want to talk about Adalyn."

Ericka gave him a calculated look. "What makes you think that?"

He shrugged. "Well, she's sure as hell what I want to talk about."

"Yeah," Ericka asked cautiously, "about that. Why her?" She still believed he needed briefing before she let him loose with her friend.

Sebastian didn't miss a beat. "What, do you not think she's good enough for me?"

Ericka didn't think that at all. What she was worried about was if Adalyn was too good for Sebastian. "No, not at all. I'm just curious. There's tons of girls who might be 'more in your league'. Yet you have seemed to latched onto her. Oh, and by the way. I'm worried that you aren't good enough for her. She deserves only the best."

Sebastian was getting really tired for this question. He couldn't explain it to other people. Better to just evade it. "You think I would he better going with someone who's more of 'in my league?'"

"No, but if you're going to smash someone's heart to pieces, it's better you do it to someone at the top of the pecking order."

Sebastian grinned at her. "You consider me at the top of the pecking order?"

Ericka shrugged. "It's pretty obvious. You hang out with Cameron. But," she added the last part while looking at him from the corner of her eyes, "I think we both know that even when u weren't, you weren't in any real danger of being messed with."

Sebastian knew this. Sebastian knew that most people, even adults, don't like to fuck with him. People who knew who he was even more so. After all, he, a 17 year old, scared the shit out of the Clave.

"I promise I won't burn the school down," was all he said, though.

"Talking about science, I hope," the science teacher said from behind them, startling them.

Sebastian grinned. "Of course."

"Mmm-hmm," she said doubtfully as she walked away.

The interesting parts of the conversation died down from there, and Ericka and Sebastian moved on from Adalyn.

...

Adalyn could tell Sebastian and Ericka were talking about her. She could tell from Sebastian's face. She hadn't known him for very long yet, but she could have known him forever based off of her feelings for him. She had already picked up on how his face changes when he talks about her, get softer, somehow, and looses some of it's menace.

The light from the windows light up the side of his head, making some of the more rebellious locks of hair look almost transparent, and shined on his eyes. From here they looked flat black, but if she were to be as close as Ericka was, she knew that she would be able to discern pupil from iris.

The sunlight on the edge of his cheek washed out what little pigmentation he had, and a small crescent silvery scar shone near his eye.

His arms were covered in scars, too, as was his neck, and she assumed the rest of his body. Some were just faint silver or brown lines across his skin, barely visible, but some were more raised, made from much deeper cuts. These ones had a pale pink sheen too it. She wondered, and not for the first time, how he acquired so many. Most people had scars, she had one on her side from when she scraped it on the rough edge of an old in ground pool when she was little, and one on her toe from when a sharp rock cut her, and of course, the jagged lines on her thighs made with razor blades, scissors, pencil sharpener blades, etc.

But most people didn't have as many as him. He even had more than her; with her history of depression and self harm, that was quite a feat. Either he repeatedly went poking sticks at grizzly bears and then evading them nicely, or worked regularly at a construction site and had been foolhardy way to many times.

Sometimes she thought she even caught glimpses of inky black swirling tattoo designs covering him, but when she turns around to look again, they're always gone.

She felt herself draw closer too him as the days went on, and then kicking herself for it. He would not bring her happiness. Boyfriends did not bring happiness because you either married them or broke up with them, and she was only 17 and not in the least ready for marriage.

But boyfriends could be fun, if she didn't take it seriously enough and breakups were only mild disappointments. What she was afraid with him was that she would like him too much, and the breakup would be devastating. She could already feel herself gravitating toward him.

...

Sebastian pulled Adalyn aside at lunch.

Sebastian didn't even go to his group. He saw someone named Jake who he hung out with sometimes, and said hi, but didn't walk with him to their table.

Adalyn had just pulled out her tuna sandwich and had only taken one bite when he walked up behind her and pulled her away from a grinning Ericka.

"I feel like you set your best friend on me." His eyes were serious but his mouth hinted a held back smile.

Adalyn shrugged. "Guilty."

"So you decided to give me a chance?"

Adalyn shrugged again without answering. She looked down. He stared intently at her. Adalyn guessed she was, but when it came down to it, the thought of dating him terrified her. She had hoped for more time and didn't like that he figured her out so quickly.

"Well?" He asked. His black eyes made her uncomfortable. It felt they were staring into her soul.

She looked up. "I don't want to talk about this now." She didn't know what else to say. She was desperate for a subject change. She wanted to talk to him, but this particular conversation terrified her.

She turned to walk away with her hair covering her face, but he grabbed her arm and pinned her back against the wall.

Sebastian's temper had flared. "No. I need an answer. I really like you, but I would like to know if I need to give up on you or not." Like hell he would ever give up on her. "Don't you fucking dare leave me hanging."

Adalyn cringed away from him. She always felt fragile and vulnerable, and he was scaring her.

"Yes!" She exclaimed, talking before her brain had a chance to catch up and get and jittery on her. "Yes, I'm giving you a chance. I really like you too and I would love to be together with you and I would love to kiss you all day but I'm scared!"

She gasped at what she had said. Sebastian smiled triumphantly and Adalyn broke down crying.

"Addie," Sebastian tilted her face up with his hands. "What are you scared of?" He spoke softly and slowly, calming her down a little.

Adalyn's cheeks burned. She didn't mean to say that much. "You hurting me."

Sebastian X'ed his chest. "I swear on my life I won't hurt you. And if I do I give you a free pass to punch me in the face. As hard as you like."

Adalyn looked up at him through shiny eyes. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Adalyn lifted on hand up and pulled Sebastian's face toward hers in a kiss.