Monkey: Pie! Pie! Pumpkin!? Chocolate!? Lemon!? Which do you prefer!? I like PIE!
Dino: Um...Are you okay?
Monkey: Nope! =D You know what is a good song!?
Tsuna:...I'm going to regret this...What?
Monkey: SAKURA MITSUTSUKI BY SPYAIR! WAHAHAHAHAHA!
Tsuna: *sweat-drop* I'm just going to start the chapter...
Monkey: YOU DO THAT!
Dino: Monkey Pie225 doesn't own KHR.
Tsuna: Here's chapter 5. Please enjoy.
Monkey: *starts crying like crazy*
D&T: *sweat-drop*
Chapter 5: Rankings and Chocolates
"I'm home!"
"Welcome back, Tsuna-nii." Futa said.
"Ciaossu."
"..."
"Hm? What's the matter? You don't seem well." Futa said.
"You're the matter, Futa! You showed up everywhere I went!" Tsuna dead panned, remembering seeing Futa at school. "Do you have a grudge against me or something!?"
"But I wanted to stay by your side, Tsuna-nii."
"Ever since he saw you in dying-will mode, he's taken quite a liking to you." Reborn explained.
"Hey, Tsuna-nii! Do you need help with anything?" Futa asked.
"I don't need anything! Just don't come to school anymore!" Tsuna yelled at the kid.
"Eeeh?" Futa started to get some tears in his eyes.
'I've been favored by a really troublesome kid...' The poor brunet thought.
"Yo, Tsuna!" Hearing his name being called, Tsuna turned around to see a lot of men in suits in his room and in the hall. They moved out of the way to show a familiar blond. "How have you been?"
"Dino-san!"
"Hmm, these no mistaking it! This is the real Ranking Futa, all right." Dino said, walking up to the little kid. "It's rare to come by this Le Petite Prince no matter how hard you're trying to find him."
"Hello, Bucking-Horse Dino." Futa greeted back.
"Nice to meet you. It's quite a feat to have earned his trust, Tsuna." Dino congradulated. "Let's get right down to business. There's a reason to why I came today." He got a sweep us look on his face. "I'd like to purchase the rankings of a certain mafia Family."
'Huh? Dino-san is asking Futa for help!?'
"Lately in our area, a Family has been passing firearms to hoodlums and bringing harm to civilians we can't let them get away with it. I want a list of their most influential weapon dealers." The blond explained. "Can it be done?"
'So business-like. Dino-san is so cool!'
"Of course, we have money."
"So much!"
"That won't be necessary. Dino ranks number 1 out of 82,263 when it comes to mafia members who care for the welfare of civilians! I like that kind of a boss. And besides, Dino-nii who is Tsuna-nii's sworn brother is also my brother, right?" Futa said, shocking the other two. "Here's a copy of the rankings."
"I'm glad to have such a nice little bro. Thanks a lot Futa, Tsuna." Dino said with a smile. "We're in a hurry, so see you later. Thanks!" With that the blond and his men left.
'That aside, I can't believe Futa is so great that even Dino-san has his eyes on him.' Tsuna thought in amazement. 'Makes sense when I think about it. His rankings are always 100% accurate.'
"It's hard to come by a change like this, so why don't you get some rankings, too, Tsuna?" Reborn asked, looking at the brunette.
"Eh...Me...?"
"Fine with me."
"That sounds like fun!" A voice said out of nowhere. They all turned to see Haru standing at the door. "Is it a new type of fortune telling~~~?"
"Haru!"
"Why do you always come in uninvited?" Tsuna asked.
"It looked like it was going to rain, so I took in Tsuna-san's laundry." She explained.
"T-thanks." Tsuna said. 'You really didn't need to do that...' Haru turned he attention back to the smaller boy.
"Oh yeah! Please tell Haru's fortune too!"
"You're Tsuna-nii's friend so...okay."
"Hahi! Tsuna-nii...? You're not Tsuna-san's illegitimate secret brother, are you!?" Haru asked, starting to freak out.
"I'm Futa."
"What the heck is an 'illegitimate secret brother'!?" Tsuna said, freaking out just as much.
"Oh~~~? So you're just an acquaintance."
"Obviously we're not brothers!"
"Um~Haru wants to know..." She thought about it for a second. "What are Haru's charm points?"
"That's just a quiz!"
"Haru is very gullible, so this way I can be sure that the fortuneteller isn't all-knowing." Haru explained.
"What are you going on about...?"
"Okay, so Haru-san wants her charm point rankings." Futa smiled. "Here I go." Just like before, stuff in the room started to float in the air.
"Geez. Who do you think has to clean this up!?"
"Amazing theatrics~~~."
"This is Futa. I can hear you, ranking planet." He said with a spaced out look.
"What!? What are you saying, Futa!?" Tsuna yelled.
"Didn't I tell you? He's contacting the planet." Reborn said as he also floated.
"You think I'm going to believe something so occult like that!?" Tsuna yelled back.
"It's romantic~~~!"
"Haru-san's number 1 charm point out of all 8 is... It's your hair whorl." He said simply.
"WHA! How do you know!?" She then turned to Tsuna. "Tsuna-san must have..."
"How would I know it would be your hair whorl!?"
"Eh? So...HAHIEEEEK! Futa-kun is amazing! What a gifted fortuneteller!" Haru yelled.
"What a bother." Tsuna said with a sweat-drop.
"Ok, then, please tell Haru the top three things she likes the most about Tsuna-san." Haru said.
"Right...The top three things on the list of 'what Haru-nee likes most about Tsuna-nii' are... His assertiveness." Haru got a dreamy look and Tsuna was a little shocked. "His strength." Haru took that well, but Tsuna just got a blank face. "And number one is... His gentleness."
"Did you hear that!? Did you hear what he said!?" Haru exclaimed, patting Tsuna's shoulder.
"Your way of using the rankings is weird!" They then heard someone saying something in Chinese and looked up to see I-Pin and Lambo floating with all the other stuff. Futa then continued.
"I-Pin's Pinzu-Timed Super Explosion ranks 38th out of 816 most powerful attacks."
"That technique is amazing after all..."
"That's not all; when it comes to mid-range fighting techniques, the Gyoza-Ken ranks 116th out of 520 effective attacks. At her age, the stats are amazing! With things as they are now, I-Pin ranks third out of 52,262 people for potential of becoming a promising assassin." Futa said, shocking Tsuna yet again.
"I-Pin is amazing!" 'But 10 years from now, she renounces her Hitman ways and is just a part-timer at the noodle house.'
"What about Lambo-san? Tell Lambo-san's fortune too!" The kid yelled, still floating.
"I thought you would say that."
"Lambo ranks the most annoying out of all mafia members by far." Hearing this, Lambo was shocked and Tsuna started laughing. "You're also number one when it comes to people wanting to kill you and use you for a seat cushion." Now even Tsuna was shocked.
'What kind of ranking is that!'
"10th!"
"Futa~~~! Tsuna~~~!" Tsuna went out to the hall to see Gokudera coming up the stairs with Jinsei right behind him. He saw Yamamoto and Mei standing at the door and Shobu closing the door and turning to wave at the brunet.
"Why didn't you tell me that the ranking-kid is here!?" Gokudera yelled.
"Sorry, Tsuna. I told sis who thought she should tell Yamamoto for some reason." He said sheepishly at first, then gave a small glare to Mei. "Shobu just wanted to come by and see his friends."
"I bumbled into the, a while ago. It seemed interesting so I tagged along." Yamamoto said, while the older brother and sister started to fight.
"I have been meaning to ask the ranking-kid something for a while now. There's only one thing I want to know..." Gokudera said as he enetered the room. "For the ranking of people suitable to be the 10th's right-hand man, what place am I!?"
"WHA? Gokudera-kun!"
"Can it be done, ranking-kid?" Gokudera asked.
"That's easy. The ranking for who is most suitable to be Tsuna-nii's right-hand man, right? Let's see. Hayato-nii's place is..."
'I can't believe these two are still fighting.' Shobu said with a sigh as he went into the room. 'What are Sawada-san and Gokudera-san doing?'
"Out of range."
"WHAT!?"
'Well that was something to come to...' Shobu thought with a sweat-drop. 'Oh yeah. Futa's here... Oh man. It's about to rain outside...but they look busy.'
"There's such a thing as range in ranking?" Tsuna asked.
"I didn't say it was out of range for the ranking. It's atmospherically out of range."
'OUTSIDE OF THE EARTH!?'
"Ahahahahahahaha. Another funny guy~~." Yamamoto said, walking into the room.
'Yamamo thinks it's a game...'
"Oi, Futa..." Shobu said, but was just ignored.
"But there are more jobs for you than just being the right hand man, Hayato-nii. Hayato-nii ranks number 1 out of 82,203 for people suitable as a kindergarten teacher." This shocked not only Gokudera, but Tsuna and Haru too. "After all, Hayato-nii is number 2 out of 82,203 people who like kids. It's the most suitable job."
"Um...Futa." He was ignored again. He just sighed and left the room to get something.
"I...I liked kids...?"
"I commend you, Futa! Great ranking skills." Yamamoto said with a laugh.
"Oh Yamamoto-kun. What are we going to do with you?" Mei said as she and Jinsei came in.
"Haha. What do you mean?" The jock asked making the girl just sigh.
"But the most important thing is love." They all turned to look up and saw Bianchi also on the ceiling. Mei noticed her big brother was now frozen and just sighed.
"How cool!"
"You're always a spectacle."
"It looks like a horror movie from an angle."
"Gokudera-kun has petrified from all the diffrent shocks!" Tsuna yelled, seeing his friend just turned to stone.
"What a beautiful voice. It's perfect for such a beautiful woman such as yourself." Jinsei said as he raised his hand to Bianchi and had his other hand on his heart.
'Just as I thought. Crap.' Mei thought with a sigh. She then looked around to see the younger brother was missing. 'What the heck happened to Shobu?'
"Take this opportunity and make a love ranking." Bianchi said, completely ignoring the eldest sibling. "It's time to clarify who loves who."
"I am head over heels in love with you, darling." Jinsei said in a smooth voice. Shobu then entered the room.
'Seems that we're entering the climax of this visit. To bad that I didn't get to play with Futa today.' He thought with a blanket in his hands.
"What are you saying!?" Tsuna yelled.
"Seems fun. Do it, Futa." Reborn said.
"Then to start off, let's begin with Tsuna-nii's love ranking." The young boy said.
"Huh!? You're serious!?" He yelled with a small blush. 'Everybody's going to find out I like Kyoko-chan!' He thought. (A/N: EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS, IDIOT!) "Wait, Futa! Don't!"
"Tsuna-nii's love ranking. Number one is...Leon." Now almost everyone was shocked.
'Oh gosh. That could've ended worse... I guess. Poor Sawada-san.' Shobu thought as he sat patiently on the ground.
"N-no way!"
"Hahaha. Is that true, Tsuna?" Yamamoto asked.
"It's not." Shobu said, scaring Tsuna a little.
"Shobu-kun! How long have you been sitting there?" Tsuna asked. Shobu just ignored him and continued talking.
"Gokudera-san, please calm down. Everything Futa said about you and onward have been wrong." They all looked at him confused, except Haru who was still sulking.
"Haru has lost to such an opponent. Haru's heart is just like the the sky; a rain storm." She said, shocking Futa, Mei and Jinsei.
"Rain?" That's when everyone fell to the ground. Jinsei did a quick dive to make sure that Bianchi had landed on him.
"What's wrong, Futa?" Tsuna asked.
"I feel heavy. I hate the rain." Futa said as he layer on the ground.
"That explains it." Mei said.
"What?"
"Futa gets weak when it rains." Shobu said as he put the blanket over his friend. "His rankings get messed up when it rains." Shobu explained.
"W-what did you just say!?" Tsuna yelled. "So the ranking after it started to rain is all wrong?"
"So my ranking is also..."
"Lambo-san's too!"
"When did it start raining?"
'Apparently no one listened to everything I said.' Shobu just sweat-dropped for the umpteenth time.
"I presume the ranking goes askew when it rains because there is an interference with the ranking planet's connection." Reborn said.
"Again with that!?"
Even so, Tsuna was a little curious about the existiance of the ranking planet.
"Man, today has been crazy. Well at least those rankings were wrong." Tsuna said as he got ready for bed. "Wait...How did Shobu-kun know about Futa's rankings and the rain...?" He wondered.
'With those three in this town, Tsuna will get some major help int he future. Even if none of the know it.' Reborn thought before going to sleep.
It was a wonderful time around Namimori. It was Valentine's Day.
"Back up bitches!"
"Thank you."
"Stop following me around."
...Well for most.
"Wow. Yamamoto-san and Gokudera-san are really popular." Shobu said as he sat in front of Tsuna looking at how his sister pushed a bunch of girls away from the jock.
"It's been like this all day." Tsuna answered back. "And do you think that those girls will be alright?" He asked with a sweat-drop.
"Yeah. They'll be fine as long as none of them-"
"You are so dead!"
"That one won't be." Shobu said as they saw Mei start beating another girl.
"Do you think that Jinsei-san is getting as much chocolate as them?" Tsuna asked.
"No. He's getting more than them." Shobu said. "I'm kinda glad that no one is trying to give me chocolates."
'Now that I think about it, this year I haven't gotten any Valentine's chocolate either... Oh, well. That's normal... So I guess it's fine.' Tsuna thought. He then saw Kyoko packing her stuff. 'Kyoko-chan, I wonder if she already gave anyone chocolate yet. Or maybe she's gonna give it later.' "Urg, I'm so curious! But if I see her giving it to someone, I'll be so depressed. It'll be the end of the world."
"I can ask her for you." Shobu said, looking at his friend.
"Really!? You would do that for me?" Tsuna asked with tears in his eyes and holding Shobu's hand.
"Sure." He said with a sweat-drop.
"Or he could ask her directly." They turned to see Reborn sittin yon the desk behind Tsuna.
"Reborn! How many times do I have to tell you not to come to school!?"
"Hurry up and go." The baby said as he shot Tsuna with the bullet.
"REBORN! FIND OUT WHOM KYOKO GIVES HER CHOCOLATE TO AS IF I WERE TO DIE!"
"WHA!?"
"WAIT, KYOKO!" With that he ran out the building. Shobu just sat there and blinked.
'Hehe. Hearts again?' Mei thought as she stepped on the random girl's stomach in victory.
"Wow, he's very passionate. That...was No-Good Tsuna, right?"
"Sometimes the kami of love comes to him."
"She's so oblivious, even though he's made so many approaches."
'More like a devil with a gun. And I have to agree with them about Sasagawa-san.' Shobu thought as he packed up his stuff along with Tsuna's. He looked at Mei, getting what he meant, she nodded.
"FOUND KYOKO!" Tsuna yelled as he ran to a house. He suddenly noticed that it was his house, after he saw his mom and the kids inside.
"Hey, Tsuna-kun." Kyoko said as she popped out from the kitchen.
"Kyoko-chan!"
"We're going to start making the Valintine's chocolate now." She said.
"We were going to make them yesterday, but I had a test. So I asked her to switch it to today." Haru said, also coming from the kitchen.
"Haru! You two... So that was it?" He said. 'Then, that means...I may get a chocolate from Kyoko-chan! Yeah!' He thought. "Ah. But...Wait...Why is it at my house?"
"That's because Bianchi-sensei is going to teach us."
"You're so cool, sensei!"
"Eeehhhhh! That means!"
"From now on, the kitchen's off-limits to boys." Haru said as Kyoko said bye.
"Um...WHAT THE HECK! This is bad! I'll have to eat the poison cooking!"
"An that is your mission." Tsuna turned around to see Rebon in a uniform and Shobu with Jinsei walking up to them. "The only reason we made you return home with your dying will is... Because we need you to protect out lives from soon-to-be poisonous chocolate." Reborn explained.
"It's the chief! It's the chief of...something!"
"Bianchi-nee's poison cooking is number three out of 128 in the most poisonous killing rankings." Futa said showing him the ranking.
"It's even so highly ranked in the field!?"
"If this goes on, we'll be doomed." Futa said.
"I guess I'm not the only one worried about this..." He then turned to the other two. "Did you guys know about this plan?"
"I was with you the whole time." Shobu said, handing him his bag.
"Nope. I just wanted a chocolate from that beauty." Jinsei said with hearts in his eyes.
"Well, it's like that and we'll leave it to you." Reborn said as he saluted.
"You have it easy don't you, chief!"
"Even just for a short while... If we could lure Bianchi out of the kitchen. Then they'd be able to make normal chocolate." Tsuna said.
"I think you guys are making a big deal out of nothing." Jinsei said as he layed on Tsuna's bed and looked through his phone.
"Nii-san, what are you even looking at?" Shobu said as he got up to see.
"This song. It's callEd Sakura Mitsutsuki. It's really good." The older one said.
"Shouldn't you be helping us?" Shobu asked.
"Why? I'm looking forward to her chocolates." Jinsei said as he turned to his side. "I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when they're ready." The others just sweat-droped.
"Anyways. Is there a way to lure Bianchi?" Tsuna asked, getting back on topic. "It might be possible if we know what interests her." This gave Futa an idea.
"Tsuna-nii. We can find out Bianchi-nee's interests by ranking!" Futa said.
"Ah! Oh, yeah! We could do that!"
"I'd have to see them directly when I'm making the ranks." They walked downstairs mad made sure not to be seen. "Let's see... There she is! It's Bianchi-nee. Ok." Stuff started floating again as he started. "This is Futa. Do you copy, ranking planet?"
"Kya!"
"Hahi!"
"Sensei, it's a poltergeist!"
"Who's there!?"
"You did your best, Futa." Tsuna said, looking at the battered boy.
"That was scary."
'Bianchi doesn't go easy on kids either.'
"If we don't hurry, there won't be enough time." Shobu said, looking worried.
"That's right! We need to get Bianchi out of the kitchen... I know there's a good way to do that, but I can't remember!" Tsuna said frustratingly. "Ah! I know; it's the Adult Lambo!"
"Who?"
"If it was Adult Lambo, Bianchi will mistake him for Romeo, and she'll chase him till the end of the world! But I can't ask something like that. Look what happend last time..."
"Young...Von...gola..."
"Speak of the devil. WHA!?" They turned to see a bloody Lambo on the ground.
"To...Le...rate..."
"Lambo!? What happend Lambo!? Was it an assassination attempt?"
"Tsuna-nii, hurry! Call an ambulance!"
"...wait..."
"Hieeee!"
"This is...a nosebleed." The teen said.
"A nosebleed!?"
"It is my motto to not refuse any lady's request, so I tried to eat all of the chocolates I received. This disaster occurs every Valentine's." He explained.
'That's so restarted!' The three of them thought.
"But why is your head covered in blood?" Futa asked.
"Did you get your head cut somewhere?" Tsuna asked.
"Is it something that would make others want to beat the snot out of you?" Shobu asked, getting strange looks from Tsuna and Futa.
"Yes. If it's windy outside, the wind will cause the blood to splatter all over the place..." Lambo explained.
"It splatters!?" Lambo was then suddenly kicked in the head. They saw that it was Jinsei who had done it.
"Nii-san!?"
"Jackass woke me up." He said. "Are they done?" Shobu shook his head.
"Even if it's a nosebleed, losing to much blood can be dangerous. Are you okay?" Futa said.
"...Maybe calling an ambulance would be nice." He said.
'He's so weak.' Tsuna thought. "Either way, we can't ask Lambo to lure Bianchi if he's like this..."
"Back to square one." Shobu said with a sigh.
"Ah! At this rate, they'd have finished making the poison chocolates already!" Tsuna yelled.
"Reborn. Do you have a minute?" They turned to see that it was Bianchi. "Do you want the taste to be bitter? Or sweat?"
"N-not at a time like this!"
"I would love it to be sweat, just like you, darling!" Jinsei said as he got on one knee on front of Bianchi. She noticed that Lambo was on the floor and started to attack.
"Poison Cooking Skewer Pasta! Prepare to die, Romeo!" The poor teen would have died if not for Tsuna going into Dying Will Mode and end up making Bianchi chase him and Lambo on rooftops.
"Well that was something." Jinsei said as he saw them leave. "So Shobu, back to this song."
"Oh, right." Futa just sweat-dropped.
"I won't let you get away!" Bianchi yelled as she shot pasta at the duo.
"Young Vongola, my feet are rubbing the rooftop!" They ended up being saved since Lambo returned to normal and the girls had finished making the non-poisonous chocolate.
"Thanks for waiting, guys! Valentine's chocolates are done!" Haru and Kyoko exclaimed.
"Smells so good!"
"Wow! The chocolate's like soup!"
"Nishishishi."
"This is Chocolate Fondue!" Haru said.
"You dip crackers in the chocolate." Kyoko said.
"Please eat up." They turned to see Bianchi, yet again, standing there. "I made the crackers."
'She didn't make the chocolate, but...'
"I'll have all of them!" Jinsei yelled as he dove for the crackers.
It became a memorable Valentine's day.
END CHAPTER
Monkey: Yo. That was chapter 5. Hope ya enjoyed it.
Reborn: You better now?
Monkey: Yeah.
Reborn: Good. Now, why were you acting like that? Depending on your answer I will think if I should shoot you or not.
Monkey: *starts sweating like crazy* W-w-well... I don't have a reason. Hehehe.
Reborn:...I won't shoot you.
Monkey:?
Reborn: If I shoot you then you can't make new chapters.
Monkey:...I'll take it. Now I have yet another question for you readers. The name of this fic is Moon, Snow and Hail, obviously. So my question is between the siblings, who do you think is which element?
Reborn: Is that all?
Monkey: Yes. Now please remember to click on that little button that says "Review" and leave one! =D
Reborn: And if they don't?
Monkey: Then I'll be sad.
Reborn: I don't think they care if you're sad, but whatever.
Monkey: Until next time. Have a great life! Bye bye!
Reborn: Ciao ciao.