xxxxxx FLASHBACK xxxxxx
Sarah pulled up to the shooting range and put the car in park cutting the ignition. She took a deep breath like her therapist told her to do when she felt that familiar dread creeping up and quickly scanned the parking lot for anything out of the ordinary like Rick taught her.
Nothing appeared to be.
Even though Shane had the restraining order against him, she always felt as though he was watching her, staying in the shadows, and that made her extra touchy. Taking another deep breath she grabbed her purse from the seat beside her and hurried to the door checking her surroundings, Rick's voice in her head, telling her to be "constantly vigilant."
When she walked through the front door of the shooting range, the chemical smell much like a firecracker hit her nose bringing her an odd sense of comfort. She let out a shaky breath she didn't know she was holding.
Rick stood at the counter talking to the desk attendant who was a retired officer he knew. Rick introduced them a few weeks ago when she started coming to the range with him. The first few times were just instructional. At the last visit she actually tried and failed miserably to shoot the target, so this was attempt number two.
Rick had on his usual fitted jeans and a blue t-shirt and Sarah noticed that he was starting to let his beard grow, his 5-o'clock shadow making him look older and sexier. Sarah shook her head at the thought. 'Don't go there,' she told herself, 'it's wrong on so many levels.' She and Shane had been officially divorced for 10 months and she didn't need to be lusting after his former best friend/one of her oldest friends in the world...not to mention her cousin's ex-husband!
Rick turned toward her, a smile breaking out on his handsome face. She walked up to him and he pulled her into a tight embrace. "Hey, sweet girl," he whispered in her ear sending goosebumps all over her body. He backed up his face still close to hers. "Glad you made it. Ready for your next lesson?" he asked, his blue eyes searching hers and checking for any hesitation or fear.
She swallowed the lump in her throat and smiled at him pushing her thoughts out of her head. "Yes sir, Officer. Let's do this!"
He smiled at her, his eyes lighting up. "There's the old Sarah I know." She beamed at him feeling so at ease in his presence. She silently thanked God again for putting Rick in her life - he had been such an angel the past year and she wasn't sure where she would be without him.
He leaned down and grabbed his duffel bag off the floor and gave Charlie a wave. He led Sarah down the hall placing his hand on her lower back as he held the door open for her to their stall, causing her heart to flutter and warmth to settle deep inside her. He grabbed her purse from her and set it on the table with his bag.
Hmmm...Shane never held doors open for me, she couldn't help but think then chastised herself for comparing the two.
They were night and day.
He grabbed a pair of ear muffs and goggles off of the wall and turned to her, helping her to slide them on and secure them properly. She smiled at how gently he was pulling the goggles over her hair and how he fussed with the ear muffs making sure they covered her ears just so.
"What?" he asked once he was satisfied with his work, looking at her quizzically.
"Nothing," she grinned. He smiled back at her and softly caressed her cheek. Her breath caught in her throat and he quickly dropped his hand giving her a sheepish look as he turned to put on his own safety gear.
She took a calming deep breath and he turned to her checking the small Glock he brought for her. "Remember how to take the safety off?"
She took the gun from him and showed him she remembered. "That right, Officer?" she joked. He grinned.
"OK, so let's begin," he said as she turned toward the target. He stood close behind her as she lifted her gun. "Shoulders down," he said, pushing gently on her shoulders to lower them, "arms straight, but don't lock your elbows," he whispered gently as he ran his hands down her arms, "aim...pull the trigger when you're ready." He stepped back slightly but she could still feel his body heat behind her.
She took a deep breath and cleared her head - she aimed and squeezed the trigger. The bullet went straight through the heart of the target.
"RICK!" she yelped, "I hit the target!" She put the safety on the gun and jumped up and down, turning and jumping into his outstretched arms. She laughed, giddy with excitement.
He smiled and hugged her tightly. "I knew you could do it!" He let go of her and took a small step back smiling at her, his blue eyes bright with excitement.
"I had a good teacher...and I've basically been practicing, even in my sleep." He barked a laugh and she grinned at him, making a funny face.
"It's good to see you laugh again, sweet girl," he said, putting his arms around her waist and pulling her close, their bottom halves pressed together. Her face immediately flushed. "I could strangle Shane for taking that part of you away...among other things. Your laugh has always been one of my favorite things about you."
She could feel tears forming. "Thanks for bringing me back Rick," she whispered, staring into his blue eyes, one of her favorite parts about him. "You've been really great over the past year...to me, to the kids..." she lowered her head. He placed his finger under her chin and lifted her face up to look into her eyes again.
"I'd do it all over again." Her breath caught in her throat as he leaned in toward her face...she closed her eyes and leaned in...
BAM, BAM, BAM!, came the sounds of a gun from the next stall, scaring them out of their moment. Rick stepped back and dropped his arms from her waist. Her head was spinning, her face beet red with embarrassment.
"Sorry," he said quietly. "I don't know what came over me."
She shook her head and said, "It was the excitement of my first shot!" She smiled, trying to diffuse the awkward moment.
He laughed and muttered under his breath, "Something like that..."
xxxxxxxxxx End Flashback xxxxxxxxxx
Three days later...
Before the sun came up Sarah heard whispers outside her tent.
"I figure we'll cut back to tha' woods where we was huntin' yesterday. Tha' deer may still be in the same area lookin' for his breakfast. They tend to stuck to the same grazin' area," she heard Daryl whisper.
"Sounds good to me. Lead the way," Christy replied. Sarah heard their light footfalls moving toward the woods.
Sarah smiled to herself, thinking about the conversation she had with Christy the night before about Daryl.
Her friend was quite smitten with him. They had spent all day together - they hunted in the morning, then he taught her to skin and butcher a rabbit. Later they spent the afternoon talking about hunting while he worked on his crossbow and she helped him sharpen his arrows.
Sarah smiled to herself...Christy was totally into Daryl.
Sarah rolled over and looked over to see that her babies were sleeping peacefully. She felt a small twinge of regret for all the kids had been through in the past few years. The divorce had been hard on both of them though much more so on Noah, having witnessed the abuse.
Fortunately, Shane hadn't tried to talk to her since that day with Daryl but she did find him staring at her often and with a strange look on his face. Noah still had nothing to do with him - only Olivia was having any interaction with him but always under the watchful eyes of someone from the group.
When she told Rick about him always watching her, he wasn't happy and had therefore been spending more time with her and the kids even going as far as to move his tent right next to hers.
When the group decided they needed more supplies two days ago, Rick asked Shane to join him, T-Dog, and Glenn as a way to keep him away from her and the kids while he himself was gone from the camp. He made it seem like he needed him as "backup" since they had been partners in the department before Shane was fired, but Sarah knew the real reason. While the scavenging group was gone, the rest of them spent the day cleaning up debris around the campsite and doing general "housework." Lisa spent the day teaching the kids - reading/writing for Olivia and math for Noah, Carl, and Sophia. Sarah worried the whole time about the safety of those who went into the city.
When they returned everyone was asking them about Atlanta - Were there others? Were people alive? Undead?
Rick reported that all they saw were masses of undead - walkers - as they had all started calling them. They didn't come across anyone still living and there was no indication of any policing or government/military involvement anywhere. They did however collect a few things they needed - food, camping supplies, toiletries - and they discovered a sporting goods store that had guns and ammo and were making plans to take a bigger group with them in the next few days to raid the store.
She lay there for a few more minutes thinking about all of this before Olivia stirred and rolled over to look at her.
Sarah smiled and gestured for the young girl to come cuddle with her. Olivia grinned and jumped into her moms arms, laying her head on her chest.
"Morning Mama."
"Good morning Liv. How'd you sleep baby girl?" Sarah smoothed her daughters unruly curls over her head, trying to get them to lay down.
"Good. I like camping. This is fun."
Sarah forced a smile. "I'm glad you're having fun sweetie. Just remember to stay close to the grownups at all times okay?"
"Okay Mama." They settled in to catch some more zzz's before the day started.
Not much later, the camp came alive with the voices of everyone waking up and getting stuff ready for the day. Sarah and the kids got dressed and left the tent to help out and get some breakfast.
Dale was on top of the RV with John switching off their watch-duty that Rick had setup, just in case. She smiled to herself when she thought about Rick and his ability to rally the troops and plan. He was a natural-born leader.
"Mornin' sweet girl," came his voice from behind her, "Liv, Noah." Sarah turned to see Rick standing there with two coffee cups in his hand.
"Morning Ricky!" Olivia said throwing her arms around his legs. Rick laughed, handing the coffees to Sarah so he could pick up the little girl. Olivia threw her tiny arms around his neck and he nuzzled hers, sending the girl into fits of giggles. Sarah's heart melted. She knew how much Rick loved her children and vice versa.
"Morning," Noah said, giving Rick a fist-bump as Rick shifted Liv to his hip. Sarah smiled and handed his cup back to him.
He smiled and said, "Coffee's a little weak but I put two sugars and a half and half in yours - the way you like it."
She looked at him surprised and nodded. "You don't forget a thing, huh, Officer?"
"Not a thing. Like a steal trap," he replied tapping his temple. She laughed. "So," he asked Olivia, "are we swimming today?"
"YES!" she yelled out, excitement on her face. "Ricky, I am taking swim lessons this summer! I can't wait to show you Mama has already taught - "
Just then screams erupted from across camp.
Rick quickly handed Olivia off to Sarah dropping his coffee to the ground as Olivia looked terrified. Sarah pulled Noah to her side looking around. "Go to the RV and get on top with John now!" he told them as he ran toward the screams.
She ran with the kids to the RV and saw her mom, Lori and Carl running there too. They met at the RV and climbed on, Dale coming out of the back room with his shotgun.
"What's happening?!" he asked.
"I don't know!" Sarah said as she handed Olivia up to John through the roof of the RV then hoisted Noah and Carl up after. She, Lisa, and Lori climbed up followed by Dale.
When they got up they saw Rick, Shane, and Glenn fighting two walkers, a third body on the ground. Rick stabbed one of them in the head and Sarah gasped trying to prevent Olivia and Noah from seeing. Glenn put the other one down and Shane bent down to the ground over the body.
"Rick!" John called to him as other people in their group made their way toward the scene, "What happened? Who is it?!"
Rick out his head down in defeat. "It's Amy."
Andrea let out a bloodcurdling scream and ran toward them. "NO, NO!" she said as she fell to her knees by her sister. Sarah heard Dale sniffle behind her and she turned to see Lori put her arm around his shoulders.
"Mom," Noah said from beside her, "what is going on?" Olivia looked at her, her brown eyes wide with fear and her lip trembling. She hugged Olivia to her tightly and pulled Noah in to her side. Her heart was breaking just looking at the scared expressions on their faces.
"Let's go inside and talk okay?" she asked quietly.
The adults with the exception of Dale climbed down into the RV as Sarah settled the kids on the couch with her mom. She wrung her hands with worry and started pacing in the small space, the quiet surrounding them unnerving.
Rick met them inside the RV a few seconds later, wiping the blood from his hands and arms off with a towel. Carl, Lori, and John sat at the table while Olivia, still sniffling from crying, sat on Lisa's lap next to Noah on the couch. They both eyed Rick warily unsure what to make of what they just saw.
Once Rick was clean, Sarah reached out and grabbed his hands, inspecting his arms for bites or scratches then asked him to remove his shirt as well. He complied and when she was satisfied with what she didn't find, she started to breathe normally again. He hugged her close for a brief second and then let her go, pulling his blood-stained shirt back on.
Sarah sat next to her mom on the couch while Rick leaned against the counter and the two of them launched into a simple explanation for what was going on, hoping to explain it in a way that Olivia would understand - that people were sick from this virus and no medicine could help them - and when they died, they came back but not like they were before - and we should stay away from them and with adults at all times.
When they were done, her young daughter looked shell-shocked and scared but Sarah wasn't sure how to explain it any other way to a 5 year old...Noah just nodded, thankful for an explanation.
"Baby girl," Rick said as he sat on the floor in front of Olivia and pulled her into his lap and hugged her tightly, her head pressed against his chest as he smoothed her hair with his hand "your mama and I, Christy, Nana, Lori, John, Daryl - and your Daddy" he added as an after thought, and Sarah wondered where he was, "we are all going to do all we can to protect you. You just have to be careful not to get close to one of the walkers. Stay with us at all times, okay?" Sarah started to feel warm all over, the walls of the RV starting to close in.
"I will, I promise." she replied, hugging him tightly and hiccupping from crying.
Sarah stood up, feeling her chest tightening and her face getting hot, her breathing coming in short bursts. She felt the sudden need to get out of the cramped RV and into fresh air. "Stay with Nana for a minute okay?" she told the kids as she jumped up and went outside.
She pushed past Christy, Daryl, and T-Dog who were congregated just outside the door and waked behind the RV, Christy calling out for her, but she couldn't really hear through the whooshing sound in her ears. She bent over and put her hands on her knees, feeling herself starting to really hyperventilate. She closed her eyes and started counting, trying to get a handle on it.
She felt a warm hand on her back and opened her eyes to see Rick's boots. "Breathe sweet girl," he said, rubbing her back gently. "One, two, three..." he started counting.
Sarah started to sob and Rick pulled her up into his arms. He hugged her tightly, rubbing her back and whispering in her ear, "four, five, six...it's going to be okay...I'm here for you..."
She took several deep breaths and felt herself calming down, his soothing words and embrace helping.
He continued to hold her until her breathing returned to normal.
He had seen her panic attacks before and thankfully knew what to do. She pulled her head back and looked at him totally embarrassed, his arms still tight around her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I haven't had a panic attack in 3 years…" He shrugged, opening his mouth to speak. "No, Rick, I can't fall apart like that. I have to be strong...for myself, for my kids…"
He moved his hands to the side of her face, looking into her eyes. "Sarah, it's okay to have a moment...that was traumatic. Now it's out of your system. You are strong. I know you are and you know it deep down. So have this moment and let me help you move past it..."
She closed her eyes. "Rick...I...I can't lose them. I can't lose Mom, or Christy, or Lori, or Carl, or John, like Andrea just lost Amy." She took a deep breath. "I can't lose you..."
He put his forehead against hers and she could feel his breath on her face. "So we fight this…whatever this is...whatever it might bring…We do it together." She opened her eyes and looked into his crystal blue ones.
She nodded slowly. He kissed her forehead and pulled her in for another hug.