xxxxxx Flashback xxxxxxx

Sarah looked up to see Rick coming in the door, balloons and teddy bear in hand in full deputy attire from work and smiled.

"Hey sweet girl…or should I say 'sweet mama' from here on out?" Sarah grinned at him, loving the sight of him in his deputy uniform, much like when Shane wore his - there was something about those men in uniform.

"Whatever floats your boat, officer," she said, yawning tiredly. He came across the room and dropped a kiss on her forehead, then set the teddy bear and balloons on the table.

"You just missed Shane," she told him, "He's headed to the station for his shift." She sat up and adjusted herself, Rick helping her fluff her pillow and get settled.

He looked at her, puzzled. "Why? Our shift is over and he's not scheduled to work until next week. You just had a baby and Sheriff James gave him a week off."

She shrugged, puzzled herself. "He told me he had to work."

Rick tried to hide the look on his face, but she saw the confusion and suspicion plain as day. "That's strange." Sarah's stomach dropped - why would Shane lie to her? He was becoming increasingly secretive and had roughed her up a few times, but hadn't laid a hand on her since she got pregnant…but she didn't dare say anything to Rick…Shane would be pissed.

There was a knock on the door. "Hey, Clarissa," Sarah said, her nurse and friend from high school coming in the room.

"Hey Sarah! Just coming to check your vitals and incision." She looked over at Rick. "Well, well, well… if it isn't Rick Grimes." She put her hands on her hips and smiled.

"Clarissa Majors," he said, smiling as he gave her a hug.

"Paulson now," she beamed, flashing her left ring finger. "I see you're working as a deputy - you followed in your daddy's footsteps! I know he must have been thrilled." She set about checking Sarah's vitals. "And I heard you and Lori Smith got married and divorced?" Sarah rolled her eyes, Rick smiling at her over Clarissa's shoulder. "That's a shame."

"Yeah, we were married straight out of high school but it just didn't work out. We're friends though, and we're raising our boy, Carl. He's four years old." He showed her a picture from his wallet.

"Aw, what a cutie. He looks just like you," she said, winking. Sarah almost laughed, Rick made a face at her as Clarissa went back to checking the IV site and pain meds in the bags. "You know, everyone always thought that you were gonna end up with Sarah not Lori."

Sarah's face turned bright red. "What?! Clarissa!" Rick choked and started coughing, his face also turning red. "Why would you think that?! We're best friends!" Sarah gave her a look.

"What? It's true. You and Rick were inseparable! We all knew it was a matter of time before Lori was out of the picture! But, then you started dating Shane our senior year, and we all thought you were crazy - he's not your type - he was such a player when he was in high school. No one ever thought you'd marry him. You're way too good for the likes of him, if you ask me. No...we all had bets on you and Rick..."

Sarah felt her face turn even more red. "Okay, well enough of that…where's that baby boy?" Rick asked, his face displaying his discomfort at Clarissa's one-sided diatribe. She was oblivious.

"Oh, I'll go get him." Clarissa said, bustling around the room and checking supplies. "He's in the nursery. Looks just like his daddy. All brown hair and brown eyes…but he has his mama's sweet little dimples. He's a doll!" She left to get Noah and Rick and Sarah looked at each other and laughed. He walked over and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Same old Clarissa, doesn't know when to shut the hell up," Sarah said. She smiled at Rick, trying to break the sudden tension between them.

"Yeah, I remember." He looked like he'd tasted something funny.

"You okay?" she asked, touching his leg.

He shook his head. "Yeah, I'm good." He smiled reassuringly at her.

The door swung open and Clarissa wheeled the nursery bed in, Noah swaddled inside. Rick smiled at Sarah as he watched her face light up and he stood up to grab hand sanitizer from the bed side table.

Clarissa gently picked him up and handed him to Rick. "Here he is - isn't he just so handsome?"

Rick looked down at Noah and smiled. "He's beautiful, just like his mama," he whispered. Noah's eyes were open, taking it all in. "Look at him, just looking around at everything. I can't believe how alert he is!" Rick looked at Sarah, his smile lighting up his whole face as he laughed.

Sarah's breath caught in her throat, the familiar feeling came over her that took her breath away. The sight of Rick holding her baby, smiling at her like that, made her stomach flip. She shouldn't have these feelings for another man - especially not her husband's partner and her best friend - she loved her husband.

She swallowed hard, finding her voice. "Yeah he seems to always have his eyes open, just watching. For a baby just a half a day old, he's so bright-eyed and alert." She grinned, so proud of her tiny little baby. Clarissa smiled.

"Hey buddy," he whispered in a soft voice, "it's me, Rick. I'm the guy that's gonna teach you how to fish, just like I taught your mama. And I'm always gonna be here for you...just ask her. Y'all can't get rid of me…" he smiled at her again, gently bouncing him up and down, patting his diaper.

Her heart melted. "Tell Rick we don't wanna get rid of him. He's stuck with us."

He grinned at her, his blue eyes crinkled. "Congratulations sweet girl," he said as he handed her the baby. He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "You're going to be a fantastic mother."

"Thanks, Rick," she said, snuggling Noah up to her chest, nuzzling his hair. Rick smoothed her hair back and she smiled at him.

Clarissa sighed and went to the door. "For what it's worth," she said as she looked back over her shoulder. "I'm still rooting for the two of you. You belong together, whether you see it or not." She left the room. Sarah looked at Rick, who looked uncomfortable. He looked back at her and forced a smile and they both laughed it off.

But Sarah's stomach remained in knots.

xxxxxxxxxx End Flashback xxxxxxxxxx

Sarah sat on the guard rail facing the woods, Olivia in her lap, Lori and John on either side and Lisa standing behind her. They sat in silence, Sarah gently rocking Olivia back and forth, eyes searching the treeline up and down the highway. Glenn and Dale were on watch on top of the RV. Christy, Carol, and Andrea were tending to TDog, who'd cut his arm pretty badly on a piece of metal while trying to hide from the horde.

"What happened?" she whispered quietly after about thirty minutes.

John took a deep breath and let it out. "Noah was hiding under a truck with Daryl. I was across from them." He sighed, reaching for her hand and squeezing it tightly. "TDog ran by and we noticed blood gushing from his arm…so did one of the first walkers in that horde. Daryl made Noah stay put while he ran out to save TDog. He killed the walker and hid TDog underneath the corpse, then did the same with another walker nearby to hide himself. Noah did fine…he was so brave. We thought it was safe to come out…I swear, Sarah, I didn't see the walkers. If I had, I wouldn't have let him come out. It's all my fault…"

Sarah started to cry.

"Honey," Lisa whispered behind her. "let me take Olivia to the RV. She can eat a little something and rest." She nodded, tears streaming down her face. Olivia made small protests, but Lisa talked her in to going with her. Sarah hugged her close, then passed her off. John got up to walk them to the RV. Lori slid closer and put her arm around her shoulders. John returned and they sat in silence once more. Sarah's thoughts were racing, her heart thumping in her chest.

Another thirty minutes went by and Sarah saw a rustling of the trees to their right. They jumped up and saw Daryl, followed by Shane, then Rick…who was covered in dark blood and walker guts.

She fell to her knees on the ground, a sob ripping from her throat. Rick ran over and kneeled next in front of Sarah. "Where's my son?" she asked. "Where's my baby?" Shane walked over and sat next to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She pushed his arm away. "Don't you touch me," she spat and pushed him away. She put her head down, tears burning her eyes and throat. Shane grunted and moved away from her.

"Look, Sarah, I caught up to Noah," Rick said softly. Sarah raised her head and looked into his eyes. "I found him…I had him hide while I drew the walkers away. I killed them both." Her eyes searched his. "And when I went back…he was gone…something must have scared him away."

Sarah scrambled from the ground and stood up. She started shaking. "You had him and you left him out there?!" Rick stood up.

"It was the only way I could - " Rick moved toward her and she backed up, hurt plain on her face. Part of her wanted to scream at him and the other longed for him to hold her and tell her it would be okay, that they would find her son. She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Rick…Noah…he's just a little boy…" she sobbed. Lori walked over and put her arms around her, tears streaming down her own face. She leaned into Lori. Rick stepped closer and she could tell he wanted to comfort her, but she gave him a look that made him hesitate.

"Sarah," Daryl spoke up, stepping up to her, "I foun' 'is trail. We jus' came back ta get more people. Christy can help us." She stared at him, unable to hide her anger. "His trails'a lil' mucked up with some others an' I need Christy ta lead one group. I'll take tha other. There's still about four hours daylight left. We will fin' him."

"I'm going, too," Sarah said, challenging them, wiping tears from her cheeks as Lori released her. Shane opened his mouth to protest. "I'm going." She stared him down.

"Okay," Rick said, moving closer to her. He had a pained look on his face as he put his hand on her shoulder. She sighed at the feeling of his warm hand, suddenly craving his touch and support and moved into his arms. He pulled her close and squeezed her tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Sarah," he whispered in her ear as he smoothed her hair. She nodded and fresh tears sprang to her eyes. "You know I'll do whatever it takes to find him. I meant what I said eight years ago."

"I know." He kissed her temple lightly and they stepped back, though he kept his arm around her waist.

"Okay," he said, addressing everyone, "groups: Sarah, me, Christy - "

"And me," Carl spoke up. "I want to help find him." Everyone turned to him.

"Carl, I don't think that's a good idea," Lori spoke up. John put his hand on her shoulder.

"No, I'm going. Noah is like a brother to me and I want to help." He stood with his hands in his hips, looking exactly like Rick. Sarah smiled in spite of herself.

Rick and Lori stared at each other, silently communicating. Lori looked worried, but slightly nodded her head. "Okay," Rick said, "he'll be with us," he reasoned.

"Okay," she resigned. John rubbed her back reassuringly.

Rick split them up: he, Sarah, Christy and Carl were in one group; Daryl, Glenn, John, and Andrea were in the other group. The rest stayed behind in the RV with TDog, Shane and Dale keeping watch.

The big group ventured out together to the place where the trail split, and each small group took a trail. Rick walked with Sarah, Christy and Carl leading the way. "I'm sorry, Sarah. It's all my fault," Rick whispered. Sarah looked at him and could see that he was beating himself up. She felt bad for her reaction toward him earlier.

She took a deep breath and shook her head. "No," she whispered back. "Rick, you were the first one to chase after him…his own father hesitated. I just…I'm scared. He's alone out here. We have to find him."

Rick reached over and put his arm around her shoulders. "We will. I promise." She shrugged her shoulders and held back tears. He pulled her closer to his side. "If it's the last thing I do." She nodded, tears returning to her eyes.

"Here," Christy spoke up. "He was here," she said. Sarah perked up. "Let's go this way." She led them further out in the woods, her head down and shotgun at the ready. They walked for about five minutes when they came around a bend to a clearing in the woods.

"Dad!" Carl whispered loudly. Sarah looked up and saw a huge, magnificent buck standing there. "Look!"

"Wow," Sarah whispered. Rick smiled as Carl stepped toward it. The deer didn't budge. He and Sarah stepped quietly next to Christy to watch as Carl got closer.

"I've never seen a deer just stand there like that," Christy said softly to them. "This is crazy!"

Rick turned and smiled at Christy. Carl reached out for the deer and the deer moved his head to look at the boy.

"BANG!" rang out a deafening shot.

Sarah yelped as she saw bright red blood spurt from the deer's side as a bullet went straight through it…and Carl dropped to a heap on the ground.

"CARL!" Rick screamed as he ran toward his son, falling to his knees beside him.

Sarah sprang into action, running to Carl's other side and sliding to the ground. She carefully rolled him onto his back and ripped his shirt open. She saw a large bullet hole in his abdomen where buckshot entered, exploding upon impact and spreading pellets throughout - 9 - if she remembered correctly. But without an X-ray, she wouldn't be able to tell how many were in Carl and how many in the deer.

Christy ran to her side and started to remove her button up shirt as well, passing it to Sarah. She then leaned by his head and started listening for respirations and checking his pulse.

"Rick," Sarah said, "I need your shirt. Quick." She gathered Christy's shirt in her hand and held it tightly to his wound, trying to stop the bleeding.

Just then, an older, overweight man with a shotgun slung over his shoulder came running, out of breath into the clearing. Rick jumped up and trained his gun in him.

"Are you the idiot that shot my son?!" he asked, eyes wild.

The man bent over and put his hands on his knees. "I…I…it was…accident. I didn't…see…see your boy until it was too late. I…I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?!" Rick asked, dumbfounded.

"Hey, asshole!" Sarah piped up as she continued to evaluate Carl, "you got a place around here? I need a safe place to operate, as well as some sort of medical supplies, household items, anything. Think you can manage that?!"

He nodded at her. "Dr. Hershel Green…he's a farmer and a vet…I'll take y'all to him. Follow me."