"Auntie, why aren't you like mom and dad," I asked. A figure appears in the room. A woman, no older than twenty-five with short light hazel hair. Her large curious eyes glistened with light shimmering green as they acknowledged me. "Why aren't you like me?"
"Well, it took me awhile, but I learned to live."
"Live? I thought I was living..."
"Mons, you have yet to learn the feeling of living free of any pain or torments."
"How could I do that if that's all I could think about. It's all I've taught to. It's not my fault, is it..." My hand clutched the front of my shirt subconsciously as I looked away in guilt. In worry. In fear.
Auntie's face became stern. "It's not yours, or your parents, or even any of the world's fault! It's how society thinks and some people just crumble underneath it. Your parents were some of them."
"Oh.." I looked down, my hair covering my eyes. I guess I am one of them, knowing I worry about other's people expectations every day.
"Hey Mons, don't be down. You can still learn! It takes a lot of time, and I mean a lot. It doesn't fully go away either, it bugs me even now. However, I think you can become free."
"What about my parents?"
"You have to let them go. Just this once."
I nodded, my body crumbles, showing defeat. All that goes through my mind is fear. What will Mother think? What will Father think? What will the kids at school think? What will Auntie think? Silence fills the room while I think of something to change the topic with.
"Auntie, I'm thinking of joining a club when I reach high school."
When I fearfully looked up to see her reaction, her face was full of curiosity and joy. My eyes widen in surprise.
"Ooo! What kind of club?"
My face heats by her sudden interest. "I don't know yet. Maybe somewhere that I can speak my opinion?"
"That's great!" Auntie takes both of my hands and cups them into her own. "Speaking your own opinion is great, I speak with experience." We laugh at her joke, but then my tone deeply spoils.
"But isn't that rebelling? Doing something without your parent's permission? I'm sure if I tell them they will say no..."
"Absolutely!"
I cringed, knowing what will come next, but nothing came. No sharp tongues or bitter words. No crushing my dreams. Instead, it came in a soothing voice. "However, your in a stage in your life where you can make some decisions for your own self. If you want to join a club, join it! If you want to live your life, live it! If you want to rebel, rebel! It's only in human nature and no matter what, we are all human."
"But-"
"No buts. It's okay to live in the moment, Mons. It's just apart of living as a human being. A real human being. There's no changing to that no matter how much training your parents give to you. Rebel. Be free."
I smiled at her words. Tears form around my eyes, and I mentally curse myself for crying, but I smile.
"I will! I promise!"
And with that Auntie and her house disappeared.
I awoke to the sound of shuffling and a gentle hand on my forehead. My eyes stay shut, unsure whether to open them.
"Sayori, have you ever learned about personal space," a voice says, probably Natsuki, clearly in another room.
"But I want to know if she's sick. She slept for hours now," Sayori pouts.
I hear Natsuki sigh. "Just let her be, you might wake her."
"Don't bother, I already am," I say, opening my eyes. Sayori was sitting on my lap, checking my temperature with her palm. She immediately turns bright red. Natsuki was wandering in the kitchen, her bag on her shoulder.
"I'm sorry for waking you," Sayori says, her face flushed with embarrassment. I chuckle.
"It's okay. It was about time anyway." I pull Sayori in a hug and kissed her forehead. Her mood brightens, giggling omitting from the flustered girl.
After sitting up I saw that Yuri wasn't sleeping in the kitchen anymore. I asked the other girls where she was.
"Oh, she went upstairs after a few hours," Natsuki says, putting her bag on the kitchen chair. "Sayori told me she looked really exhausted though. I wonder what's up with you guys." Sayori nods in agreement.
"I swear, we're fine. We probably just caught something."
"And by caught something, you're pretty much dead. You've slept for five hours now."
I anxiously looked at the clock and, pretty much, it was 8:38. I blushed from sleeping too long.
"Wh-What! You guys watched me sleep?!"
"Sayori. Timed. Besides, I just got here."
Sayori chuckles nervously, her face bright red again. "Natsukiiiii! You weren't supposed to tell!"
Natsuki and I laugh at her embarrassment. After a while, Sayori joins in and bright laughter fills the house.
"Pwah," I gasped, wiping a stray tear. "My cheeks are burning!"
"I see you guys are having a lot of fun," a voice softly says. I looked up the stairs to see Yuri standing there, this time in a fluffy purple robe. Her hair was now in one long braid flowing silently near her legs. Her eyes weren't as red and puffy anymore, but still ached with the same sadness and will be for a very long time. Despite her mood, her lips show a small knowing smile.
"Y-Yuri! H-Hi," I hear Natsuki stutter from the other room. I roll my eyes playfully. Yuri laughs at this, covering her hand over her fragile lips.
"Hey Yuri, are you feeling better," Sayori asks sitting beside me. Though she tries to hide it, worry creeps up her face.
"Much better!" Yuri walks down the rest of the stairway, empty mug in hand.
"Ah, that's great!
"Yeah, I'm happy," I chirped. While Yuri grew embarrassed by the compliments, we glared a flustered Natsuki. After a while, she gave in.
"I'm happy too, you know," she says embarrassed. She averts her eyes to the side while we laugh.
"Who's turn is it tonight," I asked, looking at the three girls. It was an hour after Yuri came downstairs and Natsuki decided to have another movie night. Sayori was eager for the idea while Yuri and I decided for it since it will be unlikely for any of us to go to school tomorrow. So there we were, crowed on the living room couch, figuring out who turn it was.
"I guess it's mine," Yuri says hesitantly. We shivered. Yuri's movie selection is a bit on the horror side, and by bit I mean pick the scariest movie in Japan and Yuri will think it's tame. It's like nothing can scare her, nothing unless the Portrait of Markov. Even with that most of the time, she's carefully reading it, acting like nothing is happening.
Yuri catches our reactions. "Hey, that one wasn't even that gory!"
"Yes, it was! I couldn't sleep for a week after that," Natsuki huffs. Yuri sighs, still not seeing what was wrong with the last movie she brought.
"Well, I decided to tone down the horror, again, with this one. I guess we might all like this one," I hand Yuri the remote and she pulls up a page for an anime named Tokyo Magnitude 8.0.
"An anime," Sayori questions, bouncing beside me. Yuri nods, confirming.
"It's a slice of life anime where two siblings live against a really devastating earthquake in Tokyo. It isn't really a horror but a thriller. I found out that I really like thrillers in anime due to a certain someone."
Natsuki sputters. "I share my anime with her because I'm generous. Nothing else!"
"Yeah right," Sayori teased, making Natsuki's blush more vibrant. I chuckle at the look.
"Anyways Yuri, this is an anime. We can't watch all of it in one night."
"Who says we can't," I say, smirking. Natsuki turns to me, surprised. Usually, I would bother them about getting enough sleep.
"Monika are you out of your mind? Either that or I am probably missing something." She looks around the room, expecting something to happen.
"We are probably not going. Something tells me that you'll need it."
Sayori and Natsuki share a look of confusion then look at the ever-so-silent Yuri, who averts her eyes.
"Let's just watch the anime," Yuri says, clearly tense. A pain of regret from building up the conversation shots through me. I never thought how Yuri will feel. Was I too caught up in the conversation? Was I just having fun?
Keep yourself in check Monika. Nobody could see what you truly feel. Nobody could see what you truly have to say. That will only break the illusion.
Do you understand, my little girl?
I gritted my teeth, hissing slightly. There is no time to think about that. My friends have taught me better ways to express myself. I shouldn't dwell on memories. I shouldn't be having these thoughts. We are beginning an anime for god-sake!
Focus, Monika. Please.
I was surprised when I suddenly heard the anime opening song resonating the room. Sayori was bouncing to it next to me, her grin infectious. Natsuki was on the other side eyeing the anime with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. Yuri was next to her watching the show silently. A small smile appears on her face and I think I know exactly what it says.
I hope times like these last forever.
I can't help but agree.
It's okay to live in the moment, Mons. It's just apart of living as a human being. A real human being. There's no changing to that no matter how much training your parents give to you.
Rebel. Be free.
I can't seem to stop the memories as they passed through my head, each a dear fragment in my heart. Happy or sad, they hold importance. They hold teaching. I could never forget.
Suddenly, being in this living room with my best friends and loving girlfriend, I remembered the reason I made a literature club in the first place. The major reason I haven't told anyone to this day. To have real friends. To have a real life or at least two hours of it. To be free of judgment constantly. To have an outlet to escape. I've never been so wrong!
The literature club gave me much more than an escape, but an everlasting home.
Exhale the chains.
Inhale the freedom.
You're free.
Exhale the chains.
Inhale the freedom.
I'm free.